Looking for Resources/help Dealing with Son's [Possibly ADHD] Behavior

It may be that if he is truly ADHD, he is feeling "bad" at times. This is the age where you start knowing something isn't quite like it is for other kids and at this age, a common expression of this would come out as an "I hate . . ." phrase. Life as a true ADHD person is HARD and mood swings can be a part of it. Medication was a God-send for us because it not only improved what we could see behaviourally, but also he HE felt about himself. It isn't surprising that you are seeing this around times of transition - lots of these kiddos really suck at transition (wait until he starts modular classes and changes rooms at school every hour - *sigh*).

I wouldn't worry about counseling until you have had the screening done. There are TONS of resources once that happens - you could try visual therapy, occupational therapy, play therapy, regular counseling, nutritionists and dieticans, etc. Your options are limitless in the area you live in (I know, I used to live there with my kiddos). Remember, medication is only a piece of the puzzle . . . school intervention and your hard work along with medication will bring him a LONG way!

Good luck!

I highly recommend Dr. Steven Hughes, a pediatric neuropsychologist. His office is located in St. Paul. He has a wealth of knowledge. He also has a website, www.goodatdoingthings.org

Yeah... mood swings are part and parcel with adhd... and they're overwhelming. When we're happy we're over the moon and nothing interfers with that (you know like common sense... "mom TOLD me not to ride the cart, so perhaps I shouldn't" doesn't phase us) and when we're unhappy... we're miserable.

Our current struggle with our unmedicated adhd kiddo is that when he gets angry/scared/sad he RUNS. He doesn't want people to see how upset he is, so he runs as fast as he can in the opposite direction from people. On the one hand... he's not old enough to fight (7 going on 8) so at this age his feet SHOULD be his best friends in a dangerous situation... but on the other hand... 98% of the time he creates the dangerous situation by running. Sigh. Poor kiddo. So we're working on that split second analysis of when running is a good idea and when staying is a good idea.

Absolutely start looking for a good adhd psychologist. For one thing, they'll be able to do the full eval in a way that the Ped won't (anyone can present a checklist... actually specializing in working with these kids and adults is a whole different ball game). A good adhd counselor will

- have an advanced degree (whether it's a Nurse Practitioner, a Psychologist, Psychiatrist, or licMSW - licensed master social worker) in addition to their licensed mental health counselor status

- specialize in adhd (adhd specialists often also specialize in one or more of the following : addiction, anger management, grief and loss, family counseling, self esteem)... and in addition to specializing in adhd they a) believe in it -you wouldn't believe the number of idiots I've run into over the years, b)understand it, and c) provide multiple options/help for it

- make you FEEL good. Seriously. You feel welcome, like you can ask anything under the sun/ say anything, like they have a wealth of ideas & understanding... and you walk out of their office feeling excited/ happy/ encouraged.

- will only ever make SUGGESTIONS. Nothing works for everyone... so when you hear absolutes, cross the name off the list.

Here are my 2 favorite adhd resources

- You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?!? by Kate Kelly & Peggy Ramundo http://www.amazon.com/You-Mean-Lazy-Stupid-Crazy/dp/07432...
- www.additudemag.com

This is totally my almost 9 year old! This is what you have to realize... all day every second he's trying to control talking/volume/making noise/figiting/following directions/doing it right and so on... what a normal kid his age can handle is 10 times harder for him. He can't focus on what you're saying and he forgets so fast. There's tons of little things you can do to help. Medication isn't the worst. My sons been on and off it. When he feels more in control we let him go off. When school is horrible is when he has to go back on. The grocery store.. if you could have in the parking lot opened his car door and said what you did he would have heard you better. When you got into that busy busy place you could have told him he could buy candy and he wouldn't have registered. Knowing what he needs and preping him for the next event will help a lot. As for him being upset about things. Think about it. He's constantly being told stop, no kills them because there's not a day that goes by that they aren't in need of correcting. They also can only see the now, the little details, so one small thing ruins the whole day for them. It takes a lot of bedtime snuggling and me telling him how I understand because my feelings get hurt, but reminding him how we have to handle those things. Best of luck. A therapist might be a great resource. Help all of you understand better and also give you good tools to help him.

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I am a counselor who works with youth with ADHD and have a recently adopted son with ADHD as well.
Even working in the field, coming to the decision to allow my son to take medication was extremely hard for me. He has been with me (foster to adopt) 3 years now and it took me up until this 3rd year to agree to it. Most areas (especially around cities) offer partial care treatment programs to address symptoms of ADHD through behavior modification paired with meds. You may want to look into a program like this. The benefits to thia re they they are usually short term, and have medically trained staff on site to address side effects or any issues that could arise on the spot while treatment and appropriate dosage is found.
In my case, Adderall truly proved to be a miracle. Literally overnight, teachers noted his attentiveness, ability tp focus and concentrate and a significant decrease to elimination of neg. behaviors.
He could not learn to read before the meds, and now is soaring to the top of his class.
The biggest downfall to many ADHD meds is that the most effective are stimulants ... the most common side effects are trouble sleeping and loss of appetite resulting in weight loss. My son does experience the appetite issues, but we are workign to learn ways to combat this (i.e. late night meals once meds wear off, large breakfasts, more fatty snacks).

Behavioral mod. using sticker charts for example, usually proves effective as long as you focus on 1-3 key behaviors at a time and offer a fairly rapid reward. In other words, small rewards daily or weekly work better then a big one at the end of the month.
Also, be careful of using to many awards that involve buying thinsg or money. A nice idea is "special certificates" that you make with your child ... pick various rewards like extra mommy time, you choose dinner, picking a weekend activity or 15 extra min before bed time.

Either way you look at it, dealing with a child with ADHD is HARD. It is becomign increasingly common, there are many ideas as to why inc. environmental factors ... and it doesnt get easier.

But make SURE it is ADHD and not something else. We live in a society where it is often easier to medicate a child then work with their behaviors. This is dangerous. Be sure these same behaviors are consistently observed at school before agreeing to meds or even an ADHD diagnosis. Remember, the ADHD label will follow in your child's record and if it truly isnt ADHD, it is difficult to clean that record up. If it is ADHD, the teachers will be the first to notice it.

I hope some of this helps! good luck!

if your son is having difficulty following your directions, and you know he understands you and isn't purposefully disobeying them, maybe you could try this... let's use the shopping cart example. let him push the cart, but have your hands on it too, or be really close by the whole time. let him push the cart for a shorter amount of time so that he is successful in following your direction (ie he can't go off by himself and forget what he is supposed to do). you can make a big deal of how great he listened and how you are so proud of him and...you get the idea. using more positive reinforcement for simple tasks will increase the likelihood of his following your directions on his own. good luck!

Since you mention that your son is smart I'd recommend also looking in to taking him to a child psychologist who specializes in gifted children and can administer an IQ assessment. A lot of the problems you describe are common among gifted: high energy, emotional sensitivity, appearing to be distracted, problems with transitioning activities. Many of these problems become apparent once the child is in school and is expected to conform or behave while the teacher repeats material that they have already mastered.

Message me if you would like more info on resources for asessment.

Hi S.
I hear many similar stories and it is very trying and scary when trying to figure out what exactly is going on with your own child. I don't believe in medications unless all other options have been looked at. My own son had focus issues and went through all the ADHD testing through the school but was never identified because he was not disruptive. Not expecting anything my family started on a nutritional product and it really did help him. I hear many other moms using the same thing and it has been life changing. So just changing his diet could be helpful but if you seriously want to look at using nutrition, I can help you. Friends have put together a call that might be helpful and you don't have to feel any pressure...just lets you hear what this nutrition has done for several other families. The number is 1-###-###-#### and the pin number is 876529#.
You can call me as well at ###-###-####.
I pray you are finding the answers you are searching for.
L. O

Have you thought about having him tested for Autisim? Impulse control is a big clue that he may fall into the Autisim specrum. All kids who have any form of Autisim also have ADD-ADHD and ODD so those may be the symtoms you are seeing. My granddaughter has Asbergers and we don't see the typical behaviors of an Austic child. She makes eye contact, talks to people etc.
Carefully monitor his diet two things to keep out no matter what are yogert and MSG. Both have a powerful effect on kids with ADD-ADHD-ODD and any form of Autisim. There is a diet designed for kids with Autisim it is gluten free and kasin free, no dairy or breads. Kids with Autisim will crave yorgert and it makes them violent. The violence does't usually show itself in things like hitting or breaking things but a simple thing like saying "honey it's bedtime" or "time to pick-up your toys" can make them have a meltdown. Screaming fits and refusing to go to bed or pick-up can happen. Watch his diet, write down what he eats daily and watch his behavior. You should see a pattern develop. I am against the drugs because of the side effects and I believe that kids need to learn how to live in the real world without any form of drugs.
You might also want to sign him up for martial arts training. Because of the forms and the fact that they learn to work both sides of the body in unison it works on stabilizing the left-right brain energies.

There's a book called "Right brained children in a Left brained world- Unlocking the potential of your ADD child" by Jeffrey Freed & Laurie Parsons. You might be able to find it at your local library. It has lots of information about children with ADD and helping them succeed in school and beyond.