Maybe I Need a Reality Check

At age one, I think it's a little too much to expect a child to 100% feed themselves and not have a bottle....I'd be looking for a new daycare program.

Blessings...

I'd be livid.

They are a daycare, not a bootcamp.

She is not behind, and who wants to force her to grow up and do more right now than she is comfrotable with? I don't get it. Plenty of kids don't walk until they are older than 1, and don't even do much in the way of substantial finger foods by 1. All kids are different. I'd be HOT with them and probably looking elsewhere.

Wow. I can see why you are upset. I think the daycare is pushing too much too soon. What happened to letting babies do their thing?
As others have mentioned a lot can happen, even in a week. However, I struggled with both of mine around the 9 - 11 months of age from transitioning from breastmilk to a sippy cup. They never had it in the bottle much and definitely didn't want it in sippy cup. Didn't want to waste it either. It took awhile for both kids to transition to regular milk and the sippy (which I think is completely normal....those are both big transitions!). On top of that my oldest (now 4 and amazing) did learn to walk until 16 1/2 months of age (didn't crawl until 12 months). My youngest crawled at the "normal" times and didn't walk until 14 months. Both didn't self feed (independently!?!?!) until they had a lot of practice. I didn't even introduce table foods until 10 - 11 months of age.

Is this place a center? Could you call other places and see what they offer? Have you talked to the director about this? Is it one teacher telling you this? Does she have a lot of experience with babies? Is she a mother, herself?
I would feel very uncomfortable with all of this.... all babies are different and they of all people should know this.

This is very sad! Your baby is only 10 months old and a daycare provider is dictating to you what YOUR child should be doing. This is never okay, no matter how you slice it! Don't let this provider muddle up your head with nonsense about what your sweet baby should be doing...sheesh, let her be a baby and do things naturally. Your baby will be much happier and so will you. I know it's a hassle to find new daycare, but start the process hon, this place sucks!

My son didn't walk until 15 months, but cruised since 9 months. He didn't like finger food and chunky things for a long time, and when he got off of the bottle was a whole nother story...AND, it is only my business!

Is this a daycare or a work camp?
All kids are different.
Surely this isn't the first time a kid hasn't fit into their ridiculous guidelines?
Do you think she'd be better off somewhere else?
Good luck!

It sounds like they are rushing the babies. They all develop at different ages. I gave my daughter formula until about 18 months old or so and she used her bottle until about two. She had trouble eating solid foods, she would choke on them. Your daughter sounds like she is normal and that they are pushing you to go to the ped because she is not on their schedule. I would be looking into a new daycare. I don’t agree with babies being rushed so quickly to grow up.

You don't need a reality check, that daycare center does! Honestly, unless I LOVED everything else about it, I'd be finding a different daycare. Their requirements are way too rigid. Those are in place to make their job easier instead of looking at the best interest of the babies as individuals. Your child is not delayed and don't let them tell you she is. Find a center that is willing to let the children develop at their own pace and doesn't force them to conform to their strict policies. Good luck!

Where my son went to daycare the infant room was divided into 2 sections (low wall down the middle of the room with a gate in it).
One side was for non walking infants, the other side was for toddlers.
The change was made based on when they walked - not by age - because some walked before 1 year while others walked several months after one year.
The same changing table was used.
The toddlers had tiny chairs to sit in at the table (was their size too) and they could drink from bottles or sippy cups. Finger foods could be eaten (Cheerio's, toddler biscuits, etc).
Your day care should not be pushing your daughters development (or make you feel she is behind).
She's not behind at all.

I have 22 years of experience with children...she is not having any delay issues right now. She may not walk until 14-15 months old, she may start walking in a week. No worries about the food...she will eat when she is hungry. Try to help her at night when you give her dinner.

Transitioning from bottle/breast to cup. I do not give kids the bottle after a year at my house. They may have a bottle before bed/before coming to daycare but at a year, they are strictly on sippy cups. Also, unless a parent wants to provide this, I give my kids milk starting at a year. We usually use the 11th month to introduce this to them.

Keep in mind that children can change OVERNIGHT and February is a long way off. No worries about your little one...she sounds like she is right on target.

Sounds like they're pushing her. One of my husband's cousin's has a little 15-mo old who appears to be struggling still with walking. I either forget how quickly they learn or my daughter was a better walker at 15 mo than this little one is.

Either, way, the lesson is the same - every child develops at their own pace. And they will all eventually get it (barring anything medical). It sounds to me like you're doing everything right for your daughter.

At my daughter's preschool, they tried to move kids out of the nursery at between 12 and 15 months, but would only actually move them once they were comfortable walking. They never said anything about self-feeding, but since I did Baby Led Weaning with mine, she's been self feeding basically since she started on any food other than breastmilk.

If your daycare only sticks to a calendar timeline for moving children, I'd try to find another daycare that will adjust based on the child's development. Doesn't sound like a supportive learning environment to me. (The Goddard School focuses on experiential learning and allowing each child to learn/develop at their own pace - might want to see if there's one in your area.)

I would feel uncomfortable with their high expectations and look at placing her somewhere where they work with the kids where they're at.

My youngest didn't walk until he was almost 16 mos old. He is a perfectly normal, thriving 3 year old now. My doctor said not to worry until 18 mos and then it could be a developmental delay.
I'm not sure about the bottles, but I can't believe that she is behind. Babies are supposed to have breastmilk/formula until a year, so wouldn't she NEED a bottle until at least a year?
Sounds like your daycare provider is the one that needs a reality check.

I'd be looking for another daycare between now and February. The rules your current one has don't sound like they're for the good of the children, they should like rules designed to pack more kids in one room. If they all self feed, you need fewer teachers. If they're all walking, they don't need to be held, and you need fewer teachers.

At one year old, my kids were right where yours is now - feeding themselves finger foods but not eating a ton. They still had bottles twice a day to make sure they got good nutrition. And they were walking but not amazingly well. I would never have wanted them in a daycare room where they were expected to behave like two or three year olds. One is not a magic number. Kids don't magically drop the bottle (many keep bottles for months or even a year after and turn out just fine). And kids don't magically learn to walk well or feed themselves. I say find a better place for your daughter if you can, one that is nurturing and helps her learn, not pushes for her to be at a stage she's not ready for yet.

In the daycare that I worked at with children like this we would slowly start taking them out of the baby room but not until they turned one. If we happened to have one that was ahead of the other and was walking sooner. For instance my son wasnt walking until he was 15 months. He would be brought out to eat with the 1yo's, do crafts and nap time. During free play he was in the baby room so there wasnt a chance for him to get hurt.
As for the bottle if that is what she is drinking out of they should not be forcing the issue until you and her are ready. Not everyone has their child off of a bottle by a year old. Luckily for me I didnt have that problem.
If this was me I would be searching for another daycare center. They are forcing issues that shouldnt be pushed and to me it sounds like they want her out so they can fill her spot with a new baby. Either put your foot down and say that they are to follow what you are doing with her or pull her out! Each child is different and if your pediatrician is not worried neither should you!

She sounds perfect. the fact is that she will change A LOT between 10 and 13 months. So, she will have advanced in some of these areas. However, if they have certain expextations, I don't see why they wouldnt' leave her in the younger room for a month or so. These are mostly developmental things, so it's not like you can snap your fingers and make it happen. I am a big believer in getting rid of the bottle at 12 months, but it doesn't necessarily happen overnight. I woudl just keep doing what you are doing, ignore them, and don't let them make you feel bad about your daiughter who sounds perfectly on track. If they don't feel she is ready to move, so what?

Wow. I guess my son is delayed too. He REFUSES to eat anything chunky. He will put finger foods in his mouth, chew them and then spit them out. If he swallows he gags and gets so worked up he throws up! So baby food it is. Sippy cup? He acts like it's a chew toy and absolutely refuses to drink out of it. No pressure from his daycare regarding any of this thankfully. It sounds like maybe you need to find a place that is a little more understanding of the fact that all children develop at their own rate. I know it's hard having to move to a different daycare, but better that than being made to feel like your daughter is delayed. She'll feed herself and use a sippy when she is good and ready. Good luck! :)

Reading your post give me a huge tummy ache...

No wonder these little ones are already stressed out, wanting their mommies and probably sicker than the average kid, because their not receiving proper nourishment and hydration on an individual level through out they day and they can't possibly compensate at home.

Since when to 1 year olds need to be 'trained' to eat at a table with others?

Since when does daycare dictate weaning from a bottle? Don't the bottles go in ready to give? And they just have to offer it at this age? How is she going to sooth herself if she can't suck?

Your darling girl is perfectly normal -- if you child care isn't willing to work with her at her developmental pace (not theirs or any other child's), then please consider paying someone else. You are your daughter's avocate during these monumental growing years -- you and your daughter deserve more love and patience than this.

I'm a little "out of reality" in that I nursed 15 months, while working full time, and my 2 kids didn't wean from breast or bottle, or walk for that matter, until around that mark.

I used state-certified, background-checked in-home care providers, with a one-to-six ratio, until my children were around 4. I figured they have such a long week out of the home while I work (usually 10-11 hrs a day), and there's enough pressure at school age, why strip their babyhood? PLUS, a big bonus was that it was close to $80 less a week -- the providers I accepted after interviews are now "aunts" to my kids to this day:)

Trust your gut and avocate for you both -- your daughter will be more loved by the "village" you choose when you trust your instincts:)

All children are different cuz' they are people too with their individual likes & dislikes...I would consider a different daycare! This woman sounds simply lazy to me & out of touch with your child, I would really get on my soapbox about her but it would just be rude.

If I were her I would hate formula VS my mother's breast milk as well! Have you done a 'taste test' of both? YUCKA DUCKA DO to formula!

In child care the must move a child up when they have their birthday because the day the turn older they throw off the ratio of teachers to children. So it is a required thing. I had a fellow director tell us one time at a Director's meeting that her licensing worker came in during nap time. She made them pick up the cot a child was asleep on and move that child to the next room up. The child's mother didn't want them moved up yet but the state worker made them or she would have given them an infraction for kids not the right age being in a classroom.

The 1 yr. old classroom is a nice place to be. Your child will be learning all the things she is required to do. They should feed her the same lunch as the rest of the kids, your cost should go down quite a bit, she should be on a cot already getting ready to be on one is this classroom, and she will see the others toddlers doing stuff and she will decide to try it herself. You should see a huge leap of growth in her when she moves up.

If she still wants to nurse then do that at home. She will not die if she decides to not drink anything all day. They will most likely offer her stuff every hour or two and she will see the other kiddo's drinking and she will get the idea.

Once she is transitioned to whole milk it will be easier too. That is what they should serve with their meals or juice. Usually we had milk with meals and juice with snacks. She should have a meal or a snack about every 3 hours.

If they serve breakfast they don't usually do a morning snack, it they serve lunch later they might though. After lunch and nap time they should have an afternoon snack, all provided by the facility and part of your regular weekly payment.

As for feeding herself. She will not go hungry. They will work with her to get her to feed herself more independently. In the toddler classroom that is their job. They don't sit and rock babies to sleep and feed them on demand. The toddler room teachers work to get all the kids to one nap, to put themselves to sleep, to learn to feed themselves, do simple things like coloring, finger painting often with some food item or another so if they decide to taste it it's okay, they teach the kids to do activity songs like I'm a little tea pot, and they are on their feet all day helping the kids to learn to play alongside their neighbor and start to understand their environment. The toddler teachers are the best in the field as far as I am concerned. They take a helpless baby and turn them in to a child ready for the 1st level of a classroom where pre-pre-school learning takes place in the 2 yr. old classroom.

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If you choose to find other providers I can tell you right now, she will be a 1 yr. old and they WILL NOT PUT HER IN THE BABY ROOM.

State regulations require children to move to the room they are the age of. It is not a choice. They must follow the state regulations or face infractions and the possibility of being shut down.

Every child care facility MUST follow the rules. You do not get to choose when your child moves to the next classroom their birthday chooses that for them.

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P. S.

Once she starts training on a cot it's a good idea to transition her to a toddler bed at home too. She will do both at the same time pretty easily.

well, (sigh), both of my sons hit all of these benchmarks well before age 1. It simply was not an issue for them, nor the other children in our family. We had one niece who didn't walk until 16 months, but that was lack of parent participation....they truly didn't want her walking. (whole other story!)

All this said, with my daycare, most children are off the bottle at 12 months. I think the problem you're having with the sippy cup is due to the formula. If you stick with just juice/water in it, then your DD will transition to the cup easier. At this point in her life, she equates formula with a bottle....breast with you. She is a creature of habit!

& another point would be: this is December. By the time February rolls around, your DD will be a completely different child. It truly concerns me that the daycare is soooo militant in its expectations! I think your child is doing great....& it disheartens me to hear stories such as this. :)

This sounds ridiculous! My daughter will be 15 months old next week and still doesn't walk, just cruises and crawls. I think they are trying to rush her development and well they work at a daycare they should know that all babies are different and hit milestones at different times.

I will say, with my son I sat there and fed him for far too long. He should have been feeding himself, but it was my first and I thought that's what I should be doing. With my second I knew better so she started feeding herself very early. Same thing with holding the bottle. I held my sons bottle for him until it was time for a sippy cup! My second one started holding her bottle at 7 months. What I am trying to say here is, your daughter will not starve she will learn to feed herself quickly, same things with drinking out of a sippy cup. I had a hard time getting my first to drink from a sippy cup (especially since I was holding his bottle for him up until that point!) but I would just hand it to him and show him what to do and it only took a few days before he was doing it all by himself.

I don't like that you think the daycare teacher is acting like your daughter is behind. She is NOT behind and if I were you I would look for a different daycare if the teacher keeps acting this way and demanding things of your child that she may not be ready for.

Most children are trasitioned off of formula at a year old. so that is normal. I have never heard of a daycare 1 year old room where the kids had to totally eat on their own. Are you sure that is it or do they give them food on the tray and they will eat what they can and they will feed babyfood if need be? what you are describing is the norm for the 2 year old room. She at almost a year old should be able to eat some food but meats etc that are not pureed might still be tough. What kind of daycare do you send her to? is it a big center or a daycare owners home? those made a difference. You will find that when the bottle is gone she will eat more food. I know by the time my kids were a year old they got one bottle at bedtime and one bottle at nap. all other liquid was through a cup. and the bottles at bedtime stopped very shortly after that. a s at a year we put only water in the bottle.

Hi A.~

That's funny...... my twins seemed so much like your baby when they were younger BUT guess what??? They and your baby shouldn't be considered delayed.
Don't worry and don't believe them into pushing your baby into things you disagree with. I breastfed a bit over a year BUT I continued to give them milk twice a day from a bottle until they were almost 2 years old!! (I'm sure there are people reading this right now and thinking I am crazy for doing that, but my little ones loved waking up to a bottle in the morning and having one in the afternoon.) Why take that enjoyment away...Their pediatrician is great and never thought I was crazy. Geee.... and my now 10 yr. old twins are happy and doing very well in school. Who would have thought they could have turned out that way with a mom would let them do things at their pace?? lol

My point is.... maybe the daycare has their rules for reasons that work with their center, I get it, BUT.... if their logic does not agree with your feelings about raising your baby, then find another daycare that does.

It may have to be a home daycare where a mom watches a few and will go with your rules. My cousin did this with her then baby, and she LOVED this arrangement. I would have done the samething if I didn't stay home with mine. I would not have a problem going to a daycare or full day preschool once my kids turned 3 years old, though.

Go with your gut and do what's best for YOU and YOUR BABY.
~J.

it's so hard to answer this, but i can see both sides. i felt the SAME WAY you do when both my kids transitioned out of the infant room. in my case on one hand, it really seems like i was losing my "baby" because they're stepping to the next level :) on the other hand, at 10-11 months, they're ready! I just don't think we realize it. They're starting to look at other kids and what they do (i.e. using s sippy cup, etc) and watching other kids will really help her wean off a bottle and learn new skills. its time to try sitting in a little chair and eating at the table. it's time to try new foods and start to feed herself and the more she sees other kids doing it, the more she'll try it.

If you are extremely worried, i would ask for a daily report of exactly what she ate and drank and always supply something that you know she will eat as a back up plan just in case. She'll be fine in her new environment and I bet she'll thrive in no time!

My kids were both early walkers (8 and 9 months) When my doctor found out that she was still on the bottle (2 a day) at 12 months he told me I had a month to get her off. Which I did. She was ready, I wasn't! It was a convenience for me. I think you bundle of joy is doing just perfectly and I would look at other options.

That being said, your pink bundle will not starve. She will figure it out, I promise!

A., I felt like this myself many moons ago when my children were in daycare. The one great thing about daycare is that they really help you do what the doctors want - get off that bottle at a year. And they help children learn to eat at the table too.

I had a really hard time with the issue of moving my older son up at 12 months because he wasn't walking yet. The daycare understood and moved him at 12 1/2 months, but he was still crawling in that one year classroom. He also could not make it without a morning nap, so they brought him back in the infant room and put him in a playpen to sleep for a shorter morning nap. He was able to let go of that nap at 14 months.

Around 10 months they started letting his bottle be cooler and cooler, and by 12 months, the bottle was cold. It took me a while to realize that this was a good thing LOL! They also helped with the sippie cup in the one year room. I never had an issue with the food because he had a huge appetite for it, though he never drank more than 6 ounces of milk at a feeding. He loved, loved, loved the food! As far as your daughter is concerned, when she sees all the other children eating, she will eat too. It will help her to eat better, being on the one year kids' schedule.

It does take a while for children to transition to the cup, and you have to just allow for that. Do get rid of the bottle once she is in the one year room - you really need to so that she won't be screaming for one in the classroom. And since she nurses still, she is getting more milk than you know about anyway, so I wouldn't worry about that. If she is using a paci, let that go by the wayside too, because that's not allowed in the one year room either.

You'll have several weeks to a month of "hardship", but it will pass and she'll be ready for new developmental challenges. It will not hurt her to move forward, I promise you.

Dawn

It sounds like the daycare has what should be a general guideline but has it set as a steadfast rule. All kids vary in what they do when and as long as they are within a normal RANGE they wouldn't be considered delayed...some are at the early end and others are at the late end while still others are inbetween the ends. The bottle vs cup thing sounds like a state regulation so their hands are a bit tied there but there is no reason they shouldn't help them with the food. If that is not an area they are willing to bend on, can she delay moving into the 1 yr old room? Would you consider finding a daycare that is more suited to you and your daughter?

You have a lot of responses, and I haven't read them all. But this is my two cents. Your daughter does not sound delayed at all. It sounds like they need the space in the infant room, and they are pushing your daughter out before she is ready. At my daycare (also a big center, with all the ratio rules, etc), most kids transition from the infant room to the toddler room somewhere between 12-15 months. They never transition before they can walk steadily. Those few extra months make a huge difference in terms of eating independently, etc. And, for the record, an older child can be in a room with younger kids, as long as the ratio stays correct for the younger kids (so, a 14 month old in with babies under one year must be at the PA regulated 1:4 ratio for infants, and not the 1:5 ratio for toddlers).

I assume you are paying a higher fee to have your daughter in the infant room than you will in the toddler room (because of the lower ratio). My opinion is that you should talk to the center director and tell her that you don't think she'll be ready in a month and that you believe she is better off staying in the infant room until she meets their requirements for moving to the next room (walking, drinking from a cup, and eating independently). She should meet the requirements for the next room first, and then move. Not the other way around.

When my daughter started daycare at 14 months she had to quit bottle immediately. She did at school but not at home. I talked to them bc I was worried bc she didn't really feed herself. The director made it seem like she was behind, when I talked to classroom teachers they said they feed everybody. I would express your concerns and if they think she's delayed ask If you can keep her from transitioning but ask them to work on it

Dear A.,

None of the things you're listing are regarded as developmental milestones. I mean, a baby/toddler could be having nothing but breastmilk and baby food, or a baby/toddler could be eating off fine china, knowing which fork to use, etc., and it wouldn't be regarded as a reliable indicator of anything. And, unless these daycare providers are licensed neurodevelopmental pediatricians, it's highly unprofessional for them to be implying that your daughter has any kind of developmental issues.

Honestly, though, it seems like they're indicating that they'll have a hard time giving her adequate nutrition in the toddler room, and that could really be a problem. You don't want her going hungry at this age! I know it's a transition, but it looks like they're planning on transitioning her anyway. I'd start looking for alternate care.

Babies are more resilient than we give them credit for.

My mother, bless her soul, cares for our DS while hubs and I are at work/school. She flipped out one day when she saw me give the baby milk straight out of the fridge. She didn't know that I'd been giving him formula at room temp, and milk straight out of the fridge all along. She meanwhile, lovingly heated bottles, and sippies. I told her that the baby gladly takes cold milk from us, and without any belly trouble. If she wanted to continue to warm milk for him, she was welcome to, (I wasn't going to stand in her way of making her life more complicated), but shouldn't feel obliged to.

Anyhow, give her and the daycare a chance, she might just surprise you and step up to the challenge.