Keeping DD in Kindergarten for Another Year or Not?

So she started when she was 4??

My brother (may birthday) was held back in kindergarten, he now is a rocket scientist...not kidding...he is an electrical engineer building space rockets!

Let her do K over with a new teacher. Going for an IEP seems a bit overboard, as if she was 4 when she started, it could be she just isn't ready.

My first grader is dealing with similar issues. I wish I was aware of these in kindergarten. I would have kept her back. Now she has developed friendships in the classroom and in sports. She is as tall as a 3rd grader and is already taller than her peers.

My two cents (for what it's worth) is keep her back. It will build her confidence.

Yes hold her back. Kinder is the hardest year to qualify for special education and she'd nerd one of the 8 qualified disorders or an other health impairment to get the eval. I'd do some summer homework maybe get her a tutor.

Hold her back!! My son has a fall birthday and we had to hold him a year due to September cut off.

It was the best thing ever giving him another year to mature before Kinder.

Give her another year to mature in a safe Kinder environment.

It sounds like two steps forward and one step back, but I'd have her repeat kindergarten. Developmentally, it will benefit her in the long run. My dd turned 5 in December too, and she's still in preschool. Kindergarten would have been overwhelming and most likely frustrating. Best wishes to you - better now than later.

first grade is very different than kindergarten.. in kinder they move a lot and play learning games... but primarily plat to learn..

my kids both came home from first grade saying that all you do all day is work.. so is she ready to sit in a chair for most of 7 hours a day and do work?? at 5.. most kids aren't..

redo kindergarten.. it is the best thing you can do... she wont be bored.. it will be a different experience with different kids and a different teacher..

Updated

first grade is very different than kindergarten.. in kinder they move a lot and play learning games... but primarily plat to learn..

my kids both came home from first grade saying that all you do all day is work.. so is she ready to sit in a chair for most of 7 hours a day and do work?? at 5.. most kids aren't..

redo kindergarten.. it is the best thing you can do... she wont be bored.. it will be a different experience with different kids and a different teacher..

It's MUCH easier, academically and socially and in pretty much every way, to hold a child back early, rather than later. Our friends were told that their son should repeat K but the parents insisted he move on to first grade because "he's so intelligent and he'll be bored and he'll see his classmates move on when he doesn't" etc. But it took him until about fourth grade to fully be in the swing of things in school (not academically, as he's really bright, but he was just very disorganized and unfocused and not mature enough). If he had repeated K as advised, his first, second and third grade years might have been smoother and less stressful for everyone.

Better to repeat K than to have to repeat a higher grade when the other kids really notice that you're not being "promoted." Listen to the teacher and give your daughter a chance to succeed, and yourselves a chance to get her evaluated in a less stressful environment -- if she's trying to handle first grade while unprepared AND you're getting her tested, it will be a recipe for her to detest school even more.

Talk with the counselor ASAP as well as the teacher. You will need to plan, together with them, the best way to tell your daughter she is going to K again, and you will need some consistent strategies for making it positive for her, especially as you say she is not enjoying school. She won't be mature enough to understand that repeating will mean she has an advantage and will do much better and have more fun at it; she will only view it as "They're making me do the stuff I hate--again!!" The counselor needs to help you prepare right now for handling that and getting her past it during the summer and early next year.

My son is 5 and an August birthday. We put him in a 1/2 day kindergarten class this year. Originally, we signed him up for a Young 5's class, but changed our minds at the last minute. So, here we are almost 3/4 of the school year, and we will have him repeat kindergarten again this fall. Most of the children in his class are a year older and there is a huge difference in maturity. Our son is having a tough time socially with his classmates. We believe holding him back a year will help him mature socially.

Don't do the IEP, what a premature thing to say by the Dr. Yes to letting her repeat kindergarten. Kids are pushed into school way too early. She will do so much better being older and more mature. Think about the junior high years, she will need the maturity.

My daughter has an Aug 25th bday and the cutoff is Sept 1, we had her start school when she was 6

Totally hold her back. She sounds like she is working at her correct age level, but imagine, there are kids that will be a lot older than her. through all of her school years, if you do not hold her back. She will be young for college too.

Allow her to be completely ready for kindergarten this fall. It will help her self esteem and be more age appropriate for your child. Les stress for all of you in the long run.

Your attitude is what will help her. Be positive about this. No negativity.

I think holding her back now could offer her many benefits down the road (give her more time to mature with behavior issues, time to catch up with reading, time to grow so she isn't always the smallest shortest youngest kid in the class), while trying to push her further with this current class could have many risks down the road (poor academic performance, forming bonds with kids and then having to be held back later on could cause more emotional distress). It seems like an easy answer to me, but I'm not in your shoes.

It is better to hold them back earlier than later.

My daughter was in second grade and it was not a good thing for her. We held her back and she repeated the class. I sat her down and explained to her that she was not being punished for anything it was just that she needed more time in the class to get it right. That extra help helped her in many ways and even to critique a teacher in high school who did follow her suggestion for the class work.

So if your gut is telling you to hold her back do it now and not later when it will be more noticeable with her fellow classmates and peers.

the other S.

PS I am from New Jersey and back then December was the cut off and I was one of the youngest in my class. I graduated high school at 17 and went on to secretarial school. People asked me why I wasn't it school when the next year rolled around and I had to explain that I had just completed my schooling in June. In fact I got my driver's license after high school because you had to be 17 and have completed driver's education prior to getting your learner's permit.

Hi Jade.

My attitude is, it's better to hold her back now than down the road. Ya know? I do know someone who did that with their son and they are very happy with the decision. Trust your gut feeling on it =)

My oldest daughter was a young Kindergarten student..... (August birthday) we ignored any possible problems for the first few years, and when she hit 4th grade, it all came to a halt...

She was extremely bright, just had a hard time focusing and getting stuff done....

We were moving the end of the school year to another state (from Iowa to Texas), so we had her repeat 4th grade in Texas.

It gave her a chance to catch up to her peers,and catch up in school, also.

Best thing we ever did! She is now extremely successful, and has her PhD in Microbiology...... (and works for NASA!!)

Daughter #3 was also an August birthday, and we delayed her Kindergarten for a year.... she still struggled, mostly with social issues...... she is very ADHD, but we didn't have her officially diagnosed, so she just struggled in school.....she still struggles with some social issues as an adult.....

You really have to take each child at their own pace...... but I don't regret holding either of my daughters back..... (I'm not sure we would have had as good an outcome if we held the oldest daughter back in an earlier grade, though... she didn't really struggle at those points...)

My son has a July birthday and he was not at all ready for school at 5 - we knew it, three preschool teachers knew it, even my daughter's kindergarten teacher knew it. So we waited a year and put him in young fives. That year made a high difference. And had he been in your daughter's class, he'd have been a year and a half older than she. I'm sure there are kids in her class with that same age difference. I know five is the age they want them to start - it's when we started! But honestly, this is not your mother's kindergarten. It's a whole lot harder now, both academically and socially.

I highly recommend that you do. If she ends up doing poorly in first grade, it will be much harder on her to repeat first grade. None of the kinders will understand anything about "holding a child back" and they won't make fun of her.

I was lucky that I didn't do what you did. I wouldn't have known any better, since he was my first child, but the only reason I didn't put him in kinder was because I moved behind my husband and wouldn't have started him at the beginning of the school year. It wasn't until later I realized how lucky I was.

Having said that, I do think that you should have a meeting with the guidance counselor and ask her to test your child to make sure the school as a whole agrees.

I agree the IEP is a little premature. If I had a child in a situation such as yours I would hold her back. If you are concerned about developmental delays or a hadicap of some sort I would try going to counseling/neurologist etc before starting an IEP process.
Her teacher can recommend an IEP and you can request an evaluation, but chances are they would recommend she repeat Kidnergarten and then be evaluated again.
My son started having issues with paying attention and social skills in pre-k. I tried everything on our side-counseling, activities, etc. he just started his IEP this year and I'm glad, I feel that I have a better understanding of his abilities/limitations and we work well together coming up with strategies. There is no unknown, because he was evaluated in earlier grades and everything was documented. Once she has an IEP she can not be held back and the school needs to make concessions for her. For instance my son struggles with writing so occasionally he will dictate or be allowed to type papers out in order to catch up to his peers.

I would definintely keep her back a year. She'll never know the difference and it's better that she has a little edge on things. My son was born in the middle of the summer and was a little immature and I would have definitely started him a year later if he hadn't already been the tallest kid in his grade. He's in 10th grade now and doing well - but there were a lot of years of struggles in between that would have been avoided I think had we given him that extra year.

Honestly sounds like a no brainer. Most people I know who held back are so glad and it's just kinder so no one bats an eye - including the kids. It becomes a complete non issue. With all the people red shirting too, she's more than a year younger than some other kids probably. Even if a kid was doing great it'd be tempting to hold back. In this case, again, it sounds like an easy decision. What is really the upside from advancing her? I have a late Sept bday child and she's done fine except for one period in 2nd grade and even I have considered holding her back. My other child is older for her grade and everything has been so much easier for her (and she's not inherently smarter). Just seems easier to be on the older side and safer. Why have the least mature kid in class either physically or emotionally (potentially)? I know boys with June bdays who were sent a year late! That's a year and a half older than your daughter.

i really doubt she needs an IEP. she just sounds a bit young for it yet. and it's so much easier to repeat now than later.
mine started at 4 and was always one of the youngest. he did okay, but probably would have done as well or better if we'd let him wait a year.
she'll probably mature a lot and catch up by next year, and all might be well. but it's a red flag if she's not enjoying school. that was the main reason we left mine alone, he was having fun and doing fine.
the ideal situation would be if she could do some sort of hybrid, which many schools now allow. she would be a kindergartner again, but get to do some classes with the 1st graders if her achievement and interest indicated it would be a good thing. it would prevent her from being bored by being exposed to the same material again all year. will your school consider that?
khairete
S.

My vote is yes. Keep her back another year. I have a 5 yr old who turned 5 two weeks before school started. The cut off here is 09/01. He is working at grade level despite my worries. In his case, I will let him advance to first. Each child and situation is different. It sounds like your daughter would GREATLY benefit from another year of K.

Best wishes!

My 8 year old has a July birthday. He started kindergarten when he was 6, and it was the best thing we could have done for him!

For us, it wasn't just about academics, although the fact that she's struggling would make me seriously think about repeating kindergarten. Our son was struggling socially. We didn't want him to always feel younger than his peers. The kids he went to preschool with all seemed more mature then our son, and we didn't want that to be the case. We wanted him to be in the same class with kids closer to his age. We just didn't want him to always be the baby.

Our younger son is going through the IEP process, and I have to say if there is any concern that she might need a little extra help, the sooner you start the process the better. School have resources, they have specialists in many areas, they have aids who could help your daughter in teh classroom. It's really important to get her that extra help if she needs it, and the sooner she has that, the easier school will be.

I strongly encourage you to go to your daughter's teacher and request an evaluation (the beginning of the IEP process). Personally, based soley on what you said here, I would probably have her repeat kindergarten so that she's in the same class as kids her own age. That extra year of maturity will really help her. But you have you have to feel right about your decision. Talk to your husband, talk to the teacher, maybe even talk to the principal, talk to your ped.

For our son, the decision was a no-brainer. For others it's not quite so obvious. You have time to think about this, so take the time and make sure you make the decision that feels right for you and your daughter.

IMHO, you should hold her back for another year in kindergarten so she can experience some academic success. If you push her onto first grade, it's going to just get worse as the years go by. She will have no confidence in herself and her dislike of school will grow.

As for the IEP, all I really know is that you need to make your request in writing and have that written request dated. A written request is what starts the clock ticking; they only have so long to act once they get your request. A dated, written request is best so you have a paper trail. It is late in the year and it may be that the deadline for them to act will run after school lets out for the year. If that's the case, then submit a new written request the first day of school next year.

Good luck to you and your DD.

The cut-off for NY is so late! It sounds like you know that it would be best to have her do another year of kindergarten. It will benefit her in many ways in the long run. If you send her through to 1st, she'll go off to college at 17--and not turn 18 until the end of her first semester. If she likes her teacher, I would ask if you could keep her in the same room. If not, then ask if she can have a different teachers. Schools will usually do whichever you want.

Also, and IEP is an individualized educational plan. The school will test for learning disabilities and then, if they feel it is necessary, will write up an IEP for your daughter. The IEP is a legal document that schools must follow.

Good luck. You seem very in tune to what she needs:) And, I love that you and the teacher have good communication.

If your intuition and the teacher's evaluation both say that she needs another year to develop/mature, I see no reason to do anything else. My daughter spent an extra year in pre-K. She sometimes expresses resentment that we 'held her back' so she is older than most of her friends and sometimes bored in class because she is developmentally more advanced, however I am still absolutely certain it was the right decision. Perhaps we needed to handle it differently or frame it for her in another way (and we can't unring that bell now), however it was certainly the right thing to do. See whether the teacher can work with you on coming up with the least stressful, most positive way to frame repeating K.

she started kindergarten at 4? that is really young. I would keep her back. and yes we have experience with it.

My oldest son turned 5 in august 1 week before school started. he lasted exactly 1 week before we decided it was just not time for him to start. pretty much same things you are describing above. We kept him in a prek class and kindergarten the next year. he did great the next year. was just not ready at such a young 5.

My youngest son turned 5 in june and started kindergarten in september. he finished it. the next year he was in 1st grade and had some of the same problems. turns out his was adhd but not diagnosed til he was 7. we made the decision to have him repeat 1st grade which was the right decision but should have been done in kindergarten.

good luck

my younger son

I would not have her tested. She is very young. Keep her back. No bet she will do fine next year.

Im in Canada and here our cut off date is Dec 31. My daughter actually started school (junior kindergarten) a few months before her 4th birthday. So she was actually 3 3/4. She recently turned 5 and is about to be done with senior kindergarten. She is the youngest in her class as well but thankfully she has managed to excel exceptionally well. I think if you feel that she isnt ready then you should do whats best for you and her. No one knows a child better than their own parents. Do what feels right =)
Good luck

Does your school offer split classes? One of my kids was in a grade 1/Kindergarten split. Small class size, great for kids who are a little young

Is it possible to meet with another teacher too, for second opinion? At our school, our teachers confer with one other at the same level in situations like this. So if they have concerns, they will ask their teaching buddy for their thoughts.

Where your doctor suggested she best tested .. I would think maybe getting a second opinion at school (just to be sure that's even the right track..) may be helpful.

Good luck :) sounds like you already know which way you're leaning (trust you momma instinct!) but sometimes just having more info makes the decision easier.

Are there reasons you feel she does not enjoy school that will somehow be different in kindergarten next year? When children read is completely developmental and some kids simply don't read in kindergarten. We have an early September cutoff so my son did not start K until he was almost 6, he did not read until most of the way through kindergarten. I wished then and still do that we had had a December cutoff because since he did start to read, he cannot read enough. So now he needs to take accelerated reading and math classes so he can be reading at the level he would be if he had been in the 'correct' class to start with (in my mind that means going to kindergarten the year you TURN 5).

Someone will always be the oldest and someone will always be the youngest. The current research is showing that being the youngest carries both social and academic benefits compared to being the oldest. Younger kids learn up to their older classmates. Older kids slow down to their younger classmates.

Since you are in NYC and parents do not have the option of red shirting their kids based simply on personal preference, there will be many fewer older kids in her classes later on (compared to parts of the country where people hold their kids back all the time so they will be bigger to play sports, older to have a social or academic advantage, etc).

The other thing to consider is next fall is a LONG ways away in the world of a 5 year old. She will learn and grow a LOT before next September. Do you need to decide now or can you wait?

See if you can get her into a program over the summer. Public libraries often have summer reading programs, the kids read a certain number of books per week then go in and tell the librarian about the story. You can also get penmanship notebooks and have her practice writing her letters. And flash cards will help her with simple adding and subtracting.

If you can get her to read 10 minutes in the morning, do flash cards while making lunch, and practice writing for 10 minutes in the afternoon she will improve by leaps and bounds during the summer.

I grew up in NY and my brother was one of the youngest in the class - he's still screwed up because of it! I wish he had not started when he did, or had been held back.

Trust your gut - combined with the teacher's suggestions, it seems wise to have her repeat. It makes so much more sense to do it now, when nothing bad could happen at all, than to keep taking your chances with the ensuing years.

I did not start my son at age 5 (June birthday, September cut-off) - and I took some heat with dumb comments like "Gee, he seems smart." But I never regretted it one bit. So steer away from people who comment to you like that, and don't let anyone say a thing to your daughter along those lines. It's never about intelligence - it's always about developmental milestones, maturity, focus and more. Your daughter may be performing below the preferred levels simply because she's not there yet developmentally. Giving another year of maturity makes a lot of sense.

You can certainly have her tested and, if indicated, set up an IEP in conjunction with the school psychologist or special needs coordinator. But I'd avoid that right now since your daughter doesn't seem to like school. Give her the summer off, and do some assessments after school is out this June. It will probably be done with someone in the school system - you are entitled to all kinds of intervention services. You can also do outside testing with a referral from the school or the pediatrician. Based on those results, an IEP that addresses her specific needs can be put together.

If you feel that she is not ready for first grade then you should have her repeat. Just tell her and the other kids that she really wasn't old enough for Kindergarten but the principle gave you permission to go. So next year, she will be an official kindergartener. No kid, not even your daughter, will think twice about that crafty answer or something similar.

In your case I'd say it doesn't matter. You're right about the age thing. I can see exactly why her age could be an issue.

But here's my opinion. She is reading and writing? A LOT of kindergartners aren't. Some kids don't read until between 1st and 2nd grade. It's not something they have to "get" in kindergarten.

Do what you feel is right. I don't know how I'd feel in this instance.