Ladies First?

I teach my boys ladies first. Even if it is old fashioned, I don't think it is a bad thing for them to learn.

I always did "others first" with both my son and daughters. Holding doors, letting people go ahead of you, waiting for the elevator to empty before rushing in, etc. I just think it's good manners for all.

Regarding lines: When there's a line, there's no "ladies first," unless the lady he is allowing in front of him is his mother, sister, and elderly or disabled person, his wife, or girlfriend. Allowing that one person to go in front of him is good manners. Not the whole line of ladies.

When opening a door, ordering a meal, or doing the "passing in the hallway dance," it's gentlemanly for a man to step aside and let a lady go first.

If it were my son, if she were just being rude and pushy to get in front of the line, and he was legitimately there first (not being rude or pushy), I'd tell him to say, "you're not my girlfriend, you can wait like everyone else."

I imagine that, in preschool, if this little girl is asserting the "ladies first" rule, she's really just being pushy and bossy.

Ladies before gentlemen... Always.
Old fashioned? Maybe.
Polite? Yes.
His future wife will thank you for teaching him manners.

I teach my son ladies first. And others first. But mostly ladies first. He loves running forward and helping hold the door for my daughters and I, and any other ladies. And of course he needs to be polite to men too. There is absolutely NO downside to teaching boys to be generous and thoughtful of others from the youngest age possible.

I have completely reversed my opinion on this issue over the years.

My new opinion is: It won't hurt your son's love life, at all, if he learns the traditional ways of treating a lady.

In my opinion the male of our species is generally less mature and less generous than the female, so it doesn't hurt to instill in them few rules of etiquette.

Ladies first, is a cultural thing.
Or generational thing.
In some cultures, the man goes first. Why? Because, if there is danger or anything inside of where they are going, the man is there first, to "protect" the woman.

My late Dad, taught us, girls, that we can do anything.
And we can open our own doors.
He was very liberal but traditional at the same time.
It does not matter what gender a kid is.
Manners is also manners, regardless of gender.

Your son is very young. Kids that age do not know how to line up in a line, and they all just want to be first.

I teach my kids manners. I have a boy and girl. I also teach them to be respectful of elderly. Just decency and manners and knowing the difference. And they are both fine.

This is big for me. I do teach ladies, elderly, elders first. I'm big on respect.

I wish more mothers of boys would teach their sons traditional roles. I truly believe we would have a better society if this happened. And when your son *courts* a significant other, he will remember what his mother taught him and she will thank you. It's a win win don't you think.

I tried to teach respect for others. I don't know that I ever said, ladies first.
I can see a girl using that to gain advantage. But that just means, you are not a lady!

And it's really not right to say, others first, all the time. It good to not hog things or push to be first but he has a right to get in line and let the chips fall where they may.

We are an 'others first' sort of family. My husband does model polite gender etiquette for our son (like pulling out my chair and seating me at a restaurant, holding doors, opening and closing my car door, helping me with my coat-- you get the idea), but I think it's also important that he not let doors bang shut in others faces, etc. so I model that as well, regardless of who (male or female) is behind me. I also try to show him that we honor our elders or those with canes/walkers by making an effort to be of service --holding doors for them, or for women with strollers, etc.-- I live in Portland, where manners are dying in some circles, and I've had so many people just let a door slam behind them when they could see there was a stroller right behind them.

Sounds like little missy at school is taking it to the point of sounding very entitled. I think Patricia G spoke to that quiet nicely! Rude is rude, girl or boy.

I'm of both minds. I taught my son open doors for ladies and elderly, ladies first. But I also taught my daughter's to do for themselves and never just expect something will be done for them because they're female. When they find a guy who does this automatically he's a guy who was probably brought up with manners. I still do the thank you cards, rsvp's if my children don't rsvp then they don't go. Someone said it's generation thing. I disagree manners should never go out of style. It is also teaching your child to be considerate of others.

Hmmm..I do agree the little girl was probably being pushy and bossy. But, I have to say - what is so wrong with teaching young boys "Ladies first?" - I think when he gets older he will make a wonderful husband with respect for women!

I think it is sweet to say ladies first, but in reality, I think who ever is at the door first should politely hold the door for the next person or the group coming through. Especially older people (it shows respect) .

Especially for older people or the people struggling, a pregnant lady, a person pushing a stroller.. etc..

Sorry he got his feelings hurt. He was probably more embarrassed than anything..

I believe others should go first.

Embarrassing others is considered rude, actually.. So in reality, the girl was rather rude.

We still teach Ladies First.

We teach my 7yo grandson "politeness first." This means that we make way for others as a general practice – he's actually a polite child, and we're hoping to offset the eventual onset of Big Testosterone. And this means staying aware of those around us (also good for general safety), and giving reasonable right-of-way to:

Pedestrians when we're driving or biking;
People who are more burdened (by age, handicap, or carrying a load);
People getting OFF elevators or buses before we get on; and so forth.

Gender does play a role, but less so now that men are pitching in more with child care, etc. But when I was still growing up, women's equality was not yet spoken of, and it was clear (at least to women) that women were already doing more than their share of heavy lifting and sheer, time-consuming drudgery. ((ADDED: Also, it could be an unspoken acknowledgment that, as a group, most boys/men simply have more of that kind of energy that makes them want to push to the front than girls do, giving them a natural competitive edge.)) So letting "the little woman" go first was still the "manly" thing to do. That sentiment seems to have faded in younger generations, but still seems to be considered polite in most circles.

Preschool children have a ways to go with gaining impulse control. Sounds like your son did okay with the scolding from the little girl. Keep up with being a good example, and reminding him as needed. I find it's usually helpful to work on correcting only one or two facets of behavior at a time. More can become discouraging for younger kids.

We teach our boys ladies first. It's manners and is an age old tradition that shouldn't end. What would you think if you said a male and female couple walk into a building and the guy walk in first? It's just odd to me, but my husband is big on it, so maybe I'm biased.

My dad still opens my moms car door and closes it for her, I think it's romantic!

My kids also know that older people go first, so grandparent type people go before kids...if that comes out right.

However, in this instance, school is not the place to pull that card.

Our son got himself caught up in a competition thing.
He always wanted to be first no matter if ladies were involved or not.
He had to learn to take turns.
He was grumpy about it for awhile but then he was over it.

I do not teach my girls "Ladies First." I, frankly, find the entire notion to be outdated and awful. I also want the draft extended to females, expect equal pay for equal work, and think that girls should be strong, smart, and capable. Teaching them to expect men/boys to give them stuff or do stuff for them or be their protector removes some of the capable, some of the strong, and maybe even some of the smart.

If I get to a door first, I will hold it open for those behind me. If someone opens the door for me, I thank them for their kindness.

Treat others well, be they male or female.

We are teaching our boys to treat women with respect and what deem as appropriate manners. In that - we are teaching them to open the door for a girl/lady them and lend a hand when going up and down stairs.

I taught my daughter that, while she can do ANYTHING she wants, she's strong enough to open a door, etc., it's nice to be treated like a lady.

My dad taught my sister and I that we were able-bodied and could open our own doors, drive our cars, etc. but a true gentlemen would still treat his girlfriend, wife, mother, sister with respect and manners....that meant opening doors, etc.

Hope this helps!

In this situation? I would have asked more questions -
was there a rush to the door?
was she there first or further back?

Well, I'm living in the TX currently and at least the guys who are 30+ years old can't help themselves to do "ladies first" where doors are concerned. I'm from PA originally and it's pretty funny when you get there at almost the same time. They kinda rush to get the door for you. If you open the door for THEM, the reactions are pretty funny :)

She may be getting that at home, which is fine, but that's NOT how it works at school. I would bring it up with the teacher in an "FYI" kind of way. School is about taking turns, not ladies first. And the real world is definitely not "ladies first".

Taking turns, general politeness, helping others regardless of gender - like holding the door open for WHOEVER is behind you because you got there first - makes more sense to me.

Ladies first is fine. BUT... the little girl you are talking about is NOT "a young lady". She's a little girl and she's trying to get her way by using this "rule" with your son. Ladies first should NOT count in preschool.

Have a talk with the teacher about this. Ask her to try to get the kids to walk for the line. Also ask her to tell the little girl that Ladies first does NOT apply in preschool.

Have your husband model Ladies first by holding the door open for you, pulling out your chair at a restaurant, not starting to eat until Mom sits down at the table at home. This is where he should be learning it - NOT at preschool.

I don't believe it is being taught any longer and I have mixed feelings about it.

Do I love it and miss it, sometimes. However, I understand that people as a whole are rushing to work and there is no reason for a man to be penalized let's say for clocking in late because he was waiting on me based on my gender.

In today's society, it all depends on the role. If he were courting this young lady, then I guess there is a place for it. But I see no reason to teach him he has to put a female first when we have asked for equality.

I corrected my daughter tonight after she nearly ran over a 4 year old. I told her we always hold the door for the little ones and let them go first. We have to look out for them to be sure they are safe. Nothing to do with gender.

For me manners are not a rigid set of rules laid out according to any particular criteria, gender for instance. Manners are a way of showing you can slow down and think about others before yourself. For example I believe you should hold a door for others because it is the courtesy thing to do and it helps that person. A kindness given is a kindness rewarded for its own sake.

The little girl was rude and your son had a right to be annoyed with her. He did a good thing by being upset, though, but not joining her in the rudeness. Well done to your son.

I teach my kids to do the right thing which for me includes using good manners. You hold the door for someone else to help, you serve someone else first, you say kind words including 'please' and 'thank you' as a display of respect and deference, etc. For me good manners are an extension of the concept 'treat others as you wish to be treated.' I don't like nastiness and dismissiveness so why on earth would I treat someone else including complete strangers in that way? Also who doesn't appreciate a helping hand and kindness?

Not only do we teach our son Ladies First (then elders), we also tell our daughter that if a boy doesn't open the door for her (car included) then he isn't worth dating.
I moved to Texas from CA. One of the things I loved upon moving here were the 'old fashioned' values/traditions. I took my kids to visit SoCal a couple of years ago and they were appalled (at 7 & 9) at how rude everyone was.
It's good manners and respectful and that's why we teach it.

I will teach and have taught the difference. Just because someone is female does not make them a "lady". Behave like a lady, you will be treated like a lady.

I teach it. I believe it will help my son squeak by those moments when he needs to stand out, like negotiating a grade in college or on a job interview.

Yes, I taught ladies first.