Long Distance Co-parenting

I just wanted to put this out there...New Mexico is a state. It's between Arizona and Texas. No passport required. :-)

I would question his motives! I think that since she is so young it would be un reasonable for him to take her anywhere with out you. To her HE is a stranger. It would be appropriate for him to fly or drive down to GA and stay in a hotel or with family if he has some and then You could arrange play dates or outings where they could have You could slowly back off and allow him to play a larger role on these visits. He can increase the time he spends with her by slowly coming out more and more to see her.
Eventually like in a few years they may have a bonded relationship. It is going to take a lot of consistency and effort on both of your parts,

Also a weekly Video chat or phone call would probably help her stay acquainted with him in between visits.

My best to you and your daughter.
Hope the guy realizes that he has to earn that right to parent and bonding takes time but it really is worth it.

Blessings to all of you.

I'm not sure what you're looking for. If you want suggestions about ways for him to keep in touch/interact with your daughter, I suggest using the computer and Skype which is a camera connected to the computer that sends a picture to another computer.

If you're wanting to know about ways for him to actually co-parent I wonder if that is wise. He's not been involved up until now. Do you want him to be involved in making decisions about her care, discipline, activities, etc? I suggest not. You can share information with him and be open to any ideas that he has but I wouldn't start a pattern of having him actually make decisions. He's not aware of your life together and as long as he lives that far away there is no way that he can catch up. You are your daughter's main caretaker and the one responsible for her life.

Her father should share financial responsibility and if he's a safe and reliable person should be a part of her life. However, if he's not been involved for a year I'd go slow in allowing him to be a major person in your lives.. Wait and see if he's going to stay around for the long haul.

Yes, share as much info with him as you're comfortable giving. Keep in mind, tho that he may not stay around and don't depend on him. Allow him to show you that he is dependable while continuing to be your daughter's only actual caregiver. Too often someone will show up later but disappear again and I'd hate for both you and your daughter to get hurt because you've developed an expectation that cannot happen because of who he is.

Begin your relationship slowly and without expectations as much as possible. Share info about your daughter, send pictures, expect child support but don't co-parent until you know that he is capable of being a parent and of co-operating with you as her primary caretaker.

Well, my ex-husband lives in Iowa and me and our boys live in GA. He left us when my youngest was only nine months old and my oldest was three. At first he didn't care much but lately (last six months or so) he has developed a conscious, feeling regret and remorse. So he has made a real effort to be a part of the boy's life. He visits about every other month for a long weekend and he calls about once a week. He also has set up a web cam on my computer so that he can see them sometimes. At first I was horrified that he wanted back into their lives. I thought that he did not deserve to be involved with such beautiful creatures. But the boys REALLY show a need for a father figure and since I'm not sure when I'll meet someone to fill in that daily void for them I have now welcomed the idea of my ex being in their lives. Also I have to remember that no matter what, it needs to be what's best for my children and not about what I think or feel. I know that since the boys are little they cannot, any time soon, visit him (than God!) and also they never spend the night with their father either when he is here. He picks them up, does his visiting, and drops them off. We have talked extensively about our feelings (a must do when co-parenting) and I try to throw him a bone here and there when the boys do something special or get something they are excited about and tell them not to forget to tell Daddy. No matter what he is still their Dad. Good or bad, still their's. This, of course, is a very abbreviated story so should you want to know more I would be glad to talk more. Your welcome to e-mail me @ ____@____.com and Strength...Jennie

This is going to be a tough situation. Her father has to show genuine interest in her life. I would definitely question his motives. If he hasn't been around before, why is he trying to be around now? What has he been doing all this time that he should have been taking care of his daughter? And how long is he going to stay? Unfortunately, I've seen first hand what could happen to a small child when one parent comes in and out of their lives at random moments.

My nephew is 4 years old and his mother (my sister) is never around. She makes random appearances and has had a devastating effect on my nephew and now he needs extensive therapy. I've often thought that my nephew would have been better off if he thought his mother had died. At least that way he can mourn her loss and move on. But my nephew comes over every weekend and asks where his Mommy is, asks why he can't see or talk to his Mommy. It's heartbreaking, believe me. You don't want your daughter being hurt this way. My nephew has a lot of issues stemming from his abandonment.

Make sure he has good intentions or send him packing. If he has no desire to stay a consistent part of her life, then tell him he will have to take you to court to see her. There are plenty of professionals who can back you up in court if you were to explain the damage that he could do from popping in and out of her life at such a young age.

I hope some of this was helpful.

I would legally secure child support payments and medical help for starters.

My DD's father and I live a good distance apart. He is in Michigan and I'm in South Carolina. He isn't a great long distance father either which makes me in return get everything in writing to cover my bases!! If your DD's father has just now taken an interest in being a dad, I'd stand cautious!! Make him come visit her in GA. Do not let her go to New Mexico unless you are with her the whole time. I trust my daughter, I don't trust her father!

Get everything in writing between you and him, even get a lawyer if you can! Get child support established too. Talk to each other like adults an try to work out a compromise with him spending time with her.

Oh, and DON'T give him ANY personal info about your daughter like SS# and the what not!!! He could do a lot of damage with that number like run up debt in her name (I had a friend that was addicted to drugs and did that to her daughter), get a passport without your permission (easily done if he is named on her birth cert!), claim her on taxes and other things like that!! He doesn't need that number for insurance info either!!

Good luck!
S.