Looking for Pediatric Dentist Who Works with Special Needs Kids

okay so my son has severe cerebral palsy. i took him in for his first cleaning today (he just turned 3) but the girl who was supposed to do it couldnt bc she was too nervous about him biting the instruments. even though i told her i would help her to hold the bite stick in place so that he couldnt bite down on it. she polished his teeth, (he let her do this without even using a bite stick, but she was afraid to use an instrument to scrape the plaque off, bc she didnt want him to hurt himself. i understand this, but he was doing very well, & i tried to keep reassuring her. i put the bite stick in & she did do a little scraping, but kept stopping, (you know she didnt just get in there & do it.) my son only has plaque build up that is on the front four lower teeth, these are the only teeth that touch & it is significant there. she did get some of it, but there is still some there. i talked to the dentist (which was not the actual dentist i made the appt. with but they did not notify me that he would not be there.) well the dentist says i shouldnt worry about it & that it will get easier to clean them as he gets older. however my feelings are that my son's condition is severe & it may always be like this to clean his teeth. the dentist said that they wont force a cleaning on a child that they just dont do that. & that the only way they will clean them is if he ever needs work done & they have to sedate him then they could do it at the same time. but he doesnt need work at this time & hopefully wont, but i still feel that his teeth should be cleaned even if he doesnt need work done. she said that they wont sedate just for a cleaning, that the ins. wouldnt pay for that, which i understand but i feel that had they had a little more patience, & not been so, nervous about the situation that the cleaning could have been done. the plaque buildup is significant & i dont want it to get worse or cause other problems. i feel that a cleaning can be done if we had someone with a little patience & understanding.
we used this dr. bc they are a pediatric dentist & supposedly work with spec. needs kids but obviously they were not prepared for this.
we have united health care & medicaid & need a dentist that accepts at least one of these plans.
oh & i want a dentist that allows me to go back with my child