Marriage and Control

A) Stop depositing your money in checking account.
B) Stop being controlled.
If you are in a marriage...why cant you drive that ever so lovely truck? Control issues, perhaps?
You came to my house to pick up donated clothes for someone in need. I have met you and think you are a nice person. Why do you do for others but not for yourself?
You have a whole PD department behind you...take advantage...
I would think that you, OF ALL PEOPLE, wouldnt let this happen.
Get out while you can....it will NEVER get better...this is as low as is gets before the physical stuff starts happening..
If he always thinks YOU are cheating on HIM...it means that HE is ceating on YOU....
M....I met you in person and cant BELIEVE that you have this life....lean on those strong guys around you...get advice from the professionals...live a happy and peacefull life.

Know that God does hear your cry and cares deeply in your pain. It does sound like he is the one hiding something. Look to the cross in your pain and experience strength and acceptance. "By His stripes we are healed." The reality of unconditional love is powerful. There is no quick answer for his peculiar behavior, but as you draw strength and find peace in the Lord he will see that. "Beauty for ashes" (Isaiah???)

It is not unusual for you to be equally involved in the finances. Possibly ask him for regular times to work on the budget, bills, etc. (Not in an emotional moment, but at a time when the issue is not upsetting) You could get your own account and work more objectively with the bills. That way he can't just take all the money and not have accountability.
All of this can be seasoned in your self-control(fruit of the Spirit) and speaking in firm love not hostility.

I know that it is easier said than done, especially from a stranger who doesn't even know you. Honesty in the finances is essential for working together. He may be trying to accuse you so he has an excuse for a way out.
I know all of this has to be painful.

Most of all ask the Lord to give you respect for him. All men need respect, even if they don't deserve it.

I will pray for you.

In Him,
R.

Hi M.,
I am so sorry. Your husband sounds way out of control. I wonder if he has a mental/emotional condition. Sometimes when one feels out of control on the inside they want to control everything and everyone around them.

Have you told your husband how hurt you are that he doesn't trust you? He clearly has a fear issue. You should start praying over your home to dispel any spirit of fear.

You might get the movie Fireproof or the book that goes with it that gives devotionals and a daily "project" to do to try to humble yourself and draw you closer together.

I struggle at times with fear that my husband is having an affair. Especially when he spends time away from the office with a female coworker (work related or sometimes for lunch) and then comes home and is very touchy feely all evening. But I just have to give it to God and pray that He guards my husband's eyes and heart. I think I'll copy this to John D too. :)

It does concern me that your husband may be abusive (it certainly sounds like he is) so please be wary of that. There are shelters for women in abusive relationships. Please feel free to PM me if you need further help.

I live in alvin too, I'd be happy to get together some time (maybe Monterey's Little Mexico one evening after the kids are in bed?)

S., mom to 4 girls ages 2-6

Your husband definitely sounds controlling and possibly abusive. I would contact a local domestic violence program for info and support.

http://www.bayareaturningpoint.org/ ###-###-####
http://www.hawc.org/ ###-###-####
http://www.ndvh.org/ 1-800-799-SAFE

Also if he is lying, hiding, being evasive, and accusing you of having an affair he may be having one himself.

What you are describing isn't normal, and probably won't be able to be fixed without outside help. Be careful, he may be monitoring your phone and internet usage, you may want to call or email from somewhere other than home phone/computer.

Your husband has trust issues and it seems it may be because he doesn't trust himself. I'm wondering from all you've said if he is the one that had an affair. It sounds like there are circumstances from his childhood that would explain this behavior.

In any case things are not going to get better unless you do something about it. I would suggest talking to him about your relationship when you are both calm. Just ask him if he is happy living this way, hiding things etc. The answer should be no because no one can be happy living like that. At that point I would try to suggest marital counseling so that you have a mediator, so it's not just he said she said.

Ignoring the problem is not going to make it go away. I really hope he will consider counseling because he has some serious issues to work out and he's not doing so well on his own.

I really hope it works out for you, hang in there!