Kindergartener Nervous and Anxious About Lunch~

I've had students terrified of the lunch room before. (I teach preK in a big public school, and used to teach K.) It is loud and noisy and pretty over-stimulating. My solution is to have two 8th graders as my class helpers.

Can you ask the teacher to find a big kid (even a 5th grader) to be her lunchtime helper each day until she starts to feel more comfortable?

I work at my kids' school and also at lunch time in the cafeteria.

One thing, with some of the young children is: in the cafeteria... there is a LOT of kids. Each grade level, eats lunch at the same time. AND because of that, there is a lot of noise. The noise... really tweaks some of the kids. I know, they tell me. At my kids' school, there are cafeteria rules... and one of the rules is that the noise needs to be kept to a certain level. And we adults, enforce that.

Also at lunch time, some of the young kids/Kindergarten kids... this is the time... that they "miss" their parents or Mom. It is normal. So we comfort them and acknowledge them saying they miss Mommy... but then they need to eat and continue with their day. It is an adjustment. It is not only your, child.

The Teachers, cannot... sit with their class at lunch everyday. They use this time for their lunch break too, and/or to do work in their classroom. Or, IF a class has a Teacher's Aide, then they can help. But remember... if a Teacher's Aid is there to help assist.. that means that they cannot have a lunch break. The Teachers, that are in the cafeteria with their kids... are not eating. It is not their, lunch break. They are sitting with their class and working. So they forgo, their own lunch... to do this. At least, this is how it is, at my kids' school.

Kindergarten adjustment... can take, a couple of months.
My daughter when she was in Kinder, because she is sensory sensitive to "noise"... found the cafeteria very unpleasant. BUT she adjusted. I let her Teacher know. And I also would talk with my daughter about it. And she adjusted.

OR, if/when I see a Kindergarten child crying at lunch because of the noise or because there are so many kids there and it is distracting... I TELL the other table-mates "Hey kids, Sally here is feeling sad... can you all be nice classmates and help comfort her so she can feel happier?" And then I TELL the other table-mates... that this is NORMAL.... they all are young children, and we ALL miss our Mommy too. Its okay. But "lets all try and help each other okay? If you see someone sad, don't criticize, just try to be a nice friend..." and the kids, rise to it.

I feel for you, I know how you feel, and I also see kids like yours, who may feel this way at lunch. But so, as I mentioned, this is what I know per my kids' school, and how I handle it... being I work there.

Don't worry.
This is growing-pains for the child. And also for Mommy. It is a rite of passage.
Your daughter will be okay.

Oh, this brings back memories of painful awkward childhood! Perhaps you can role play with her to teach her how to approach people/make small talk. Do it at home with family or take her to the mall food court and let her see you introduce yourself and her to others and ask if you guys can sit with them.

Can you pack her some treats to share with others? Maybe she can use them as an intro tool - like hey, my mom packed all the rice crispy treats I cant eat - can I sit with you guys and share?

Alternatively, pack her a book to read or a notepad to write in as a safety crutch. Good luck!

Have you ever been in the cafeteria when lunch is being served? It is LOUD and there are kids everywhere, and no always eating. Luckily our school had the kindergartners eat first, but it was still overwhelmingly noisy. I can understand why she would be fearful. Does she have any friends she could sit with to distract her? My son is very sensitive to noise, but he got distracted by interacting with his friends and did not notice it. I would also talk to the guidance counselor. They have dealt with this multiple times over the years, I am sure that she can help your daughter over come this.

I'm sorry she is having this issue -- but please take a little comfort from the fact it's pretty typical for kindergarteners, even those who have been in preschools.

Lunchrooms in schools are often noisy (and the noise is amplified by the large room). Older kids are there, not just kindergarteners eating with only other kindergarteners, and the older kids often can be noisy, boisterous, etc., even in the best-run places. There's a lot of movement as kids come and go, get in the line, scramble for seats, jockey to be next to this person or that person. There are adults in there (usually cafeteria monitors, sometimes volunteers, sometimes not) who are issuing orders or corrections to kids and whom your child doesn't really know.

It's pretty overwhelming! And therefore upsetting.

I would tell the teacher you'd like to observe the cafeteria without being seen by your child. If it's possible, depending on how the place is set up, you might be able to observe lunchtime from outside a doorway etc. and get a feel for the noise levels, level of movement in the cafeteria, etc. It could help you assess whether it's overwhelming your child. And yes, having lunch with her once a week can help, but you don't want her to start expecting it or depending on your being there daily. Ask the teacher if she can assign a "lunch buddy" to your daughter and other kids in the class -- maybe make it a class thing where for the first month, all kids have a lunch buddy (so your child is not being singled out). Meanwhile, reach out to the parents of other girls iin the class and do some play dates, even if you do not know the moms well, to encourage new friendships with classmates. Tell the teacher especially that you are concerned because your child is eating nothing at lunch, which will affect her ability to focus and concentrate and learn after lunchtime, and say you need to work with the teacher to ensure your child does eat at least something each day. And be sure her foods you pack are easy to open and fast to eat so she can get enough down once she starts.

Can you see if the teacher can buddy everyone up before lunch? Everyone have their lunch buddy? then, no one is left out. Maybe your daughter can find a lunch buddy before leaving the classroom.
My son just started Kindergarten as well, and while he's also manaing some transitional anxiety, we prepared some ways for him to make friends. We even practiced it. Introduce himself, and ask a question to the other kid. "Hi, I'm ____. What's your favorite lunch? Mine is ____". It's just as hard for kids as it is for us to make friends, they just don't even have the basics.

Do they put the kindergarten kids in a lunch room? That can be overwhelming. I am so sorry. We have 1/2 day here so are only just dealing with lunch now for first grade, but they eat at their desks, which solves a lot of problems. Our problem is no time to eat!

I agree that she needs to make a friend, though that's easier said than done. Maybe a playdate?

Encourage her to make a "friend" and I bet her lunchroom anxiety will go away.
It's only been a week. It takes about a month for kids to get "secure" in that new environment.
You might send a note to her teacher to see if she would encourage a "lunch buddy" system and possibly pick out another child that seems alone and pair them up.
You could go one day and just be an aid in the classroom, that way you can see for yourself what kind of social skills your daughter is lacking and it will give you the insight on how to pick up the slack for her.

Maybe have her try spotting someone from her class and asking if she can sit next to him/her? They'll scoot over & let her in I'm sure! I bet it's hard to get the courage to do it, but if you explain that lunchtime should be a fun social time it may help her look forward to it. Reassure her and build up her confidence that she is so nice and everyone wants to be her friend, but if she is shy/quiet, kids might think she doesn't like THEM. have her plan it out during class who she'll sit by at lunch so it's not so spur of the moment. All she has to do is ask by saying, "I'd like to sit with you at lunch, do you want to?" With a smile :) One time and I bet she's over it.

Ask your daughter if there are any kids in the class she would like to have over to play after school and then try to make those arrangements.

I think it's a good idea for you to either join her at school for lunch or maybe take her out of school during the lunch period until she finds that friend.

I remember having a hard time transitioning from elementary school to middle school. There were just so many kids I didn't know. And the hardest part was lunch. Once I found a neighbor girl to eat lunch with, it all got better real fast!

Have lunch with her ASAP. I pop in and have lunch with my daughter at least once a month....of course on my favorite food days! :)

Ask the teacher to "assign" another nice little girl to sit with your daughter during lunch.

Some kids kids need nudging to make new friends. There may be another little girl in the school who feels the same, and the teacher can facilitate these two becoming friends. It's easiest to nudge now, rather than later.

I doubt you're doing this, but try not to act anxious about the situation yourself, as you might project your anxiety on her.

I think your main focus needs to be helping your daughter find a friend...then see if her teacher can sit her by that friend at lunch.

I think you going to lunch right now will only hinder things as then she'll be begging you to go everyday.

I had a similar scenario when my daughter started preschool, until she got close with a friend her teacher's had a hard time getting her to participate with things. They even said she was barely eating. But in time as she got comfortable with friends, she started opening up at school. I did schedule a play date with a friend around Halloween and that helped greatly!

Call the school and see if they can talk her through it. There are more resources than just her teacher that should be able to step in and help. My son gets what they call sensory breaks through out the day to help with some of the things he gets overwhelmed with. Depending on the school, maybe they could find a quieter area / time for her to eat lunch.