Letting 3-Yr. Old Open Baby Gate?

I have to lift my other kids over because I too have very steep stairs and that would be a awful fall if they did forget...good luck

You can buy door/gate alams at wal mart and other stores like it for a few dollars. I would let the 3 year old open the gates, but put the alarm on them on low, that way you will hear if she doesn't shut them and it will be a reminder to her to shut them.

Hi E.,

What a GREAT post! We just recently put a gate at the top of our stairs. I "thought" I purchased the best one. However the directions were not as easy to install as the box claimed. It said it was a 10 min install.

Does anybody have a gate installed to a wood banister on one side and the wall on the other?! This is installed from our living room down to our rec. room.

I bought the taupe colored Evenflo gate a few weeks ago at Babies R Us. When we finally got it installed it now hangs 5" above the floor vs. 3". They replaced it but my hubby had a really hard time drilling into our banister to ensure he didn't go thru it completely. Now the thought of removing it to lower it really bothers him. So I am going to have my brother do it. I am just wondering if other gates are better?! We haven't found that it closes very well and our 3 1/2 yr old can open it even if we don't want her to!

The whole point of this gate was to prevent our baby from going down the stairs again. I was downstairs for less than 5 min when she was 4 months old (she is now 5 1/2 months) and she went down the stairs (about 9 or 10 carpeted ones). I am pretty sure her 3 1/2 yr old sister "helped her" with that as she is not crawling yet. But, regardless it terrified me and I will never let that happen again. She was fine, thank God!

So if you have a different gate for installing into a banister and wall and could privately message me about it I would appreciate it!

E., my advice...don't let your 3 1/2 year old mess with the gate. Too risky!

L.

Why not ask her to let you know each time she opens it so that you can pay attention to the safety thing too. This way she is not being held completely responsible for something that really IS beyond her years - she is really still a toddler herself.

If something were to happen to her baby brother, it would scar her conscience for life knowing it was her fault. My own advice is - take responsibility for the gate... let her open and close it only as long as YOU are willing to take charge of making sure it got closed and not blame her if it doesn't.

My oldest is 10 and she is the only one besides us that can open the gate. My 4yr old (will be 5 in Oct) doesn't know how to open the gate and that is just fine with us.

As much "hassle" as it might be to open the gate for her, it is the safest option, as you will know when the gate is open and when it is closed.

i think you need to use your judgement on if you trust her to close the gates or not. we only have one stair case and its right between the living room and kitchen and we can see when its not closed. there has still been too many times that the kids (8, 9, 12) have left the gate open or partially open and our 15mo has ran up the steps. or i will walk past and see its open and he is upstairs already playing. thankfully there has only been one accident with him falling and it wasn't from the top. on the other hand when i would babysit a 3 yr old he was better at shutting it than my kids were! he always shut it behind him. i think it was more because he knew when he played with his favorite toys he wouldn't have to share them with the baby if he was upstairs, so he made extra sure the baby couldn't follow up.

I would encourage her to ask for help with the gate. My nephew opened the basement door for my niece (he was 4 and she was about 16 months). He said she wanted to go down, so he thought he was helping... she proceeded to fall down and had some pretty serious scrapes and bruises (no broken bones). I would worry that she might not really grasp the concept of the consequences of her leaving it open, either accidentally or on purpose.

Another note, my son was 17 months when he fell down our stairs and broke his arm. At that point he was pretty proficient at going up and down on his own, and I got lax on shutting the gate. It was horrible and I felt like a terrible Mom for letting it happen.

So, I'd say, even thought it will be kind of a pain for you, the safety of your little one is more important at this point.

Good Luck!
J.
SAHM to Charlie (3) Joey (20 months) and #3 due Nov.

We have a 4, 2, and almost 4 month old and the policy is no one opens the gates except for grown ups. It's not that we don't trust her (our oldest), it's that accidents happen and we're not willing to give our 2 year old an opportunity to fall down the steps or get into something he shouldn't. It's a pain in the butt to have to open and close the gate, but we also do it with the bathroom door and the childlock on that so that our daughter can go to the potty but our son can't get in. Thankfully we don't have to do it forever :) Hope this helps.

Good morning, E.! As a mother of 8, of all ages, I have had extensive experience with gates. It's always a good choice to get the gate for her all the time. Three-year-olds are smart (we always think our kids are THE smartest) but they shouldn't be saddled with the responsibility of getting the gate so the baby doesn't fall. I would just go up the stairs, pick the older child up, bring them down the stairs, and safely set them down on the other side. It's the safest way, plus the extra exercise is good for you!! (smile) They grow so fast you won't even notice the extra work and you'll always be there to ensure everyone's safety. Hope this helps.

Hi E.-
We have 2 gates in our house as well. For the basement steps we have the Evenflo SimpleEffort gate that has a remote to open and close it (closes automatically). It is a pressure gate. For the upstairs we have a wooden looking gate from One Step Ahead, again a pressure gate.
Both gates the other 2 (ages 5 and 3) can open on their own.

#1 (who is now almost 5) was 3.5 when #2 was born. He already knew how to open and close the gates and was already pretty responsible when we had people over and they were in use. (We hadn't used them in some time because he was reliable on stairs and he needed access to the bathrooms, but they are semi-permanently installed so they were always there.)

I would start by having your daughter practice when the baby is sleeping. Tell her what can happen if the baby falls down the stairs. She might need reminders, especially at first. We could always hear the gate open, so we'll holler from wherever we were "remember to close the gate please." If you're worried about that you could tie a little bell or chime to the gate so you have a warning when it gets opened. Then you can listen for it closing, and remind your daughter if she forgets. You might find that your little one gets proficient on the stairs more quickly because he wants to follow his big sister.

If this is a gate with a hinge, I would install a self-closing hinge. My 4 year old and almost 2 year old both like to do things for them self and I know in my case saying don't open the gate Mommie will come get you would not work unless I stayed at the gate all the time.

You can get self-closing hinges at any hardware store but you want to make sure it is a controlled self-closing hinge which will not slam shut on little fingers or toes. If you can't find what you need at your local hardware store try searching on-line, I just did and got plenty of results. One more tip. I bought a chess for blankets and such but the lid would slam shut and so I was looking for saftey hinges like was on our toy box, I first went to Home Depot, and could not find exactly what I wanted so I went to a small independant hardware store and they did have exactly what I wanted.

Good Luck.

At that young of an age I think that's too much to expect from them. They don't understand consequences just yet and if they knew it was their fault the baby fell down the stairs and the baby was hurt they would feel really bad. I took parenting classes and if we expect too much from them at too young of an age and something like that happens it isn't actually the 3 yr olds fault it would be the parents fault for not handling the situation right. Kind of harsh I know but it makes sense. Good Luck, watch out for your baby's safety and your 3 yr olds well being and deal with opening for her until the baby is taught how to go down the stairs properly

E.,

I let my older kids (7,5,3) open and shut the basement door (baby can't open, so it's as good as the baby gate.) You will have to teach your 3 year old - and remind her more than once - but this is a part of growing up and learning to take responsibility in a family. Just keep an eye on both of them for a while until you are confident that the 3 year old shuts the gate out of habit. When I let my baby roam, I always check the door first to make sure it is shut and go back and check it frequently just in case.

Good luck,
S.

E., I think at this point it's safest not to let your older daughter open the gate. My 3 1/2 year old niece just opened a door to a stairwell at their house and their 1 year old toppled right down. The 1 year old had to have all the teeth that had grown in removed and the whole family felt awful and responsible and guilty afterwards. I would say the risk is just too high for something really bad to happen. A little hassle right now may be annoying, but the alternative scenario makes it seem worth it.
Good luck.

I make our 4 year old still ask us and our youngest is 2.5...

better to be safe than sorry...

Hello! My oldest was probably about that age when my youngest started moving around. I can't remember for sure, but I don't think we let him do the gate by himself, unless we watched to make sure it got closed. I don't think he started doing it alone till more like 5. I know it is annoying, but you probably should just open it for her. Even if she does remember to close it, what if ONE time she didn't get it closed just right?! That would be terrible. I think it is probably too big of risk. You could let her do it and watch every time for awhile and see how she does. We only had one stairway, and most of the time I just made my kids stay upstairs with me. (we had a split-foyer). As your baby gets older, you could start working with her on the stairs, training her the proper way to go up and down, to lessen her falling chances.

Stairs will always make me cringe! Even to this day with my youngest now 3, I still worry about someone bumping her and her falling! I guess that fear never resides! Good luck! Maybe someone else will have more tips for you! :)

My 3 year old opens and shuts the gate very well. We explained to him how bad little brother could get hurt if he rolled down and that the gates are to help keep him safe. We basically made it a "very important job, that we needed his (the 3 year old's) help with. We enlisted him to make sure everybody shuts the gates behind them to keep brother safe, and then praised him for a job well done!