Looking for a Book for My Daughter...

A book that has come highly recommended to us (although we haven't gotten it yet!) is by american girl and the title is something along the lines of "The care and keeping of you". Everyone says it is easy to find, even at Target stores. My daughter is 10 and would rather discuss ANYTHING else but that. We covered the highlights - and the 4th grade talk covered a bit more than that. Have fun!

L.

I just saw this today and was shocked when reading some these responses - about not sharing information as it was too early - etc.

My suggestion was along the same lines as many others - the American Girl book "the care and keeping of you".

In public schools, children begin to have human growth and development in the 4th grade - age nine. They have a more comprehensive lesson in 5th grade - age 10.

Personally, I think communication between a mom and a child is VITAL and if there is anything they want to know - I would rather have them ask ME as opposed to asking someone who has different values.

I can tell you, from firsthand experience, that there are little girls in ELEMENTARY school who are already developing and experiencing menstrual flows. I had to deal with this with my 6th grader last year.

The book helps but so does having an open mind and an open door.

I have a book I used with my 11 year old daughter last year. It is called "The Care & Keeping of You"; The Body book for girls from the American Girl Library. These three are all information titles on the book, but the one is quotes is the actual title. I had already talked to my daughter about her cycle by starting to share with her that I have one. She of course thinks it is gross, but by sharing with her what happens to me,on a monthly basis, it starts to open the lines of communication and she appreciates the openess on my side. The talks I think were better than the book, because we do it more often then she reads the books. But I did go over the book with her and left her to read about the details, and she read the book from front to back, leaving a bookmark on what interests her. The books has illustrations and not like you find medical journal, but what you would find in some books they are reading (still acurate) but it makes it relate to them better. The more you talk about it, the easier it gets for both of you. When it comes to sex, the more information you give them about their period, they ask questions that are more age appropriate for each child. This is when I start answering more detailed questions as they personally are ready. My mom never had "The Talk" with me, but when my daughter asked me when we were going to have "the talk", I told her we already did, and then answered more sex questions that she had. She was releaved we already had "the talk" since her girlfriends were saying they had "the talk" and if she had. But when I give her "the talk" I am only giving her what she can handle each time. Not a one time thing. Try to beat the friends it give you brownie points that will last!

Well I hope this helps. This is the book I bought for my daughter. It covers all the changes her body is about to go through. I got it for mine at about 8 or 9 and she still goes through it today at 11 to see what is going on, she luckily for me has not started her menstrual or being with boys, but she started growing boobs so we bought her the book to help her understand a little and it made it a little easier to explain to her what the book didn't. The book encourages them to ask their Mom.
The Care & Keeping of You - The Body Book for Girls its by American Girl. I bought it in the store (walmart) but here is the direct link http://store.americangirl.com/agshop/html/ProductPage.jsf...

Hi N.,
A good book to start with is by American Girl, yes the same people who make the dolls. I can not remember the name but If you go to Books A MIllion and ask them there they will help you, that is where I got it.They used to sell it at Bath and Body Works and definitely at all the big book stores. It starts with taking care of your skin and hair etc and then how you grow breasts and hair etc. I used it for my daughter and have a lot of friends that used it with their daughters! It is a great book!!!

Not an easy subject I know but hang in there, you are doing the right thing by talking to her!!! Being informed is so important.

Good Luck,
N.

American girl makes a book called "The Care and Keeping of You". Bath and Body Works used to sell it but I have also seen it at all book stores and at Learning Express (roughly $10). My girls are only 6 and 4 but all my friends with older girls have loved it so I went out and bought a copy for when we need it (Bath and Body works had it 50% off b/c they are no longer selling the American Girl line. You probably can still find it if you call around). I do not think your daughter is too young for some basics. You do not need to go into sex. That is why I like this book. Just talks about the changing body of a girl. I got my period at age 10 and wish I had a book to read like this one. I would start by reading it with her and then move on from there. Just give her what she needs to know now and then read more when she needs it. Good luck!!

I have a daughter just the same age. When she turned Nine I caught her a book by American Girl called "The Care and Keeping of You". I thought it was a great book! It doesn't talk about sex...but it talks all about how to take care of her changing body everything from shaving your legs, deoderant, hair care, and Menstruation. It made it so layed back and not scary and helped her know that this is what everygirl will go through or has gone through. I just let her read through it on her own first ( it is geared to her age) and then i talked to her about some parts of it just in passing. NO big scary "we're having a talk now".

Well, that's what worked for us. We havn't talked about sex much. I guess I"m hoping that because she's homeschooled i can hold of a bit longer.

I found the American Girl books to be an incredible resource. My daughter, now 14, still reads these books. They have several different books and they are pretty age appropiate. I read them with her the first time than let her have them. At this age she doesn't need ALL the details but better to get the information from you than from someone elst. Don't be afraid to discuss this as it can bring you closer together. She needs to be reassured she has someone to talk to. When I got my period my Mom got me a special necklace and earring set for me to help celebrate becoming a woman. I did the same with my daughter and she cherishes the set I got her. I made a big deal about it and we even went out for a fancy dinner, just us girls to celebrate. She now tells me she can't wait to pass on the tradition to her kids one day. Good luck and just take a breathe it'll work out!

N., This is the right time to start discussions about her body, sex, drugs. Nine going on 10 is NOT too early at all. I just attended a seminar at my church put on by parent educators of the More 2 Life group. They said that they will just get the info from friends if you don't step in early (at least by 10!) Who would you rather her get the facts about from...you or friends??

They recommended a very good book (for YOU) called 'Questions Kids Ask About Sex - honest answers for every age' It is put out by the Medical Institute of Sexual Health. It contains age appropriate honest answers and is somewhat christian based. I also saw that Tampa General Hosp has some seminar type discussions coming up in Sept on this exact issue... One is called 'So your Daughter is Approchaing Puberty, What do I Do?' and another was 'How to Talk to Your Kid Abot Sex'. The Puberty one welcomed you to bring your pre-teen and they broke out into seperate groups...one with parents/doctors and the other with kids/doctors so each could ask any q's they want of the speakers/doctors. If you can't get to one, try looking into those offered at another hospital or such that suits you. It's a start! Good luck and get started before she learns from someone else!

There's a Christian book series of 4 books that I loved - it's start with the first book at around 6 and goes up from there - I found one online (see info below) - I think you'll love this series. My oldest did and I plan on using it for my toddler in a few years.

Why Boys and Girls Are Different - Learning About Sex
by Greene, Carol
Item number CPH-###-###-####.
Regularly stocked item.
Usually ships within 24 to 48 hours.
ISBN ###-###-#### ISBN 0-5700-3562-7
Published by Concordia Publishing House
Hardback
32 pages

On amazon.com you can search children's books by "issues". I'm sure they'd have something there. My mom gave me a book titled PERIOD when I was about 10. Hope this helps!

Your daughter is definitely not too young to have the talk -- I learned the facts of life from a friend of mine back at that age. Then my mother gave me a book called, "Susie's Babies," a book about a gerbil having a baby -- not a book I would recommend. :-)

With my daughters it has been very helpful to present the facts of life from a biblical viewpoint. It wasn't very difficult to talk about how God created a man's and woman's bodies to fit together perfectly and then explain that's how God planned it in order to create children. It put it in a much more objective view, as opposed to personal -- which IS embarrassing.

Your daughter will ask questions about you and her dad, so be prepared. Decide now how much you will tell her and when you will let her know that there is certain information that is private between you and your husband. (i.e. "How often do you and Dad make love?" -- real question from my older daughter!) There are also times you might have to tell her she would have to ask her father if it's something to do with him. (Just warn him what questions may be coming up. However, I don't think my girls have ever asked their dad any of the questions. :-)

There have been a lot of good books recommended already. The only thing I would recommend is "Passport 2 Purity." You take your daughter (or the dad takes the son, if others are reading this) on a weekend retreat. Here's the product description: "Here's everything you need to plan an interactive, life-changing weekend retreat with your preteen! Dennis and Barbara Rainey help you confidently discuss the physical changes ahead; establish principles on dating and sex; and equip your child to make biblical choices throughout the turbulent adolescent years. Includes 57-page student and parent manuals, five audio CDs, and a commitment passport." "Passport 2 Purity" costs $24.99 at www.christianbook.com

Good luck. I know this is an "interesting" time in your life. :-)

J. C.

There are lots of books available. You just need to look them over and find the one you are most comfortable with. I never had the problem you are having because my daughters were allowed in the bathroom with me from the time they could walk so they were exposed to pads and tampax. When they asked about them I explained. My youngest learned about sex her first year at school. The teacher talked about mating season and how the animals mate. That opened up the conversation for more information. Another child told her how horses mate and where the babies come out. Also they had seen kittens and puppies born. Your daughter probably already knows more than you think. In fifth grade they have a sex education program you can have her attend. Don't be afraid to talk to her. My Mother never talked to me about sex or anything else when I was young. I thank God my Dad was not shy and advised me on such things. The younger you start the easier it is to talk about it. If you still are not comfortable talking to her maybe she has an Aunt or Grandmother that is more comfortable talking to her about it with you. If you don't teach her and she learns it somewhere else it just builds her interest. That is not a good thing. Better she hears it from you first. Good Luck!

Years ago Ann Landers and Dear Abby columnists had little booklets on that type of thing but wether you could get ahold of one these days, I don't know. I would call the local library and ask what they have on the subject. Your daughter may surprise you and already know a little from school.The only other thing I can think of is to comment on what a big girl she is getting to be and sit her down and tell her that any time now in the next 2-3 years her little girl body is going to start changing into a young woman's body and you want her to know what to expect as in, her breasts will start to form little nubs that will soon grow bigger each year until she looks like a teenager and that with that change some body hair will grow in places she never had any and as these body changes start happening she will start to have a period and explain what that is. When I started to have that very same conversation with my own daughter, she surprised me by saying she already learned about that stuff in school in some sort of hygene class and thru older friends. She is now the mother of an 11 yr old girl and has told her all about this subject and has a little emergency pouch prepared for her to take to school in case her first period comes when she isn't home.

I think 9 is entirely too early unless she is exposed to a teenage sister or brother that is active or her bio-mom is having guys in and out. We had the talk with our daughters around age 11-12. They are starting to have friends that begin their cycle and we start there. Make it how are they doing, what have they told you, about the body and how the body works. We did - "so when the egg drops (of course lots of information before that), you have a period." ONce that is understood, we go back after a little time and say, ok,
if the egg doesn't drop it's because a woman is pregnant and go into how that happened.
American Girl makes a good book - the care and keeping of you. Just a general book overall about taking care of themselves. there is a part about perioeds. So often today, people are putting so much information into young girls heads without regard to age appropriateness.
I think they should know how the body works and most important to be happy with their body, so they treat it right. Then the information of how it all works a little later.
There are some good books by Mavis ?? Sorry don't have the last name, but she's known for her books one for girls and one for boys.
I think your pediatrician is out of line if he infact knows your daughter, and if infact she's not in danger of early sex. AND NOT ALL GIRLS ARE!!!! Keep it age appropriate, keep it basic (the first conversation), and decide how you and your husband (of course he should be there - my husband was great for the explaining of the body parts and how they work part - she needs to know it's nothing shameful and that it's it wonderful how (god) made us to work so perfectly so that life can continue.
I think I've said enough.....don't be stressed about it when you have the talk - she'll pick up on that in a second! But I say, wait til she's older.
Enjoy your time with your kids...it goes by fast.......peace & Joy.....J.

OMG! I totally flashed to my Mom and Grandmother dealing with this with me at about that same age more than 30 yrs ago and if you want a lighthearted, age appropriate, and easy way to start discussing such a serious subject matter w/ a child that's younger you HAVE to get these books that my Grandmother bought for me (yes! they are still in print and available through amazon.com-I checked!)"Where did I come from?" and "What's happening to me?" by Peter Mayle-
I have kept my copies for 32 years so far, in hopes that one day this will be my introductory tool to "the talk"! Cute illustrated books with a sense of humour that get a discussion started, then you can anwer questions more comfortably as they arise. I had sex education classes starting in 6th grade(12yrs old) then pretty much a discussion or a week of the subject in school every year through junior high(of course I went to 4-12 grades in Colorado, so a little more open-minded about sex education) and I was very aware of sex, I definitely loved boys, but held off on sex until I was mcuh older than most of my friends because I knew what the repercussions(stds, pregnancy, losing respect, etc) of having sex before i was ready beacuse of these early discussions!!! I know its probably harder than you want to deal with this young, but you can do it!!!!Good Luck! L.

I never used a book I just would talk to my daughter when she asked questions no matter how embarrased i was & let me tell you there were plenty of times because it was usually in front of her brother or strangers lol. My son is 20 & my girl is 17 & thats how i talked with both of them & so far so good & they come to me to talk about a lot of things that sometimes i wish they wouldnt but cant let them know that lol. Whenever she asks something take the time to talk to her about it no matter what it is so that when it comes to the really important things she will come to you & not her friends. Good luck.

try the christian book store. they've got some great books that talk about self image and changing bodies for girls that age. Plus, you can be sure that she's not getting something recommending condoms, but rather, waiting until marriage for sex.

I just went through this with my 11 yr old son. Imagine the poor boy learing about puberty from his mother! I found a great book & read it first & was able to pick out the easy stuff & break him in slowly before we got into the hard parts. At times i was extremely embarassed but couldnt show it b/c i didnt want my son to be embarrassed. I think its important for kids to hear the correct terms & info from their parents before they get to school & hear all the garbage kids talk about. It was definately hard for me but i was glad that i was able to teach him & now he knows we can talk about these things openly. I would definately suggest getting her a book.

Good Morning N.,

Why must you start when she is so young? Is she developing already?

I think this is what is wrong in our society today, we try to give them so much information when they are still so young and innocent.

My mother handed me a pad and belt when I had blood on my panties and said "ok honey you have started your period, put this on!!!" Thats it, not explanations. Is that right or wrong, I don't know. BUT, I did not lose my innocense knowing about sex, etc.

She's too young. Hold off a little while. Just my thought.

L.
Author
THE BOOK "I'm Doing The Best I Can!" (They won't always be cute and adorable)
www.lisarhein.com

N.,
A few random thoughts...
I recently read a memoir in which the author described the conversation she had with her mother about the female reproductive system, and it was very inspiring. As the author was approaching puberty, her mother presented 'the dreaded talk' as a lesson on the power and resiliency - creative and otherwise - of the female body. The focus was not on sex or periods, but on the growing strength of her own body - something we as moms should teach our daughters to treasure and nurture. It was an informative pep talk more than a science lesson, and menstruation was presented secondarily as a process of cleansing necessary to maintain that strength. It reminded me that in some cultures, a woman't first cycle is cause for celebration among women in her community, not time to be sent to the bathroom with a tampon and a clinical pamphlet.
I think we make the mistake of feeling that all this - sex, reproduction, periods - has to be presented in one big conversation, and it doesn't. If we focus first on our creative capacity and the immense responsibility of caring for this gift, that's enough for conversatin number one.
Thanks to the other posters for the American Girl book suggestion. I'm a few short years away from this with my daughter, and I'm sure I'll be grateful for the thoughts of other moms who have been there.
Best wishes, J.

SOUNDS LIKE WE ALL SAY THE SAME THING! LOL I really reccomend it. I asked my daughter last night and she said it def. makes her feel more comfortable about these things!

heres a link to what it looks like. my 10 yr old daughter LOVES it and we read it together, and she often reads it alone as well. You can get it at Bath and Body works.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/71PTJ906NCL._SL500_...

I had Changing Bodies, Changing Lives by Ruth Bell and What's Happening to Me? by Peter Mayle. What's Happening to Me? is a good one to read together, it's pretty basic and not that long. Changing Bodies, Changing Lives is something she'd probably want to read on her own and depending on what her reading comprehension level is she may have to wait a few years. And of course read anything you give her first, that way you know what kind of information she's getting (CB,CL contains chapters on birth control and homosexuality, which can be an issue for some people) and you'll have a head start in answering any potential questions.
And I don't think nine is too young, it's nice to have a heads up about these things and by nine we were definitely talking about it amongst ourselves at school.