Labor That Didnt Go as Planned..

I'm so sorry to hear that you're experience wasn't what you thought it would be. The truth is, I've had 3 children and each of their labors and delivery were. Just remember, you now have a beautiful baby girl who got here safely.

I have three wonderful children and each one did not go as planned for me. With my first child I had to be induced two weeks after my due date. I never had braxton hicks and never dilated past a 3. It was a long and hard labor to be induced from basically scratch. With my second child, I hoped to go into labor naturally but was not that lucky. Same thing happened. I was two weeks late, my blood pressure shot up, not dilating and no braxton hicks. I was again induced. Long labor. I just had my last child in December and was hoping that I would maybe go into labor naturally. I really wanted to feel what it was like! I know sounds strange. I ended up going into the hospital two weeks before my due date because of my blood pressure(I have a clotting disorder that causes me to get high blood pressure at the end of pregnancy.) Because I had a new OB, he did not want to play around with my blood pressure and decided to induce me. With this one, I had decided before hand to not get an epidural since they do not work on me (just a nice numb leg!) But because I had such intense back labor I caved in in hopes that it would work this time. It didn't! So you see, I had chances of labor going the way I planned and none did. I just had to decide that it was not in the cards for me and let it go. Just be happy that you have a precious, healthy child and enjoy every moment. That is what is important and not how she came into the world.

I had my first child in the hospital and things went no where near as planned. Induction, catheder, oxygen, pain medication, monitoring were all a stark difference to my "no intervention" plan. I felt humiliated my inability to stand strong in the decisions I had made through my Bradley Childbirth Classes. It was something I really tried not to dwell upon but many years later (my son is 12 now), I still thought about it and it still hurt.

When I got pregnant with my second child (7 yrs later), I had a totally different experience. I had gotten interested in the birth process before that and had been working in the hospitals as a doula. I saw many different kinds of birth, but the one thing I saw consistently was that in the hospital, it is very hard to maintain any kind of natural birth plan. Once there is one intervention, there are more following behind. So I decided to have my second child at home with a midwife. It was a beautiful and relaxing experience. I gave birth in the water and my daughter was born into a peaceful and calm environment. This experience and the experiences I had attending other births healed my experience with my first birth.

Birth is a rite of passage for us as women and when we feel that our power has been taken away by the "medical" experience, we will often feel the pain of that interference long afterward. It is unfortunate that the medical system at large does not recognize the importance of one of the biggest life transitions that a woman can experience. If they did recognize it, then I think they would interfere less and let our bodies do what they were naturally meant to do, only interfering when it was really and truly necessary.

Your healing lies in reclaiming your power, which starts by sharing your story and by hearing other's stories. So thank you for sharing your story.
Many Blessings on your healing journey.
H.

I did Bradley too and was planning a home birth. I ended up induced at almost 43 weeks, after PROM (I honestly didn't have any idea it had happened, so my water was probably broken for 3 or 4 days) with next to no amniotic fluid left. I went to the hospital because I had a UTI and couldn't pee anymore.
With all the issues I had, I labored in bed on my back for 12 hours before stalling at 9 cm with baby turned posterior. 3 hours later, my son was born by c-section.
I'm only 1 week postpartum, so I honestly don't know how much "dealing with it" I've done, but the knowledge that I did everything I could to have my dream birth really helps. I also have great support from my husband, family, and midwife and doula. They remind me that I made sound medical decisions to ensure my baby's healthy arrival. I also feel like I've learned a lot about myself for next time.
You did it - you gave birth! You have a beautiful little girl. Focus on what went right! :)

I have 2 babies and 2 completely different births, neither one of them as planned! My first one, I went through Bradley and had no doubt in my mind that I was going natural. Of course I was recovering from bronchitis the day my daughter decided to arrive so I REALLY struggled with my labor. After 22 hours of constant labor (I had a midwife checking me to make sure I didn't leave for the hospital too soon) I broke down and went to the hospital and asked for an epidural. I was dilated to a 7 and the thought of 10 more hours of labor seemed unbearable. The nurse begged me to let her break my water and told me that the labor would go fast. She said it would get more intense but it would be over soon. She was really encouraging me to go natural. I couldn't imagine anything more intense so I had the epidural. As soon as the needle was inserted into my back, my water broke. The nurse checked me and I was a 10 and ready to push. I beat myself up over that for an entire year. If only I had let the nurse break my water...

Anyway, I finally realized that I couldn't dwell on it because I couldn't change it so I decided to make things right the second time around. This time I tried Hypnobirthing. Unfortunately, the baby was super big (I am only 5'2" with not a whole lot of torso) and he didn't want to come out. I went a week overdue and the OBGYN said he didn't want to wait any longer because the baby was so large. I was dreading the petocin since I had heard how awful it is. I decided I would go for as long as I could without the epidural. The hypnobirthing was going really well. I felt uncomfortable, but no pain. I was dilated to a 5 when the nurse broke my water and it got pretty intense, but I was still ok until she cranked up the petocin. I broke out into a sweat (the hubby said I looked like I ran a marathon I was so wet) and the whole room was spinning. I begged the nurse to turn down the petocin since I had NO break in between contractions. She said she couldn't so I once again opted for an epidural when I was dilated to a 7. When the anesthesiologist saw the monitor she said to the nurse "oh my goodness her contractions are completely off the chart" and the nurse replied "I know, I did that". Well the end result was a healthy 10lb 7oz baby boy being born without any OBGYN present (I can push them out fast!)

All I can say is that I look at my beautiful children and I know that it is more important how I raise them than how I birthed them. I am so thankful that I have healthy children and I am now at peace with the way they were birthed because I did the best I could do under the circumstances!

I hope that you will be able to find peace with your birth as well. Nothing with children ever really goes as planned. :)

Hi N.,
I think labor and delivery are a great preparation for parenthood. You plan, prepare, read and study up on the topic, and do all you can, but you still cannot control everything. We did Bradley also, and I was absolutely stubborn about having a completely natural birth, but I remember our instructor emphasizing that the whole point of everything was to have a healthy baby.
Shortly before my first baby was born, a good friend of mine also reminded me of that. She had planned a natural birth with her first baby, but things did not go according to plan. Her husband was out of town for the weekend (but reachable in case she went in to labor), her midwife was at a conference and unreachable. She went to a prenatal visit and they were concerned about her blood pressure so they sent her to the hospital. She didn't have her husband or midwife there to support her or help her know what to refuse, she ended up being induced with pitocin and having an epidural. Not her plan. But she had a perfect, healthy little girl. She had a very difficult time bonding with this baby and she believed that it was due to her disappointment with the birth. She warned me against that - not to have expectations that would then hinder bonding with my baby if things did not go according to plan.
I think the best thing you can do to get over your disappointment about your birth is to look at your precious baby girl and be thankful for the little miracle that you are holding in your arms (or at 8 months, she may be the little miracle crawling all over the place!). I'm sure your primary goal through the whole labor and delivery process was to have a healthy baby to hold in your arms. Even if you didn't get the labor/delivery you wanted, you got your healthy, beautiful baby and that is what matters most.

I recognize your name and I think you are hoping to get #2 "cooking" soon, right? You can plan and prepare again for the birth for that one. If you realy want a natural birth, I would recommend finding a midwife and considering homebirth. I never thought I would consider homebirth (even though my mom had 5 babies at home), but I wanted a natural birth and after I toured the hospital where I was supposed to give birth, I couldn't imagine bringing my precious baby into that filthy place. I was nervous about being at home, initially, but I found a very skilled midwife who knew her trade. She assured me (with a great deal of detailed explanation), that my baby and I were safer being at home than at a hospital. We lived only 20 minutes away from the nearest hospital, so we could get there even quicker than they could assemble an emergency team. And she knew trouble signs well enough that it would not get to the point of emergency (she had never had an "emergency" transport, she transported to the hospital before it got to the point of emergency).
Even if you don't want to consider homebirth with your second, I would still recommend consulting with a midwife. Most midwives will give you a free initial consultation. I was not interested in homebirth when I met my midwife, but after our first visit, I knew this was the woman I wanted with me and my husband when our baby was born. Midwives are skilled in natural childbirth because that is all they do! They know how to "make it happen," so to speak. They know how to encourage things to get going naturally.
And just because you have a big baby doesn't mean you have to be induced. I am not an amazon woman, I have an average build/bone structure and I had very big babies with no difficulty. My mom is smaller than me, and has a small bone structure and she had big babies with no trouble. My first baby was 9 lb 8 oz and my second was 10 lb 6 oz (and baby #2 came out in one push! no tearing!). Both were born at home, both were a couple of weeks late, my midwives knew in advance that I was going to have a big baby and were not concerned (I had two different midwives for the two births because we moved 400 miles away from where my first midwife lives).
Anyway, I had the natural births I wanted, but it still wasn't exactly what I had planned (I never planned that it would be so PAINFUL! :). Aside from learning how to prepare your body for natural birth, you really have very little control over your birth experience. You have to accept what you are dealt with. I also recommend the book "Childbirth Without Fear," by Dr. Grantly Dick-Read. It was not on our Bradley recommended reading list, but my midwife loaned it to me, and Dr. Dick-Read was a colleague of Dr. Bradley back in the day. It was the best reading I did before the birth of my firstborn and helped me prepare more than anything else I read.
And I will just say again, no matter how much you plan and prepare, your goal is a healthy baby, so focus on that. Now go kiss your little girl! and be thankful that you have her, regardless how things transpired in the few days before she was born. :)

My story is that after I attended the labor and delivery class and had my bag packed, I went into labor. It was a month early. I spent the night in the hospital and was anxious to leave since I had my baby shower to attend. As I was being released my water broke. An ultrasound was done(I was pregnant with twins)and looked normal but it was decided I needed to have an emergency C-section. I thank God for that because my son had the umbilical cord around his neck and most likely would have died if I tried to do a natural birth. My kids will be 17 next month and are healthy and a true blessing. I have never regreted how they got here. I am just happy they turned out healthy, we had some rough moments in neonatal intensive care for the first month of their lives. The advice I can give you is be thankful, babies arrive in all kinds of ways. There are reasons for the things that happen that we don't always understand at the time. Enjoy every moment! They really do grow up fast.

Like most of the others mothers, my labor was a far from my plan as could be. After 48 hours of intense labor and two hours of pushing, I was forced into a c-section when the baby's heartbeat dropped and my blood pressure escalated. In many ways I feel like a failure for not being able to give birth naturally. All I take solace in knowing is that I truly gave it my all and my baby is as healthy as can be. Maybe you'll have better luck with your next labor (if you are having more children).

NONE of my labors have gone as planned!

We are preparing for a 6th and I am just wondering what unexpected adventures will be coming with that.

On the positive side, with having raised children, you will be fully prepared when you return to heaven to improvise your very own comedy routine with all the other parents there in attendance. And we will all be rolling on the floor laughing our heads off at the battle stories we have survived through and it will be wonderful.

Hi N., i understand what you are saying, I think all of us who have ver had a baby experienced this, but now try and just concentrate on your beautiful baby girl, don't let the dissapointments of your labor rob you of the joy of being a mom, Nothing ever goes as planned, thats why it's always good to just sit back and let God take control, that's` what i do. J.

I'm a Bradley momma too! We can't really plan our births. Your daughter had her own birth plan! You did, however, do the right thing in being totally prepared for whatever happened! Some things have happened with each of my three babies at their births that I wish I could go back and change You have to accept that you got the outcome you were going for - healthy baby, healthy momma. You may have to mourn those regrettable moments of your birth a little, and that's OK too, but work on not letting it consume you. As time passes you will better accept it and move on. BTW I still cry a little on my daughter's birthday whenever I re-live her birth. You can't deny how important that day was to you. But you have to take what you learned from that day and store it away for future births.

My third was a home birth and a truly wonderful experience. I will tell you that you have a lot more control when you are in the comfort of your own home and it seems rather luxurious to have the midwives come to you. They even cleaned every thing up and did the laundry. When I walked out of our bedroom the next morning, our home was spotless! It was WONDERFUL.

Nahes,

From my experience I will say count your blessings instead of missed expectations. Nowadays we forget that childbirth can be a very dangerous situation for both the mother and child. I had a unique birth experience with my second pregnancy. 17 minutes after my son was born we found out that there was another one in me. I can tell you that all of a sudden there were about 5 people I didn't know coming in with an ultra sound machine and other things were going on around me that I didn't know about. Our doctor tried to turn the baby around inside me so that I could push again but the baby's elbow popped up next to his head and lodged firmly there. They tried a couple times to push him back but were unsuccessful. We had very little time and all of a sudden it didn't matter about natural childbirth, all I wanted was for my other son to be alright and to survive myself. I had an emergency C-section and even with that 2 doctors had trouble pulling the baby's head and arm out of the birth canal. The end result was two baby boys (6lb. 13ozs. and 5lbs. 15ozs.), one of them in an incubator with fluid in his lungs. I also went through a couple hours of complete body shakes as I was recovering from the surgery. Those hours were the hardest thing I have had to do. I didn't know where I was and couldn't control my body. I was told that because of all the trauma and having surgery had lowered my body temp. and the shakes were a way my body was regulating itself. I thought I was going to die and spent the whole time trying to relax and praying that my babies would be able to know me. It felt like an eternity and finally I passed out from exhaustion. I woke up as I was being wheeled into my room and was go grateful that in time I was able to hold and nurse my sons.

Before I left the hospital my doctor told me how, under the circumstances, he had to cut me on the inside from top to bottom. On the outside it looked like a perfect horizontal scar well below any bikini I might wear (yah, right). He told me in no uncertain terms that I would never be able to give birth vaginally because of how my uterus had been cut even though it looked like it could be a possibility from the outside.

End of this story is that my twin boys are now 17 and are healthy, happy young men. I also had another child 7 years ago and even though I felt some twinges of regret that I couldn't have him naturally they were incomparable to the joy of having another baby.

I coped by realizing how lucky we all were and reveled in being a mother of three beautiful children. It doesn't bother me how everything occurred, only grateful to be alive to raise my children. My advice to you is to look to anything that you had the power to have changed and discuss it for next time. You cannot change what happened but you can learn from any mistakes you felt occurred. It might help you to talk with the doctors and nurses that cared for you and learn about all the behind the scene happenings and conversations that went on concerning you situation.

Please learn from the past and use that information to try to better your future situations then let go of any pain. Don't forget about it but just remember how lucky you are to be a mom.

Hope this helps,

Evelyn

Our only son is 4 and I still am bothered by the labor not going as planned and I am a little scared of what to expect next time around. I planned for natural birth followed by natural breastfeeding and neither panned out for us. I had preeclampsia so they induced me and gave me the epidural before I could feel anything. I was in labor for 11 hours threatened with a c-section, finally went into the full on labor and pushed for 20 minutes. Then he wouldn't latch on so I had to give him formula that I thought made children unhealthy...turns out it doesn't; but I still wonder what it would have been like to deliver the way I planned especially after seeing my older sister go through hell delivering my niece 2 years later. The only way I deal with it is by trying to accept that things don’t always go as planned and it’s out of my control; with our son being 4, I am learning that lesson over and over…nothing is perfect but perfectly imperfect. It’s hard for me but thinking of it that way makes is much easier. I wish you the best.

Hello,

Both of my boys had to be induced. It was not ideal for me (I think many moms prefer unassisted labor). However, they arrived safe and sound and I am most grateful for that! I just accepted it as my initiation to motherhood. Now that I have two little, active monkey boys running around my house, I have dscovered that hardly anything goes as planned anymore! :) We all have to learn to roll with the punches! :) I had to take a hard, long look at myself and decide that I will not be able to teach my sons how to best deal with disappointment if I can't deal myself. Try looking at it from this perspective, it sure worked for me.

Good luck to you.