My husband and I are currently going through a tough time at home. He wants a divorce and isn't being too nice about it, but I want it to work for my boys. I am not sure what else to do besides maybe trying marriage counseling if he will be open to it. I don't know of any around here. Has anyone else had success with marriage counseling? We are both young, 25 & 28. We have been married for about 5 years. All of my family lives 1800 miles away and my husband is trying to keep me here. I would like to go away and stay with them for a while, but he says I have to stay here because of the law. I don't think the environment is a good one for anyone right now.
Also, if you have experienced your husband lying to you... have you been able to get over it and trust him?
Any advice would be very appreciated. I don't know anything about divorces, custody, etc & that scares me.
Dear T.,
My husband & I saw a male counselor in Brandon about seven yrs ago. I believe it was Counseling Services of Brandon on Robertson St. In just two or three visits, we were back on track. Trust me, they do grow up...in time. And, you can get over the issues if you BOTH work on it. The toughest part will be convincing him to go. Best of luck to you & your family.
There is no law that states you must remain with him or even near him. Custody papers, once drawn up and agreed upon between both of you can limit your movements, but you are free to go whever you need to go. He cannot stop you, nor can he call the cops on you.
I could be wrong, I hope I am, it sounds like it might be a tad bit of an abusive situation, you are always welcome to take your boys and go to the Springs for Women in Tampa. They shelter abused women and children.
Overcomers is a great christian marriage counseling facility in Brandon. I have known one of the therapists there for over 20 years, he is a great man.
Best wishes
P.
Brandon - One Thing Prayer Center at Kings and Lumsden has counselors that use their facility. Give Ed a call there and he can direct you to one there at the facility.
Hi T.,
My husband and I have gone through something similar except that I wanted to leave. We are around your age and have been married a little longer than you. What we did was we went to a Marriage Counselor at Northside Mental Health. We actually went for our daughter who was being seen for ADHD and the therapist saw how many issues we were having and decided we needed counseling. We did not really learn much from her, however we did learn a lot from the World Wide Marriage Encounter. I am not sure how you will be able to do it with no family around to keep your kids, but it is a couples retreat that is from Friday night to Sunday at noon. You learn so much about one another. I learned a lot about my husband and he about me. It only costs $50.00. Before we went we were on our way to him moving out and filing for divorce. When we left we remembered why we feel in love in the first place. We learned how to write down our feels and read how one another feels so that no one interrupts anyone. We still have our moments, however when all our kids are sleep and we have the one on one 15 minutes before bed and we write down our feels it makes it seem pretty silly. Marriage Encounter is nationwide, so maybe you can go back to where your family is and book it from here and go there so that someone can watch the kids. I just want to tell you that it is so worth the money and time. You have no cell phones, tv, kids, friends or anything just one another. Their website is www.wwme.org. Please check it out and really try to concentrate on one another when you go. It will be so wonderful.
I don't know what law he is referring to when he says you have to stay here. I have been married 23 years, and yes, we did separate for 6 months - I asked him for a divorce & he asked what he could do to make it work, so I told him to leave & dry out for 6 months. That was 12 years ago, and just recently his drinking has got worse again, and so I am back to square one. But what this has taught me is that men seem to talk off the top of thier heads, and what he is saying may not be true. My husband made some threats like getting full custody of our kids, so I went to a law group "Hunter Law Group" ###-###-#### just to get the facts. They will give a half hour counseling session. I learned a lot, and it was obvious that my husband had no real knowledge of the law when he was making threats. I did not have good luck with family counseling. All my childhood teaching "if you can't say something nice.." held me back from being really honest, but my husband had no problem not only complaining about me but blowing things out of proportion. I ended up looking like th bad guy & feeling really bad about myself. Hopefully you will have better luck with the Family Counseling, But you really need to go see the Law Group. It will empower you with the truth. If your husband asks why you went - just do what I did, I told him that he made the threat to take my kids, so I went to a lawyer. Your husband may settle down a bit and decide to try to work it out when he finds that you are taking it seriously. Especially if he finds out how much it will cost him. The lying thing, just depends on what it is about. This is actually my second marrage. The first guy cheated, could not hold a job & did not want to be married, after just 6 months he was trying to get me to date other people. IU found out that is a sure sign that he was seeing other people. After 18 months I realized that it takes BOTH people in the marrage wanting to make it work, and if your husband does not want to make it work, well, I would at least go visit my family, then maybe just not come back. (which is most likely what he is afraid of) Last advice - Keep your self respect, keep in mind your good qualities, and if he is beating you..get out now!!
T. - I have been thru a couple divorces and one of them was a big liar and I did not trust a word out of his mouth then and I still dont to this day. Now my daughter is just like him! Lucky me. You need to call a lawyer for a free consultation and ask him if you can leave. I am sure he will tell you the REAL law. If your environment is unsafe or unhappy for the children, the attorney will tell you what to do and then you seek a counselor when you are out of there. In Florida, most cases the mom gets the kids and 24% of the husbands wages for child support.
One good question to ask your husband is will he seek counseling with you? If he says no then you have an issue. Why does he want to get a divorce? Just go see an attorney and get the free 30 minutes and ask all the questions. The only thing scarey about divorce is "where are you going to live after this". Life goes on and you get stronger with every hurdle in life. I should know because I went thru two and boy does that strengthen one up! Good luck. DONT WAIT _ DO IT NOW!
D.
Hi T.,
Yes, there is a counselor in the Riverview area. His name is Robby
Brown and he is very good. I suggest you give him a call at
###-###-####. Check out his website at: Robbybrown.org
Mr. Brown is a very kind person, yet he is direct and very sincere in
wanting to help you. He will not string you along like so many do just
for the money.
Please give him a call and see what he has to say. If your husband
will not agree to counseling, i would suggest that you go talk to Mr.
Brown alone. I'm sure he can give you good counsel.
Also, i would suggest that if you are not attending church, that you
get plugged in to a good church.
There are many in our area. I attend River of Life Christian Center
(an Assembly of God church) located on Krycul Avenue in Riverview.
Our services are Sunday mornings at 10:30 and Wed. nights at 7:00.
My husband and I had a lot of problems early in our marriage. We
both gave our hearts to the Lord and started attending church together... that made all the difference in the world. We have been
married for 34 years.
I hope i've been able to help you.
God Bless,
T.C.
Oh Gosh .. sweetheart .. I have not really any experience with it but if you need someone to talk to OR just meet up and discuss .. feel free to contact me .. Where are you from .. I can understand the loneliness and sort of Not Able to Do anything without any support.....The kids are a lot of work and both of you might be feeling tons of pressure and anxiety and frustration ...which can end up in fighting .. I have three kids and I remember not too long ago in the past .. when my twins were almost 5 to 6 months old ..we both just hated the sight of each other .. A lot of marriage depends on expectations from both the partners .. People said that the toughest years for a marriage are between 3 and 8 .. and I would say That is True ..Things have started getting better bit by bit for past two years .. And I am also from other country with no family .. So if you would want to just talk and vent .. let me know and many times that helps ..
For the kids sake, if he is not hurting the kids .. ask him and try to see if you can work it out ..My hubby lied few times also .. on trivial things .. and I had a hard time in trusting him (mostly money related..or calling his family long distance). The one thing we both knew that we were not seeing anyone else or cheating ....Now, I do not bother about him calling his family unless it has a direct impact on me. I just consider that if he wants to boast to them and show off and waste his time and our money .. that's not worth a fight for at least few days .. He likes to impress people by boasting things that may have little truth .. and as long as it is not hurting anyone, I let it go. A lot of it depends on you .. I realized, even though still it is hard many times, that I can not change a lot of things about him, but I can change how it is going to impact me ..
Take care
