Looking at Colleges

I think the best thing would be to keep him close to you and talk to him a lot. Spend time with him and make him feel somehow that you are the one who can think of best things for him and he should go for that. I know it is easier said than done but you have to make him believe that he will make new friends at collage and will have lots of fun also.

I am a career specialist and assist high school and collegfe students in putting together their applications for college. As part of my counseling, I receommend that the student visit college campuses, what questions to ask, how to get a feel for what campus life will be like, and I assess childrens' readiness for the changes that come with leaving home.

I can be reached at ###-###-####. My work is done on a sliding scale to work with your budget and satisfaction is absolutely guaranteed.

Penny M. Polokoff-Zakarin

Don't stress too much. When I started college about 2 years ago, I didn't have any clue of where I wanted to go either, mostly because I didn't have time to go to check out colleges because I worked a lot. When I wasn't working, I was spending time with my friends (during my senior year of high school...I'm 20 now). At 11th grade, it is still pretty early for him to be so worried about college, he just wants to live in the moment and have fun with his friends, which is completely normal for a 16 year old...we kids are pretty egocentric at that age, meaning we only think about ourselves pretty much.
I didn't have my first and only college tour until the end of my senior year. I was glad that I went because the college was beautiful (Kutztown)..but then I ended up having to transfer anyway, because of getting married. I hated the look of this new college, but to be honest, the set up of the campus is a little more convenient..nixing parking of course. Your son won't truly know what's best for him in a college until he goes there and experiences a semester or two for himself. So, if I were you, don't try to make the decisions for him..because it will only cause a whole LOT more problems. When the time is right, he'll feel the need to get on the ball and he'll make a decision for himself. When he goes to the place he picks, he'll be able to tell if that's what he wants or not. And keep in mind, I don't know the exact percentage, but it's gotta be about 70%...of students end up transferring.
So, don't stress. The only thing you REALLY need to worry about when the time comes is filling out FAFSA forms and all that for financial aid. Yes, you will have to know what college by then, but it's still not a big deal.
Good luck!

D.,

This is one of those times in life when you are presented with a "life lesson opportunity". Explain to your son that you are concerned that there is more to visiting a college than finding out what the campus looks like. A visit gives you the opportunity to see the area around the school, to find out if it is in a bad neighborhood, or if there is nothing to do for fifty miles, or if there's no place to park a car, but no public transportation, all things that will affect his quality of life while at school. Visting the school let him get a look at the other students, and find out if it is the kind of community where he will fit in well and be comfortable. If your son is a real straight-arrow type kid, and half of the student body has purple hair and a tongue ring, that school might not be the place for him, and he isn't going to see that in an on-line tour. Choosing a college is like moving to a new town for nine months per year. How mad would he be at you if you sold your house, moved him to a new town, and never even bothered to see the place first?

Now, once you explain all of this, it would be wonderful if your son said "Oh, I see what you mean, mom, let's schedule those trips right away!" But that ain't gonna happen. He's going to insist that he do it his way, because that's what 16 year olds do. Here's where the life lesson comes in. Let him. Let him look at all of the tours online, let him do it his way. BUT, he's stuck with what he picks for the first year. If, after a year, he feels he chose wrong, then he can transfer, but he's GOT to stick out the first year. This way, the responsibility for his happiness rests on his own shoulders, but the risk is minimal, because he can always transfer to another school. If he chooses badly because he didn't have enough information, and ended up miserable for an entire YEAR, then perhaps the next decision will be made a bit more thoughfully, yes?

D., you might also think about whether you are putting this on him a bit early. Most schools don't require applications until December of senior year even for early decision. He's got a year before he has to make up his mind. Maybe it's that causing his resistance?

Why don't you and your husband go on your own. Check it out for him or take away some of his privileges until he chooses a school.
It is a very important step he is going to take and someone needs to do the homework.
Good Luck

Gotta love teenage years right? I know that lots of kids don't like leaving their friends to look at schools. My husband used to be an admissions counselor at a University and he told me that a lot of parents will plan a tour weekend. Pick a bunch of schools (4, maybe 5) within driving distance that are appealing. Then call the admissions offices and schedule tours accordingly. This will only take one weekend of friend time! He could even bring a friend with him if you wanted. That way he might not be so grumpy.

Good Luck
D.

Hi
I initially had a problem with getting my son to visit colleges, also. He wasn't busy having fun but busy doing many activities outside of school. He's been acting since he was 10 and was always involved in performing when he wasn't in school. My solution to his time crunch was for me to go on line and request information from schools which I thought might be of interest to him. I signed him up for about 25 schools and kept a record which I gave to him. I did this also, because I knew I would have all the applications available when he needed them. As the information started rolling in, I placed it all in a big box. I told him that when he had the time he could look through the box and pick out the schools that he thought he would like to visit. I waited and waited and waited, asking him every now and then if he had the chance to look through the box.
In all honesty, it wasn't until a few months before the summer between 11th and 12th grade that he took a real interest. Surprisingly, he came to me one day and said he had looked through the box and had picked out the schools he was interested in visiting. His high school had ramped up their appeal to the Juniors to get going on the college admissions process. Now the entire class had a mission.

Well, we visited at least 15 schools between March and September. He applied to 11 and was accepted at 8(but that's a whole different story). He is now a Junior at a great college which is a perfect match for him.

So my advice to you is to be patient. Give him the tools and when he is ready he hopefully will run with them. I honestly believe that if you push any kid too much about this, they just rebel and say the things that they know will push your buttons. My best friend has a daughter who is a Senior and this kid is just looking at schools, now. Worst scenario is that your son will apply and then he'll visit the schools that accept him.

If you would like some additional information on college visits you can visit my Website: www.musical-theater-kids.com
It applies to kids going into the Performing Arts but the page on College Visits applies to any area in which a kid might have interest. Best of luck to you and your son. Hang in there, it will all work out in the end.

I can only tell you what the adults in my life did for me and I am so grateful. I was told when and where I would be and taken there. I was not able to dictate to my care takers what I would be doing and when. I am glad they had those boundaries for me.

I understand your frustration. Unfortunately, if he's not ready to look, or doesn't care, there's not much you're going to be able to do about it unless you want to take charge and be firm. If you're willing to pay for prep school, and I assume you're the one who's going to pay for his college (not him), then tell him that if he isn't ready to look, he can stay home and go to a local school until he's ready to look elsewhere. Remember, though, he's only 16 and a junior, and there's plenty of time. He won't have to apply to colleges till at least November of next year.

I have two girls. One is a high school senior and one is a college senior. I didn't think my younger one would be ready to look either. I did, however, take her to look at two schools that we hadn't seen with her sister, and she has her heart set on one of them. (she doesn't want to go to the same school as her sister) If she doesn't get in, then she says she doesn't know what she'll do. What she will do, though, is stay home, go to a local college, and try again next year, although I don't think she'll have a problem getting in.

Try to explain to your son that it is really important to see the schools in person because so much of the decision is seeing not only the campus in person but seeing the students who attend and seeing if he thinks he will fit in with the type of the kids there and if he'll be comfortable living there. Good luck! - B.

Hey D., 2 ideas for you...When I was in high school I went on college tours with a couple of friends. It was a great experience. Sometimes it is easier to go w/someone else's parents. Do you know the other kids' moms? If so, maybe you all could plan to go together, that way, you could have adult time and the kids could look around at the school.
:) Good luck!
S.

you may feel that this is the best thing for him, but you can't push. if he's not interested, and you push, you just may be pushing him in the wrong direction! i was forced to look for the school that i wanted to go to once graduating high school and i just picked the 1st one that i would get grants for going to. in my case, i had to pay for extra schooling myself, but it was an issue of keeping insurance under my mother that had her pushing me to look right away. with all the pressure, i just took the 1st courses that i could think of, not really looking into what they offered, wound up going to devry and doing NOTHING...i dropped out after 5 months (with breaks they give, it was about 1 yr...) then i was forced to choose another school...once again, i just picked, and went to an art school around here. i later found out that if i had more time to look, i would've gotten to go almost free if i had gone during the time i was in devry...but it went from public to private the yr i went, so i got stuck with an extra $8000 bill for yet another school i hated and dropped out of all because i was pushed into picking a school when I wasn't ready! now i'm not saying that any of that is going to happen to your son, but if he's not ready, and he's only a junior, let him do the research and tours online. but tell him that he's going to have to pick a day/weekend when he's going to look at these schools (if that's what YOU want him to do). give him some options. i happen to agree with him, it doesn't matter what it looks like, especially if he can do a virtual tour. what matters is what's taught there, the teachers, and the people he's going to be around. my teachers were all new and knew just about nothing (the class had to teach the teacher most of the time, all because she couldn't understand what was in the books!) and the students i had to put up with made going a hell! plus what i wanted to learn, just wasn't in the lesson plans. i picked the wrong places, by just looking at the school, and not looking at what's in the school, what's being taught, how it was being taught. good luck. try to be patient. like another woman said, just make a weekend out of it, and go to a bunch of different places, and see if he wants to bring along a friend if you're really set on him looking now.

Maybe talk to the parents of his friends or peers and make it a group outing like a mini vacation. Also, the school sometimes have college tours where they make it fun for the kids. Talk to his guidance counselor. This may spark an interest for him being that it is not coming from you. They tend to want to turn off their ears when we speak to them.

D....

I think you should offer to take one or two of his friends along for the ride. Maybe if he looks at a campus with his buddies he will find the idea more appealing. They may even have a higher interest in the college search which could turn him on to it as well.

Good Luck...

H.

its not so much how it looks, its how it feels. What is there to do on campus and the town? How is dowm life assuming he will stay on campus. Next time, don't cancel, just tell him he is going. Maybe ask about letting him sit in a class within the major he will be taking. by doing a tour weekend, you see the school and area at night as well and in a more casual atmosphere.
Also please do not rule out a county college. In NJ the county colleges are excellent and now have a bridge program which means any 4 year school in NJ will accept an AA degree completely. That means he could transfer as a junior and not have to repeat any classes. It's also less expensive, smaller classes for those intro classes.

D.,

I have gone through this with my older 3 children, my daughter was my first and wanted to look a quite a few colleges, then came the boys, OH BOY, they wanted nothing to do with it. My oldest son decided college was not for him, so he moved out and is working but not getting anywhere. My second son looked at schools he knew on-line, ie. my daughter was attending the University of Hartford (an excellent school, very parent oriented), so he applied there and another state university that was not far from home. I think he decided to apply to the state school because he friend was doing so and he didn't want to be separated from him. In the end he ended up following his sister and is doing fantastic. He got accepted into both colleges and chose UHa because of their business school's reputation (one of the top 5 in the country). He is now a junior at the Barney School of Business, which is a school within UHa, and has made Dean's List quite a few times; we are very proud of him. Anyway, my advice to you is your son is still only 16, which is young for high school junior, and therefor he is probably not ready emotionally to look at colleges, so don't push him or he will rebel and won't do well in college. Trust me that is what happened to my oldest son. We did make him choose a college, he flunked out within the first semester. I know it is hard, but sometimes we have to play the tough love act and let the chips fall where they may. Your son will come around, it's just that the more we push the more they rebel. One last suggestion, I mentioned UHa, go to www.hartford.edu and have them send your son information, just leave it on the table with his mail and let him "secretly" look it over. Another college to look at, which I attend, is American International College in Springfield, MA. My daughter who graduated a year and a half ago from UHa with her bachelors in Health Science, is now working on her second bachelors with me. We are both going for our BSN, she is a junior and I am a sophomore. My daughter and son still live together up in Bloomfield, CT, not far from UHa, during the semesters and they love it.
Sorry this is so long, but I hope I was of some help. You can e-mail me at anytime if you have anymore questions. Good luck with your son. My e-mail address is: ____@____.com

Hugs,
T.

first let me say that I myself went to a prep school and they dont really push you to see schools until the summer after your junior year. My friends and I didnt go to see college campuses until we were starting our senior year. You still have plenty of time for him to choose the right college. It is okay that he wants to spend time with friends right now as long as it isnt interrupting his schoolwork. But come next summer he better really start looking. The school will help with that I am sure. Good luck!