Lice - Lennon,MI

You may feel like "poo" for a short time, but it will feel better than all the cleaning that you will have to do if your brother is not right and they are not all gone. Having been there too, I know I would never want to chance it again. Too much work and expense involved!!

Don't feel bad. Lice is a pain to deal with. Unless the eggs are so far away from the scalp they are NOT dead. They need warm to survive. If they are more than a couple inches from the scalp you should be fine. However, I would take the same stance as you. It only takes 1 live one to spread to your child, then to her friend, then to that friends family, etc.

He obviously does not understand how serious lice is, and he needs to be made aware. I understand and totally agree. There is no reason to put any other child at risk of this horrible infestation if you don't have to. I would try talking and explaining what lice is and how easily it spreads and that after it is really gone your child and your neice can have a little make up birthday party of their own...

You are totally right about stating your points. One idea you could suggest to your brother is to go out and buy a bathing cap for her to decorate with markers. Have him douse her hair with vasoline and then put the cap on for the day. The vasoline will smother any living bugs left and the cap will contain everything inside. That way she can still be included in the party. If they do attend be sure to talk up how cool her new hat is especially around the other kids.

I think you have every right to ask him to respect the same rule that the schools use. And he'll still be upset, but its such a pain to deal with lice, and you're talking about possibly getting more than your own kids exposed. If he's not following the combing instructions, has he cleaned properly? If you have time, you could help him with that. But having been through it 3 times with my daughter being re-exposed by her best friend, I completely stand with you. No, its not a reflection of being dirty, but getting rid of them takes serious persistence. If he thinks the nits are dead with the shampoo only, he hasn't done all the research. You can make it up to your niece.

I think you did the right thing. From what I hear about lice, they can spread quite easily. And if my child had lice, I would not have even considered him attending a party and infecting other children. Sad, but that's how it has to be!!!
I liked the advice you got from another mommie...bring her some food, a piece of cake, and a gift bag from the party. Maybe a balloon and a picture of the what the cake looked like before cutting it. That way you included her the best you could.
Im sorry that your brother cannot see how much of a problem he could have created by wanting her to go around a bunch of children. I hope he will see the light soon and start speaking with you again.....BUT Happy Birthday to your daughter. You did what any responsible parent would have done!!! Don't feel bad. :)

Dear A. S.,

I know you feel badly that your neice cannot attend this birthday party, but you are doing the right thing by not allowing her to attend until all the nits are totally out of her hair. If there is even one nit in her hair, other children can get the lice and you know how closely little children get to each other. The lice can jump I have been told and it is so much work to get rid of them all.
While I am thinking about it, I got this way to get rid of lice from the health department in Ottawa County, MI when my grandkids first got them. Cover the entire head with vaseline or olive oil and cover with a shower cap for 6 to 8 hours and then wash it out with hot water and Dawn dish soap and then use a metal comb for nits (not plastic because the tines are not close enough to get every single nit out of the hair). This costs so much less than the chemicals and the lice are actually becoming immune to the chemicals and they don't work so well and are VERY harsh on the scalps. You can put some conditioner in the hair to make the tangles come out a little more easily after washing out ALL the oil or vaseline with the Dawn dish soap.
Your brother will get over his anger/disappointment later. You can also talk to your neice later and explain how much you love her and did not want other little children to go through what she did to get rid of the lice. You can turn it around and ask her if she would want somebody else to give it to her if she did not already have it. You can also explain that you don't love her any less because she got lice. It is just something that happens sometimes but you wanted to avoid giving it to the other little children for this year's birthday party and next year she will be invited if she doesn't have lice then. She already understands how much you love her and knows how disappointed you are to not be able to have her around (but you can tell her that to be sure she knows how you were disappointed she could not be with your family for this party).
Hope this helps you.

L. C.

I can feel for your neice and your brother! I have 6 kids. All three girls have/had long hair. Picking nits was an incredible job! It took hours and then it was on to the next one. This will sound off the wall but we found something that really worked and was much less expensive! Semi-permanent hair dye. I know you don't want to color your child's hair. It sets them up to color their at too early of an age. I foungt with all the same ideas. The long and short of it is it works! We have never had another bought with head lice! My now dauhter-in-law even used it on my 3 yr old granddaughter. It is very simple. You just find as close of a match as possible and do it. The neat thing about this is that the conditioner that comes with the product makes the hair more managable than any otc product. As i recall, we did not have to remove all of the nits either. You definitely don't have to treat the bed,furniture, toys or anything. Treat everyone in the house and you won't be bothered by lice for like 3 months! I found it a miracle!! My youngest would come home and tell me that they did a head check at school. She wouuld always come up clean. We were haveing to treat every time because of her long hair. It was so expensive. What we did after the 1st couple of times was only dye the child's hair who was exposed within reason. We have not had an incident since. I think that my daghter was 7 or 8 the 1st time we came up with this solution. She is almost 17 now. Are you reluctant to use hair dye on your little one? Just think about the chemicals that are all of the products that you must use otherwise! Good Luck! It will work on boys if their hair is affected by the lice. Mine weren't so by trial and error we worked out a system and usually the boys weren't treated.

Wow! I was just seconds away from thinking you should feel like a poo about it and then read the rest, that you've gone through this twice already with your niece as the culprit.

I am 100% with you. Love your niece, but your brother has to understand the seriousness of this lice problem. If his daughter keeps getting sent home from school from it, she'll be the loser and he'll be the person either in denial or because of irresponsibility. Yes he's trying his darnedest as a single. but with that he should be asking for all the help and advice he can get. And this is serious.
Tell him that 1. your kids need their schoolmates too. 2. his daughter is always welcome, her lice problem is not. If he wants to foot the bill for what it takes to eradicate the lice, put him to the test. If he takes offense, let him know if he doesn't grow up, he'll have more than you to contend with. Try the Health Board officials. Make sure he gets it, and then when he and your niece have a clean bill of health, make a big deal out of having them over. But maybe he needs to clean up his home first, but I'd write him a letter. Turn up the compassion and brotherly love. But beg him to see your point and maybe ask him when you've otherwise ever been rude to his daughter. But somewhere the lice has got to stop.

A.,
I have worked in a school and we've sent children home b/c of head lice.School olicy is that no nits or eggs are present, or they are sent home again. If you niece attends school has she been sent home for lice?
Give your brother a few days to cool down and call him if not mail you niece a card and have her come over for a smaller party. I know he thinks its not fair but life isn't fair and I wouldn't risk your daughter's friends getting lice. I know you wouldn't sent you child to a party if you thought they might have lice.
One of the things to remember about lice is that it isn't a dirty person who usually gets lice its a person with clean hair.
Hoping for the best,
D.

A.,

I know it is hard, but I would have done the same thing. It is time consuming and expensive to get rid of lice. He needs to sit and pull all the nits out of her hair because he doesn't know if they are dead. If your niece has it again, her house may not have been adequately cleaned from the last time.

Both of my kids that are in school came home with notes pinned to their backs that lice was reported in their classrooms. My neighbor has one of the kids that had lice in her daycare. She went to the health food store and bought Neem oil. They told her that it is a lice repellent and you put a few drops in your shampoo when you wash your hair. I bought some and figured I would rather pay the $8 and try that then try to treat everyone and the entire house. The woman claimed that a lot of parents use it when their kids are in school to avoid lice. I don't know if the claims are true, but it doesn't hurt to try.

As a parent, I would be really upset if my child went to a party with a child that had lice and everyone knew that she did without warning me. I guess I would give your brother some space and then call in a day or two. Good luck.

C.

Greetings A.,

Happy birthday to your daughter!
Thanks and praises to you for being a loving, kind and caring Mom, Sister, and Auntie.
Forget about it for now. Fully ENJOY your daughters party!!!
Don't worry about your Brother. He'll get over it. He's a single Father with a daughter. He'll get over it quicker than you might think.
Take your niece food, drink and a party bag that you put to the side especially for her after the party. Explain to her why she was not invited and apologize; lice is contagious and requires a lot of work. Let her know that you are really sorry that she did not attend, her presence was truly missed by you and her cousin, and that you love her dearly and there will be plenty more parties in the future for her to attend.
Wishing you much success!
Have a GREAT party!

Love, Peace and Joy,
S.

Well good for you for standing up to your brother! He is wrong, and needs to be educated on what lice is and isn't. As you know, it is an enormous amount of work to rid your house and heads of lice, and it is people like him that keep spreading it toe veryone else, keeping us home from work and school. Don't feel bad, the eggs are not 'dead', they're eggs, waiting to hatch lice. As long as they have the eggs (nits) they will hatch. And if they have nits, it means there are live lice laying the eggs. Get it? He is wrong, and maybe it will take a rejection for him to think about it. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but lice is miserable for the parents to control, and he has not right to spread it to other households. That means containing his children to his home and taking the necessary steps to rid lice form his household. Having been through it in the past, I kept my child at home until it was all gone, and I would not let a child with known lice in my house either. Good luck, enjoy your daughter's birthday and don't think about it! I'm with you.

I would like to add that there were a lot of responses saying you should go to his house and denit your neice's hair befor the party, which I think isn't the best thing to do. That would take hours, and who has time to do that on the day of a party? The day is about YOUR daughter, not your neice, and your brother needs to step up to the plate. I hope you don't do anything that would take away from your daughter's special day. Plus, it doesn't do anything for her jacket, hat, whatever clothing that may have lice in it that she brings to the party , lays on other kid's outerwear and then spreads it. How would the parent's of your daughter's friends feel if they contracted lice from her party & you knew about it beforehand? Ask your brother to understand that, and maybe he will come around. Don't feel like'poo', part of being a good sister/aunt is helping your brother become the best Dad he can be.

You ar right to be concerned and not want your neice with lice around other children! However, I understand how he feels, but he needs to know that eggs to not die and they hatch throught the day. One thing you could do, is go over to his house early and denit her hair for him and treat her hair with the lice shampoo before the party. Or ask another family member to do it. Then you will be safe for the party and all is happy! :)

Show up at his house this morning with a lice comb and get them out yourself. Tell him you apologize for upsetting him, you didn't think he'd be squeemish about using a fine toothed lice comb on his daughter after using the treatment. Ask him if he thought of how having lice eggs in her hair made her feel, even dead ones. Tell him you thought about it and decided that's gross, so you are here to remove them so that she can come to your daughter's birthday party.

It took three of us to get the lice eggs out of my niece's hair. My sister is a single mom and her daughter had long hair.

I understand completely about how you feel, but let me ask you this...How would you feel if it was your daughter and someone let alone family told you I'm having a party and your child CAN'T come because of something that was out of her control?

How did you explain it to him? and really think about it. Then think about how you would have felt being on the receiving end, then call him. Talk to him, don't lecture or grove, just tell him honestly how you feel about what your conculsions were. Than discuss alternative on how you can fix this, however be prepared for some very hard feeling.

I am sure it was not your neices fault about the lice, and she knows that her cousin that as you said feels like one of yours feels you don't want her there.

Now the lice issue....what I was told when we went through it was the cleaner the hair the better they liked it. Lice can grip it better, and once they are there, they well you know. What we found best to keep them out of the girls hair was, hair grease and we stopped washing their hair till the weekend. We hated their hair was so greasy, but it prevented any more of the problems. To get rid of it in the hair, put mayonase on their head and let it sit, or olive oil, it sufficates them.

Good luck hopefully your brother andyour neice will find a way to let go of the hurt they feel and you can stop feeling guilty.

Chelle