I have to go out of town, via airplane, for a doctors appointment and a bunch of tests. I leave on Wednesday night. I will be back Thursday night.
Our daughter is 7 1/2 months actual. A little short of 5 1/2 months adjusted. I breastfeed her - though she will take breast milk by bottle, no problem. I have pumped enough to store plenty for the trip. She is not yet on any nap schedule - sometimes she naps, sometimes she doesn't. And she is waking up 2-3 times during the night to feed still.
I'm getting very nervous though. I just left the house for an hour and she cried the entire time. I totally trust leaving her with her dad. That's not the issue. In the last couple weeks he's been working a bunch though - so it's been me and her for the most part. I think she's gotten a bit attached. She has done this before - she gets to the point that no one can stop her crying but me. And she will not stop. Last time this happened, I was gone for about 6 hours or so - she cried the entire time. Her dad couldn't do anything. My mom came over and couldn't do anything. It wasn't pretty, I guess. I came in and held her - it took a bit for her to calm down, but she immediately tried to stop. And got under control within a few minutes.
To top it off, because her dad's been at work so much the last couple weeks - our plans to have him do some trial runs at putting her to sleep and waking up in the night with her, haven't happened. Her dad has taken the day off of work, and my mom is planing on coming over and helping out a few times during the day. But as I mentioned - she's able to keep the crying and tears going.
Am I just setting her up for a terrible time? Setting her dad up for complete failure? Or am I just being nervous because it's my first time away? (I know I am nervous - but from experience I don't think it's unjustified.)
If anyone has any suggestions, I would appreciate them. I'm beginning to think I should just take her with me....?
Thanks for any help, in advance!
Sorry this has taken me so long! I wanted to let you all know how much I appreciated all of your thoughts, ideas and really, overall support! It really really helped!
I did go, without her. I figures is rather have her safe at home with her dad, than with me on the plane and at the hospital. Good thing- as I was in teats and things all day- not one break.
She and her dad did great! She cried a bit in the evening he said- but overall they had a good time. I think dad kinda liked it. :) And they did good through the night too. My mom came over during the day to lend a hand.
She's still REALLY attached to me. But I know that won't last forever. :)
Thanks again everyone!!
Try to leave some clothes that smell like you. What worked best for us was my pajamas - I would wear them 2 nights in a row and give them to the baby (this worked for both my daughter and son). Sometimes the person holding them would have to have it over their shoulder - basically so they could lay their head on it and smell me. Good luck.
That is hard! I am not sure what I would do in your situation. I thought I would throw this out there though. Southwest Airlines (and I am assuming other airlines) considers your baby a lap baby up to two years old. I've taken my children with me before and had my baby sit on my lap the whole flight so I didn't have to pay for a ticket (I am not sure if that is what was stopping you or not). Also, if you take your stroller and car seat to the gate to board the plane you can have them put a tag on them so you can have them the second you get off the plane. Sometimes if the plane is not full they will let you bring your car seat on and let your baby have a FREE seat. Just an option. I don't know if you would need someone to watch her while you were at your appointment or not.
I know the anxiety. I had surgery and had to leave my new baby for 5 days as she couldn't visit me in the hospital.
Try not to worry. Here are some ideas to help make things easier.
Wear a t-shirt or 2 and do not launder them. Your sent on them may help calm her. Your BF or mother can place it over their shoulder when they are holding her. She can also have it in her crib.
Do you sing to her? If so, record your voice singing a couple of songs they can play.
Also, get a couple of pictures of you. Put them on the fridge so she can have access to them.
Remember it's only 24 hours. That is one day and one night. If your mom is wiling to stay all day to help, they can "tag team" to help deal with the crying. That way your BF will not be stressed out by the time night comes.
Good luck. I pray your tests come back with the results you are looking for.
This is a hard, hard question..."should just take her with me"? Only you can know.
I can't give you an answer, but I can tell you this--no matter what you do, you will probably have second thoughts. If you bring your little one with you, it may be that you will have troubles with the flight (ears, new environment), and finding care for her while you do your tests. If you leave her home, you may have to hear about how upset she (and your husband) are.
Ultimately, you have to make the decision of which feels better, and neither may.
I don't know your situation, but as you are going for medical tests, let me ask--do you think you might need some time to process any of this emotionally? If they are routine tests, perhaps not. If they are related to a suspected health issue, maybe so.
For what it's worth, and I say this with all sensitivity, our young children are resilient. They truly are. Unless you absolutely believe that your daughter cannot handle being separated from you for 24 hours, then that's another issue, because you are going to process her being upset differently than a parent who has confidence that their child will be fine. This isn't to say that one way is right, or the other is wrong, but more of a call to listen to your intuition. Children live entirely in the present, so preparation with other caregivers (Grandma and Daddy) may or may not "take", but this is one day in a long life of days to come. Either way.
I think you have gotten some great advice.
My son went through a very similar phase. What we did (for my husband and my mom) was this. We found a lovey (can be a shirt, blanket, or an actual "lovey" that they sell...taggie, soft square of material, etc). For a few days when I breast fed him, I put that lovey between us...on my chest, near his face. I also slept with it, so it could get my scent on it.
When my mom would feed him a bottle, she put that lovey near his cheek and my husband did the same thing. It was a lifesaver for them.
I wish you the best of luck with your tests and I agree...this might be good for her, her father and your mom.
Hope this helps.
My honest answer? I'd take her with me. I left my son at 10 months for 24 hours for a hospital procedure and it was stressful on all involved: him, me, and my husband.
If you can take her, why not?
Will she survive without you? Yes. Will it be hard on her? Yes? Will you have some residual clinginess afterwards for a day, days, etc? Probably.
If her needs are met, then you know she's fine...I just know what I would want to do and would do. Good luck mama, there's no easy or right answer except the one you can live with!
Okay, you need to wear one shirt when you breast feed her for the time before you leave. Also have a picture of your face and print it out in actual size. Put 2 little holes in the side so you can put elastic on it to make a mask. Now you leave the house before feeding time then have hubby put on the shirt and the mask and see if that calms her down. You can even try it with a pile of pillows with your mask on and the shirt she might recognize it as you. Test this process for a few hours before you go and have to take her with you. Your test results will be effected with her tagging along.
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W.,
Everything is going to be okay. She will adjust to your husband and your mom being the ones that are there. You are nervous leaving and that is natural. The baby senses tention and that is natural. Don't take her with, you need to focus on yourself right now. Your health is very important not only to you, but to your family. If Dad doesn't already appreciate what you do for/with the baby, he will after this. :) Good luck with your tests, I hope everything comes out okay for you.
Dad is going to step up and she will be fine. She has got to learn how to deal with others eventually so now is the best time. Go on your tirip and only call once and don't ask to talk to her. Babies adjust really well, it's us parents that have the problem.
Hello W.,
My daughter also went through the same phase. Only I could comfort her. She is probably in an age where she is under going some strong separation anxiety from you and no other care-giver will do.
Can you try to leave some of your worn shirts (unwashed that smell like you) back home so that the person who tries to soother your child can put it on their shoulder while calming her down? Also keep a few pictures - passport sized ones at hand or larger and hold them out to her while she is fussing (if she can see through her tears!)
May be calling mommy on the phone and hearing her voice can help her?
It will be tough and it might be best if you could take her with you. If you can do it then do take her!
All the best.
You have gotten some great advice. Remember also that in the long run, she will not remember this AND she has no concept of time at this age. That doesn't develop until MUCH later (age 2 1/2 -3). Since you know she will be in good hands, go take care of yourself so you can be the great mom you seem to be.
I would suggest that if you can afford another airline ticket, taking your husband and/or mother along as caregiver WITH the baby would be the ideal solution. You will be under increased stress undergoing the tests, you don't need the additional worry about your baby. (And no matter what you tell yourself, you WILL be worrying about your baby.) Also, having your husband or mother along as emotional support for YOU would be a very good thing! I agree that consciously your daughter won't remember the separation, but I believe that on an unconscious level these kinds of stresses ARE remembered in the baby's psyche. If you all went together as a family, you will ALL feel much more relaxed during this stressful time!
My baby was the same. I nursed her, but she would take a bottle of breast milk--from me. She wouldn't take a bottle for her dad or anyone else. I didn't go back to work until she was 6 months old, and at daycare she would refuse to take a bottle from them as well and would just wait for me. A child will eventually adjust, but for a day? She can probably hold out for a day. Yeah, she's probably going to cry a lot. BUT babies don't die from crying. She'll be upset and her caretakers will be frustrated, but then you'll come and she'll be fine. It's so hard to leave them when they're little, but sometimes you have to. Your health matters. She'll be sad for a few hours, but she'll also be OK and in good, loving hands. She's entitled to her sadness and her feelings. Truly, she'll be OK.
