Just Normal OCD???

Updated on October 25, 2008
J.E. asks from Woodstock Valley, CT
20 answers

I guess many (if not all) of us have OCD's to some degree. My question is, when should we worry about our 34 month old daughter. She has a fit if things are not in their usual place from papers on a desk to how we park the car in the driveway. In the grocery store she had to organize some plastic cups on a shelf so all the similar colors were together-she wouldn't budge or allow us to take her hand until the cups were just right. Sometimes she has to touch each and every can/box at her level as she goes down the aisle in a store. She has to be sitting on the staircase landing before she'll put her shoes on. If I give her food in a compartment plate she points to any empty areas and won't eat until I put something there. If I put a new toy in a particular place in her room that toy always has to be in that spot. She does have a speech delay issue we are working on but has had a very stable life (no moves, nothing 'bad' etc.) She took the switch from a crib to a toddler bed in stride but I can only imagine what might happen if we rearrange the living room furniture or something.

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So What Happened?

Thank you to everyone who offered advice and support on this issue. I have read and re-read all the comments and thought I'd give an update. Because we did participate in the Birth to Three program and she showed a significant speech delay around 18 months old we are working with speech therapists. They have assured us that she does not have Autism. Her OCD behavior seems to be easing up, and if she does have a problem with something 'out of place' we assure her that 'it's okay' and she is able to move on from it. Perhaps we didn't realize how observant she is about her surroundings because we have been so focused on her speech problems. So we 'mix things up' now and then and she shows little or no reaction :) I think this phase will be over soon.

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C.G.

answers from Portland on

J.,
If this continues, please think about having her tested for asperger's syndrome or autism. What you mentioned above could just be a stage she is going through for now. If she continues doing these things plus does not interact with other children or plays mostly by herself, then get her tested. Speech impediment, repetitiously ordering things exactly the same way, these are signs of asperger's syndrome, which is a milder form of autism. To me, right now though, it seems like just a phase.

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G.V.

answers from New London on

You say she has a speech delay issue that you are working on... I think she is doing these repetitions, etc. becasue she is probably frustrated not being able to talk yet. So, she is trying to have control over at least SOMETHING. I would wait to have her evaluated until she starts talking. That might make her feel more powerful - starting to talk - and this OCD problem will fade away on its own. Good luck.

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C.B.

answers from New London on

Hi J.,
Great Post! My first impression is that you are blessed with a gifted child. I would encourage you not to read too deeply into her OCD-like behavior, but rather embrace her curiosity.(yes, it is much easier said than done)But her world, at a very young age seems to have a special order to it. She is a problem solver and creative thinker. If there is a way for you to validate her "organizational skills" yet at the same time remind her that there are more ways to achieve the same results, maybe she will broaden her horizons. For example, she arranged the cups in order of colors, but you could tell her "Sally, you put all the cups together with the colors that were very much the same as eachother.Good job! Can you think of another way the cups could be ordered?" (by size--biggest to smallest, or vice-versa etc) By doing simple gestures like that, you could be opening her mind to thinking "outside the box" at other possible solutions. Without that encouragment, she may set her ways early on to an intollerant attitude of "No, no, no, it has to be by color!" It appears to me that you have yourself a future leader in your midst. Continue to be an encourager to this little soul who enjoys order in her environment. View it as her strength and she will one day be teaching others by her awesome example. Blessings to you! ~C. B

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E.S.

answers from Boston on

My daughter is just about the same age as yours and she does the same type of things. She has to touch all of the posts at the top of the stairs before she comes down. Certain animals must be in the right places before bed. The bedtime routing must be EXACTLY the same every night. It is just a developmental stage. They're trying to have control and make sense of things.

Don't worry, I am sure she will outgrow it. In the meantime, best of luck!

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R.B.

answers from Boston on

I agree with some of the other mamas on here... mainly because I have spoken to my own school's psych for the same concerns. She told me that if the OCD like behavior is interfering with daily functioning (ie. can't get out of the house, taking 2-3 times longer out in public, or the level of rage/temper/upset/tantrum is huge due to a compulsive behavior being interfered with....etc.) then it may very well be a true OCD. I would confront it asap, even if it turns out to just be a developmental stage... wouldn't you rather be sure? I completely understand that children with speech and language delays want to have control of things that they normally cannot with communication.... so this may be her way to control you or things in her environment... but whoever evaluates her will take that into consideration. What happens when you don't feed into the compulsiveness? For example, will she EVENTUALLY eat if you don't fill that last compartment? My daughter does/did the same thing, but when I didn't give in... what she did was eventually figure out that she could put a piece of food that she already has in that compartment for her to feel like it's "complete", but I didn't do it for her. Also, I started giving her plates without the compartments. Minor changes - see if they cause major meltdowns. I will say that my daughter has stopped many of those OCD like behaviors that I worried about... but it sounds as though your case may be a bit more intense.. and interfering with daily functioning. Good luck and keep us posted!

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A.M.

answers from Hartford on

I have to agree with the others. Best to have her evaluated, than to find out later and know that you could have done something earlier. Good luck. and keep us posted.

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D.C.

answers from Boston on

J.,
You need to talk to your pediatrician about a referral for testing in the Autism spectrum disorders. The sooner you can get the diagnosis and interventions begun the better. If you live in the Nashua area call Gateways Community Services at ###-###-#### for help and referrals as well.
Good Luck,
D. C Mom of a 14yo Asperger boy

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M.L.

answers from Burlington on

Your little girl sounds EXACTLY like me as a child. I mean to the point that I did some of the very things she does. I had undiagnosed OCD (at a time when no one thought of kids as having issues like that and so no one looked for help), something that I understand may not be all that uncommon with very bright children, which is a positive way of looking at it for your little girl. I will say that I had it all through childhood but did begin to outgrow it by the time I hit puberty, and didn't have it at all as an adult, so it's quite possible she will too, but personally as a child who lived with it, I would recommend you seek help for her. She doesn't know it now but later she'll figure out that something is wrong with her, and that, along with the underlying anxiety that often causes OCD, can be troubling for her as a child, and later in life. Although I no longer have OCD at all, I still battle occasional and usually minor bouts of anxiety and depression, which can be linked to OCD, and I have often wondered if the issue could have been nipped in the bud if I had gotten help as a child. Even if she does outgrow it, helping her understand and deal with it as a child may help her a great deal down the road.

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R.G.

answers from Boston on

Wow, sound like us two years ago. We have a little boy who is now 5 years old. When he was between the ages (roughly) of 2 and 4, he went through a similar phase. I call it a phase because he has grown out of it. At the time, however, I was researching OCD in children because I was so concerned. Like your daughter, everything had to be in order, color coordinated, etc. From the front door mat needing to be perfectly placed, to his stuffed animals being lined up, to sorting things sequentially. He even had certain routines for saying goodbye and good night. In other words, we had to say the same things and do the same actions in order or he would wig out. Saying goodbye, or even just putting him in his car seat was such a project every time. He needed to do a high-five, knucks, hug, kiss and wave in the same order while saying the same thing EVERY SINGLE TIME WE GOT IN THE CAR! It became frustrating.
Looking back, I think he needed routine and he also needed control over his environment and this was his way of getting that. He is now 5 years old and doesn't exhibit any of those OCD behaviors any longer.
I would recommend you keep an eye on it, do some research and there is a great chance she will just grow out of it. But, it doesn't hurt to be educated about it in the mean-time.
Good luck!
raelynn @ http://www.kidzcomfort.com

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C.B.

answers from Boston on

Hi J., I have to agree with the others suggesting an evaluation. That way, you'll get answers. Either way you and your daughter wins, you find out it's a stage or she needs skills to cope and adjust that will be taught to her sooner than later. I always listen to my intuition, because it's usually right! You wouldn't be asking us if you didn't have that gut-feeling somethings' maybe not quite right. Good Luck and let us know how it turns out.

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K.F.

answers from New London on

I'm not sure what others have said, but I can tell you that she is at the PERFECT age for needing everything to have its place! My daughter was used to my husband picking her up and when I needed to one day, she pitched a fit and wanted me to go home and get him. So much of what you described sounded like her at that age. She is now a year older and still has her particulars, but has relaxed. We have also learned that kids need routines to understand the order of the world and when that gets thrown off (for something we think is small) they don't know what to make of it. SO, we honor her routines and appreciate that she needs preparation for change.

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I.B.

answers from Barnstable on

you may want to have Early Intrvention have a peek at her, they are great folks and have lots of resorces and good ideas. I always like having others opinions, any thoghts from her Ped?
best
I.

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M.P.

answers from Providence on

Hi J.-
I don't want to worry you, but I think you should contact your school district and ask for an evaluation by child find. I am an early childhood special education teacher (just moved here from seattle so am staying home for the present) and have worked with children who have the same type of concerns as your daughter. There is certainly a range of typical OCD type behaviors that we all have, but when these start to get in the way of our ability to function easily and comfortably in our homes and communities, it is best to check things out with a professional. Have you mentioned these concerns to her speech therapist?

Good luck and feel free to contact me with any thoughts or questions.
M.

C.

answers from Hartford on

Have her evaluated. I can only speak from my experience and maybe you are more willing to embrace these behaviors, but they brought me to my wits end. From the age of 20 - 36 months everything had to be "just so". The problem was not keeping the order (I like it too) - the problem was with the frustration my son experienced when things were not to his liking (at a store or someone else's house). I would always have to ask people if we could move things around at their house. He was diagnosed with ASD, so we were working with an Occupational Therapist and a Psychologist. It seems like a long time ago, so I can't remember everything, but we spent a lot of time messing things up and teaching him how to deal with it. Basically, we created uncomfortable situations and talked him through it. We showed him how to deal with his frustration and how to accept things that did not suit his sense of order. My life changed with his. Little by little all of his obsessions gradually decreased. He still has a few but he recognizes that he cannot control everything. For me, it is acceptable because it does not interfere with his ability (or mine) to get something done. I also think, it will make him a better adult. Good luck.

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J.M.

answers from Boston on

I am in no way a pediatric psychologist, so this is just a laypersons' advice. All of us do have our compulsions, but most of the time they aren't particularly maladaptive - in other words, we can still live a healthy, well balanced life. When obsessions or compulsions start impeding our abilities to do other things, then they become maladaptive and problematic. If your daughters compulsions are just a little annoying to you because it takes you forever in the grocery store, then it's probably just a phase and it will pass. If she really gets upset if things are out of place, pitches a fit in the grocery store, won't get out of the car because of where it's parked, etc, I would talk to the pediatrician. If you are pretty confident that her compulsions are more than normal, I would be prepared with specific examples, and really push for a referral to a pediatric psychologist. Hopefully everything is developmentally appropriate, but if not, it would be so much better to have it addressed now than for her to suffer (because if these compulsions are really worse than normal, then it is suffering, even if she can't explain that.) And by the way, there is a ton of evidence that OCD is biologically based, so don't beat yourself up over this. Good luck.

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C.P.

answers from Boston on

J.,
I had the same worries with my daughter, and only recently has she begun to outgrow it. I just wanted to add to the responses that if you do get your daughter evaluated that you be sure to ask the doctor to disclose to you any pharmaceutical funding that he/she receives. 2 large pharmaCos have recently agreed to publish their doctor payroles, as it has become under increasing scrutiny that doctors that receive additional research grants are more likely to prescribe medications from the companies supplying the money. This is not to imply that your doctor would purposfully misdiagnose your daughter, but when a doctor is involved in research, there are many subconcious reasons they overprescribe the meds they are researching. I would just be cautious and careful when contemplating putting your child on a daily medication for a condition that might be normal or at least benign.

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C.K.

answers from Boston on

Yes we all do have OCD to a point, however your daughter seems to have an extreme case and is only 34 months! I would talk to the pedi right away but I would not stop there. I believe in homeopathic medicine too as well as regular MD (western medicine). My son has high anxiety and fears that we cannot figure out. Some of it is normal all kids have it but he is too extreme. So I e-mailed my homepathic doc & he told me what to get at the health food store. I looked them up & they are for anxiety, fears that cannot be named (he is only 21 months old), motion sickness (one anxiety he has is in the car) & unhealthy emotional issues. He needs to be on it for only 3 weeks too! Not a long term thing it has only been 1 week and he is doing much better!!!!
This doctors name is Mark Mincolla, Ph.d he is located at Maximum Health and Healing in Cohasett, MA
www.maxhealing.com He is also on the radio but website gives that info. Good luck!!!!

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R.C.

answers from Boston on

Hi Jen,
It would be helpful if we knew a little bit more. Is your daughter receiving her speech/language therapy from early intervention? Have you an appointment with your local school system for an observation yet? Is she scheduled for significant public schoool services as of her 3rd birthday? Given her communication delay and her organizational requirements, I suggest you look for services for these behaviors, without settling for one diagnosis or another. Services are most effective when they address current functioning, learning style and clearly stated services, goals and objectives, with regular assessment of progress. This may include public preschool (free) with speech/language therapy, behavioral intervention and social skills opportunities.
Take care, Rose

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S.F.

answers from Boston on

I agree with the moms who suggest an evaluation. I'd suggest psych and/or neurological eval. to screen for OCD or ASD. You said she's in speech right now; have you mentioned some of these ritualistic behaviors to your speech pathologist? I think that being in the EI system already will help to get the ball rolling faster. Once your child turns 3, she'll get her services from the public schools and you might be working with new people. Don't give up until you are sure that your concerns are addressed. Good luck!

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E.M.

answers from Boston on

Hi J.,
from what I remember from my days as a mental health professional, what they say is it is time to be concerned when the OCD gets in the way of normal functioning. From what you are saying, it sounds like the OCD can interfere with a trip to the grocery store!

I don't remember all of the diagnostic questions one asks about a small child, but if you are concerned, I would find a pediatric councelor and ask for an evaluation or a consultation to discuss your daughter's situation. If it really is OCD, and there really is a problem, a good councelor will be able to work with you to help your daughter. If your local pediatrician doesn't have any recommendations, you can start with the the Social Worker resource line (you can find them from NASW, the National Association of Social Workers), and the American Psychological Association should have a group like that as well.

Good Luck!
Warmly,
E.

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