Leaving Baby for the First Time.

Having children doesn't leave much room for me time, I always had my me time at nap time and after they went to bed at night time. I was a SAHM and never left my kids with anyone, but their dad. But see if she adjusts, and if not go from there. J.

Hey I know just how you feel. It's tough giving them up even for a short bit. However, this break time is really for both of you. It will help her develop her independence and ability to be outgoing and give you a chance for a little time to yourself. Both of my sisters and my sis in law are stay at home as are many of my friends and all of them leave their kids with sitters for a few hours a week, even if it's only family members as sitters. It helps everyone out:)

You both need the time apart - I know it's not going to be popular among some of the moms on this site.

I didn't have an option. I had to go back to work with both kids. For baby #1 it was at 8 weeks. With baby #2, it was at 9 weeks.

Our neighbor's 5.5 year-old son started kindergarten a few weeks ago. He'd been in daycare, but it was a grandmother kind of situation, and the first week was a NIGHTMARE. He had serious separation anxiety and was not as well adjusted as other kids who had been in preschool, etc.

Just remember, the more time you spend together without baby sitters, other caregivers, the more she becomes reliant and dependent on you (which feels really good as a mom).

I like being with my kids. I've only been away from them on rare occasions when work required it. But, they've been in day care since they were infants, and I've felt very comfortable that they were in good hands.

My daughter is 2.5 years old and has only ever been watched by a family member, mostly my mom and my SIL.

I have never felt comfortable leaving her with anyone else, and feel no need to find someone now.

For me time, I grab it on the weekend when hubby is home, and I do a book club at night once every two months.

Only you can decide for yourself what you need. If you aren't comfortable with someone else watching her, then don't have someone else watch her. Listen to your heart and you won't go wrong.

It is important for you to have "me" time, in fact it will make you a better parent. For the child this is a learning time. She needs to learn that you can leave, and that you will return, so that she will not become anxious about your absence when she gets older.

You deserve "me" time. Without it you'll go crazy!

I had a hard time leaving my son with someone other than my hubby for the first time. I totally trusted the person, just made me nervous. Now I'm nervous about going into labor with my 2nd *in like a week or so* cause that will be the longest I've ever been away from my son.
I think it's natural to be a little nervous. Oh by the way I'm a SAHM, so I'm with my son ALL the time.
Go enjoy your mommy time!

Hi Mama-

I think that 90 minutes with a trusted adult was just fine. I think getting a little "me" time is critical too. I am the Mama to two with one in the oven and I have to tell you that a happy mama means happy kiddies and for me, that does mean making sure I get a little "me" time once in awhile.

This behavior is common. I started dropping my daughter off in "Sunday School Preschool" during mass on Sundays at about 1YO. She was just too mobile for me to control and too much of a distraction for me and for the other congragants. When she was 12 months old, she was fine. Then one day she suddenly realized what was going on. I am thinking at about 18 months and she would throw fits and scream and cry. The best thing I could do was either sneak out or leave without making a big scene. I would tell her Mommy loves her, give her a kiss in her hand, and tell her Mommy would be back after church. After about 6 months she out grew that. Now at 3YO, she practically runs out of the church after the children's sermon and makes a beeline for the room. She loves her time without her Mommy.

There should be no "pressure" to leave your baby alone. It should happen only when you are comfortable; however, if it needs to be done - so you get some space, need to take care of something else that she can't be exposed to, whatever - you should not feel guility about it. Ultimately, kids will learn to deal with an absence whether it is now or later, and they will start to exert an independence that will make seperation occur naturally.

Good luck.
~C.

It is difficult because you know it is good for you and your baby to have time without each other, but then you feel guilty for leaving them! I was lucky enough to be able to stay at home for 4 months after my daughter was born. During that time I only left her with a babysitter (my stepmom) for 4 hours and she did fine. She was a little upset at first, but now at 6 months, she is just fine when I leave. Sometimes she is a bit more clingly when I come home, especially when I have worked a full day, but she is getting used to the idea that mommy comes back each time. Don't worry, she will get used to it. It is very healthy for a little "me" time. My sister in law has two kids, 2 years and 10 months, and she has never let anyone watch them. Now they start to scream as soon as she leaves the room and will not be consoled until she comes back. This is definetly something you do not want!

The first time I left my little one (with hubby not even a babysitter) was at 4 months. I just could not tear myself away before then. I returned to work (was not really planning on going back to work but missed it so much, and with great hours I only work when hubby is home or on rare ocassion my mother-in-law watches her for a few hours).

I did not do an overnight away until she was 2 years old because I wanted my daughter to be able to tell me everything if need be. She stayed with in-laws and all was well :)

Since then she has spent over nights on rare ocassion (maybe 2-3 times a year) at my parents or in-laws. She is baby-sat by in-laws or my parents maybe once or twice a month. My daughter is very well adjusted, loves being around other people, and everyone enjoys watching her, I truely believe that having others watch her has helped her into becoming who she is. I can not offer her everything that she needs, it truely take a village to raise a child.

Me time is very imporant so take it when you need it, do not feel pressured into doing something you do not want to do. I still hate leaving my child for an over night visit but after 4 years it is getting a bit easier because then hubby and I get that super romantic time together that we so much want/need.

Maybe your in-laws see something in you that you do not - such as, perhaps you're so stressed out over the baby, you're not getting enough sleep because of her funky sleep schedule or you're overly attached to her that you have a tough time being *you* as opposed to being enmeshed with your child?

If you've been at her side constantly for 14 months, there's going to be screaming...the first time, the second time, the tenth time. She's had a LOT of time getting used to the idea that mommy is there every second of the day so this is something different for her.

You need to have a life outside of your baby. I'm not saying abandon your child but I don't think a 90-minute reprieve is going to be a detriment to her. It is essential that you take time for yourself, take care of yourself, and also show your children that it is okay and acceptable to have alone time AND to enjoy the presence of other caregivers.

You say your in-laws are well meaning - they definitely are! Take them up on this opportunity again because it is HEALTHY for both you and your daughter.