Life and Its Challenges

The biggest issue with my last husband was his alcoholism. After almost nine years together, I finally "managed" it by kicking him out of my house and divorcing him.

Too broad a question - although I know what issue you're still dancing around.
Infertility was tough.
But we worked with a fertility specialist to eventually have our son.
My losing my job was/is tough.
I'm working food service in the school system right now but I'll never make what I use to bring in.
My husband is bearing up under the strain of being the main wage earner but it is a strain.

The internet is no substitute for professional help.
One session with a therapist is not enough for your issues.
You need on going help to resolve your childhood baggage.
Please put down the computer and get into some regular therapist and Alanon sessions - like on a weekly basis.
The Alanon is not because of your husbands drinking habits but because of your parents alcoholism.
You are laying awake nights stressing over a problem your husband doesn't have.
Talk to your doctor and see if 6 months on some anti anxiety meds helps you obsess any less.

My biggest challenge is that I'm highly emotional. I've learned how to hold it (suck it up) when I'm out in public, but if I'm upset, my husband will be sure to bare the brunt of it. Thank goodness he loves me.

If I really have a bad day, I try not to take it out on my husband. I'm learning better coping skills :-) but the one thing I do is make sure I apologize and thank him if I've been a big ole pain in the butt.

I'm sure my husband could tell you other things I need to work on, but I think the most important things I try to do are admit when I'm wrong, love him when he's having a bad day and keep trying to laugh together.

My relationship with my inlaws got off on the wrong foot, and was challenging even though i know this is very common. While they were not blameless, after a while my DH pointed out that I was unconsciously exacerbating it by being defensive every time there was a minor disagreement. I didn't like hearing it, but once I thought about it I realized he was right. And now while I still don't always agree with them, I've learned to always look for the good in them (they love my kids SO MUCH and that is a gift to any kid) and realize that we can have boundaries with them while still being respectful of their point of view.

Yes, it took some courage for DH to point out my part in this. It was a difficult conversation, but we are definitely stronger and life is better for having had the conversation. So, IMO, honest conversation - and realizing that your spouse, who knows you better than anyone, is worth taking seriously even if you don't want to hear it - is a key to a good marriage and we've relied on this for the challenges we've faced since that time.

nothing that's particularly unusual (other than a hairpin turn religiously) for most middle class working couples- not enough money, which always causes stress. working a bunch of jobs and not having enough family time. guilt over kids in daycare. neglected marriage (who had time to focus on each other?) a bout of depression. miscarriage. switching to homeschooling. but the fact that they're common problems don't make them negligible.
we went to counseling when we hit the worst part. it helped a LOT.
we're honest with each other. that is surprisingly difficult. we've both learned not to ask questions we're really not ready to hear answered honestly, but we both know we can trust each other to the moon and back. and that's really huge.
we're very, very different in a lot of ways, and i think that helps. we still get a kick out of each other.
khairete
S.

For me personally, the fact that I am a perfectionist has been a tough at times for both me and my husband. My expectations are high for both me and my loved ones and this can be a real struggle on relationships, not to mention exhausting. My husband is one of the most laid back people, and does help to keep me in check. He is the best at getting me out of my "zone" and loves me for who I am, warts and all. :)
I am aware my own issues, and I am learning to let things go- as tough as it is for me. I find this is easier as I get older. People don't have to live up to my ideals and I don't have to live up to my own high expectations. In the end, we are all flawed and it's our flaws that make us unique.

Our biggest issue has been finances. We've been married for 14 years, and together for 20 years. When I look back over our relationship and marriage, our happiest time was when we had our first child. We were both working full time, and my mother was babysitting our daughter free of charge. We had no worries. Things changed when we had our second child. My mother wasn't able to care for both kids due to being diagnosed with fibromyalgia during my second pregnancy. I decided to quit my job and stay home with the kids. Money was tight and it has been ever since. Another challenge has been parenting. My husband often feels overwhelmed with parenting three kids. Our oldest demands a lot of his attention which leaves the other two clamoring. We have also disagreed at times about what approach we should take with discipline especially with our oldest. This has led to a lot of inconsistencies and increased behavior issues.

No, I don't feel like these challenges have made our marriage stronger. Right now, we're having a lot of financial struggles due to the holidays and some unexpected expenses. Things are very tense and we're barely speaking.

Updated

Our biggest issue has been finances. We've been married for 14 years, and together for 20 years. When I look back over our relationship and marriage, our happiest time was when we had our first child. We were both working full time, and my mother was babysitting our daughter free of charge. We had no worries. Things changed when we had our second child. My mother wasn't able to care for both kids due to being diagnosed with fibromyalgia during my second pregnancy. I decided to quit my job and stay home with the kids. Money was tight and it has been ever since. Another challenge has been parenting. My husband often feels overwhelmed with parenting three kids. Our oldest demands a lot of his attention which leaves the other two clamoring. We have also disagreed at times about what approach we should take with discipline especially with our oldest. This has led to a lot of inconsistencies and increased behavior issues.

No, I don't feel like these challenges have made our marriage stronger. Right now, we're having a lot of financial struggles due to the holidays and some unexpected expenses. Things are very tense and we're barely speaking.

After 17 years of marriage?? There's been a lot.

My husband was unemployed for 10 months. We lived off our savings. It was a tough time.

It took us almost 4 years to get pregnant - lots of testing and trying....we finally gave up...and got a dog and got pregnant...and we were pregnant 5 years in a row....we were blessed with two boys...

When we first got engaged, since we had both been married before? We made an agreement that divorce wasn't really an option. We were going to make vows for better or for worse.....oh yeah...there are times when I say "not another day!!" but I find those days are the ones where we aren't communicating and just "living" our lives.....so we make a point to talk every day..not just about our days...but about things....sometimes the conversations are short...other times not...

What are you looking for? Ways to make your marriage stronger or better? What works for me might not work for you....

Good luck!

Many years ago I joined a church. It wasn't a lot different that many other churches I'd visited. Every denomination has something a bit different than all the rest or they'd all be the same.

I met my future husband at a singles event. He was kind and gentle and cute and smart and a good provider and sexy. I fell for him quickly. I hadn't been a member of the church a year yet so we married in a local ward building. We went to the temple to be sealed a year later.

I have come to literally hate this congregation of people. Although many of the old biddies have moved far away there are still a couple that have treated me extremely poorly and told lies on me and made me leave the church for years.

My husband has stood by my side and not demanded I go nor has he gone without me. We have gone to various activities and events and stayed in contact but not be active in any way.

My granddaughter wants to go back so I'm taking her. I don't disagree with the teachings of the church but I do say the church has gotten far off the path that was meant for them to be on.

They humiliate the poor, they refuse to help those less fortunate even with meals when they've had surgery, they only help those that are the popular ones when they have the slightest cold.

They do not follow the teachings in the scriptures and I am ashamed to say I ever went to those wards and that stake. There are disabled members that don't have transportation to get to church on Sunday and my friends bishop told her she was a drain on their ward and if she wanted to get to church she could call a cab because no one in the ward was allowed to give her a ride.

This is a L. that is one of the most righteous knowledgeable women I've ever met. She was devastated. The woman hasn't been able to go to church in over a year due to her oppression.

This is what our stake is like. The church offices in SLC have changed so much in their attitudes about the poor and service to our brothers and sisters, again, I'm ashamed to say I am a member of this church.

I don't ever believe I will find the church I joined, it has changed that much.

My husband loves the scriptures and Christ and feels this is where he's supposed to be and attend. He won't go to any other church with me.

Obviously this is a tension between us. He is glad to be going again though and is participating in his classes.

He believes in God and that people are human, they make many mistakes and their choices are not what we should focus on but we should pray and read and make our own choices. He's right to some extent but I just can't forgive and forget the humiliation I have suffered at the hand of a relief society president and other's in the ward. I just can't.

So we have worked it out some. I won't ever get to go to the temple again because I will never be able to say I agree with the teachings of the church and that I support the church leaders. I can't lie. They need to point their finger at the camera lens and say "You are hurting your brothers and sisters and it will stop now". There are many scriptures in the bible and book of Mormon that teach what charity is, how we're supposed to treat each other, what our responsibility is when it comes to caring for those less fortunate than we are.

I believe my hubby and I are making it through this quagmire and we'll be okay in the long run. I don't ever want to keep him from going to the temple and feeling God's spirit there because it is a beautiful and powerful feeling. But I won't ever be going with him.