LOUD 2 Yr Old in Public and Moms Anxiety!

My son is the same age and gets really wiggly after 20 minutes or so of being confined. I think it's partially the age- discovering what reactions they can achieve from their actions. I would suggest avoiding taking him places where he can't walk around a little. In the grocery store, I let my son help me take things off the shelf and cross items off the list.

When I have to shop for clothing or gifts, I have a shopping "agenda"- literally. I know which stores to go to first b/c they will be very boring for him and which items on the list are somewhat optional or can be done another day- those are always last! Before we go out, I make a list of what I need and where I can likely find it. That way we spend less time browsing and more time chatting and getting through the errands.

I never shop for anything special or important with my son in-tow! He hates having me shop for work clothes and it ends up with us both upset in the end.

Our oldest has ADHD and at that age was a real terror in the stores. Loud, destructive, you name it. I never could find a way to get over the evil stares and comments. What did work for me was to just wait for the evenings or weekends and do shopping on my own. This wasn't forever, but it did get me through the really roughest years. It saved my sanity.

If you really do need to go shopping with him, consider a toddler leash and then give him assignments as he walks around: "Tell me when you see a box with a car on it!" Simple tasks that he can do that will keep him happy.

Good luck!

My son is 2 1/2 he is a very sweet loving boy, but he hates being stuck in carts and strollers as well. he is getting bigger and wants to be more independant. Sounds just like your little one. Nothing will distract is want and desire to get out and walk weither he has done it before or not. Actually because you have never let him do it is probably why its so bad. My son would rather walk, but because we let him most of the time when I tell him ok we have to go fast today i need you in the cart he does it....usually without complaint. Your boy just wants to have some freedom. Tell him before you go in, ok we are going to shop and you can walk if you stay with mommy and listen. Tell him you need his help getting the food. have him pick up and put in the things that arent going to break if he drops them. It will really help him stay focused and with you. he doesnt sound like he has a tantrum issue just an independance one...be thankful. Relax a little and if he is a few feet in front of you its ok as long as he stays kinda close. Let him know that if he runs to far ahead you will put him back into the cart. Give it a try. He has freedom at home thats why he is so different. He is just trying to grow up....they all do it at some point, faster than we want but thats all that it is. let him try it and just see if it helps your anxiety and his frustration. you might be really suprised it totally worked for my little one. Now he loves to shop and he helps out alot. Plus it has taught him what things are. We count the number of an item we are getting, talk about the color of the package all kinds of things so now it is stress free most of the time and he is learning too! Everyone wins...Good luck and congrats on the new baby. By the way you want to encourage him wanting to be a big boy cause with a new baby on the way you will want a little helper at your side. I have a 6yr old daughter, 21/2 yr old son and a 1 yr old son. They all try to help the others...most of the time..lol, it makes life for all of us much easier. I get help and the kids REALLY enjoy that they are helping. I think they get a kick out of what a nerd I am and how big a deal i make when they something. Hey whatever works. Again good luck i hope it gets easier.

It may be that a kid free shopping schedule needs to be in your future. My youngest boy even breaths loud. Not a quiet bone in his body (even when behaving).
I had to start scheduling shopping when my hubby could watch him, do it on my lunch break or trade out with a friend (I'll watch yours, if you watch mine for an hour).
It really made things easier and when the loud little guy realized he wanted to go to the store (about 3yo watching brother getting to go while he stayed home, etc.) and couldn't go I explained some rules to him and if he broke 'em - we left. Harder on me, really, but one time and he knew I meant it.
If any of the above are an option for you, I would strongly suggest it. Being pregnant and stressed is no good for you.
Best

Shannon's advice is the best so far in my opinion.

He's obviously letting you know the current situation isn't working for either of you, so why not try to see how it goes (when you have a short, simple list) and let him have some freedom by walking next to your cart? If he begins to be less manageable, go back to how you're doing things.

Our kids are 2 and 4. The past 2 years of our life have been spent with kids exerting their independence, and us bringing them back down to reality. At 2, he's old enough to understand things like, "this is not how we act in public places". For our son (4), he wanted to scream. So, we made rules. He could scream in the bathtub and outside. If he started getting loud at Target, we'd quickly tell him to wait until we were outside. Then, he'd let loose, and we always worried that someone would call the cops because of a person leaving with a screaming child in the parking lot.

Your anxiety likely exacerbates the situation, so think of ways that you can manage it as best as possible. Be proactive in making comments loudly when he begins to act up so people SEE and HEAR you trying to put the situation out. I'll raise my voice so other people can hear me say, "Excuse me, this is NOT how we act in public. If you don't settle down, we're leaving now, and you're not getting _______ (fill in the blank) when we get home".

People make comments. People are judgmental. All of us are. We are also naturally defensive when people criticize us, our children or our parenting. When you have a moment of peace, think of how you wish you could handle the situation, what outcome you desire, and how other people may be feeling when experiencing your son's behavior. If you don't think your current actions are doing enough to diffuse it, think of ways to change how you deal with him, and start experimenting.

My question would be, is it being strapped into the cart, stroller, or high chair or is it being in public that makes him scream? If he does not like to be confined, then you could try a leash, and see if he would stay with you while you shop, but since he does not mind being strapped in a car seat, it could be possible that the crowds, the lights, the high celings, and the upredicatable nature of being out cause him to be anxious or uncomfortable. If you think it is just being out in public that is the cause, you might explore what sensory experience is causing his discomfort and go from there. It may be that he just needs to stay home while you shop until he is comfortable in public.

M.

My younger daughter was a real handful at that age, too. She'd have 7 or 8 knock-down, drag-out tantrums every day (no exaggeration). Of course some of these happened when we were away from home. Before we would go into the store, I'd get down to her level and tell her that I was looking forward to a nice shopping trip with her, and just go over our rules with her (she had to stay in the cart, if she threw her toy out of the cart, it would go in my purse to stay). Then, I'd give her a little snack to keep her occupied. If we were at Target, I'd get her some popcorn, or madelines at the Starbucks - something she didn't get at home very often. That would give me about 20 minutes, but invariably all hell would break loose. It never failed.

So, when the whining, screaming, tantrum started, I'd leave the cart where it was, pick her up, and head outside or to the restrooms, whatever was closer. I'd stick her in the back of the car (Expedition, plenty of room to thrash around, LOL), shut the door, and stand outside until she'd screamed herself out. Then I'd pick her up and head back into the store to finish shopping. Yeah, it would take 2 hours to do 30 minutes worth of shopping, but that's life with a 2 year old! As an added bonus, as my daughter got older, she would start to quiet down when I'd say, "Uh-oh. Do we need to go out to the car?"

Good luck. Aren't 2 year olds a thrill a minute? LOL

N.,
Hey,
Hang in there. I wanted to recommend a resource that helped diffuse the fits my kiddos threw.....The Happiest Toddler on the Block (DVD)"---the book is confusing to read so the 30 minute video was great and helped. It has truly changed the way or added the way we communicate with our children. Hang in there and keep doing your best......

Don't be offended. People make comments like that because they are ignorant. They have the problem, not you. I can say this because I used to be one of the rude people making comments. Then I had my own baby. She is still an angel in public but I know the day will come when a tantrum will catch up with us. Take care of yourself and unborn baby and cherish the little angel that your boy is at home!

Isn't it funny how people without children are always so willing to share their advice like they are experts?

Perfectly normal. Don't you let those comments and stares get to you.

What worked for me was we had a special "shopping bag" - it only came out when they got in the cart. It had happy meal toys, small bags of goldfish or cherios, fidget toys, any thing small that I found, I would stash in this bag.

My kids never knew what was in the bag and usually forgot about it until it was time to go shopping. I'd change out stuff here and there, but it kept them occupied for at least part of the trip.

The other thing I did was come with a list and stay as focused as possible. It's so easy to get distracted with a 2YO in tow, so make sure you are organized with the list, coupons, etc. Take the extra time to do it before you leave and it will pay off.

Finally, enlist his help. If the goodies from the shopping bag become boring, I'd let them get out and help me find things on the shelf, i.e. get the blue box of pasta, etc. Sometimes, I would save the cerial isle for last because by then, they needed to stretch their little legs!

This won't last forever, but it feels like forever now! If all else fails, go in the evening and let dad take care of the kiddos. It was actually theraputic for me a few times... all alone in the store with only my thoughts... ahhhh...

Good luck!

I don't have an answer, but I have a similar 2 1/2 yr old boy. I call him my little monster ;) I did have one lady look at me in Home Depot and say "OMG! whose kid is that" when my husband had my son on the next isle. I looked right back and said "Mine, so clearly he's my problem and not yours." HA! I do understand that its invasive to others, and try to limit where we take him in this phase (i.e I told my husband absolutely not when he wanted to take him to his company's corporate box at the horse races)... Other than that... just good to know I'm not alone! I do love Karen's bag idea, and swapping it out with different stuff.

My Children are Six and Four, but Walmart use to have the cutest backpack that my kids loved and the trick is that it has a tail and came in Monkey, bear, and I think puppy...anyways you hold the tail, so it is not a restraint and he thinks it is a big kid back pack.
Take care and good Luck...