Legal Savvy Moms, Dads, Anyone

Updated on January 06, 2015
J.B. asks from Garfield, WA
28 answers

So in June of this year myself and my child moved in with two of my sisters. We are all listed on the lease (aside from my child) as tenants. The only signatures on the lease are mine and my oldest sister as there was only two lines to sign. Things had been going great with normal ups and downs of living with family or other people for that matter.
As fall and winter came my oldest sister and I tried to get our youngest sister to realize that its safer to not do extra driving during these months so she can try to avoid going off the road, dying, etc. To which she replied that she just cant stop her life because there is snow on the ground (this is her first winter where she is actually driving all the time in the snow and ice so remember shes a pro!).
She had mentioned to me mid November that she was THINKING about moving out and that she had found a room to rent from a guy off of craigslist (real safe!) but there was nothing solid yet. Her excuse was that she cant afford the gas. She has a 2014 Kia Forte that gets 34 miles to the gallon (just better then my pontiac vibe). Fyi if I can afford the gas for the same drive on 8/hr part time (usually 16 hours a week) then she can afford it on 9.40/hour full time. Anyways she started meds for depression (zoloft 100mg) right before this because we (my older sister and i) are just so mean and we never let her do anything and are always being like her mother etc. All we ask is if theres snow on the the ground let us know when your on your way home or let us know if your not coming home. This is what we think of as common courtesy so we know if shes not home in x amount of time (45-60 mins) something could be wrong. She never said a word to our older sister. I thought about telling her myself because many times but it wasnt my place.
Fast forward to last month. Holidays went great. Then the 27th came and I went to use her computer to face time with my mom. It wasnt where I had left it so I looked in the living room. Nope not there. Looked in her room to find it empty. Not a note left, no call, text with some bs excuse of I just cant live there anymore nothing. We still havent heard from her nor have we tried to make contact with her. I will stand by the thought of she needs to come to use and be an adult and explain herself then hear us out. But according to her mom (our youngest sister was adopted by our aunt at birth) she wants to talk to us. To which we told her then she needs to do just that and not go through a middle man. Then I hear through one of my friends that ran into her that we told her she had a week to pack her things and go. Which is not true at all. So she is lying to play the victim to make others feel sorry for her, What makes me mad also is my own dad and step mom knew she was planing on moving out and didnt say hey Brittany has been venting a lot to us and we/I think you all should sit down and talk. Nothing they said nothing! Whats worse is that OUR mom (mine and my oldest sisters) paid her third of the rent. Not my sister or her mom but my mom so we could live here one more month at least.

Okay so on to my question. What can we do if anything legally. Can we take her to court over this. There was no thirty day hey Im moving out by Dec. 31. I have a child and if we loose this house I become homeless and I have to send her to her dads house (because thats being responsible). Please dont tell me that we should make contact with her first. She did the low down dirty move of packing up and leaving not us she needs to fess up and admit it. Please anything helpful would be awesome thank you.

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So What Happened?

well thank you all. now i fully remember why i dont post anything here.
oh yes we are so hostile that we want to know when shes on her way home if the roads were bad. god for bid! guess we shouldnt care so much. but none of you drive the roads we do where if you slide off the road you wont be found till the next day if that. hell youll be lucky if you have reception to call 911 if your conscience.
for the ladies who said i couldnt get her to move back in. i dont want her here. just because she said she was thinking about moving out means nothing and no its not my place to do the adult thing and tell everyone else that was her place. i wasnt the one moving.
suck up my pride!?! you arent the one looking at being homeless in 29 degree winter. but thats ok because we she was justified in moving out.
sticking my family in it. no i talked to my mom. the one that moved out brought the rest of them in it because they fell for her sob story.
the sister that moved had no part in financially supporting my child. unless you consider her paying her agreed part. i have single handed supported her for the last year with no help from her father who just cant afford to making 12.40/ and hour full time.
she want to be considered an adult then she needs to behave like one and come to us. none of this bs im scared blah blah blah. shes only scared because she knows she went about moving out in the wrong way.
oh yes using her computer that i had permission to use was totally walking on her. yep im so terrible. how will i ever live with myself.
heres how a sit down will go with her. she will come make a half assed attempt to explain herself and when we tell her how we feel she will throw on the tears saying we just dont understand, we are just so mean to her. the only difference is that we know its bs. she has played a victim her whole life dispite having everything handed to her.
yes i know there are some very reliable people on craigslist. however in the area we live it its mostly college kids who arent reliable to rent from. if this guy a month down the road says you know i dont want a room mate anymore or if this person shes renting from has to go home for the summer guess who has no place to live...??? here ill make it easy for you that would be her. and when she comes crawling back here she will hear the well your an adult figure it out.
so call me cold, bitter, overbearing etc i dont really care. she has sank to a deep low and lost a lot of trust i have for her.

Featured Answers

L.U.

answers from Seattle on

Legally I don't think you can do anything. She's not on the lease. And, as someone who has rented places with up to 6 people, the fact that there wasn't a "line" to sign on is complete and total BS. You just draw a line and then sign on top of that.
All the other stuff you wrote about has no bearing on the legal aspect....that's just family drama.

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

judge judy?
i mean, you say you don't want to hear the obvious.
i say good for her for escaping from a clearly abusive situation.
khairete
S.

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L.Z.

answers from Seattle on

Sounds like it's time to put an ad out for a new roomie or take on another job. No it wasn't right of her to fight you on such a silly thing as texting when she was on her way home. It might have been more than that, as living with family can be very challenging. Let that go and try to make up with her in time. She didn't mean you any harm, but she sounds like she didn't want to give up that little bit of control to her sisters. It wasn't responsible or safe, but sometimes siblings have a hard time listening to each other.

I don't think this warrants legal action. You won't be able to have a relationship with her if you decide to move forward in that direction. Try to move on and find a better fit in a roommate. I'd look for a graduate student at the university or someone who seems responsible like that. You might find that it's a lot less drama. I hope you find a decent solution. I agree that I'd hate to have to move to a smaller place in the winter! Not fun.

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J.S.

answers from St. Louis on

I don't see any right person here. Sorry but I would not put up for a second the way you were treating your sister. I have two adult children and I didn't micromanage them as much as you tried to micromanage your sister when they were still living at home!!

She should not have left when you weren't there but dang, with the way you were treating her I don't exactly blame her. Read your post, she makes more than me, she owes me, I use her computer.... You were using her, ya know?

So far as legal goes, she has a fairly viable claim of hostile environment if she wants to fight you, she also didn't sign the lease. More than that it isn't her responsibility to help you pay rent and support your family.

Per your what happened, now I remember why I never answer your questions anymore, you never accept any responsibility for your own life. Good luck with that.

I really do suggest you read all your past questions. All of your questions going on and on about how your in laws owe you even though you were living there rent free. All your well so and so make more than me, has more than me blah blah blah... Everything about your attitude screams everyone should do as I expect because the world owes me. It does not. I worry about what your daughter is learning from your behavior.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

After your SWH: I am a retired police officer and have met mom's like you i I find what you're doing abusive not only to your sister but also your son.Those women had a difficult life and continueD to be unhappy because they didn't accept responsibility for their lives. You blamed your husband for your unhappiness. You're now blaming your sister. Until you accept responsibility for your own life you will be unhappy your whole life. Maybe you like to be unhappy. You have the power to change your life and be happy. Wouldn't you like a happier life.

I understand why she moved out. She didn't tell you when
she'd move out but she did tell you she'd found a place and was looking. This move is not a suprise. Why didn't you tell your sister? Because this decision affects both of you it is your business to tell her. There is nothing legal that you can do to get her to move back in or to continue paying rent on your house.

What would your goal be in taking her to court? The court could not order her to move back. If getting money is your goal she doesn't have money to give you. Taking her to court would be a waste of time. Because she didn't sign the lease she has no responsibility for paying the rent.

As to giving your son to his father you could keep him if you want to. There are thousands of single mothers without money who find a way to keep their children. There are resources to help you. The state has a Human Resources office who will give you state aid with some restrictrions. The utility company will reduce your payments. Churchs will help. You can get food from a food pantry.

You said you're not mothering her. Let's take another look at that. She is an adult who can legally make choices about her life. She can drive in the snow if she wants. She can rent where ever and when ever she wants. BTW Craigslist has ads from responsible people. She gets to decide how far she's willing to drive to work. She's an adult. She is not responsible to take care of you.

I suggest you read about codependency. A codependent person depends on others to make them happy. Each one of us is responsible for our own happiness. Your sister wasn't happy. She made plans to change that. Your happiness is your responsibility. I suggest renting a house that you could not afford was your choice. Not hers.

What would you say when you talk with her? You should not be trying to get her to move back in. Honor her choice. I suggest you make this meeting as a way to improve your relationship. She is your sister. If you love her you would let her know that even tho you're unhappy you recognise she is an adult and has the right to move out. I would apologize for trying to run her life. I'd "kiss and make up."

I suggest you have this conversation in a public place because doing so helps both of you to be able to keep your voices quiet and to be polite to eachieve other. And that you do not tell her what to do. This is her choice. She is an adult capable of living her life without you.

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B.B.

answers from Missoula on

So what I have taken from all of this is that you want to take your sister to court but not to sit down and talk about all of this like adults unless she contacts you first. Is that correct?

If your priority is to keep the house you may have to be the grown up and initiate contact with your sister; if your priority is to punish your sister then you may have to risk losing the house. Your call.

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V.S.

answers from Reading on

Your SWH says a lot about your level of maturity, problem solving, and relationship management. I suggest you take a good hard look in the mirror as your sister is not the only one playing the victim here.

By the way - to what end would you sue her? She has no money - it would purely be punishment.

Eta - oh my goodness. Reading over your past posts, it is so sad that you never accept the perspectives you ask for on this board. It is so clear to all of us, based on your own descriptions, how out of control and drama filled your life is. I can't imagine why you continue to ask advice if you aren't prepared to hear it. You need some serious growing up.

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R.B.

answers from San Francisco on

You can't "mother" your sister. My adult daughter can barely tolerate me mothering her for two days, or she starts getting all snippy. So right now I have to worry about her being off in a foreign, third world country by herself, which is way more worrisome than someone driving in snow.

If your mom paid her third of the rent, then your mom could pay for her third of the rent this time. Look for a roommate if you need a third person.

Time to stop mothering your sister. Most young adults, especially 20-somethings, can't stand it.

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E.B.

answers from Austin on

There are so many issues here.

First, I'm assuming your sister (the one who moved out) is over 18 because her name is on the lease, even if her signature is not. She has a job, a new car, and apparently has a doctor and tends to her own healthcare needs.

Yet you know her medication dosage, her computer password, her hourly pay rate to the penny, and the exact mileage that her car gets. And you demanded that she report to you about her comings and goings. She told you 2 months ago that she was considering moving, but you didn't sit down with her as a adult and a mother and ask her about any problems, or how the living situation could be structured better.

And now you want to sue her.

The problem is, you have a child. You are a mother. That comes first. All this rage, resentment and control over your sister are misplaced and wrong. You're not your sister's legal guardian, and she didn't require a caretaker.

So let all this go. Take it as a valuable life lesson. You need to be a caring, effective, loving and responsible mother to your child. I can't imagine the stress that your child is experiencing. Focus solely on your child, and yourself, and make the two of you responsible roommates to your other sister, and make yourself a responsible and loving mother. Provide a peaceful, forgiving and happy home for your child.

Sure, things happened. There were hard feelings, mistakes made all around by all parties, and it ended badly. But it doesn't have to stay that way. Reach out to your sister and say "I'm sorry our living situation didn't work out, but I want to apologize for making too many demands on you. I want our family to be harmonious". Or else, continue to let the resentment grow until someday, 20 years from now, you realize your family hasn't spoken in decades and it was all because your sister didn't tell you she was driving home in the snow. Your choice.

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M.R.

answers from Washington DC on

Move fast or lose your child for now. Get your priorities in order or you will find your housing gone.

Every minute you spend seething over and talking about and posting about your sister will only be another minute you did not spend on putting a roof over your kid's head. Which is the priority right now, right here, this day? Getting back at sister who is not going to respond anyway, or getting your housing secured?

Either find another roommate pronto, or you and your older sister must find cheaper housing that the two of you can afford together with no need for a third person. Since you have a child in the home and you never know what kind of person you could end up with as a roommate if you have to find one fast-- I'd go for finding another home that you and older sister can afford without any other roommate.

Take ALL that energy that you are aiming at your sister and direct it towards finding new housing immediately. Much better use of your energy. Then contact your sister or not, as you wish, but only after you have put your housing and your child first by tending to your business. It is not your business to sue her; she has nothing to pay you with if you even did sue her successfully so it would be a waste of time to sue --and you need that time to find housing.

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O.O.

answers from Los Angeles on

ETA2: "I have a child and if we loose this house I become homeless and I have to send her to her dads house (because thats being responsible). Please dont tell me that we should make contact with her first. She did the low down dirty move of packing up and leaving not us she needs to fess up and admit it."

Nice. Cause it's SO much more important for you to be RIGHT than to be a good mom. Smh

ETA: per your SWH--no wonder she moved out! Geez! You really think you know it all, font you?
Is this sister that moved out the same O. with the child with the child molester father?

You & the sister that's still there are the ones on the lease, right?
You two now split the rent.
Your little sister doesn't want to live there.
So she moved out.
I don't see what the point is of all the other info your given here.
You'd rather take your own sister to court rather than just go and talk to her since she's not agreeing to your "meeting demands"?
If you can't afford half the rent? Look for another roommate.

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D.B.

answers from Boston on

This is about being a "right fighter" - everyone here wants to be "right" rather than actually talk to each other.

You want your younger sister to be an adult (pay rent, not leave without notice, be a defendant in court) but you want her to be a child (not put her name on the lease because you couldn't draw an extra line, not drive too much because she could die, etc.).

You want to be RIGHT. You don't want to call her because she did the "low down dirty move". She told you she found an apartment but you didn't sit down and talk to her to get the dates she planned to move. She let you all get through the holidays without drama (very adult of her) and then she got out of your hair.

Now you sound more like a victim than the victim you claim she is playing, because although you have a mother who has money to help with rent and a father & stepmother, you suddenly say you will be homeless shortly. If you are so close to everyone, why not sit down and ask for help? Why not advertise for another roommate? Your younger sister decided to find someone on Craigslist rather than deal with the micromanagement by her older sisters. If you are able to manage and critique her life, I'm sure you can manage to figure out a way to either work more than 16 hours or find a roommate (even a college student who will exchange some hours of child care so you can work more, as well as pay some rent).

I think this whole family is dysfunctional, and there's way too much placing of blame and essentially saying "not it" like a kids' game of tag. I recommend good family therapy. You will lose your shirt in small claims court - it will cost you more than you will get, and you don't have any on-paper agreement with your sister anyway. I think you need to put away the resentment and talk about whose fault it is, and work on finding a new roommate immediately.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

She had every right to move out. If the lease says you must give 30 days notice then you have every right to sue, for 1/3 of one months rent, and then you will lose your sister forever, is that the trade off you are looking for? No, it was not too much for you to ask her to call, but you can not demand it, she is not a child. I think I would move out as well if I felt like I was still being mothered. I am sorry her leaving left you in a bind, but you can not force her to stay or pay (beyond that 1/3 of one months rent, hardly seems worth it).

If the father is not paying child support then you need to file papers with the courts and force it, they can and will garnish his wages. Let your sister spread her wings.

There is no point in being so bitter about it, just let it go. Your mother already covered the only amount she would have owned had she given you notice, so now it is on you and your older sister to find a new renter if you can not make the rent, or a new place you can afford with just the two of you.

Added:
and yes, some of us most certainly do live in places where sliding off the road can leave you stranded for some time, we get some pretty nasty weather here in Alaska and have huge expanses of empty space, but I don't call someone every time I take my car out, nor do I limit how much I drive. Life can not stop for a little snow and ice.

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T.F.

answers from Dallas on

Good Lord, I just thought I grew up with a protective mom.

No wonder your sister got out. Who can live with that much scrutiny and be micro managed 24/7??

If she didn't sign the lease, that's your problem. She's not liable if she's not in the lease. Any judge will agree with that. If you wanted her on the lease you should have added a line for her to sign.

Judge Judy would say .... "goodbye"

I also call a flounce here. Just a matter of time.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

I grew up in western NY - tell me about it.
Driving on snow and ice is tricky, but you learn to deal with it - and it takes practice as well as good snow tires.
I commuted to college in a Chevy Chevette - sometimes in zero visibility and on black ice - and there was no snowbank I couldn't rock it out of.
And that was way before there were any cell phones.
I think you were trying to be controlling and Sissy was having none of it.

Only 2 names on the lease because there were only 2 lines?
Oh no, Dear- that's not right - there's forms to add more lines.
We have a rental property and NO ONE lives there that is not on the lease.
We have evicted people who tried to sub let to others.
So I would not recommend you try to get a new room mate unless you get the lease amended to add them on - all nice and legal.
You pulled a fast one with having this other sister living there in the first place.

You are living in a place that is beyond your means if you can't make it with the people who're on the lease.
You don't have a legal foot to stand on.
If you can find a reliable room mate who wants to move in, then go through the process to amend the lease and have everyone listed/signed on in a legal fashion.
Look for other living arrangements or contact your childs father and be ready to send him there.
Be as pissed at your sister as you want to be but you're kind of dishonest yourself and you and she are 2 of a kind.

Count down to flounce off to start....... now!

I delete hate mail so don't bother.

Original:

legal savvy moms, dads, anyone

So in June of this year myself and my child moved in with two of my sisters. We are all listed on the lease (aside from my child) as tenants. The only signatures on the lease are mine and my oldest sister as there was only two lines to sign. Things had been going great with normal ups and downs of living with family or other people for that matter.
As fall and winter came my oldest sister and I tried to get our youngest sister to realize that its safer to not do extra driving during these months so she can try to avoid going off the road, dying, etc. To which she replied that she just cant stop her life because there is snow on the ground (this is her first winter where she is actually driving all the time in the snow and ice so remember shes a pro!).
She had mentioned to me mid November that she was THINKING about moving out and that she had found a room to rent from a guy off of craigslist (real safe!) but there was nothing solid yet. Her excuse was that she cant afford the gas. She has a 2014 Kia Forte that gets 34 miles to the gallon (just better then my pontiac vibe). Fyi if I can afford the gas for the same drive on 8/hr part time (usually 16 hours a week) then she can afford it on 9.40/hour full time. Anyways she started meds for depression (zoloft 100mg) right before this because we (my older sister and i) are just so mean and we never let her do anything and are always being like her mother etc. All we ask is if theres snow on the the ground let us know when your on your way home or let us know if your not coming home. This is what we think of as common courtesy so we know if shes not home in x amount of time (45-60 mins) something could be wrong. She never said a word to our older sister. I thought about telling her myself because many times but it wasnt my place.
Fast forward to last month. Holidays went great. Then the 27th came and I went to use her computer to face time with my mom. It wasnt where I had left it so I looked in the living room. Nope not there. Looked in her room to find it empty. Not a note left, no call, text with some bs excuse of I just cant live there anymore nothing. We still havent heard from her nor have we tried to make contact with her. I will stand by the thought of she needs to come to use and be an adult and explain herself then hear us out. But according to her mom (our youngest sister was adopted by our aunt at birth) she wants to talk to us. To which we told her then she needs to do just that and not go through a middle man. Then I hear through one of my friends that ran into her that we told her she had a week to pack her things and go. Which is not true at all. So she is lying to play the victim to make others feel sorry for her, What makes me mad also is my own dad and step mom knew she was planing on moving out and didnt say hey Brittany has been venting a lot to us and we/I think you all should sit down and talk. Nothing they said nothing! Whats worse is that OUR mom (mine and my oldest sisters) paid her third of the rent. Not my sister or her mom but my mom so we could live here one more month at least.

Okay so on to my question. What can we do if anything legally. Can we take her to court over this. There was no thirty day hey Im moving out by Dec. 31. I have a child and if we loose this house I become homeless and I have to send her to her dads house (because thats being responsible). Please dont tell me that we should make contact with her first. She did the low down dirty move of packing up and leaving not us she needs to fess up and admit it. Please anything helpful would be awesome thank you.

Original So What Happened:

So What Happened?™

well thank you all. now i fully remember why i dont post anything here.
oh yes we are so hostile that we want to know when shes on her way home if the roads were bad. god for bid! guess we shouldnt care so much. but none of you drive the roads we do where if you slide off the road you wont be found till the next day if that. hell youll be lucky if you have reception to call 911 if your conscience.
for the ladies who said i couldnt get her to move back in. i dont want her here. just because she said she was thinking about moving out means nothing and no its not my place to do the adult thing and tell everyone else that was her place. i wasnt the one moving.
suck up my pride!?! you arent the one looking at being homeless in 29 degree winter. but thats ok because we she was justified in moving out.
sticking my family in it. no i talked to my mom. the one that moved out brought the rest of them in it because they fell for her sob story.
the sister that moved had no part in financially supporting my child. unless you consider her paying her agreed part. i have single handed supported her for the last year with no help from her father who just cant afford to making 12.40/ and hour full time.
she want to be considered an adult then she needs to behave like one and come to us. none of this bs im scared blah blah blah. shes only scared because she knows she went about moving out in the wrong way.
oh yes using her computer that i had permission to use was totally walking on her. yep im so terrible. how will i ever live with myself.
heres how a sit down will go with her. she will come make a half assed attempt to explain herself and when we tell her how we feel she will throw on the tears saying we just dont understand, we are just so mean to her. the only difference is that we know its bs. she has played a victim her whole life dispite having everything handed to her.
yes i know there are some very reliable people on craigslist. however in the area we live it its mostly college kids who arent reliable to rent from. if this guy a month down the road says you know i dont want a room mate anymore or if this person shes renting from has to go home for the summer guess who has no place to live...??? here ill make it easy for you that would be her. and when she comes crawling back here she will hear the well your an adult figure it out.
so call me cold, bitter, overbearing etc i dont really care. she has sank to a deep low and lost a lot of trust i have for her.

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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

You and your older sister are out of line. I presume that your younger sister is of adult age? It appear by your post that you wanted to tell her when she should drive and monitor her comings and goings. You just don't do that to adults. Your younger sister did not sign the lease so she is not bound by the terms of the lease. I don't blame her for wanting to move out.

Seriously, do none of you have a phone? You all are adding everyone in the family to your drama and you are getting upset about who in the family knew what and did not tell you. This is absolutely insane. And, YES, You all should be talking this out...that is how adults handle disagreements.

I seriously doubt that you have any legal recourse since she did not sign the lease. Even if you did, legal stuff takes time and doesn't help your situation right now. Since you asked what I think you should do... either take in another renter to cover that share of the rent or figure out how to work more than 16 hours a week to cover the shortfall.

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V.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

I don't follow. YOUR mom was paying her share of the rent, so what has changed? Is your mom now going to pay her rent in the new place and stop contributing to where you are currently living? I don't get it.

Aside from that, if her name is not on the lease, then she is under no obligation. It's a legal contract, and if she isn't a party to it, she isn't a party to it.

I'd stop trying to figure out how to blame your sister and point out her failures to mature and work on figuring out how to take care of yourself and your child. That should be your focus, not your sister, at this point.

Sorry you are dealing with this, but it is pretty common to have something like this situation happen when you have multiple people on a lease. Someone always flakes. And she isn't even ON the lease if I read your post accurately.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

Just get a new roommate and move on for God's sake. Really. She's an adult, right? Stop trying to mother her. Get a roommate so that you can can continue to make rent. Period, end of story.

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D.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

How old is your sister?

Assuming she's an adult, she has every right to decide where she wants to live.

And if it doesn't work out, you have every right to tell her she can't move back in.

In the meantime, either find another renter or a cheaper place.

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A.M.

answers from Phoenix on

Legally, it depends on your state's landlord tenant law. You may have a legal argument, you may not. Since she did not sign the lease, it is a harder argument to make, but your state may have a way to make an equitable argument based on her living there, her name listed as a tenant, listing that address on a drivers license, things like that. I don't know, it's very state-specific. The reality is that a court solution is a long-term one. If you file today, it will likely be anywhere from 1 to 6 months before you get a court date. She will have a cettain amount of time to respond to your complaint before anything is scheduled. You could be required to attend a court-ordered mediation session before you have a hearing. Even if you have a case, things go smoothly, and you are successful, the court would likely award monetary damages. Then it is up to you to collect. If she resisted paying, you would have to go through more process to get the money, maybe through the garnishment process. You could be looking at a year or more, easily, before you had any money in hand, and that is only if you have a compelling case and a judge (or several judges) rule in your favor. What a judge will NOT do is tell your sister that she has to move back in with you. That is not how the legal system works.
So you can absolutely explore your legal options, but the odds that that path will lead to your sister back in the house with you and paying her share of the rent are slim to none.
I honestly think you would be better off trying to talk to your sister first. Set out some ground rules to curb your micro managing and get her name on the lease so she has more clear obligations. I would suggest looking for a low cost/pro bono mediator to help you, maybe at the local court, law school, or Attorney General's office.

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

You are playing the victim here. Your sister moved out without notice and your first thought is to take her to court!! For what?

I would have left also, she is an adult you two are treating her like a baby. I live in the 'frozen tundra' about 30 miles south of Green Bay Wisconsin. We got about 4 inches of snow last night. I would never even thnk of calling my kids, who are all adults, and asking them to call me so I know they are home safe and sound. You can't micro-manage anyone's life.

Stop sitting on your pride and contact her. That is what a true loving adult would do. "Hey Sis, what's up? Where did you move to? Wanna get together for coffee?" No accusations - no recriminations, you are all adults. Part of being a loving adult is ACCEPTANCE. You love her and you accept her no matter what she decides to do.

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Y.M.

answers from Iowa City on

Yes you can sue her for her share of the rent for the period of the lease. But, you can't get blood from a rock so chances are you will not get any money from her (just a judgment) and you will have to pay the filing fee for small claims court. Additionally, your sister has a built in defense. She didn't sign the lease so she isn't responsible for rent. Good luck. Maybe you can find a new roommate.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Please go back and re-read (many times) Marda's excellent advice.

J., all I can say is that I've been there, to some extent. I made choices which led to my own unhappiness because I didn't play by the rules. What on earth stopped you from saying, when you filled out the paperwork for the lease "Hey, sister needs her own form so they can do all the background/referrals work on her too"? Even for your own protection, so should she damage property or skip out, you would be covered?

So, chalk it up to live and learn. I think you have bigger problems on your plate, namely two things Marda pointed out:
1. "I find what you're doing abusive not only to your sister but also your son.Those women had a difficult life and continued to be unhappy because they didn't accept responsibility for their lives."

and
2. "Until you accept responsibility for your own life you will be unhappy your whole life. Maybe you like to be unhappy. You have the power to change your life and be happy. Wouldn't you like a happier life?"

Take the hard look in the mirror, J.. I used to do the same thing: blame everything on everyone else instead of accepting the reality that in most situations, *I* am solely responsible for most of the outcome.

Be responsible: you chose not to put her legally on the lease. You chose to treat her like a child. If you choose to infantilize your son in this way as he grows up, you are going to have a terrible relationship. You can't just nitpick other people for your supposed 'peace of mind'. It's really about being controlling and you don't seem to have the capacity to manage and control your own life right now. I'm not saying that to be mean, but because you *have* let a situation become utterly out of control because it wasn't convenient for you in some way to ensure she was legally on the lease.

I'm sort of wondering if she's had prior episodes which you felt would jeopardize your being accepted for the lease at all so that you might have left her off?

I really don't know what to tell you, other than start with yourself. Take the time and effort you might spend on taking your sister to court and get some help. Maybe consider contacting the university in Spokane and see if they have no-low cost counseling services. Until you get square with YOU, your situation will always be plagued with people who are upsetting you, disappointing you, etc. Admit to yourself that it is the series of decisions made by you that have landed you where you are and decide what you want to do so that you choose more wisely, make better decisions, and take responsibility for yourself. Believe me, I'm living proof-- if you truly want to turn things around, it WILL happen. It's a lot of work and hard work, but the payoff is monumental.

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D..

answers from Miami on

J., I haven't read the other responses yet, but I've read your post and SWH. Here's what I think was you and your older sister's mistake. You trusted a person who is not only immature, but also has a mental illness. That's not smart. She didn't want to live with you two, not because of the snow thing. She didn't want to live with her sisters anymore. You two represent authority to her and she doesn't want to feel like the "younger sister" anymore.

Of course she's going to lie about it. What you and your sister need to do is call family members and tell them that it is NOT TRUE that you asked her to move out or give her any kind of deadline. SHE is not going to fess up to anything. You are the one who needs to let everyone know. You also need to tell them that because she did this, you are going to lose the house unless you can find another roommate. People will understand that she is lying once you tell them you are going to lose the house.

Now here's the thing. Your mom paid her third of the rent. This girl didn't even have the responsibility of paying the rent. I'm not understanding how you think you can hold her legally liable. Is your mom going to pay the new place her rent? Can your mom stop doing that and help YOU and your other sister out until you get another roommate?

If I were you, I'd quit messing around with this sister and go about the business of asking your mom for help and trying hard to find someone else to move in. There is no reason for you to become homeless.

If your dad and step mom knew she was moving out, maybe they thought you knew too?

Honestly, this sister of yours has been a mess forever. I know you didn't want to believe she would resort to this, but people with mental illness don't make sense all of the time. One of the hallmarks of people who have some mental illnesses is thinking only of themselves. You really ought to stop thinking that anything she does will have you or your daughter in mind. She never will. So stop trying to get her to "do" anything FOR you. She won't. Instead, try to get your mom to pay the rent long enough to get another roommate.

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

Not certain if you legally have any ground to stand on. She wasn't on the lease. (If this ever comes up again, everyone goes on the lease. If there aren't enough lines on the lease, request another lease with enough space or fill her name in a blank spot.) But I do know that if you DID have reason to sue her, that it will take quite a while to go through the court system. You will be out of your apartment before you can get any compensation. And I imagine even if you won in court, she wouldn't have the money to give you. You can't squeeze blood from a turnip. All persuing her legally will do is cost you court fees, time and further stress on your relationship with your sister.

Your sister did you wrong. But there isn't much you can do about that now. She is gone and you don't want her back. So now it is time for plan B. Either you need to hunt down another roomate (put them on the lease!), get another/better paying job or move. Pointing fingers and venting to family is not productive.

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K.F.

answers from New York on

The best thing for you to do at this point is keep the main thing the main thing. You will need to either get another roommate or prepare to be evicted or just move.

She told you her intentions but you didn't believe what she was saying. She didn't lie to you. Learn from yoru mistakes and please stop trying to control grown folks. She is an adult and yet you treated her poorly and she got the hell out of there.

Neither you nor your older sister are right in this matter even though you may be in agreement.

Even if your younger sister's living arrangements don't work out you can't maintain that apartment without her so I doubt she will be looking to live with you again.

It's time to let go of the drama. Focus on the main thing (securing a roof over your head you can afford) and do that. Wishing the best for you.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

She's your sister. Hopefully life will be easier between you all without her living underfoot. Is she underage? You sure treat her like she's a new driver, maybe just turning 16 or something.

Put an ad up and get another room mate asap. That way you won't lose your home.

Ask your mom to pay January rent and then let it go. If she won't do it you guys are going to have to pool your resources to get the rent paid.

If you and your sister don't want a different room mate or can't afford this place on your combined incomes perhaps it's time to find a place on your own or something more affordable with your sister that still needs a roommate.

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S.B.

answers from Houston on

Wow! Everyone is in the wrong here. You need to suck it up buttercup. Yes, your sister should have said something to you. BUT you and your other sister are controlling. I would leave as well. Your SWH is proof of that.

You aren't going to call her but you are willing to be homeless? What? To make a point? NOT. Grow up. Put your big girl panties on and talk to your sister. Good grief.

Sorry but you need a dose of reality in your drama.

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