My 5 year old has difficulty sleeping. As a newborn and until he was 18months, he woke up every 2 hrs. When I went to lay him down, he would wake up in a panic and cling on. No matter how zonked he was, or how quiet and peaceful I was...
After a year old, I was exhausted holding him and nursing him and never laying down. We became a co sleeping family for some sleep relief. He would take his hands and find my face or chest and always have to be touching me while he slept.
After I was pregnant again and he was just over two, my husband and him slept together so I could have my space.
Around 3 the night terrors started and have continued. He also screams and cries and digs his feet and legs/knees into you.
Even when there is no night terror or night mare, he crys, screams, angry crys all night.
On the rRe occasion he is not crying in his sleep, he will bruise your body with his restless legs kicking and digging into you literally nonstop all night. We didn't have a routine for him to begin his life, simply because our work schedules didn't allow it.
He was never in daycare, only with mom or dad or nana and papa. He's emotional, regularly.
My husband sleeps with him still. The few times I do, it's because my husband is out of town. I end up with painful ribs and bruising and no sleep all night. He use to wake up very hungry each night but we've finally figured out how to avoid that.
These things have gotten better since he started kindergarten this year....he has routine, he's tired.....but it's still pretty rough most nights.
If you leave the bed, he lasts maybe 20min to an hour before he wakes up and comes to find you. He says he's afraid of the dark and needs to be with someone.
This sounds pretty extreme. And it's consistent and has been the same over a pretty long time.
I'd talk to my pediatrician as a starting point.
Good luck!
I have dealt with something similar in my younger son. It was extreme anxiety that controlled his every waking moment. I am NOT a fan of medicine so we did a variety of other things, none of which had lasting effects. Finally, went to a child psychologist who is prescribing meds. He sleeps much better and is less anxious. Just please do your research and find a fabulous doctor and not a pill pusher. That was my huge fear because sometimes the meds cause a bigger problem than the problem itself. So sorry. I KNOW this is hard.
Have you taken him to a sleep clinic? I would go to your pedi and get him or her to refer him to a pediatric sleep clinic where they can do a sleep study on him in a lab. Have full blood work done on him as well. There could be a physiological reason that he's such an active sleeper and not able to get restful sleep, and that may be spilling over into signs of panic and anxiety. Start there and see if there is something that can be physically treated. If they rule out physical causes (nutrient deficiency such as magnesium, elevated nighttime cortisol, sleep apnea) then they will move on to behavioral health. If they go down that road, if you're open to alternative medicine, I would see if you can get results from chiropractic or acupuncture/acupressure before going to something like and anti-anxiety or sleep medication as those can have some undesirable side effects and should be used as a last resort for as little time as possible. It may be possible that some simple solutions such as a magnesium supplement and targeted massage might relax his brain and body and prepare himself for sleep.
Also, don't rule out food sensitivities. I would keep a diary of his day between now and when you have your sleep clinic appointment...track things like when he wakes up, when he's asleep, what he eats, mood, and major daily activities. You may find some patterns emerge that will point you in the right direction.
Do seek professional help with this. Sleep is one of the cornerstones of good health and it sounds like his issue isn't one of routine or discipline but perhaps something more.
I'm with Elaine, it sounds like he's dealing with anxiety, and it might be that medicine is the answer. This sounds like it's beyond a behavioral habit.
I would encourage you to find a sleep therapist to begin with, to rule out any physical medical issues he might be having, like apnea. From there, they may be able to direct you to something psychological and medicate.
It's a last resort, but if it helps the family to sleep better, it's the right decision, IMO.
My younger child, who is now 22, has had severe sleep issues all of her life. We've dealt with this for decades.
First, realize that sleep deprivation can build up, and can be chronic, and can require medical care. If your son has not had a restful sleep, a restorative sleep, in a long time, his sleep deprivation can be more than can be handled with just a night's rest. Sleep deprivation can be debilitating.
Second, you need, as someone said, to keep a journal. Food (be specific), times, activity, environment (quiet, dark, noisy, light, etc).
Third, learn about good sleep hygiene. That's what the sleep pros call it. No computer/electronic screens for at least an hour before bed. The blue lights in the screens (that are invisible) stimulate the brain. Go to sleep in a comfortable spot that is just for sleep. No hearty snacks right before bed. Warm milk is nice. The room should be dark and cool.
Fourth, definitely get this child a sleep study. There are several kinds. Some are overnight, some last 48 hours, some involve wearing a watch-like instrument on the wrist for 30 days. Consult a sleep specialist (your doctor or insurance company can help you locate one). They're painless and full of valuable information.
Get him some counseling, from a child psychologist. It's amazing how a good one can get to the root of the problem.
I suggest finding a pediatric sleep specialist and having a sleep study done. It's possible there is something that could be done to help him sleep better ... He may awake screaming because he can't breathe because of apnea.
ETA - looks like Seattle Children's has a facility (http://www.seattlechildrens.org/clinics-programs/sleep-di.... I do realize that's 2.5 hours from you, but that's close to what we had to do when we had our son sleep studied. A pediatric sleep specialist is better equipped for kids than a facility who handles primarily adults ... I have a friend who used an adult faculty for her then 9 yo daughter and then the same ped facility we did for her 2 yo son ... She regrets not making the 2 hour trip for her daughter .... BTW ... Even after having tonsils and adenoids relieved, her 2-yo still needs a CPAP machine, because his apnea is so extreme. Our son was able to resolve his with just removal of the adenoids and tonsils.
Talk to the doc and tell him/her you want a sleep aid for your child. They have them and they work and they aren't mean or uncaring or a bad parent. It makes you a realist that knows there is something wrong with this picture and you have to have relief.
In this situation, if you just don't want to do a sleep aid, I'd probably just tell kiddo, because he's old enough to know the difference, that it's time he was sleeping alone and this is it. Then I'd plan on being awake during the night.
I'd put him in his room and hold the door shut and let him cry himself to sleep a few nights in a row to see if it would get him past this.
There is a HUGE difference between leaving an infant to cry and cry and cry while wearing themselves out and letting a kindergartner who is able to know they're safe and not being neglected.
I feel for you. You've created a habit that's going to be super hard to break. Have you seen the Supernanny techniques for bedtime? Transition him into sleeping in his own bed. It will be awful, but if you hold firm and don't give in, he will eventually accept it. I think its important not to get emotional about it or make it a power struggle while you bring him back to his bed. Don't accidently reward him with conversation/attention/affection. It's going to hours and hours of work, so you and DH should prepare yourselves with the right timing (long weekend maybe) and maybe taking shifts putting him back in his bed. But you know, your current arrangement can't go on. He's going to accept it eventually if you hold firm. I would also make an appointment with his pediatrician to address the night terrors, restlessness, and screaming/crying spells that happen after some short periods of sleep.
