Loss of a Pet - Victorville,CA

Honesty really is best. "She went to heaven" is fine, if he seems worried about how she is, you could even go into "angels play with her, brush her" etc now.

OH- Btw, I suggest not using the pharse "it's like she went to sleep". Some kids have a hard time sleeping and having nightmares because they're scared of going to sleep after being told this.

Tell the truth. I know this is going to sound silly to some of ya'll. My husband is 39 years old. I have been with him since he was 28. He had a childhood pet named Bear (a chow chow). I can't begin to tell you how many times I have heard this story so I know it still bothers him. He really loved that dog. His dad told him he took the dog to the country to live with some other people. He was fine with that until someone else told him that his dad euthanized the dog because it was trying to protect his mother and went to bite his dad. I think my husband has always held a grudge against his father for lying to him about it.

Our daughter always did great when we could read books about this type of subject. Here are some books you could check out from the library or purchase.
Goodbye, Mousie
This is an excellent picture book for 3-5-year-olds. With denial, then a mixture of anger and sadness, a little boy reacts to the death of his pet. With sensitivity and love, his parents help him prepare to bury Mousie. He finds comfort in painting the box Mousie is to be buried in and filling it with things the mouse would enjoy. This reassuring story by Robie H. Harris is beautifully illustrated with muted watercolor and black pencil artwork by Jan Omerod. (Aladdin, 2004. ISBN: 9780689871344)

The Tenth Good Thing About Barney
This children’s picture book by Judith Viorst is a classic. A boy grieves about the death of his cat, Barney. His mother suggests he think of ten good things to remember about Barney. His friend Annie thinks Barney is in heaven, but the boy and his father aren’t sure. Remembering Barney as brave, smart, funny, and more is a comfort, but the boy can’t think of the tenth thing until he realizes that “Barney’s in the ground and he’s helping grow flowers.” (Atheneum, 1971. ISBN: ###-###-####)

Jasper’s Day
“Jasper's Day,” by Marjorie Blain Parker, is a poignant, yet wonderfully comforting, picture book about a beloved dying dog's special day before he is "euthanized" by the vet. Having been through the experience several times, the book really moved me. Janet Wilson’s chalk pastels beautifully illustrate a little boy's love for his dog and the whole family's sadness as they say goodbye by giving Jasper a last day filled with his favorite activities. (Kids Can Press, 2002. ISBN: 9781550749571)

I'm sorry to hear about your dog. I know it is a very hard thing to do, but graceful for the pet at the same time. My sympathies go out to you during this difficult time.

I vote for the honest answer and he will understand to a degree at least. There are great books on the subject on "Dog Heaven." After having worked in a vet's office for years. Many families brought their young children to say goodbye, a few kids stayed in the room, but many came out and we watched them for a little bit. Most seem to understand, but were easily distracted with toys, etc. Of course there was some crying and some brought a special stuffed animal or toy from home to help them through it. A few also brought a special dog toy to send with their pet when they said goodbye.

We've been through putting 2 dogs down over the 15 yrs and 1 rabbit just died.

My theory is HONESTY and COMMUNICATION. There are some good books about the death of a pet.

Best wishes and I am sorry for your loss.

Honesty will be fine... he probably will take it much better than you expect.

Kids don't quite grasp the concept this young. Our cat was hit by a car in november, and I really thought my 4.5 and 3 year olds were going to take it hard because the cat was their buddy. I sat them down and said "I have some sad news. Stella was hit by a car and died.", and my 4 year old said "can we go to the pet store and get a new cat?".
it sounds heartless, but I've heard froma few people that thier kids reacted the same way, because they don't fully understand.

Tell the truth. We had to put our dog down last year when our daughter was 3, as well. We told our daughter the truth and we all had our final moments with our dog. Sure, it was hard. We all loved that dog tremendously and we had a little hole in our hearts when she was gone. But life also includes death and I don't believe in shielding children from it.

We lost our dog a few months ago. She got hit by a car and had to be put down. My daughter is 3 and I had the same question. I just told her the truth. A friend of mine told her little girl that their dog got old and God made the dog into a butterfly so she could come back and visit in the summer. I think her daughter was 4 at the time. I would just be honest. He's probably not going to really grasp the concept and may ask you questions later, but it's easiest to just tell the truth.

My 3 1/2 year old son was actually with me when I took my dog to the vet to see what was wrong and was told that he was too sick and needed to be put down. I told my son that our dog was so sick that his body stopped working. But the part of him that loves us and remembers playing fetch and rubbing his belly will went up to Heaven to be with God and Grandpa (who also had passed away). He accepted the explanation and still talks about it 5 months later.

Honesty is the best policy! This is hard for everyone, but the younger they are the better they will deal with it as they grow. Nothing is easy about having a pet, but I know that lying about it is not the best way to deal with it.
There are books out there, check your library. Our daughter was 5 and it was really hard, but she has the best memories of him! It's the circle of life.

I am sorry and sad for you all to be facing this situation. Many of us think of our dogs/cats as members of our families and it can truly be a difficult decision to make. I feel this is a good opportunity to face one of life's inevitable and necessary hardships...lifecycle/death. It is my opinion that children can learn about this subject in a developmentally appropriate way if you stay simple and honest. "Our dog is very sick and his/her body is not working anymore. When our bodies don't work anymore from being too sick/hurt, that means we die." Wait to see what his repsonse is and what questions he has before providing too much further information. I know our instincts are to protect our children, I just feel that gentle honesty is the best policy. If your son is very close to your dog, you might want to have a "goodbye" ceremony for him to say a few words and get some kind of closure. Just some suggestions...I think you'll get a lot of good advise here though!

I think honesty - fully explained. When I was 3, my mother told me the dog had to go to the ASPCA. For the longest time, I didn't quite get where the dog had gone. It would have been better if I'd started to understand death a little bit around that time instead.

My 10- and 5-year-old boys were told honestly when we had to let our 20-year-old cat go after a seizure. We explained that she was very old for a cat, and that when creatures get old their bodies start not to work very well and they have to give up their bodies. We're spirit-believing atheists (I realize that makes no sense to many), so we didn't tell them the cat went to heaven, but only that she's out of her old body and feeling good now... we just can't see her. They were sad, of course, but they both handled it. Death is a part of life. There's no use in pretending it doesn't happen.

I've found that honesty without cruelty is the best answer in our house. Our son got to say goodbye to our dog after she was put down. He has also been allowed his final moments with various other pets that have passed on (birds, fish, lizards, etc.). Death is a part of life, and the sooner kids realize that, the easier future deaths will be on them. You don't have to be macabre or graphic, but be simple and truthful. Then your child won't resent you later when he realizes that the dog did not go to live with a friend. Good luck, and I'm sorry for your loss. Putting down a dog is never an easy decision.

Because you are going through a lot of change I would not talk to him about death right now. Instead here is a good solution.
Put your dog down if you have to and tell your son you took him back to his mother to take care of him. He will be able to relate to a mom taking care of him when he is sick. When he is older you can tell him the truth.

Good luck

"Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war..." Revelation 19:11

Hello cs.,

History tells us that there will be animals in heaven, so you are thinking correctly in telling your son the truth. What a hard question to answer for a child without studying history for ourselves. Once we have a strategy and peace inside, our children follow suit so much more easily than we are often prepared for. Our 5 year old calls herself the "animal rescuer" because of all the creators she has saved from the cat's mouth. Some live and others die. But she is learning how creation works. By allowing her to experience it while being there to gently soften the blows with the truth, she is better able to relate these experiences to life on earth and in eternity. So embrace your history because there is no one more qualified to develop the next generation of thought leaders than you Mom!

Believe well!

A. Z.
http://www.HomeOfficeMommy.com
Coming soon!

Hi CS,

I'm sorry for your situation :(

I was just having this conversation with my son (13) and my husband. When I was a little girl, I had a couple Cats who "went to live on a nice farm so they can run around and catch mice.." At least that's what my mom told me and as a little kid, it made me happy. I might get some flack for this .. but I thin that it's ok for you to tell your son your dog went to live somewhere nice.

good luck
W.

The experts say to be sure and use straightforward language, not to say things like "put to sleep", or going to heaven, because it scares kids about their own sleep, or heaven... Our family is struggling with the very same issue...I feel your pain.

We had two dogs that were here with the birth of all of our four children. Within the last 4 years we have had to put down both of them. We told our kids that they went to heaven and that it was ok to be sad and miss them. Our kids were sad and still to this day talk about their pets in heaven and looking forward to seeing them when they go to heaven. Obviously that's far down the road but that is how our kids(11, 10, 8, 6) have dealt with it. Since death is a natural part of life, we felt it best to be honest about it.

My son was the same age when we had to put our dog to sleep. I found it was best to be honest with him. Sometimes it may seem they are not prepared at this young of an age... but you would be surprised. It was important for us to give him a positive outlook on life and death as natural, and not something scary. It prepared him from when our bird (whom I had for 16yrs) passed. I believe introducing "your" belief in the afterlife helps prepare them for life in general. It teaches them to be thankful for everyday. I felt prolonging the truth would make him resent me. He said his goodbyes and really made peace with it.
When our bird passed, I took it especially hard, afterall, I had reared her from an egg. I was so proud of him when he held my hand and told me "mommy it will get better... somethimes birds just die... she is in heaven now". I was really in awe of his maturity, and it helped me keep it together. He was 5.

I would be honest I think its best. But explain in a way that is acceptable for a 3 year old. If your religious explain it like she went to heaven. It was her time and God called on her to sit by his side. Its hard. My 3 year old has fish and one recently died and I told her that he got and ouchie and got sick and died so we need to flush him. She was ok with that and even flushed the toilet. do what you think is right weather its in an honest approach or saying that your unable to take the dog so your good friend is taking him/her. good luck this is a touc thing.