Anyone NOT find the Love Languages book to be helpful? Why?
I am asking because I did not find the book to be helpful for me or my SO. I'm wondering if I "read it wrong" or didn't have the right mind-set going into it.
I'm HUGE into self-help stuff (personal responsibility, etc. Big into Love Languages type stuff until I discovered the Color Code renamed the People Code), so it's not that I think all self help is fluff and pointless. Just didn't click with this theory. Anyone else out there like me? I see so many moms on here recommending it to others who need relationship help.
Udpate:
Stacy - sounds like your husband was looking for something to "help" you, not the marriage! That sucks.
As for the other book - it's now called the People Code. It breaks everyone into four main personality group by color, which we've probably all seen before. It's based on the same theories that DISC and Meyers Briggs uses. The difference is that the People Code focuses on MOTIVATION. If you understand what someone is motivated by, then their behavior is easier to understand, and it's easier to work with them. I was actually recently certified to teach courses by the People Code - but have been living the idea for several years now. I've found it to be life-changing, not just for me, but for anyone else who really spends a little time understanding and applying it.
The bare bones of it is that Red personalities are motivated by power, Blue personalities are movtivated by intimacy (close relationships), White personalities are movtivated by peace, and Yellow personalities are motivated by fun. So, for example, if I know I"m working with a Yellow personality (can tell by behavior and oftentimes the language they use) I know that I will need to make my project more exciting, fun, and varied than if I were working with a white or blue. If I was working with a red, then I know I would need to tap into their power motivation by letting them lead or not trying to control them - giving them an outcome and then letting them control how they get there as well as remind them of how much credit they'll get and how good they'll look by working on the project with me.
I found it was interesting and explained a lot but it was also limited in application. I've been having a rough time in my marriage and DH actually suggested the book. We know eachothers love languages (mine is acts of service, his is words and gifts) but he says he doesn't "get" my love language and therefore refuses to do it. So much for "self help"!
hmm interesting question. I think it helped me to better see what i prefer both to give and get, and I haven't had Dh do it but i should. I think i know his. so that was insightful, BUT knowing that i prefer to give words of appreciation, sort of makes me feel like everyone should accept that from me, It doesn't make me want to stretch and start buying people gifts even though i can guess that is what they would like.
I guess that makes me selfish, am i explaining it right, that it almost entitles me to keep on doing what I prefer to do. Which i know is not the authors point. Maybe i need to reread from a different prespective.
I am super curious about the book you recommened, any chance you could tell us about the bare bones of that and why you liked it???
I did not think that it was life changing...but definately informative...could have been a lot shorter. But it did help us figure out what to do for each other that would be meaningful to the other person. So helped us get the most bang for our buck when we want to do something nice for one another. My husband now gets why I like for him to fill up my car with gas...gifts of service are what does it for me...every time I drive my car after he fills it up with gas...I am thinking what a great husband I have. This book helped me to articulate it to him....also helped me to know that he wants words of affirmation. So I try to give him what he needs as well.
I did find the 5 Love Languages helpful- not in application, but explaining just WHY my hubs can't keep his hands off me (he's a touch- I'm an acts). He needs that physical contact. I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about hugging, cuddling, holding hands, etc. SO NOT ME!
I get what you are saying, even though I love that book and recommend it often on here. What I like most about the book is it gave me a whole new perspective on how people may respond to things that I never would have thought about. I have found it difficult to pinpoint which language I am the most and which one my husband is. I go back and forth on many of them. I do think my languages are either words of affirmation or receiving gifts. I think my husband is words of affirmation, although he consistently demonstrates acts of service. So it definitely isn't a one language fits all type of theory. They talk about this book quite a bit at my church, so discussing it with others always gives me more insight on it.
HTH,
A.
It was so long ago that I read it, but like most any book, some of it didn't apply and some of it was very helpful and memorable.
I will admit I hate all self help books. At least to me they seem to prey on those that need help but don't know where to look. Instead of giving them help they blow sunshine up their butts.
Just looking at what I found googling it describes five "love language" okay, so? I have a lot of friends who are guys, they communicate in a completely different way. Knowing "love languages" does nothing to bridge the gap.
Thing is to communicate you need to understand the communication differences. Because I love making fun of self help books I have read a bit of a lot of them. Never have I seen one that actually helps because rule one of self help books is blow sunshine up the butt of your target audience. So they are all written in the it is not you it is everyone else's problem form. Every communication issue falls on both the speaker and the receiver. Unless you throw some blame on the person reading the book it will solve nothing.
Okay looking at the answers, you guys do get that most women are going to answer with the same "love languages" and the men different ones?
It totally helped me understand why men think I want flowers when I don't. It helped me articulate I want acts of service, not gifts. I also understand my husband needs words of affirmation or he is torn down.
