Leaving Baby with His Dad...

I agree with all the other moms...very common. My husband had to learn to use his baby voice instead of using his normal deep voice.

I agree with most of what the other moms have already said, I just wanted to share a story of my own so you know just how NOT alone you are =)
One of the first times I left my first daughter with my hubby to go shopping, I came home and she was asleep in her walker, resting her head on a stuffed animal. Instead of getting upset, I took a second to breathe and realized how funny she looked sitting there like that and I started laughing. My hubby told me she acted tired but he wasn't sure if she needed a nap or not so he just left her there since she was happy and pretty soon she fell asleep. He figured if he moved her, she would wake up and cry, so he propped up her head with a stuffed animal and just left her to sleep! Of course, that's nowhere NEAR what I would have done, but you know what? It worked! She was happy, she got a nap, she wasn't hurt in any way, and my hubby solved a problem his own way which in turn built his confidence in caring for her =) All's well that ends well!
So ditto on the letting them bond and incorporating him in the bedtime routine and daily care when he is home. Just make sure you give him space to do things his own way =)

This is a really common situation, but how you react is completely within your control.

Babies have a much different bond with their mothers than they do their fathers - please don't be so critical of your husband. The fact that he was willing to try is monumental.

Think of it this way - you carried your baby for 9 months. Your baby knows the sound of your heart, your voice, how you breathe, how you react to stress. He's learning that about his father, but he's only 3.5 months-old. It will take time. There's also a huge difference in the biology of men vs. women regarding nurturing their children.

To me, it sounds like he was doing the best he could. Prior to having our kids, my husband had never held an infant. He had moments of brilliance and others of sheer frustration - just like I did.......and still do.

Your husband may need training just like your baby does.

Watch your husband and see if he knows how to hold your son, how to soothe your son, how to talk to him to calm him down.

Good luck! If your husband isn't familiar and has trepidation to begin with, being severely critical will only give him performance anxiety the next time. Try short periods of time at the mall, Target, long enough to run to the grocery store for milk/bananas and see how they do.

Yes, this is totally normal but don't be too hard on your hubby after just one night. If he is usually fine with your parents than obviously he doesn't mind being without you. The baby might just have had an "off" night OR it may be the time of day you left him. Did you leave him to go out to dinner? This can be the "witching hour" for LOTS of babies. Do your parents watch the baby during the day? That might explain the difference. And keep in mind, your baby is still young and if he is your first, your husband is still getting the hang of the dad thing. My sister went through the same thing with her husband and baby and she ended up just getting mad and overly critical of him. He in turn, figured, "Well, I can't do anything right so I'm not even going to try anymore," and she ended up with a self-fulfilling prophecy. Hang in there. :)

Keep giving your husband the opportunity to learn how to handle it. And, while this might be difficult for you, hold your tongue and do not lecture him on how to care for the baby.

Don't take the baby with you or ask your parents to help. He will NEVER figure out how to deal with the baby and you'll never have a moment away which you need and deserve.

Next time, don't answer your phone.

Seriously... Dad just needs some time to work it out with the baby, and it sounds like you "save" them both any time you're at home. My husband said he was very uncertain with our first, until the time when she finally settled down with him (after 30 mins of screaming). After that, he had his confidence. Also, I would sometimes "over program" them before I left... "make sure you do this, that and this," if she cries do this, etc. One time he looked at me and said "Do you think I'm 10 years old? I can handle my child."

Don't underestimate him... and don't let him off the hook. Reassure him that sometimes babies cry. And next time... don't answer the phone.

Your husband just does not have the skills to comfort your baby yet. Instead of getting angry with him, teach him. He has probably never had to do anything like this before, and the skills don't come naturally for most men, and some women too! I remember one day at my work and a young mother was trying to comfort her baby and failing miserably. I took him into my arms, and a couple of bounces later, he was perfectly happy. Young mommy burt into tears saying her baby liked me more than her. I hugged her and said, I went thru it 3 times, and just knew how to bounce a baby. Then I showed her what I did.
Please be proud of hubby for trying and work with him. Show him what to do and how do do it without getting angry. While baby is little, have someone help him ubntil he is comfortable with it while you need to be out. It will save you, hubby and baby alot of frustration.

L.,
Welcome to motherhood! :) Welcome to being the first and most important person in your son's life! It's all good except when you need to go out. I think almost all of us have gone through that. Please don't get mad at your husband! he just doesn't have that gift as developed and perfected as you do. Your baby knows you and wants you more because that's all he's "known" in his short life :) but, he has to get to know your husband. Try spending time with him and your husband together, sitting on the couch talking to him, playing with him, changing his diaper, giving him a bath, etc., do these things 'together', of course as many as you can. I'm sure your husband is not there all day long, but maybe when he comes home (and after he airs out from his day of work) and maybe more so on the weekends. Let him help you get the baby out of the crib, teaching to nurture the baby like you do. It will take both of them some time, maybe less than others, maybe more; but they'll get it eventually.
Don't give up and don't be angry nor frustrated with your husband. Man just don't have that instinct in them like we do, they don't carry a baby in them for 9 months like we do. They feel the kicking from the outside, but the bond in the inside that we as mothers have with the baby it's something that they can never experience and therefore relate to.
Just remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel :) I've seen it !!!

If i had to guess, (which obviously most answers are going to be guesses) it has nothing to do with whom a baby prefers. I do believe that babies can respond to adult emotion, if your husband is nervous the baby may be also. And then, the baby may respond to both of you feeling stressed. Perhaps you could both try to accept whatever the baby does and realize he is okay and taken care of. The baby is too young developmentally to have stranger anxiety. Maybe if dad spends more time with the baby in general?

That reminded me the first time I left my oldest with him. When I came home (after he dared to call me to let me know about the baby crying),they both were outside. She was crying and my husband was freaking out!
And, of course, I lost it!
But you know what? Don't stop from leaving your baby with him. They both need to know and trust each other. It might take a while but don't give up. Bringing your cell phone just will enable him to call you anytime he feel the baby cries.... So don't make a slave of yourself. Don't bring your cell phone or turn it off. I know you won't feel comfortable without a cell phone ready to be answer to anyone who might want to talk to you, but trust me, you'll forget it after you put your mind in what you went out for...... Your husband is a big boy and he'll figure it out what to do when you're not at his fingertips and sees he can't reach you. That's what I ended up doing and after a few times, my daughter didn't cry and he was fine. In fact that's what I always do when I live the house now. I either don't bring it, or I just set it on silent mode.
Don't allow to feel that you became a slave of your own baby and husband. Set the boundary now........ Because they know where the PUSH button is...
A.

Honestly, you just need to keep trying - your son & hubby haven't bonded yet... which it can be harder for some men to do then women to do. We seem to have move of a natural "mothering" instinct then men do - they need to learn it more.

My hubby had issues with my oldest - so much so that he actually brought her to my job once & dropped her off. Now with the other 3 he had no issues. But he also had 10 years of practice being a daddy by the time the 2nd one was born.

For starter keep the trips away from home short... even if it's a walk around the block by yourself or an hour trip to the store, then work the time you are away up a little at a time. It will take time for them to find their way & you need to try to stop going to get him from daddy when he crys and you are home. If he keeps crying & your hubby can't calm him - have him lay him down & then wait a few min before you go pick him up... the reason the baby might cry for him is because he knows if he crys long enough mommy will come get him from this man.

Also, babies can tell if someone is scared - so it will take time for you hubby to get to the point where he understands he won't hurt him by holding, cuddling, changing, feeding, patting his back, ect. And if you don't let him figure this out by helping with the baby - he never will... which means he will always be uncomfertable w/ the baby & the bonding can't start till daddy is comfortable which inturn helps baby feel secure and comfortable.

As to your parents - they raised kids & have the skills they need to comfort the baby which is why they don't have issues with him... please let daddy learn the skills as well. It will be a blessing once it happens!!

But personally - the first six months is "my time" and I try so hard to do it all & no one else can have the baby... but it doesn't always work out that way. Daddy trys letting me sleep a few nights through & oh man am I sore in the morning from not nursing those nights, but his heart is in the right place. And he does play with them & like cuddling with them, so I have to let them go a little for daddy & baby bonding time.

Good luck - so you know eventhough I love my hubby dearly & we have been married over 15 yrs & have our 5th kid on the way - sometimes I still feel like I'm doing everything & kinda like a single parent. But I do know in my heart - he is always there when I really need him.

Take care & congratz on the little bundle of joy.

I agree, next time do not answer the phone.. The other mistake we as moms make is expecting our husbands to do it the "right way or my way."

They can have their own way.

Before our daughter was born I asked my husband what was he most worried about. He said he had "NEVER in his life held a baby or child". He had never changed a diaper and knew nothing about babies.. He said he was afraid he would do it wrong, hurt the baby or that people would laugh at him.

I promised that in the beginning, If he was not comfortable I would hold and care for the baby when others were around and when we were alone he could practice.. I also promised to never laugh at him when he was caring for our daughter and I asked him for help with small needs in the beginning and worked up to the longer care.. Many times, I pretended to need help so that he would have to step in..

Of course almost the moment daughter was born the nurse handed the baby to my husband to carry her to the NICU!

I knew that at 6 weeks, I was going to have to go on a buying trip for a week, so, I had to make sure he was comfortable with her care. He did great. Not always how I would do it, but that was just fine..

I agree with Ivonne about incorporating Dad into the baby routine, and gradually leave the baby with him for periods at home, while you're doing other stuff (napping?? :), laundry, taking a break reading or a bath or whatever. That way, you can be the "safety net"--you're there, in the house, in case they need you, but you're not hovering over them, and are letting Dad & baby figure each other out.

I would also suggest, next time you go out, start out with 30-45 minutes. Two or 3 hours is an excruxiatingly long time with a screaming baby.... especially when Dad probably feels like he doesn't know what he's doing.... So start out with short periods out of the house, preferably not at bed time, since you're so much part of the bedtime ritual right now, and preferably after the baby has napped and been fed, so the baby's in a "good mood" (hopefully).

Give him time, and Dad will figure it out. I took care of our son pretty much for the first 2.5 months, and my husband took care of me.... but that meant that when I went back to work (he works opposite from my schedule, part time), they had a hard transition to get through, but they made it. Not without tears on my part, frustration on all our parts, and a few rough weeks, but it does gets easier....

I used to have this issue until a couple of months age.

It is very easy to feel like a single mother even with a husband around. For me it happened with all four of my girls until they hit a certain age and then he seemed to bond with them and have an easier time handling them.

Try not to get too frustrated. I would not get a babysitter if your husband is home. He really needs to try to just bond with the baby. The baby will cry, especially if you are the main caregiver. But, a baby never died from crying.

If you go out and he can not sooth the baby it is not a bid deal unless he is starting to get angry. At that point he should lay the baby in the crib until he is in more control of his feelings. It is his child too so eventually he will have to learn how to deal with crying for long periods of time.

In the mean time, don't give up hope about being able to get a way for a little bit. It's kind of rewarding in a way when our infants have such a strong bond with us that they cry when we are gone.

Your hubby needs to find HIS baby groove. What does hubby like? Tell him to talk to your son about baseball, motorcycles, WHATEVER he likes. Talk, talk, talk, walk around and talk about everything he's doing and thinking. Babies are the BEST confidantes because they keep your secrets! :-)
Start small & then leave for longer times. Cell phone OFF.
He just needs to figure it out. It's not uncommon at all.
I have a friend who was in the hospital having just given birth to their third child and her husband called her IN the hospital because O. of the other two was throwing up--uh--excuse me, Dad, put on your big boy pants and deal! hahaha!

Honestly, I know you've had others respond, but your husband needs to stop being afraid. His son knows he is. Tell him balls are for more than just making babies, you need them for the courage to care for your creation. Maybe you can start a regular time, more than dinner for father and son to be together so they can both get used to each other. That would be the best way. Babies don't die from crying. So, eventually he'll stop crying. Just have dad never leave him, put him down, or frown. The baby will get the hint. Also, try different times of day. Nighttime is a rough one to start with. How about a Saturday morning or everymorning after nursing? As long as dad wants to learn he will and so will baby.
K.