Losing a Loved One

Hello,I myself had lost a love one (my Father) and it was very hard for me to cope.I finaly Put it all in Gods hands.And Had many Knee mail times with him.I was told too put away his pictures,and things that reminded me of him till I could cope with it.Now it wasn't easy But I trusted fullheartedly in the lord for my strength,It got to the point i couldn't even go visit my mother Knowing his belongings was still there.It has been 3yrs. he has been gone.And I am doin good,Yes it hurts but that is because of the love and closeness we had,But i tell myself he will always be with me in my heart and i don't need pictures or material things to remind me of him.My favorite scripture is in PHILIPPIANS 4:13 (I can do ALL things through Christ which STRENGTHENETH me.)That seems to get me thru the day, and i find myself saying it whenever i feel like i'm trying to do something and want to quit cause something not going right.Well Just give it time,Time heals everything.Oh by the way I only had to go a month with his belongins and pictures packed away.I took them out slowly one by one. Well God Bless and i hope everything works out for you.

Hi M.-

I'm very sorry for your loss. As time goes by, and though it doesn't seem like it right now, your pain will lessen.

I worked in nursing homes for years; I have been with a lot of others when they passed. I have talked to many of them, and listened to how tired they were of being ill all the time.

I have always found comfort in reminding myself that the people I cared for and passed away had remarkable lives by any measure; they raised family's, had husbands and wives they loved dearly, had the joy of grandchildren, got to watch the world change in it's ever mysterious ways over the course of time. They've seen a lot and experienced even more. They have had very full lives. And for your mother in law, she had a daughter in law that loved her so much she took care of her until the very end.

THAT is priceless. I think of the joy it must give her in the afterlife knowing she was so loved by you, and the rest of her family, that you stuck by until the last breath, and I commend you for that. Your heart won't go unappreciated for it. I, as a person who has seen so many die with no family around but only nurses, commend you for that.

I hope that helps. Understand that there aren't nearly enough families out there like yours; that stick by each other through thick and thin, and care for one another til the very end. That is so very special, and your mother in law got to appreciate it and was enveloped by it through an entire lifetime.

I know your heart hurts. But I really do hope this brings you a little extra peace and a little more awareness of how remarkable your situation was and is. She must have been a wonderful woman!! Keep the memories alive, and let the light of her life guide you through the pain :)

Time heels everything. Just remember that and you should be fine.

please accept my deepest sympathy in your loss. just this past august i lost my brother unexpectedly (and very suddedly) and he and i had been close our entire lives. he is only 3 years older than me. im not sure how you were with your mother n law, but for me i never even saw the chance that one day would be the last. its like if you knew that this day was the last you could tell them everything you wanted to ..let them know how you feel...everything. but for me, i take it that my brother knew bc of how close we were. so im sure your mother n law knew as well...considering you were taking care of her up to the end. i commend you for that!!! you were dealing with everything long before you realized it. my brother talked about his funeral with his wife sometime in there marriage and he told her that when he died he wanted this song played bc its how he wanted everyone to be after his death...how weird that it makes me cry everytime i hear it but at the same time it helps...it was called ships of heaven...some of the lrics are.....dont cry for me when im gone...ive faced my fears..ive passed the test.....................its by blackhawk ...if you could find it or something else that keeps you strong (but no stronger than you are ready to be) then use whatever you can!! i too posted a thing on here when i was having a hard time dealing with my loss and someone told me to take time to grieve...to actually give yourself that time seems almost simple.....but i honestly think that it takes a long time to truly be done grieving....and yes im sure that 20 years from now we will still miss our loved ones....but that doesnt mean we are done grieving. it just means we had some great people to grieve over. if you ever want to talk or anything, id be there for you. and again i am truly sorry for your loss.

Please feel comfort in knowing that you took care of her for her last few days. No regrets! This is something that is so special - she knew you were there to comfort her until the end.

God Bless you!

M.
it is ahard to lose aloved one. as a caregiver and grief counselor, i know first hand what it feels like. what you are going through is normal. we all grieve in our own way and their are 7 steps to grieving. i cant rememberr them all off hand right now, but we all go through them. what you are feeling right will all go away she will always be aprt of your life, she will always live in your heart and your memory. its early my brain isnt awake yet, and this is really not the place to go into this anyway. just not enough room, and just one thing dont shut your self down from your kids your husband, or anyone talk about it. if you need some one to talk about let me know. I see peoole die daily for i work in a nursing home and it is not easy but we all make it thorugh it with help, and knowing that we are not alone. well like i said if you need to talk about this let me know and we can work something out. i will pullout my stages so we can discuss them based on your feelings and i can explain each one too you. i am sorry for your loss i agree with the ohters too some good advice. the only thing is i wouldnt go to anursing home until you feel you can handle it, i work in one everyday and my grandparents diedmany years ago and everyonce in awhile, i take care of someone who reminds me of them. its a rough job. the stages are denial, anger, depression, barganing, acceptance...maybe their is only 5 wellany way i will be around if you need to talk

L.

I lost my grandpa, Feb. will make 3 years and my then 5 yr old daughter looked at me and said it's ok mommy, dying is part of living. She was wise beyond her years. It also eased my mind to know that he wasn't suffering anymore. Ask yourself this, would she want you putting your life on hold because of her or would she want you to be grateful for the amount of time you two spent together and enjoy your own life to the fullest now? If you feel a void in your life because of your loss, think about maybe donating some time to a local nursing home or senior center. There are a lot of elderly people in this world who has nobody. I'm not saying that your mother-in-law can be replaced but it could maybe give yourself as well as someone else to look forward to and learn from one another. They sit and wait for their time because they have nothing to look forward to, no visitors, no gifts. Not sure about your financial situation but most elderly people aren't looking for expensive gifts, they are looking for that smile that is priceless. Good luck, I hope you can figure this out because everyone grieves differently and everyone makes peace differently.

Depending on what you like to do, maybe making a journal or writing or even making a scrapbook of her could be therapeutic. When my grandfather died, I would have conversations with him (it made me feel better to think that he could see and hear me from Heaven). Sometimes, I have kept an object of my loved ones next to me (even in bed) for comfort. Most importantly, give yourself time. When I miscarried a year and a half ago, it took me months to figure out that it was okay for me to grieve, even if I didn't really know the baby. When you are ready, try setting a goal to do one thing per day. Slowly, you will get back to living your life.

Hi, and I know how you must be feeling inside and out. I just lost my father, Jan. 14th 2007 I had wrote a prayer this past Christmas and gave it to him and my family. I ask the Lord to give him this one last Christmas, and this he did, not only the last Christmas, but he made through my birthday, on the fourth of Jan. He was very sick and he would call me every morning to see how I was doing. I sat with him for the past 4 days of his life. I was able to be in the hospital room with him when he had his last breath. I was so upset that I wanted to hurt something, then I ask the Lord to give me a sign that he was ok now and that he was in Heaven, I recieved that sign on the 17th. Trust in the Lord and remember that she your mother in law loved you. We will pull through this in time.

i lost my papaw i fwe years ago and I still miss him very much. the only thing I can say is that it will get better with time. You never really "get over" losing some one you love. you just learn to accept that they are gone and learn to live with out them. Just cry when you need to, get mad if you have to, and make sure to talk about your feelings...especially to your hubby. I'm sure he is having a hard time too. just be there for each other to lean on, and support each other. I've known people that find comfort in writing their feelings in a journal. also talk about good memories you have of your mother-in-law. I'm very sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss. The only thing I can think of to say, when you feel that you want to cry, have a go at it...it can't hurt. But rather than being so sad all the time about the loss (and I know this is easier said than done) try to celbrate that she had lived. I've recently lost my grandmother, who was my best friend and more like a mother to me than my own mother ever was. Everytime I feel the tears welling up in my eyes, I try to occupy my mind with the good memories of her and the things that she said and did that would make me laugh. It helps me get through. And I'm not going to lie...it's going to take a long time for the hurting to stop...but life goes on and eventually the pain will become less...it just takes time. Good luck to you and I hope you get to feeling better soon.

I kind of know what you are going thru. I lost my grandma in Feb. of last year.The only thing I can tell you is that with time and faith in God it does get easier, but I don,t think that the hurt and pain ever copletly goes away. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. K.