It's the end of the school year now and while my son has made a lot of friends this year, I realized I haven't made any friends at my son's school. He's in second grade and switched to this school this year. I'm friendly but not super-talkative and I feel bad that he's not spending any time with kids from his class outside of school. He goes to a "school of choice" and while he has a lot of friends in our neighborhood, none of them go to the same school. It's a great school but the moms seem kind of clique-y. I'm involved in the class, go to all the school functions, walk him to class and hang out every morning, and am on the PTA. When I talk with other moms, they seem to already have enough friends and a schedule too busy to make new ones or they are even quieter than me and have nothing to say. I'm a young, creative, fun mom. The school my son went to last year doesn't compare to the excellence of this one but I made friends with a lot of parents there. Have any of you been in a similar situation? What worked? Should I get even more involved in the PTA? Any suggestions are welcome.
I just want to say thank-you to everyone who responded. I feel better knowing I'm not the only one who's had this issue. I'm prepared to make more effort to connect. All of your suggestions were awesome! Mamasource rocks!
Mom's are weird. Seriously. I have 3 kids, and I think the moms that were competitive in High school go right back to it when they have kids. i am super low key, and I have some of the same issues you have discussed. You will find a spot. If I were you I'd volunteer for a very specific job-like carnival ticket sales. you will become better known.
Plans a Mom's night out or a Mom's coffee out or the likes. Plan it for a mutual place (not a home) and something very inexpensive.
That is all I can think of aside from being pro-active when you see someone in passing.... eye contact, say hello, ask them a question. Plan a playdate with one of your sons friends and his Mom, rather than have her drop off her child, ask her to stay for tea or coffee?
Best wishes,
M.
Hello F..
I would take the opp of the school year ending to approach some moms and get contact info. You can say "hey I'm new to the school, I'm looking for some good camps, etc. for summer, do you mind if we exchange numbers to share ideas if you hear of any good programs. Also, maybe we can schedule a play date or two over the break." I would get as many moms info as you can. You might even volunteer to collect names for a "contact list" of all the moms to disburse to everyone to allow for communication over the break.
Also, the PTA is a good idea.
Good Luck
P. A
Love your kids' names! I always seem to find friends when my daughters start hanging around certain friends, and after they become friends at school for a while, I ask my daughters if they want to have a playdate with that person, they always say yes, so I set it up with the mom. Some moms come and stay the first playdate to make sure everything goes well, which I totally understand, and I have made many mom friends through my kids playdates! It might take a couple of years, but I think eventually you will make some mom friends! Just keep at it, and invite kids over for your son. Another thing I just thought of, every year there are new kids, so make an extra effort to be friendly with the new moms, and they will appreciate that. I have done that too, and have a couple of very dear friends, and they have told me I was their first friend at the new school!
I taught school for 10 years. I know of what you speak. Many moms find a friend or two and stick with them for the rest of time (or until they change schools! LOL)
Cliques with moms are just as prevelant as with children. If you do not step in and ASK to be a part of it, you may never be a part of it. Invite one woman each day for tea. You must take the lead. You must ask for what you want. I know that as a teacher i watched a lot of moms come to a new school and not be invited in. Many times I personally took the role of asking that mom and another connected mom to volunteer on the same day, that was all it took, just a quick opportunity to get to know one another. Field trips are great for that.
F., just open up and ask for what you want. Kids do it all the time, you could learn much from your children.
B.
I've been in the same boat this year, child changing schools and while I don't have "clique-y" issues, I think they've made friends over the past three years and being a new comer is a bit harder than at kindergarten when everyone is new. Why not have an end of school Ice Cream social either on the last day of school or the day after. Invite some classmates and their moms to your house or a park for an hour or two. It's a nice way to end the year with the kids as well as get to know some other moms.
Sounds like you are doing the right things, just need to be a bit more assertive. Good luck
Hi F.-
My kid's go to a Charter school and it is not in our neighborhood. I joined the Board of our school and became active in their classes. Since other people have their cliques, and you seem quiet, you might want to break out of your shell a bit and have to be the one to initiate something. Maybe playdates, and have the moms over for coffee. Or maybe host a playdate, wine & cheese party, something fun and out of the ordinary!
I don't know if you like to camp or not but if so you might want to look into the YMCA Adventure GUides program. I googled in for Simi Valley and it looks like you might have a real fun, active tribe there. I have made friend's through that program and love the time with my son. Let me know if you have any questions.
Good luck!
Stephanie
Hello, Have you tried inviting his friends to come over for a playdate? Also, if your school is not a year round school, how about an end of the year party? Then keep in touch with the parents for playdates over the summer. This will keep the door open for the fall.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.
