Mean Boss

She actually sounds like she might be a good manager...hate to say it but managers have to be a hard a$$ some times...Now sounds like she might just be giving you a warning in that your running out and once it is gone it is gone.

3 days is a long time to call in sick so if that is what you are doing then I could see why she might be saying this to you. Especially if you are asking for this multiple times

It may make her mad because she could see it as "going around" her, but I'd go to HR -- not to complain or report her, but just to say, "I'd like to check on my sick days and the company's sick day policy." Don't even mention (yet) that she is riding you over sick days. Just get the policy clear and be sure the HR person knows you and you know who you talked with. Then if she brings it up again, you can say very politely and sweetly, "I was concerned when you brought it up and I certainly don't want to take sick time unless it's absolutely needed; I know the company needs me and I wanted to be careful about leave time. So I checked my sick leave record with HR and I've used X days and have Y days left this year, so I'm within the company's policy on sick day use. Thanks for bringing it to my attention." Smile and drop it. She will know you talked to HR; she will know you checked and she will know that YOU know your rights.

I suspect she has a bigger agenda. She may be gunning for employees like you whom she thinks are using sick days to be with sick kids (which is usually fine) but maybe she just dislikes that and wants everyone to use sick days only if they themselves are at death's door. There are bosses like that -- who do not want people to be home with sick kids and want sick time only to apply to very ill employees. But if your company permits that use of sick leave she can't do anything. A big HOWEVER....She may be lookiing for a pretext for finding problems with your work quality; your promptness; your interactions with others; anything. Keep your ears and eyes open to see if she is really looking for excuses to crack down on you and others. The fact she said she needs to "to prove you want to be here" is a red flag, I think.

I think you might need to have someone have your back for the kids. And when you get sick? Go to work and cough all over her. She'll figure out that sick means people should stay home!

I'm sorry,
Dawn

Unfortunately in this day and age, people are expected to work sick and 24/7 from home via Blackberries etc. I think legally she can't protest you taking your allotted sick time but it's very frowned upon at my job to take more than 2 or 3 sick days a year. My boss NEVER takes one. He's nice about it all but his example is you don't take sick days. I don't think I've ever taken all my allotted sick days since I graduated college. I think people who do just don't advance. Sucks but seems to be reality and I do think there's a limit. Adults shouldn't really need to take more than 5 or so sick days a year on a regular basis. Some years may be really bad but adults typically don't get sick like kids do. I can see a boss frowning on someone taking sick days bc their kids are sick. It's within your rights but depending on the type of job, does show a lack of dedication. Maybe that lack of dedication is justified but each employer has different standards... I can't think of the last time I took 3 sick days in a row btw. I know you said not all the time but once a year is a big deal here to do that. It's very rare.

EDIT: reading your What Happened, 6 sick days doesn't seem that excessive though it's quite high for where I work. Same time, I'm not sure how well you're paid etc. But do you ever use vacation time when your kids are sick? I've done that so my boss knows I view my kids as my responsibility and while our handbook says I can take sick time to care for dependents, I view my kids as my responsibility so take my vacation time. Having said that, I get a lot of vacation time so it's not an enormous sacrifice... But using 1 or 2 days or yours a year when your kids are sick might appease her and make it clear you're sacrificing your vacation time.

This isn't a "mean boss" this is a practical boss. She is calling you on the carpet for job performance, which she is allowed to do. It is NOT your place to say if she should be in management. If you think you can do the job better - tell the Director or President and give solid reasons why you think you would be better at the job than she is. Then you can figure out the other side of the coin....

I don't know what you do for a living or what your job entails. I do know that when I worked at Kindercare, to have my employees call in sick could upset the whole center...especially if they made a habit of it....it was lack of responsibility to have back up care in place (yeah, I know it's a day care!! go figure!) and performance...

She is the boss. Is she following the company rules on time management? If so - then you are upset that she is calling you on the carpet. When one person is out - it CAN affect the whole department. So it's NOT JUST ABOUT YOU. You are part of a team, right? The TEAM DEPENDS UPON YOU to be there to do your part.

I understand that you are a mom. However, you are a working mom and now you need to have back up care for your kids when they get sick. Maybe share the duties with your husband?

Three days when a family is sick? That sounds excessive to me. Personally. If you already know that one gets sick - be proactive and get the clorox out and wipe down all the surfaces - door knobs, walls, banisters, faucets, etc. to keep the virus or bug from getting to others...have your other children wash their hands more frequently. That's being proactive.

Double standards? Document them then. Don't just complain about it. If you have proof of double standards, prove it.

You have migraines? Get a note from your doctor when you suffer from one so that you have proof of sickness.

Yes. She can take it to HR. If you can't perform your duties because you are calling in sick, then yeah, you can get in trouble. Document. Show proof.

It is my opinion that you are upset for being called on the carpet..don't play the victim. Be proactive. Prove that you are capable of doing your job and the team won't suffer. Don't like her as a manager - document things and if you think you can do it better - go for it.

I have to say that 3 days of sick time, each time a sickness runs through your house seems a bit excessive to me. I only got 6 sick days at my last full time job, so I would've been out of sick time really quick if I had done what you do. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know all of the history, but I really don't think this particular thing is that big of a deal. The fact is that employers can & will replace you with a childless person who will take less pay & no benefits, because, well, they can, unfortunately. I would suck it up & only involve HR if I was feeling truly mistreated or threatened.

I've been in your same boat before (as both an employee and boss)....working mom juggling sick kids/PTO. It can be a tough and very stressing one! I know it is hard to discern your boss' intentions (hopefully they were legit) and tone of the meeting from an email but having to defend ones PTO just doesn't seem fair. I can remember many PTO days "trying" to work from home while they were sick knowing if I didn't at least get some work done I'd be up to my eyeballs or have to discuss why an email didn't get answered, etc.
No, you can't get reprimanded for using your PTO time but you can be put on the management "radar" where they might question your desire to be a part of the company. Ridiculous but it does happen.
You've gotten plenty of advice but I would just add to tell your boss you understand where she is coming from (attract more bees with honey:-)) and you will do all you can to support the company and the team and will only use your remaining days if absolutely necessary.
Hang in there and know MANY women struggle with this every day. Good luck!

It really all depends on your state's labor laws. Here in Missouri we are an at will employment state. In other words I can wake up tomorrow and just never come back in and no matter how much that effs up the company they have no legal recourse against me. The flip side is I could come in tomorrow and they decide they just can't stand the sight of me and say go home, you are fired and I have no legal recourse against them either.

So to answer your question if you are an at will employment state then yes, she can do that.

Your question is loaded. You can take the PTO/sick time that you are allotted, but you have to be careful as to how you take it. You don't say what you do at work. I work in a professional career job and I do get PTO time. Typically, my DH and I alternate taking time off for sick kids. I make sure that my boss knows that I do this so he doesn't think it is just me taking time off.

It also depends on what you have going on that day. There are certain things that I HAVE to be at work for...in which case I have to get my DH to be the one to take off. If you have left your boss high and dry on a critical day, then she is going to be annoyed even if you have a justifiable reason for being gone. That usually means that she will either have to step in for you in your place or make excuses for you.

Also, just because I call out on a day of PTO for a sick child doesn't mean that I am disconnected. If I have certain responsibilities/meetings etc... scheduled for that day, then it is up to ME to make sure either someone covers or that I reschedule. I am also answering email and my cell phone to address any "fires" that happen in my absence.

I also give my boss tons of information...whether he needs it or not. Example: Riley woke up this morning with pink-eye. Since he is still contagious, he cannot go to school. I had to take him to the doctor for antibiotic eye drops, but he will be able to go to school in tomorrow. If not, I have already arranged for DH to cover. I let my boss know that I am doing everything that I can do to fullfill ALL of my responsibilities.

My company has a very generous sick time allotment. Based on my tenure, I have over 100 days this year. Doesn't mean I get to use them all without consequences. If you consistently take all of your sick days each year, it's going to reflect badly on you. If I'd taken 6 days this year, I would have been talked to also.

To answer the question you asked (I will not give my two cents that you did not ask for as many have done). No, you cannot get in trouble for taking the accrued amount you have owed to you. 6 days is NOT excessive in a 12 month year, so do 't worry about it :) Your boss just doesn't have any tact.

I would talk to HR now. She certainly seems to be unreasonable. But in companies that give sick time, I believe they can demand evidence, so be prepared. I don't know how you document a cold... At my company, they give comp leave and you take it for sick or vacation or whatever, no division. "Sick time" may have specific rules at your company, so look in your handbook or call HR. No need to complain about her yet. But yes, she sounds nuts.

well, theres technically and there's reality. Technically, no, you shouldn't have a problem using sick time. But realistically, yes, if you are not reliable and routinely take 3 days at a time, you could be in serious trouble. It wouldn't necessarily be written up as that particular thing. She may write you up for poor job performance, failure to meet minimum standards, etc. It's never difficult to show 2 or 3 instances to prove whatever a boss wants to prove. Businesses are gutting way back to a skeleton crew and only keeping the most reliable or brown nosing favorites.

She had every right to discuss this with you. She is seeing a pattern and a manager will discuss patterns with employees. I do. Do you bring in a doctor's note when you are absent? Our policy is if you miss three days in a row, you MUST bring in a note from the doctor. Seems to me that your husband might need to step in and take a day off when one of the kids are sick. If it is accured, then how do you get more starting January 1st? Is this sick time or PTO? I would suggest start taking vitamins and don't miss any more work.

Not only should you go to HR--EVERYTIME-- she messes with you for stuff like this but I would also file a complaint with your state labor standards board.
You are correct some people should not be in management.