Lost My Cool with My 3 Yr Old ( Update and Thank You to Everyone)

You might try putting her to bed a little earlier. Getting her to nap before she becomes over-tired may eliminate some of the drama. Some kids are tough to get to nap. If mine played quietly in their bed or looked at books, I often let them do so without a fuss. As their bodies grow, their nap needs change. If she just can't get to sleep, you might try lying down with her. Rest for both of you can do wonders for power struggles. :0)

Hope this helps.

M.

I would say prepare for more hair pulling mom. at this stage they seem to start pushing the boundries. and they do it at full volume. what i do if my daughter doesn't want to take a nap is make her stay in her room for an hr. which is how long naptime is. today she will probably take an early long nap as all 3 were woke up because my autistic daughter was at full volume demanding a diaper change and since routine is i go in and playfully wake her up in the mornings with kisses and puppy dog growls she expects that and since i wasn't in there in time everyone got up. on a possitive the 3 yr old will be well rested come early afternoon and not as destructive. i swear the more tired she becomes the more destructive she gets on my house. it can be bad sometimes. if it gets to a frustration lvl simply shut and lock the door and step back for a few minutes. it won't hurt either child and it will help yu control the stress lvl and it can be very high at this stage :) gl if nothing else at nap times turn off the tv in the livingroom and have her lay on the sofa. she can play or nap her choice but she has to be quiet.

You are not a bad mom for losing your temper. We all do that sometimes. It doesn't sound like you did anything too terrible and I'm sure your daughter isn't going to be scarred for life because you yelled and threw her Barbie. It sounds overwhelming having a three year old and a six month year old. I am sure you are very tired and your nerves are very frayed.

I think it was very good that you apologized and asked her for forgiveness. You are teaching her that sometimes people (yes, even mommies) make mistakes and when you do, you apologize and make amends. None of us are perfect.

I remember it being a very trying time when my son was 3. Forget about the terrible twos, it's the terrible threes! I am also certain that your daughter is going through some issues regarding having to share mommy's attention with a sibling. I imagine you are very busy with the baby and she is probably acting out in order to get your attention. Get the book "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelson. It explains whey children misbehave and how to stop it in a more positive way. Good luck!

Hi B.,

Please know that NO ONE has ever raised a child & not lost their temper, so please do not beat yourself up!!!

I do not know why your daughter gave you such a hard time at nap time (does she nap every day without fail?). I can tell you that around 3 is when most children try to give up naps. I dissagree with the notion that children do not need naps, so do not let her force you to give up on that. Children need as much sleep as they can get. This promotes good behavior, growth and health.

What ever advise you chose to try, just remember consistancy is key. I have never let my children get up during nap, they know it is not allowed. Now I had a couple try it from time to time & much like you I was sooooo frustrated. Just put them back in bed & remind them what time it is. Sometimes a little positive reinforcement is needed. Try telling her that she can have something she wants (or if she is being bad, she can have back something you took away)only after she wakes up from her nap.

It sounds like you are entering the Torching 3 year old age temper tantrums. All children have some measure of this problem. Just remember it does not last long & I AM SURE YOU ARE A TERRIFIC MOTHER!!!!!!

I am glad to see a mother who is using this website just to get encouragment, a parents job is hard & we all need a little reminder that it is going to be OK from time to time.

Good Luck & God Bless.

Relax! You are normal and so is your daughter. I have a 3 year old girl and I have had the same thoughts, “Where is this coming from?” I am unable to have more children, so my blessing daughter is an only child, so I know she isn't learning from siblings and I keep her at home, so it isn't peers. I have begun to think that phrases such as, “Leave me alone!”, “Go away!”, “No!” are programmed in at birth and come out at a certain age... I am having the same trouble at nap time, she either just will not sleep, or I find her up playing when I thought she was asleep. She also has very random public outbursts, that nearly take me to my breaking point every time. My daughter, is otherwise a very sweet, smart and beautiful little girl. So, it breaks my heart to see her spiral to this monster from time to time. But I have learned that I have to address it. Depending on what is a suitable punishment in your home – use it. I found myself hesitant to punish my daughter, because I thought, “She is always SO sweet, she just must be tired, this will pass.” I am discovering that yes, it will pass, but this is a phase that we will have to outgrow together and not something a nap will fix. Try to be as attentive as your sleep deprivation will allow and watch for warning signs. I have found that sometimes I can ward off full blown outbursts, if I very firmly address it soon enough. Also, my daughter had become more of a little person and less of a baby than I was realizing. I had to adjust the way I was thinking about her behavior. She is no longer a 1 year old, who a nap will fix anything for. She is thinking more on her own and I needed to update her boundaries. So, now that I have laid down some new, yet very firm, boundaries, we are doing better. Good luck to you, as it sounds like we will have lots of fun at ages 13, 16 and 18... :)

we all loose our cool, just relax and forgive yourself.
it's very good that you apologized and explained to your daughter about you getting upset and how she should behave. children learn their parents are only human and make mistakes but i think it is important to be an example and take responsibility for our own behavior.
you are probably doing everything just right, children act up with the best of parents.
she may be growing out of nap time so be prepared for this to happen again.

Hi B.
Don't feel bad. It happens to all of us. We want to be in control, we want to control, and we lose control. Apparently your toddler wasn't sleepy. We really put them to nap for our own benefit, not theirs. We put them to nap so we can nap or get things done, or so they don't fall asleep earlier than 9 p.m. and then get up at 4 a.m.
It could be she needs more running around outside before lunch to tire out, and needs her lunch, and then nap. or change her nap time. Or just let her stay in her room and play, she will fall asleep sooner or later. Just listen in on her monitor and laugh or tape record it so she can listen to it when she's 16 yrs old. Don't sweat the small stuff and ask yourself, does it really matter that she doesn't have her nap? And maybe if you lay with her and read a short story each nap, that will help relax her and use a very very soft voice when reading. And kids tend to mimic what they hear and see in their environment. So she will mimic you, so you need to keep your cool and don't yell. Good luck

B.,
Bless You! You have your hands full. First I would suggest finding some "you" time at least once a week. Second, does the baby take more than one nap? Find some special time for you and your older daughter. She doesn't know how to handle being second fiddle. Give her lots of hugs, kisses, and find some special ways she can help you. She should be able to set the table for dinner, pull the clothes out of the dryer for you. My youngest has been helping me prepare food (nothing hot) for years. It takes more time, but the rewards are great. Don't try to have everything perfect, take a nap yourself when you can. Things will get easier. Take care of you!
C.
http://www.workathomeunted.com/C.

B.,
You sound like a wonderful mom! You are just having a tough day! You are doing a very good job with 2 children at home ALL DAY LONG! I think age 3 can be tough in and of itself with boundary testing but then add dealing with natural competition for attention, etc. b/w the two children (although the littlest one might not be competing yet.)
Have you tried doing intermittent rewards for "good" or desired behavior for your 3 year old? What does she like? Also, aafter your baby goes to sleep, maybe you can have a few minutes mommy and big-girl time before she takes her nap in addition to giving her something to look forward to after she wakes up... positive reinforcement is always the best. But there will be times punishment is sprinkled in, like taking Barbies away for the rest of the day if she is playing with them when she is not supposed to (testing boundaries).
Just a couple of thoughts! Good luck and hang in there. You are doing a great job. Take care!
Sincerely, V. Bonelli-Jenovese

My daughter gave up naps about this time and while I know most kids need naps, she would be awake until 11:00 at night if she did take a "good nap". What I did was tell her, "you might not need a nap but I do, so you're going to play quietly in your room while I rest." Stories on tape from the library helped her to put up with this incarceration. If she did come out of her room, I put one of her toys in the "time out box" for a specified period. If you're afraid your daughter will wander out and hurt herself or something, lying down with you may be the only solution. (My daughter also started waking up at night again, and I was at my wits' end with a nursing 6 month old and a job. One night I just lost it, told her she was killing me and that I didn't want to ever see her out of her room at night again unless she was injured. I felt terribly guilty afterward, but you know what - it worked. Not that I recommend it for everyone!)

I'm sure you're a great mom and your child will survive the occasional loss of cool.

I think the refusal to stay in bed is often a bid for attention, and this can be difficult to resolve with a baby to care for. Of course you try to give your kids as much of you as you can, but not at naptime or nighttime - you're only human and you need your rest.

Oh... its okay I know how you feel... I have an 18 month old son and preggo (due in 15 days or so June 14th. And sometimes I just yell, because he is not listening to me (the funny thing is he listens to his dad). I realized that sometimes you just have to take a breather... and walk away and then come back and remind them that what they are doing is not acceptable to your standards. Don’t feel too bad because I think as moms most of us have at least yelled at your children once… if not more…. Just pray for patience and guidance… It will come…

You know, some books actually talk about mimicing their children as a way to show them how they look when they are angry. I am not all together positive that you were wrong to show you were angry. Children should know that there are boundaries and that other people can lose it just like they do. Just that you explain that some things are not appropriate to do. I am sure that soon you will be getting into a schedule that moves along better for you, and some stress will be lifted. (I will be in your shoes very soon, and I understand what it is like to be sleep deprived.)

As for the nap thing, mine grew out of it at 2, but when she really needs it she will initiate the nap. So I trust her to take some quiet time in her room, reading books or playing quietly. It might be something you could try, if you are willing.

The yelling, ha, I call mine a "little general". Not to her face, but after she's made me crazy with her demands. The way I see it is that she is testing the waters to see how far she can get away with her behavior. Normal, totally. And you were normal to be frustrated. It stinks when you have be sleep deprived and deal with a child who is being naughty.

I think you are doing fine. Take care, Jen

I am in a similar situation, with a 2 year old and a 5 1/2 month old, so I feel your pain. : )) I just sat down for the first time today and I'm totally wiped! I also lost my cool, a little, when giving Lola a time out after she kicked her baby sister. I think if your daughter's behavior has come out of nowhere, you can't blame it on your parenting style. She is going through a phase. This doesn't mean you shouldn't take it seriously, though. Be firm, consistent, and calm, but don't be too hard on yourself. We all lose our cool every once in a while. It's so hard not to, because these little angels can push all of our buttons! You apologized, and now you should forget about it, and tomorrow is another day. Write down some ideas for you how you and your husband will deal with her behavior so that you have it in black and white, and then just be consistent and she will get past this, with your help! You sound like a great mom so don't beat yourself up!

B.,
My son is also three. He is going thru the same things. I talked to my dr and she said this is normal for a three year old. She said at this age a child came become very spoiled and that this is the time to stick to your guns and be very consistant. They are going to push just a far as they possibly can to see what they can get away with. Stick in there I too have a six month old, but we have a two year old in btwn them. At times we are going to lose it, we are human. You did the right thing by apologizing. Next time try walking away for a breif min then return to punish her. That's what I have to do sometimes.
God Bless,
R.

Hang in there B.! My children are 30,25,22,14 and 6.nobody ever told me that the terrible twos continue thru the terrible threes either.motherhood is a learning process.we learn and grow with our children.at the end of the day,when we look back and reflect on the parenting choices we've made,we can see what works and what doesn't.you're liitle one may be going thru an adjustment with the new baby.just remember to reassure her and reward her with special time with you whenever possible.what worked for me with my then 3 year old and newborn,was making her a part of the baby's care and telling her i didn't know what i would do without her help.it worked really well and made her feel special and reassured that mommy needed her.good luck and remember that god loves you! R.

I think your daughter may be ready to cut naps out of her schedule. I have a 1yo and 3yo and my dauhter understands that when bubba goes down for his nap, it is a time to be quiet and do quiet activities. She lets me know when she wants to take a nap and there are times where her behavior warrants a nap, but I do not force her to nap much anymore.

Since she is playing quietly, I would just let her play. She will lay down when her body tells her to, or she will just have some quiet time to herself. If you want, offer her some books to look at/read.

Tell her you are going to set the timer and she can come out when the timer goes off. Then use an oven or microwave timer for her. My sister used to do that with her son. This gave them both a break and rest from eachother before they finished out the day. It worked great, because he was able to realize that he could make important decisions and that she supported him no matter what he chose to do.

Take this time to read a book or take a nap, too. Your daughter will be fine. If you need to put a gate across her door while you nap, do it.

Some kids are just ready to cut naps out even younger than this.

Hi B.:
i understand you completely!! And first of all take a breath...i bet you need it. I have an almost 1month old and a 2 1/2 year old and i feel like i'm going to scream and cry all the time..no post -partum depression here just trying to manage all at once! I know those type of days you are having. I'm no professional, but what i do, if they are both crying and screaming. I go and secure the baby in his crib and i put my oldest in his room where he is safe and i go to the bathroom and scream and cry for a few minutes to discharge and then clean my face and keep going. I try to calm the baby and if i can the oldest can seat next to me.

Believe me, you didn't do anything wrong, just try to calm down next time....remember they are kids and sometimes they get cranky too and don't understand. But if you do apologize to ur 3 year old don't make it seem like what she did by screaming it's okay. Just explain her as best as you can why you are upset w/her.

And do like me when daddy is home, guess what? Daddy time and go to the room close the door and turn the tv on and don't come out for a few hours..that's ur time!!!! Or go shopping!

Btw, i think your 3 year old was probably cranky or upset she didn't want to go to sleep. And sometimes they don't know how to express their feeling..WHAT I DO W/MY SON IS THAT I LEAVE HIM IN HIS ROOM W/2 TOYS ONLY UNTIL HE GETS SLEEPY...BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT'S HIS NAP TIME AND NO MATTER WHAT HE WILL BE IN HIS BED. SO HE GETS USED TO IT UNTIL HE FALLS ASLEEP BY HIMSLEF....but just hang in there i hope it gets better...but have faith!!!

Good luck!

I know the feeling and it's hard to deal with. We have all done it and it probably won't be the last time. I applaud you for asking forgiveness of her. I can imagine it would be difficult to keep a child in her bed at that age, mine was still in the crib, (I didn't have another child until she was 4). I know it must be hard to have 2 little ones with different schedules and needs. To get her back in the bed just calmly and consistently tell her no and put her back in the bed. When I taught kindergarten (and my own children as well) I would tell them that they don't have to go to sleep but they do have to lay down with their eyes closed. They seemed to be more willing to do that. They all went to sleep, just about every day. Tell her that if she does what you ask, then when she wakes up you will do something with her that she wants to do. If her actions start going into defiance, then you need to go into your discipline methods, such as taking away her favorite toy for 3 mins. The discipline should fit her age. She doesn't realize the time frame just the fact that she knows she won't be able to play with it. A little secret I used when my children napped, I turned the house fan on, the one with the air-conditioner unit. It helped diffuse the noise. Good luck and God bless you.

Welcome to motherhood, it will happen again. I'd rather be a yeller than a hitter. No matter how hard you try there is no perfect mom. Next time take one of her toys room, shut the door go back every 3 minutes and remove another etc. And let her stay in her room. Bless god for her lungs.

Oh you are not a bad mom! We have all lots our cool at times and have thrown various toys across the floor in frustration. =) I was having a time with my daughter too and my Dr. suggested 1, 2, 3 Magic. I have told this to other mom's too and they all seem to love it. You can get the book in the library or it is on video that you can also get at the library. Good luck and remember that you are a GREAT MOM!