Meal Time - San Clemente,CA

Do not give them food unless they are sitting at the table. Period. They will not starve. We had a seat belt the kids wore at the table in the regular chairs until they were able to stay seated independently. Just be firm.

I think I got to points where it was whatever worked sometimes. I used to feed my little ones early - because as you say, if I left it too late they were just horrible.

My sister (with large brood) dealt with this in a way which I'm sure won't appeal to all people, but it worked for me when I didn't want to struggle.

She used to keep leftovers from the night before and cut it up into kid sized pieces, and serve it to her kids while they were waiting for supper. She got home late and they were ravenous, so they would munch on last night's supper (kind of like a snack) at a little kid table in the kitchen. So they'd eat their veggies and meat, etc. and then by the time she sat down with my brother in law, the kids were essentially already fed. They'd sit with them at the big table, but if they were done within 5 minutes, they had at least already eaten something healthy.

When I worked and had little ones, that's what I did. Until they were about 3. They ate while I prepared the meal, and then my husband and I would sit - I'd be able to have a glass of wine and relax, kids fed. As they got older, they sat longer and longer at our table with us, telling us about their days.

By age 3-4 or so, they were pretty much sitting with us for mealtimes all the time.

I know a lot of people will shake their heads .. but it worked for us. I just wasn't prepared to chase kids at the end of the day. And we always had them join us (and often they would nibble some more on today's meal).

stop all the snacking. do breakfast in hischair. then when the screaming starts say ok your done and down you go. it is up to you if that happens in a booster seat or a highchair. But put him down from the table if he is having a fit and not eating. then nothing til the next meal / snack. and both of those happen at the table in his chair/booster whatever. he will catch on quickly. as far as snacks go. they are not meals. they are snacks. so a banana or fruit or crackers or whatever. small snack so that they are not full at meal time. and no sippy cups wandering around. they are for at the sink or at the table and thats it.

Stop letting them have all the snacks, and then they will be hungry enough to eat at mealtime.

I'd cut back on the snacks for sure but I think the key here is to sit at the table, all together, to the best of your abilities. At that age, I relaxed the standards on that. Dinner might have only lasted 10 minutes but during those 10 minutes we were all seated and eating. Once the habit is formed, it's not too bad. I'd make the last snack at 3 and eat early, about 5:30 and between the two I'd let the 4 year old help with dinner. That might help them engage in the process.

I think grazing is fine - but walking around with food creates a nightmarish mess that you will have to deal with.

If he doesn't like to sit restrained in a high chair or booster, let him in a regular chair. If he's "done" and wants to get down, wipe his hands and let him get down. But not with the food.

I think a small kiddie table is fine if it works and you can keep him at it. But the food stays there. I had those suction table toys to keep my son interested.

If the 4 year old will sit at the table with you and you both appear to be having fun talking, the little one may find it desirable. I like the description below about increasing the amount of time at the table little by little. I also like the idea of last night's leftovers - then they are snacking on "real" food and not just snacks.

What are your kids snacking on all day, and how are they getting their hands on it? I definitely think kids need more than 3 meals a day, but if they are just grabbing snacks anytime they want and walking around with them, that's your problem. Why should they eat at a table when they walk around all day with food, leaving a trail?

They WILL eat if they are hungry. So don't panic at this age that somehow they will starve if you don't feed them instantly and wherever they want. And you can't give in every time a child gets mad. You have to be willing to endure a certain amount of crying and tantrums for a few days to establish a new routine. He sits at the table - or A table - when he wants to eat. If he doesn't want to eat, you say, "All done? Okay" and help him down. "Food stays at the table. Look how nicely your sisters are eating."

I've also seen people make meals kind of attractive by giving toddlers an ice tray with a bunch of different foods in each compartment. Maybe you don't want all 12, but at least a bunch of them. That gives choices, and an attraction that makes the child want to sit at the table.

You could start with a new fun table toy that attaches to the table. If he wants to play, he sits in the chair (booster is best) and then you put a few foods down next to it. Work up to it. But this will be a nightmare if you don't get a handle on it. It sounds like you want to. Sometimes you just have to ignore the tantrums, or put the child in his room until he calms down.

Hug to you, mama. You are SO not alone in this!

Although it will create a couple of weeks of tantrums and some chaos, try really hard to change the snacking after, say 3PM, so a couple of slices of veggies (cucumbers, raw carrots, grean beans, sliced green pepper, that kind of thing) or a little bit of fruit -- but only sitting at the table. I love the idea of ice cube trays or other creative presentation. No wondering with food and *definitely* no leaving the kitchen with food or a drink. For right now, it's a challenge. Sorry!

So, what's the big deal? Well, right now there isn't one. But your kids will be 10, 12 and older before you know it (really! it's like you wake up one day and wonder who belongs to the mammoth sneakers you just tripped over at the back door). If you think it's a challenge to get them to eat in a civilized manner now and tons of work to clean up after their leavings, just wait. If that's the habit they have when they're small, it will NOT change as they get older -- it'll get worse. Dishes and glasses under their bed, stuff left in the family room, and an almost-grown person who understandably looks at you like you're crazy when you tell them not to leave food lying around -- for the tenth time that day. Do it now, while you still have at least an illusion of control over them! ;-)

Yes, it's a pain in the neck -- but speaking as the mom of 4 grown ones, it's worth the hassle now.

Hang in there!

I have a BabySmart booster called a Cooshie and the toddlers in my daycare love them. They can sit on the "big" chairs and don't have to be strapped in.

I would give him a choice: you sit in the highchair or you sit in the booster but you will sit at the table. There needs to be a consequence if he does not obey, spanking, timeout, no TV, whatever would get to him. I would also really cut back on snacks. "I know you are hungry honey, so am I, I'm glad dinner will be soon."

Good Luck

I would offer food he can handle on his own at the table, at set times. I would make a rule that no food is to be eaten outside the dining room or the kitchen. If they are not hungry at the time food is served, I'd be ready for a healthy snack later, but again, at the table. My sister's kids are about those ages and she would sympathize with you. However, I think that even if they don't STAY, expecting them to try is good for little kids. Like another poster said, tell him he can sit in the booster or in a high chair, but now is meal time - at the table. If my DD doesn't eat then, she doesn't get another snack til the appointed time. She doesn't get to raid my pantry for goldfish at 5PM and then not be interested in dinner at 6.

I would not do constant snacking. I would narrow it down to snack times (morning/afternoon) and meal times and tell them they need to wait til a meal and offer them water. I'd also look at what they are snacking on and if the offerings need to change to get them through a few hours without being hungry. And are they hungry or bored?

This is not something I would worry too much about right now. This can easily wait a year or two. It sounds like the challenge is really your 22 month old. That's fine. Lots of kids at that age don't want to be in a high chair. I don't think there's any reason you need to push the issue right now. Give him some time. Maybe try again in a couple of months or even six months and just see what happens.

It's really common for little ones to not want to be restrain and even more common for them to want to be able to do everything an older sibling gets to do.

Here's the thing. YOU ARE THE MOM.

Kids in child care are strictly prohibited from leaving the table with food. They can choke and die. So be the adult and let him have his fit. He'll get used to it.

I'm completely confused by some of your post though...you have a baby and a toddler that is 22 months? Cause a toddler is in no way a baby. His thought processes are old enough to know how to make you mind him.

He'll eat at some point. He'll be hungry and he'll want food and you'll give in.

Be the adult, be the boss, they'll walk all over you if you don't start standing up for what's right.

If you REALLY can't get your little one into a high chair (I don't think I would have survived if my kids rebelled against it!) what about getting one of those small, low heavy plastic picnic tables and have your kiddos eat at that? I know my opinion isn't going to be "popular" but I think allowing kids to "graze" is just asking for trouble. Mostly because the amount of work it causes overall would just be more than I would be able to do. Not only is there the constant mess and work cleaning, but sitting through a meal (or most of one) is kind of an important skill I think - even for a child as young as 2.

We were always one of those families that sat together for meals and when the kids were little, we did snacks - at the table - at the same time every day to prevent meltdowns at meal times. If somebody didn't sit at the table or didn't want to eat, they were done. Period.

I know that other families do it differently - my own daughter, who has a 19 month old, gave in a whole lot with the running around during meal time, grazing, not pushing the high chair thing, and not only does she have a mess (well, they eat here almost every night so I have the mess), but she can hardly get a bite in herself trying to monitor a little one running around the house with food. Although I don't agree, her kid, her rules. I just watch and shake my head (but I won't chase and miss my meal).

Good luck and hopefully the picnic table thing is something you will consider - at least both kids are able to sit together and your little one will feel like a "big guy."

My kids wanted to be in a big chair, but it was obviously not working so I got a couple of Stoke chairs off of Craigslist. It really helped because they could sit up like the adults but not be in the high chair. I did this closer to age 4. Stokke does have a strap in cushion that you could add to the seat and purchase separately if you get a used chair that doesn't have one. My younger child still uses the Stokke and it works out great.

A 4 year old and a 22 month old?

No food except at the table/in the high chair. Period. Enforce it.
Sure, he'll get hungry and whiny and protest. But if you give in, you teach him those tactics work. So don't give in. His protests will get shorter, and eventually he'll learn that if he wants to eat, he has to sit. And sit where YOU want him to be seated.

He absolutely will NOT starve if you make him wait until he is in his proper chair.
That said, grazing is fairly normal (and logical) for a 22 month old Even a 4 year old needs snacks during the day. Just make him sit in his chair to eat them.

You do not want dinner to become a battle. He doesn't have to eat all of his most nutritious foods at main meals. It's the overall consumption you look at. All fruit for breakfast? Not ideal, but ok. All protein for lunch? fine. All starch for snacks. Ok. some veggies and cheese at dinner? ok. Each meal/snack may be lacking nutritionally, but taken together, they are a complete range of healthy foods for a 24 hour period.

Don't make the meal time itself the law you hang your hat on. Make the rule you won't make exceptions for the one that says he has to sit in his chair to eat.

If not now, you will never go out to eat as a family with your kids under the age of 7, without people thinking you are rude, b/c your kids won't sit down at the table and will want to climb and stand in the seats and look over at the diners behind them or run around the restaurant. Don't be that family.

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Another thing. If your kids won't sit in a chair (high chair or at the table) to eat, it's really rude/annoying when you are a guest in someone else's house. It drives me batty when someone comes to my home with a small child, and gives them food/snacks and doesn't seem to even notice that they are walking around my house with it. Getting sticky things in my sofa, dripping melted stuff on the cushions, rubbing their sticky face on the furniture as they slide on and off... RUDE! I didn't let my kids behave that way when they were small. That's why our furniture is still nice and not nasty. I don't want to have nasty furniture. Teach your kids to eat at the table, and when they are done, they are excused after washing hands/face (with a rag by you until they are old enough to go straight to the bathroom to wash on their own).