Looping Thought

One day my refrigerator broke and I scheduled an appointment with a repairman for 2 PM. I was planning to leave work by 1 PM that day and have enough time to get home and eat before he shows up.

My cell phone went off at 9AM while I was at work—the repairman was asking if he could reschedule for noon, even though we confirmed 2PM the night before. I told him I’m unable to reschedule for that time and that I can’t speak on the phone while I’m at work. I had many annoying messages from him on my voice mail by the time I was done with work at 1 PM. He called me again to ask if he can show up an hour earlier while I was driving home, very hungry. I told him any time before 2 PM wouldn’t work for me, but he didn’t want to reschedule for another day. By the time I got home I was rather angry with him.

At 1:30 PM, as my microwave beeped signaling that my lunch was ready, the doorbell rang. Repairman acted as if he did nothing wrong showing up early after I told him multiple times it doesn’t work for me. I was hungry and frustrated. Normally, very friendly and patient, I lost my temper with him. I told him (not very nicely) what I think about his ways of doing business. I told him how unprofessional and inconsiderate he is and what an inconvenience his phone calls were, and that his showing up so early is not appreciated. I even told him I was starving (like he cared). He paid no attention to me, just worked on the refrigerator as I was going on and on, and could not shut up. I don’t know what took over me that day; I never let myself behave like that in the past. I wished, oh how I wished I did not say anything to him!

Now I’m worried he did something evil to my refrigerator because I was so nasty to him. My overactive brain makes me think that he could do something that would irradiate water and ice or do something unhealthy with my food. His calm reaction to my poor behavior is what makes me so suspicious—like he had a way of getting even with me—doing something to my water and food. If I only knew that months after his visit I will be so miserable, I’d not say a thing to the man. I tried to talk my husband into buying a new refrigerator, but he said it’s just stupid. I’m suspicious of everything we eat and drink from that refrigerator, and it often makes me very unhappy. The thought just doesn’t go away, it feels like a stone in my stomach. Needless to say, I’ll never lose my temper with anybody ever again.

I understand my story seems crazy and not too many people will be able to relate with me. But if you experience or ever experienced similar thoughts, I’d appreciate your input so much.