Letting the Nanny Go

jWhy wouldn't you tell the truth? Someone else could hire her and have the same experience or worse. I would fire her with cause and without a good reference.

You should let her go and tell her why -- she broke the house rules, was caught with an authorized guest in the home, was not taking care of the children or feeding them properly. No, you should not give her 2 weeks notice. The termination should be immediate and there should be no severance.

I would fire her immediately. Yes, her offenses are more than enough for termination.

I would just fire her for cause. If you had agreed no guests than it seems pretty straight forward.Up to you whether you want to give her two weeks pay. I would certainly let her know she is not getting a positive reference. If you got her through a nanny search group, I would notify them as well.

.

OVERREACTING??? I think you are UNDER reacting - this person shouldn't have been left with your kids for quite a while now. If you already knew that she was letting your kids watch too much TV, not feeding them nutritious meals, and dragging them all over town while ignoring their sleep needs, why didn't you fire her then? Sorry your kids have had to deal with this. I am personally against day care, but in this case, your children would have been better off in a day care than at home with this "nanny" (I don't think she has earned that title at all!) - and you should have been protecting them from her long ago. Terminate her immediately, and do NOT pay her the severance pay - she did not do her job!

Two weeks notice...for real?? You would let her around your kids for another two weeks. I would never let her around my child again...and I would also be asking my children all kinds of questions about what has gone on while she was with them. I would particularly be interested to know if nanny ever had taken pictures of them.

If you really want to avoid confrontation tell her that you can no longer afford her services. Thats all.

You have cause! She had a stranger over when your husband came home. End of story - she's fired.

I'd for sure mark it up as a performance issue. Do you want her to use you as a reference for future work? Would you be comfortable giving her a good recommendation based on what happened?

I'd let her go. No notice, no severance. She broke a rule. She's fired.

J.

Fire her immediately, with no severance pay, and tell her why. Don't let her continue thinking that her behavior is acceptable by using your husband's job loss as the reason.

I personally would not mention your husband is laid off. It is none of her business and is irrelevant. She is being fired for having a strange man in your house against your predetermined agreement. No severance and no 2 wks notice. How could you trust her with your children again?

She would have already been long gone if it were me. In my absence I'd expect a caregiver to do exactly that "give care" to my children. They should be her focus. She should be engaging your children not allowing the TV to babysit them. I would have encouraged the playdates as well, but agree no strangers in your home without your prior approval. She should be following your napping schedule. She should also be feeding them exclusively from whatever menu you provide of acceptable meals and snacks. I would say a DR appt or other occasional appt is perfectly acceptable. However going shopping or other errands should be done after work. Your child's reaction to "no nanny" should have been enough to warrant further investigation. All of these issues should have been addressed with her already but since you didn't you can not terminate her for those reasons. However, I would terminate her immediately based on the stranger in your home which she already knows is against the rules. No I would not give her any severance pay or notice. She would be gone today...end of story. Prior to interviewing her replacement make a list of exactly what you want your Nanny to do with and for your children. Be specific about your house rules including your preferred method of discipline. Make sure you are all on the same page before you hire anyone. Good Luck and God Bless!

I'd be deeply disturbed to learn of this. You'll do her a service in the long run, and possibly making future children happier and safer with her, if you are up-front about your quite reasonable dissatisfaction.

She'd be lucky if she had her hearing in tact if she were my nanny. Did you make sure she wasn't abusing your kids in any way? I'm not trying to sound all crazy, but it's just worrisome that your oldest screamed about the nanny being over. HELL NO she would not get paid a dime, I wouldn't even pay her a proper last paycheck for having some dude in my house... that is ridiculous! She obviously wasn't doing anything except maybe some housekeeping. You don't know him, he could be some damn pedo for all yall know. Don't EVEN bring up your husband's job, fire her because she is negligent and if she works for a company or is on one of those nanny sites fricken review here so other mom can know this chick brings strange guys into your house. Sorry if my post is aggressive, but I have bad experiences with guys in my life so I certainly don't trust guys I don't know to be around my daughter. Why didn't you fire her when your daughter was screaming or when the first few offenses came into play? I'm just curious if this was all sudden or if it was offenses spaced out.

I agree with Mallory P and Kathleen R

I'm not clear on one thing -- is she someone you hired as an individual, or did you find her through some nanny search agency? Does a cut of her pay go to some agency, etc.?

If she somehow came to you through an agency of any kind, I would notify them in writing that you're firing her for cause and have no intention of admitting her to your house again or paying her severance. I also would rip them for hiring her out in the first place. Even if the only issues were things like letting the kids watch TV and hauling them on her (not your) errands, I'd have fired her. Leaving a kid with a full diaper, worse. Having a stranger in the house -- call the cops.

If she has keys to your house, even if she returned them to you already, I'd seriously consider getting the locks changed. I hate to say it, but some people can be vindictive, and she knows where you live and where you keep every item in your entire house.

OMG! I would FREAK if someone took my kids somewhere while they were being paid to watch them and "I (didn't) know what she (was) doing with them or where they go." Really?

You have cause to terminate, and I would do so on the basis of unsatisfactory performance.

I'm more disturbed that you've let this go on such that you have a LIST of grievances. Take this as a wakeup call that for everything you see that is a problem there are probably a dozen more that you don't. Keep a tighter reign on the future nanny.

No you are not! I would fire a nanny just for letting the kids watch too much t.v. that alone would be a cause for me but with the other things you mentioned you should have let her go a long time ago. Don't feel bad at all and good luck to your hubby. Did y'all ever find out who the man was?

Hun-you had a stranger (male) in your home with your kids there, that is disturbing, upsetting, and everything in between. Bring it up...and please get rid of her asap , your children crying when she's there is a big sign. Good luck to you and sorry about what happened to your husband. Times are still hard

I would terminate her for cause. She let a strange man into your home! No strange man should be trusted with children --my hubby's opinion, btw.

As a woman who has nannied for years, I agree with you, her actions stink and are totally unprofessional. And as a mom, I'd be appalled.

If there was nothing wrong in her actions, I would have suggested giving her a certain amount of notice. However, she's violated your trust and is not taking care of the children other than doing the bare minimum. If it were me, I'd just want her out.

I wouldn't bring up the offenses-- she likely knows what they are, esp. if she hadn't checked in with you about the male friend. I'd just have her pay ready and let her know that due to family circumstances, you won't be able to keep her on. If she presses the issue, let her know that what your husband saw hurt and violated your trust, and that you feel it's best to end things now. Best wishes to her and all that, but don't sweat this one. This was a business arrangement (we like to think 'nannies are part of the family', but we aren't) , her half of which isn't being fulfilled.

Good luck with this conversation. Sorry.

H.

I would certainly fire her. I'd tell her here's your check for the time I owe you and you are fired for violating our agreement and putting our children in danger.

What did she have to say when your husband came home to this scene?

I would not be comfortable with someone dragging my kids along on her personal business while *I* paid her to watch *them*.

I agree to change the locks. We did, after a bad au pair.

I was a nanny for 10 yrs and ye, you absolutely should let her go!

Its absolutely ridiculous for you to not know where your children are or what they are doing!! I would often take the kids I nannied for out and about -sometimes running errands or to a dr appts or meeting my hubby for lunch but the families I worked for were fine with it. They could call or text me at any point and I would tell them where we were, who we were with, what we were doing, etc. And I always made sure the children were fed, ate and changed at appropriate times. And I helped the family out with cleaning, laundry, dr appointments and running their errands.

Your husband being laid off is the perfect excuse for you to let your nanny go. Its up to you on whether you want to just pay her for the time and let her go now or if you want to give her the notice and have her work (after all, if your husband is around she really has to behave).

I would consider this (and previous behavior) with cause, so no severance pay! Her behavior was completely unacceptable and who knows how long it would have continued had your husband not found out about it. If I had walked in on her, I would have told her to leave and not come back. I'd also let her know not to put you down as a reference when she tries to get another job.

I am pretty easy going, but I would say see ya! the fact that she had a male over that you did not know would be enough for me to let her go without warning and without severance! Espescially since he was unattended while she was in another room doing laundry.

Well for the saftey of your kids and not knowing who she brings around, I say she was done on Friday. Meet her somewhere public on Monday and tell her that Friday was her last day. Tell her the reasons plus your husbands layoff.

Pay for the time she was used and that's all. No notice for firing her. If you have a written contract I'm sure there is something there you can use for not giving severance. Don't even mention your husband. She's being fired for neglecting your children and for disobeying the work rules (just as you would get fired if you went against your boss). Change your locks. You just never know and it's always better to be safe than sorry. And if she came from an agency, report her.

No severance, no 2 weeks. She was being paid to perform a service, and besides doing that poorly, she blatanly disobeyed the rules set in place. Fire her because of the strange man... if she pushes for more reasons, then list all the other stuff. If she had been a good, or even mediocre nanny, I might have compromised on the severance and laid off vs fired... but since she was a horrible nanny, she doesn't deserve your compassion.

has she worked since that 'incident?' if yes, you may not be able to use the uninvited guest excuse or slacking off work because those are issues that need to be brought up instantly, not when it gets convenient, as in now you don't need a nanny so the reason for letting her go it's her performance. if she HASN'T worked since then yes use her uninvited guest, not attending to a child who needed her help. meaning things that happened THAT day. not before, because her taking kids shopping, skipping their naps etc should have been brought up right then and there.

Yes i would fire her I would probably tell her that its because of the job loss and if thats not enough the stranger around your childeren should do it that is reason enough for me strangers in the house with my children is unexceptable you are more of woman than me i probably would have fired her then to much is going on to good luck to you hope things work out

Yes, I think her offenses are enough for termination. She was doing a terrible job as a nanny. I don't think you are overreacting at all. I'm pretty laid back about things and I would be very unhappy with her. I would tell her what she did that was wrong so she knows for future jobs and I would tell her part of the decision is your husband is now jobless (bc that will make her feel better). As a nanny she should have been focusing on the kids, focusing on kid activities, kid meals, and kid outings (not doing errands!). And having a strange male over is a HUGE deal breaker. That is the biggest offense of all. You don't know him and you did not do a background check on him. That is very disturbing. Let her know that.

There's no legal reason why you would need to give two weeks. Besides, even if you had promised her two weeks notice when you hired her, she promised not to have strangers over and to care for your children. Setting them in front of the TV or ignoring them isn't caring for them. Give her five minutes notice to get out of your house (but do pay her for the days she worked).

Just so you know, I have had a nanny for my children in the past and did provide her with two weeks notice. That was part of our written agreement, and she hadn't done anything to violate my trust. My husband and I decided to put our kids in preschool, so we no longer needed the nanny. Had she violated my trust, I would have given no notice, written her a check for the days worked, and told her to get out. I advise you to do that right now!

Not over reacting at all. What if your husband didnt come home early and this man molested ur kids. You may have never known. I would thank her for her 2.5 years, let her know your hubby has been laid off give her the severance pay and leave it alone. You don't know if she has made copies of your Keyes or who this character is she let in your house. Don't let it end on bad terms, even though you have the right to be livid! Who knows what else she has done!

I'd pay her what she's due and that should be it. By having a man in the house without your permission is plenty of reason for instant termination and not to have to pay her an extra 2 weeks. You do need to pay her up to the last date she worked tho otherwise she can sue for that.

Your nanny has no case against you. If she applies for unemployment, they will investigate and possibly call you. If you paid her cash - good luck for her proving she worked for you at all. If you paid by check, just tell them she was fired due to not performing her duties not because you do need her anymore. That will be the end of "trouble".
I, personally, cannot believe you had her for so long and knew she was not doing anything with the kids just letting them watch TV and running her own errands. Next time, surprise your nanny more often. My nanny is not allowed to carry on personal conversations unless there is an emergency when she is working. I hope the kids will be better off with your husband than with her.

I would release her of her duties immediately!!! What you described is completely unacceptable. I agree with Trish N., write a check for the days she did work and kindly ask her to leave. If she has a problem with that tell her she violated your agreement about strangers in the house and other things you described above. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but thank God your husband arrived home when he did! Good luck!
A.

Good lord - laid off or not, you should have let this nanny go a long time ago!! If nothing else except for the fact that all she seems to do is turn on the TV for them! She is certainly being terminated with cause, and she doesn't deserve any severance or notice. You owe her nothing. Good riddance!

As a nanny myself, I would let her know having a strange man in the house IS UNACCEPTABLE. However, now that your husband is out of work, you will not longer be needing her services. I would pay her, per your agreement, for her time and the 2 weeks severance, because thats the RIGHT thing to do. In any other environment, you would be expecting the same thing.

I would definatly give her a bad reference. She didn't take care of your children and she put them in a possible dangerous situarion bringing a strange man into your house around your kids.

I know you want to avoid trouble, but I don't see any trouble happening. She has no basis to sue you, and the only way a lawyer would even take the case is if she lied to them. One letter to the lawyer from you would clear it up. Your only issue is that if you haven't been paying her on the books and she files for unemployment, you will owe back taxes I think. It's a common thing that happens, and honestly, it is worth it to get rid of her. Paying her two weeks severance is not going to stop her from applying for unemployment.

You need to have a blunt conversation with her about all the things that you had problems with, and tell her that good nanny's that are beloved by the parents that hire them, do things differently, like respond to kids immediately, ask permission to have people over, cook, interact with children and do activities. If you feel like after speaking to her, she is going to change on future jobs, then you could say as a reference that you had to let her go for job reasons. But if you get the vibe that she's not, or if she's defensive, then I think you have to be honest. This wasn't a job making widgets at a factory; its about kids. You have more responsibility to other parents than to this nanny.

Seriously, in this economy, there's a lot of great women out there would would make terrific nannies. You'll find someone better when your husband has a job.

I'm with Michele B

You don't owe her 2 weeks pay or notice and I wouldn't put it on your husband not working. Be honest, she hasn't someone has to.

Your children are first, period. you are their advocate, period. Terminate her with cause no men and not paying attention to children's needs, period. Be a matter of fact and let her go.

Don't be afraid to do this and if you must do it over the phone or an email. She won't and can't take you to court. You are not over reacting either, trust your gut and your kids signs.

Best wishes to your hubby finding work out there. Best wishes to you trusting yourself.

I would say you had cause and terminate her for the reasons you said. I would also tell her you will tell her husband if she doesn't go quietly, though you can't legally do this.

Her having strangers in the house is grounds for immediate termination, no severance. Honestly, I would not say that it is related to the job loss. I would tell her she had a stranger in the house with your little girls, don't come back. It sounds lkike she is doing a terrible job and I can't imagine why you haven't fired her by now. It sounds like she is carrying on her own life at your expense rather than doing her job, by entertaining guests rather than taking care of the kids, and spending her day running her own errands while toting your kids around instead of centering the day around them and child-appropriate activities. How could you be questioning whether letting a stranger into your house with your precious children is grounds for termination? She should have been fired on the spot. I fully agree with the mom who says that you are underreacting.

I don't think you overreacted at all. If I were in the same situation and found the nanny in those circumstances, I would have said, "Please don't come back." You expressed to her when you hired her that no one was allowed over unless you gave approval. You are not in the wrong at all.

the strange man in the house is cause right there. let her go, pleasantly, professionally, with judgment or recriminations.
also without severance or references.
good luck with the job sitch!
khairete
S.

she violated terms of contract, why NOT bring that up? Laundry list EVERYTHING. Put it in WRITING. Some strange guy is in your home and you are quibbling about not giving her 2 weeks? She's out. If she questions it - refer her to your laundry list in writing.

WOW. Hon, you can't seriously think you are overreacting. your BABIES dont' like the woman!

hugs to you, hope you can find a way to console your girls, and move on from this awful time period to a more quiet and healthy time for them.

Lady,
You have CAUSE!
Good luck, and hug those babies and keep them close!
M.

Let.
Her.
Go.

She should not have a man in the house. Period.

Sorry to anyone who may feel that I am being sexist. But it is different for a Nanny to have her woman friends over than to have a man friend in the house. I wouldn't stand for it, and I wouldn't give her 2 weeks either. And I have had my nanny for 3.5 years and I have already given her 6 months notice!! But that is because she committed no transgressions and I don't have any concerns. But now that your hubs is unemployed, it should be easy. New York is a work at will state. She has no legal recourse. There might be drama. But probably aside from one conversation, there will be nothing.

Best of luck

I would terminate her and not pay severence. That is NOT the right thing to do. If you were laying her off, then I would pay a severence but not with a termination. Be careful, if you pay a severence with a termination she might come back at you. Check you state's unemployment. Did you pay her ss taxes or was she an independant contractor or under the table. That will come into play as well.

If you decide to terminate, don't beat round the bush. Sit her down tell her why you are terminating her and don't get into a debate with her. Be short and factual with her.

I would also recommend changing the locks and any passwords she might have come in contact with. Just because she gives you the key back doesn't mean she didn't have a copy made. Good luck!!!

You have excellent grounds for letting her go immediately without severance. You had a clear rule which she violated. Your husband found her neglecting the child as well. The other red flags of your daughter screaming and not wanting her around and then the other things which you didn't like - instant food and tv watching - are all good reasons for her being let go (with severance).

You have several reasons to have cause. Just let her go. You owe her nothing.

wow, definitely get rid of her and if you feel uncomfortable sitting down and having a conversation, put it in writing and kick her out the door. It should have been done before this happened judging from the other things you listed, but the strange man is the cake-topper.
Good luck, hope you find someone more trustworthy.

She has done you and your children great disservice. I think you have a perfect opportunity to tell her she is no longer needed due to your husband's job, but DO NOT give her a good recommendation or a letter of recommendation. She should not work in childcare.

I will let her go. I would NEVER allow my nanny to have some strange man in my house even her husband. She is there to do a job. And for your child not wanting her around something else has to be going on. I am sorry but children express themselves in different ways when they can not comunicate yet. For your child to be upset when the nanny comes over RED FLAG!!! I read a lot of post, and I am sorry to say this but who is to say this was the first time this man has been over and nothing happen to her children. I would take them to a doctor to be checked out and I would tell her. This is nuts! This is why I had and have my children in a great daycare. I check in on him when ever I want. Glass windows so they are not hiding anything. My daughter is older now, but the same went for her. I would look into daycares at least they are a lot of people. In a home unless you have a video cam no one knows what is really going on. Good Luck! Keep us posted please.