Lost in Transition to Crib

J.,

It is not good to let a baby cry it out for so many reasons. As you saw, after the first time she woke up early and was upset. Is that normal behavior for her to wake from a nap that way? I doubt it. She went to sleep stressed and woke up stressed. Not good for a 7 month old.

The Cry It Out (CIO) method has many negative side effects both physical an emotional. Physically, the child gets stressed with a rise in blood pressure and a rise in the pressure in the head. The trauma to the larynx (vocal chords) is not healthy either - they aren't supposed to get hoarse. Emotionally, CIO is damaging as well - and sometimes the damage is hard to overcome. When you let a baby CIO you are teaching them one thing and one thing only: That you are NOT there when they NEED you. She is crying because she NEEDS you to be there with her; she is scared because she is not used to being by herself - she isn't supposed to be by herself. She needs the closeness she has had since she was born. She isn't yet old enough to have any wants...

Parents who do the CIO method usually do get babies to sleep by themselves - but not because the baby has learned how to self-soothe in a healthy manner - but because baby has given up - the realize that at some point during their day mom and dad will not meet their needs - so they give up. Is this healthy? No. Then many end up with a child who is fearful, clingy, insecure. This is NOT good.

Yes, there are those children who sleep alone very well and have no issues - but this is where you need to really look at the child's behavior. Crying to over 30 minutes is a clear sign that she is in deep distress and is in desperate need of YOU. Please keep that in mind.

Many people believe that there is some strong need to get the child into their own bed and to stop coddling them when they are little or else they will never be independent. Not true! I personally know of too many kids were co-slept until they were ready to transition into their own beds and did beautifully - they are healthy emotionally and physically, self-soothe just fine and are independent and self assured.

Self-soothing is not something you can teach by force - it is something that is learned when the child is ready - some get it earlier - some later. It's all good. I have 3 kids and they all learned to self soothe at various ages - it's about letting the child develop when s/he is ready - NOT when a book tells you.

Lastly, listen to your momma heart: If your momma heart is crying while she is - that is NOT right! Go get her!! You won't regret it - I promise. There few things more satisfying than being able to meet your baby's needs in such a special way as you have been. I encourage you to continue to enjoy the closeness you have shared with her and to enjoy the gift you have given her for her first 7 months. If you do, that gift will have long lasting and healthy effects for her and for you. As a parent who has done that, I can tell you it is a beautiful thing to have taken the time to enjoy my child's infancy, snuggling, nursing, co-sleeping and being able to let him transition to sleeping on his own when he was ready - it was seamless, there was no work involved, no crying, no struggles - it was healthy, and enjoyable all the way around.

I wish you much luck in your journey.

Warmly,
J.

J.,

I want to recommend a different book The No Cry Sleep Solution. I had the same problem and now my son is a very healthy, happy, well adjusted 20 month old.

One other thing that you might try is using a crib/ toddler bed in a side car position to your bed. It makes the transition easier and will allow him access to you but he is in his bed and getting used to it.

Mostly I want to encourage you to find was is best for you and your family. No book has all the answers to everyones situations. Waht works for one will not always work for another. Take it all as advice not mandates and feel out what is best for your family. If some one tells you that you are doing it wrong simply smile and thank them for their advice. Hang in there you are doing a great job!

K.

please don't let your baby cry it out. If she doesn't know how to self soothe it is just sad. She doesn't know what is going on, only that you are not there. You should get baby 411, it rates each popular method out there, and crying it out was at the bottom of the list. That method is found to be very hard for both parent and child. People will tell you how great it is, but really how great can it be if it is traumatizing you and your child. If you would like to know how my husband and I transitioned our kids just send me a message.

hey J. :)

sounds like you really have taken lots of care to do the best you can for your daughter. from what you wrote it seems like you are a litte confused in what parenting style feels best to you and your husband. what i mean by that, is that you put trust in what i take as an "attachment" apporach, but now you are concerned and opting for the more unattached "cry it out" method.

you wrote:

"I am concerned that if I don't help her to learn to self-soothe by leaving her to figure it out that she will miss out on that important developmental task. But I'm unsure of how to do this the best and least stressful way."

ok...people have their whole lives to become independent and learn how to self-soothe. whomever says it needs to happen at 7 months is an idiot...no offense! you should read "our babies, ourselves" -- a really great book that talks about our biology as humans, our needs as humans, but the culture we live in and how it affects how we raise our kids and sometimes make decisions that are not in their best interest.

i say keep your daughter in your bed. letting or making her cry it out only tells her you don't care and the only reason that method finally works is that they learn that nobody will listen to their crys...how sad! that isn't the way to bui;d a trusting relationship with your baby. parent from your heart and do things when your daughter is ready. far too many people have unreal expectations on when babies/kids are suppose to be read/independent and "adult". if she learns to trust you and moves to new levels of development when she is ready she will be naturally independent.

don't worry and listen to your heart and your daughter's cues...they are so important.

by the way, i read that book too and i found it to be quite unrealistic. we took a few things away from it about the importance of sleep which helped us set some boundaries for respecting our son's sleep needs, but it is too regimented in my opinion.

we cosleep and have really grown to love it...we wouldn;t have it any other way. have patience and figure out how to get what you want as a parent without hurting your daughter by having her cry it out.

good luck :)

we never let our son cry it out and he has learned to put himself back to sleep at an older age (he is 2 1/2 and just stopped wandering into our room in the middle of the night). so i am not really in the same realm as you with sleep training. but i will tell you this -- i have seen that respecting a child's need for quality sleep is more important than training them not to need your help. when my son and i have struggled with these issues, it is exhausting for both and saddening to be struggling in such a way with your baby. 7 months is young, you may just want to try subtle techniques without too much expectation at this point. its not worth getting frazzled. your girl will figure it all out. for me, it really helped to be changing things when my son could understand my words, so think about how much she is really understanding about the situation. i am expecting my second and know that i will try to get this one to be more sleep independent, but i do not think it is normal for all kids to go to sleep on their own. rather, i would like my next child to be able to go to sleep with several different sleep associations or "triggers" and would like it to be able to be soothed back to sleep without being picked up (usings songs, pats on the back, etc). just a slightly different perspective for you because you seem to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to get this moving along and things will change soon on their own anyways! ALSO, the single most important thing for me has been a solid sleepy-time routine. with that in place all else has been just little baby steps toward the goal and we have had very little tears about sleep and lots of quality rest. good luck and dont stress. shes just a little one yet!

J.

Hang in there - it will get better. I, too, tried to follow the Weisbluth approach with my first child (I just had my second) and found the book helpful overall...but it also stressed me out. In one chapter you're told to do whatever you can to get your baby to sleep and in another your told to put your baby down when drowsy. Here's what I took away from it....

1) Be consistent (so make sure your hubby is on the same page)
2) Do what works for you - if you don't like crying it out, don't do it (you need to be comfortable with the approach in order to be consistent).

Although I was never in your situation, here's my advice on how to handle it:

Based on my experience with my first, I would try to make the move in a more gradual fashion. If your daughter falls asleep with you nursing her in bed for naps, then change one thing at a time. For example, let her fall asleep with you nursing her, but hold her in a chair rather than laying in your bed. Ideally, you'd nurse her in a chair in her room. When she's fast asleep, put her in the crib. You don't want her to view the crib as a negative experience, so when she wakes up, go to her right away and have a lot of positive energy about her nap, tell her that you're proud of her etc. You might also just try putting her in the crib when you're putting laundry away in her room etc. and talking to her as you do it. It might sound dumb, but that way the crib isn't viewed as a place she's banished to when she falls asleep. Once she is used to falling asleep while nursing in a new location, then you can work on her learning to fall asleep on her own. For example, nurse her in the chair, but stop nursing her right before she falls asleep. Then employ the soothing methods you'll use once she's in the crib (e.g., sshing, patting, etc.) to help her fall asleep. Once she's used to that, then you can put her in the crib.

I found the gradual approach worked best for me. But, again, you need to do what feels right for you. Best of luck!

E.

Well, I won't say you should have done this a long time ago --I'd suggest rethinking it and letting her back in your bed!! She obviously needs and wants you. You'll get better sleep and so will she. lThis won't last forever. Mine are now 13 and 10, and they slept in our bed until THEY decided they didn't want to anymore. Very secure kids, no trouble with sleepovers away, and very affectionate. I wouldn't trade those years for anything!!! My best, sweetest memories are snuggling up with one on either side of me and drifting off to sleep...(perhaps I should also disclose I nursed the 1st until age 4, the second until age 5, with some tandem overlap when #2 was born -- of course nursing was very sporadic and seldom at the older ages).

A. B.

Hi J.,
Clever subject line!
I have found the book "The Sleepeasy Solution" by Waldburger/Spivack very helpful. Although I never trusted myself to have my son in bed with us, I was intent upon a solution that would result in a minimal amount of crying when weaning my son from nursing to sleep and helping him learn to self-soothe. This solution worked great for us, and though sometimes we still struggle withg night wakings (especially with visitors and travel) we always go right back to it and it works. (they talk about family bed--> crib transition as well)

One additional thing that I found was, because I was not in a hurry, I could help him move through the stages gently and can always backslide if things get tough--knowing that he will be fine, he will learne what he needs to in due time. So, I'd say start with one thing or another (if you're not already doing so).. i.e., wean her from falling asleep nursing or move her to the crib, but not both at the same time.

Best of luck!
J.

I read the same book, it didn't seem to help me as much as going with my gut. My husband also wanted our daughter out of our bed but kept bringing her back in when she would cry. I had to table the idea for a while and try later. She's in her own big girl bed now, and that seems to be working well but she was about two when we started that. Is she starting to teeth? If she is going through any new big stages right now in learning to crawl or getting teeth it might be too much to be starting another new thing. You might give it a break and see if something else is going on and try again later.
Good Luck!

Let me just say that I am going to be of absolute no help to you on this issue.

My daughter started in our bed from day one. Eventually, I tried gradual progression to bed, let her cry for a few minutes/sooth/leave/repeat, cradle next to bed, etc.

She's still in my bed seven years later.

Good luck,
Stephanie

My daughter just turned 1 and I have been going through the same sleeping situation. When she was 4 or 5 months old I decided to try to get her to take her naps in her crib versus the bassinette or swing. She would fall asleep nursing and once I knew she was deep in sleep I would put her in her crib. Even now she often wakes prematurely and I either give her her passifier without picking her up, or I do have to pick her up and rock her back to sleep. I just listen to what she needs at the time.
Nighttime has been more difficult. I tried the CIO method a couple times and decided it wasn't for neither of us since she's not the type to cry herself back to sleep (my grandmother even noticed that so it made me feel better that I wasn't just saying it for my sake). As she's gotten older and more active getting her into her crib at night has been easier. My husband or I usually have to put her to sleep in our bed or he walks her to sleep, she's never gone down in her crib by herself. She does wake after about 2 hours and most nights I'm lucky enough to get her to lay back down with her pacifier and I sooth her back to sleep, but this wasn't the case from the beginning, it's taken time. Again, some nights I have to hold her and rock her. She still nurses during the night, and some nights I'll nurse her in her room and put her back in her crib, other's I'll bring her in with my husband and me. It just depends on her mood and how tired I am, but she always ends up in our bed. I'm hoping to eventually have her in her crib all night, but I've decided, for us, it'll just take time. My advice is if you have the time to take it slow, then listen to your instincts and do what's best for you and your daughter. That's what I've done and I have a very happy toddler who I enjoy cuddling with, but I do like the few hours of bedtime without her, too.

I had a lot of trouble with this too. My son will be 2 in two weeks and I still let him fall asleep with me every once in a while, which my husband hates...Anyway, I nursed my son to sleep for a long time too. What I did was nursed him on the couch(because I was usually too lazy to get up and take him to bed)then put him in bed. My doctor told us that when he cries to go in every 15 min. and tell him everything is ok, without picking him up, stay in there for less than a minute and then go back in another 15min. Keep doing that until she falls asleep. It was really hard for me in the beginning because he would be screaming mama. I would take a shower and let my husband listen to the screaming the first couple days because I just wanted to go in and rescue him. The first couple days it would take about a hour for him to go down. After a couple weeks he didn't make a peep.
Good luck and I hope this helps!

Try the Ferber method or the Sleep Lady. Don't let her nurse to sleep at all anymore - you have to get her to a drowsy state then put her down. I made the same mistake letting my son nurse himself to sleep all the time and I had to pay the Piper!
My son did nap in his crib & sleep in his crib at night in our room but took very short naps - 45 minutes each if I was lucky and woke up every 90 minutes all night to nurse for a few minutes and nod off again.
SO, I tried all of the methods - they didn't work because when he saw me come in to check on him & soothe him he would flip out. I finally figured out my little Angel was PISSED OFF, not scared or sad. He was enraged that he wasn't getting his way. Little Man still has a temper at age 4.
SO, I ended up putting him to bed after a nice bedtime ritual and just closing the door and letting him scream. He screamed for 90 minutes the first night then slept for 7 hours. It was a miracle! The next night he cried for 35 minutes, slept for 7 hours, the next night 20 minutes of screaming and then slept 9 hours. After that he went to bed with no crying. His daytime appetite improved and he took longer naps by about 20 minutes each. YeeHaw!
When he was 10 months old we moved to a 2 BR, and were worried he would be scared sleeping alone. We got up to check on him every hour and had the baby monitor on full blast. He slept all night - we were the nervous wrecks!

Well my daughter is almost 11 months and I struglled with this as well. I am so proud of your persistance. This is what we do. I allow my daughter to fall a sleep nursing or in the stroller and then I move her to bed. Sometimes she wakes up upset looking for me and sometimes she wakes up making cute baby sounds looking at the ceiling fan. This was my solution cuz like you I was very worried about her development being held back from stress and lack of sleep. What won the inner battle for me was one night I fell asleep early nursing. My husband laid down with us and I woke up when she stoped. She then rolled her sleepy little body over to her dad and placed her hands on his face. My husband expressed that it seemed more natural to have our baby safe between us. My daughter is now walking and she pushes me away and toddles off and when she needs comfort she comes back and sits in between our feet, cuz it makes her feel safe. I like it that she feels safe and knows I am here for her. We also play lots of hide and seek, "peek a boo" and "I'll be right back (so mommy can go potty)" & "Hi, mommies back!" Soon your daughter will be wanting more space and pushing you away, it goes by so fast enjoy the closeness now and be proud of her developing her independance on her own.

Sorry I don't have an easy solution but I thought it may help to hear another perspective. Of course honor yourself and your daughter and do what feels right to you.

You do what you want and feel comfortable with, not what others think you should have done!!! These are the most precious times with your child and they go by way too fast, I know I have a 5 and 7 year old and I wish I kept them sleeping more with me when they were little!!!! I never read the book, I winged it, but I hear the book is very good and very helpful! I always found it soothing for my children to go to sleep, naps and bedtime with soft music playing in the background, as an adult, until I lived with my husband I always set my clock radio for about an hour of music and that's how I fell asleep. For my kids I had a great lullaby CD and they would cry a little, but then it would subised and I would look in on them just laying there alomost moving with the music and then they would fall asleep. Please try the music, it may or may not work for her, it is all trial and error and this point, remember they are just little verions of us, and we all like differnt things and have our own ways of self-soothing, she is still loooking for hers! GOOD LUCK and be patient eventually things will work!! CONGRATS on your baby girl!

Hi J.,
I have two lovely girls. I coslept with both. My oldest, almost 4, started sleeping in her own full size bed (on the floor) at about 15 mos, but still ends up in our bed at 4 am. To get her out of our bed, had a new one on the way, I stopped real long naps and I would read andlay down with her at night. If she stirred I would sternly say, "bedtime" and nothing else. We also weaned at this time. the transition took about two weeks, maybe less.
My youngest, 2 still nurses to sleep and also ends up in our bed around the same time.
I do not know what is wrong or right, only that I would feel physically sick when they would cry, so that did not work for us. They never liked a crib, and love the big girl bed. They both sleep in there now together, very sweet.
They go down at 6:30pm, which gives us time and allows them to get good rest too.
Good luck, i really like the advice to listen and trust yourself and your child and do what is right for your family.

I think you just need to stay consistant. If you are going to let her cry it out, you have to just let her do it. It took my daughter almost a month to figure it out, and even then she still didn't (and still doesn't) just "go to sleep" without issues. And I started a long time before you did. If she doesn't want a paci or fingers, try getting her used to a blanket. My mom told me to have the babies rub a blanket while I nursed, in the hopes that it would get them to use that as a soother (worked for my son, not my daughter, but she has her thumb). I also nursed my daughter to sleep until I stopped nursing her at one (she was just one of those that woke up as soon as you laid her down). You could try that and see if you daughter will stay asleep when you lay her down. Music in the room has also helped. I play The World Baby CD (from Babies R Us). The backround noise helps to sooth as well.

Hope this helps.

Hey J.!! Congratulations and welcome to mommy world! I can say the girls here have give you real good advice... on books and such. I can tell you what worked for me. I have 2 boys ages 8/6 and both completely different. I have always been a single mommy.. so this was even more difficult. But let me tell, the idea of a warm bath before bed was all it took!! Anjel would take his normal naps, every 4hrs throughout the day, sometimes 2 hrs to only 1/2 hr.. so i had my days of stress too.. with holding a job and getting rest myself.
I want to give you a hand for giving it all your patience so far, and not giving up. You enjoy that little one as long as you want, same as me- I wish my two little ones would still be in my bed.. but now it is even difficult to get a good-bye kiss without his girls friends looking at him :) Good luck, and this too shall pass.

I found the No Cry Sleep Solution to be a much better book. Babies are not cognitively able to discern what is happening when you let them cry it out. They don't know you are just in the other room and that they are safe. Dr. Sears also has much valuable information about this subject. Why did you just decide this with your 7 month old? And no, you didn't need to do this a long time ago. The new attachment parenting literature is on the cutting edge and I think it would help you to feel more confident. Good luck!

Hi J.,

I had similar issues with my 20 mo old daughter when she was younger. I ended up giving up. The best advice someone told me was to follow your instincts and do what you feel is best for yourself, your daughter and your family (I also recommend tossing the book: it never worked for me).

When my daughter was ~8 mo old, I would start the night or nap in the crib; but if she woke up early, I would bring her into our bed. At 18 mos we moved her to a toddler bed and in ~ 1 week she was able to put herself to sleep in ~10-15 minutes (without crying) and now sleeps through the night. So don't despair - some children aren't able to "self-soothe" until they are a little older, or your daughter is teething/growing/having a bought of separation anxiety, etc and may need some extra comforting for a while.

As I mentioned above, I don't like the "Healthy sleep habits..." book. The suggestions, techniques and schedules did not work with my daughter. You might find "The No Cry Sleep Solution" a better fit.

Good luck!

J.,

I have heard a lot of success stories when parents let their children cry to sleep. I too tried that with my first child in numerous occasions. However, I realized that every time when we traveled or after having visitors, we had to retrain him. I couldn't bear to let him go through that plus we had also experienced a near death experience with him (not to do with co-sleeping). Since then I couldn't afford to not co-sleep with him, having him near me was comforting to me. We successfully transitioned him to big boy bed when he turned 2. It was smooth and no crying involved. I don't think that he is developmentally behind because he was not sleeping independently when he was an infant. On the contrary, he is a smart little kid according to all the people who he came into contact with. He is now 4 and is happy and healthy as any kid can be. So, my two cents is to trust yourself, do what you think is right for your child. They grow so fast and it really is a precious time that will go by too fast.

C.

When My ex-husband and I split when my 7yr old was 18mo, she got in the habbit of sleeping with me. Trying to transition her back into her crib was hard. My mom took a shirt I had been wearing all day and put it in the crib with her. Suprisingly she slept fine. She was about 2 or so at that time. She just needed to smell me. Now my 17mo old is a completely different story. She slept with my husband and I because she nursed so often, and I was too exhausted to even move. So we gradually moved her farther and farther. My bed to co-sleeper, to crib in our room, and now she is in her crib in her room. She still gets up sometimes, but I rock her back to sleep, in her room, and put her back in her crib. She sleeps thru the night about 3-4 days a week now. I didnt try to get her out of my bed until after she was 12 mo. You have to be ready too mom. Your kids can sense it when you arent commited, so make sure its right for you too. Good luck. I hope you get some avdise/examples that help in your case. There is nothing more heartbreaking than when both mommy and baby are sad. Remember... there is no handbook for your child with the placenta...what is right for other people may not be the same for you. You are doing a great job mamma, so keep up the good work!!!!!!!

I had the same problem until I figured she might just not want to be alone in there so I gave her a stuffed baby doll to hold while she falls asleep. Now, when she's tired, she actually can't wait to get in the crib and hold her baby. She holds her baby to her face, rolls over and strokes her until she falls asleep. Might work with your little one too. Good luck! :)

I have a 7 month old boy who still nurses to sleep most of the time. I almost think he has unlearned how to self soothe. So I'm probably not the best person to give advice. :)

My first son was a sleep disaster. He was up many times a night and finally drove us to CIO when he was around 8 months. It was awful to say the least. I agree that you have to be committed and consistent if you want CIO to work. Knowing how hard it was last time (DS could cry for a couple of hours a couple of times a night), I am in no hurry to attempt it again. My new baby is a completely different case though. He still wakes a couple of times a night, but gets in good solid stretches of sleep. For me, for this baby, 7 months is too young for leaving him to CIO.

With my first DS one thing I tried when transitioning him from his baby bed to a crib was to climb into the crib with him. I actually started by nursing him to sleep in the crib so that he would come to think of it as a cozy place to sleep. In any case, I agree with the suggestion to make gradual changes if doing it all at once seems too stressful.

It sounds like your husband may not be fully committed to getting her into the crib, but when the time comes, having daddy take over some of the putting to bed and back to sleep could be helpful, since then breastfeeding isn't possible.

And as long as this is running on so long...my baby seems to be in the midst of serious separation anxiety. I can say that I too should have started earlier to get him to sleep on his own, because now may be a particularly hard time.

-J.

Hello,
I know how stressful it is to get the little one to change sleeping habits. When my oldest daughter was around 6 to 7months I also had to retrain her to sleep in her cirb and not sleep with me. I will say it was a hard couple weeks. It takes time to change and there will be fights.Starting with naps in the afternoon is a great start. At night it will be real hard. You could try a teddy bear or something that is her favorite toy to sleep with. But you need to be consistant and do not give up. I know it hurt you to hear her crying. But it is so much better for them to sleep in their crib.Stay strong and tell your husband to get ready for less sleep for a couple of days or more.I hope that helps.
A.

Hi J.,
My response is only from my experience and may be different than the majority. It is not so much advice because every child is unique but here is our story of sleep issues with our second child. I am a stay at home mom. I am a sleep advocate..I go to bed early and get up early. I believe in all the quieting methods. We turn off media right after an early dinner..we bathe, read, soothe...Due to sensory issues with my son and my own beliefs, I've always have had a routine for my kids. My son adhered to it and still loves routine, sleepy time rituals..and is like clockwork. He also could nurse, self soothe, use pacifier if needed, bottle as he grew and never went on strike. Then I had my precious daughter, now two and a half. God made her uniguely her. I was her binky..she would have nothing to do with pacifier or bottles. Or cribs. I co-slept and like you was ready to transition her for the reasonable reasons but she went into hysteria when we tried. We tried all methods and apparently the authors have never met a child like mine because her emotions are soooo very real and her trauma was so significant. She NEVER CRIED IT OUT! She just cried and I could not do that to this child I quit my career to have, stayed home with, moved here, did everything on bedrest to have..Trust me, I needed the sleep and we did sacrifice short term....If we had followed advicem She would go all night, crying days if we would and then we would have had no sleep. She also have less of a need for sleep, though we do. We needed to get any sleep we could. Let me add that our son had other medical issues, my mother in law died the day our daughter was born, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, me with some crazy vitamin deficiency making me fatigued, my husband travels, all of this on top of mothering/nursing and I reallly appreciate the need for sleep.
She nursed 19 months. She potty trained early. She fed herself and did every milestone 6 months ahead (which to me she is growing up too fast) and is stinking brilliant but it is not the point. She is a homebody and likes to be with me but is social, well adjusted, has all the skills of a pre-kingerdartener but is emotionally still dialed into our attachment. She loves her dad and nana and 1 and only babysitter and has no anxiety but she is who she is. I get a lot of feedback to send her here for preschool, send here there..at 2.5...but her need is to be with her mother and dad and brother afterschool. We know this now after two years of worrying about her sleep, which is her one major issue.
We got her a big girl bed and learned it was not so much the room, it was the crib for her. She loves her bed, her rooms, pillows, her bedding and blankets and her babies. We had to train her the first week not to scamper away...and we love to read to our kids in bed...and now, she brushes her teeth, dresses herself and climbs into her bed...night night...All night. If she does nap...which is rare, it is very hard for her to sleep. We are all wired uniguely..You will find your way. Please do not let anyone tell you what you should do but listen to people's stories and hopefully you can have confidence in that you know what she needs. It passes by faster than they say..soon you will be off to kindergarten pick up like I am for my son, longing for those warm cozy days...God Bless, take Care

So I too probably waited to long on the self soothing process with my son. He is extremely persistant and willful by personality. I read that book as well and it saved us (with a few modifications). We had to start with nighttime and just let him cry until he fell asleep. The first night took almost 3 hours, I had to leave the house and trust my husband to bear the brunt of the load. It took our son almost a month of crying himself to sleep before it eased up. On average he cried 30 minutes a night. At 14 months (8 months later) he still persists in crying at times. I now understand that this is part of his routine. Once we put him to bed or nap we cannot go and check on him or this will cause major upset in his going to sleep (he won't). I am sure that we have a one of a kind son because there weren't any stories as extreme as ours in the book but the one hour cry for naps didn't work for us. Eventually I had to let him cry himself to sleep one day (it took almost two hours) and then after that he got the hint and started to take naps without help. A solid routine also helps because as they get to know it they start to wind down and expect slepp to come soon. Good Luck, I know your pain. You just have to make up you mind as a team (you and your husband) and stick to your guns. It's hard, but it is so worth it in the end.

T.

Hi, I am a mother to 2 great kids with one more on the way. My son is 3 and my daughter is 21 months. We put my son in his crib when he was 6 months. It was so hard for me!!! Luckly I had some help from my mother. It took 3 days, for the transition. It was greatto have help from mom or someone because she would not let me give in. Children even at that age learn if they cry long enough you will give in. By the third night he cried for a few minutes and fell asleep.

My daughter I put her in her crib at 9 months and I was afraid it would take longer because she nursed alot more at night but, it was the same 3 nights and then all is good.

I found with my kids crying it out was the best. they learned to fall asleep on there own and if they woke up at night they would but themselves to sleep again. It takes alot of will power but just know you are doing what is best for you and them. If you keep puting them to sleep by rocking or singing or holding them they will always want that. Are these the things you want to be doing when they are 3, 4 and 5 years old? I sure don't! The cry out method for me worked and my kids are happy and healthy and sleep through the night without problems.

Hope this helps.
P.S My 2 kids also nursed until age 1

J.,
Being a first time mom can be wonderful yet stressful because you have nothing to compare anything to. I know because I am a first time mom and I had similar issues with our daughter. It is really up to you and if you're ready to have your daughter in her own crib. The longer you wait though the harder it might become. What I did to help our issue was I started at nap time one day and just did the same thing and stayed consistant. I would feed her, change her diaper, then say night, night and lay her down with her binki and walk out of the room. At first she did cry but when she would get really upset I would just go back in pick her up and rock her for a moment then back to bed and same routine of tucking her in and just walking out. She caught on pretty quickly and soon was sleeping through her naps and the night. Now at 2 1/2 we can just put her to bed and walk out of the room. It's amazing compared to those nights and days of soothing her beside her bed and sleeping by her crib! Your hard work does pay off and the hard times don't seem to last as long as you think they might. (you just get new hard times) =)
I wish you the best!

First i just want to say you should not have done it any sooner than you are comfortable with. You are the mom and you know when it is time. Yes is might be a little harder now than if you had done sooner but it was not for you. James was about 7 months when we moved him to his crib. It was a very long painful process but know he does sleep in his crib all night long and can put him slef to sleep.

YOu need to do what feels right to you. When i started i would rock and nurse James to sleep in the rocker in his room. That was a big enough change in its slef. I would gently move him to his crib. once he got use to that i would nurse him until he was almost asleep and then put him down. You can see where this going... The whole thing probably took about 3 months. i could not just let him cry it out. But that was me. Try a book called the sleep lady. it is an inbetween approach. It worked well for us. The first couple of nights you stay with the child until they fall asleep. slowly moving away from the crib every couple of nights.

Good luck
A.