Just How Much Fatigue Is Normal for a "Newish" Mom?

I'm a mom of a 4 year old and a 10month old. I haven't slept in 4 years. I'm exhausted, too. I think we'll all get sleep again in maybe 6 or 7 years. I'm counting the days :)

don't feel bad - I have always slept more than my husband, and need even more now that we have a toddler. Working full time and caring for a baby is exhausting.

My husband asked me recently what I wanted for our anniversary, and I replied "8 hours of uninterrupted sleep."(I haven't had that since my son learned to climb out of his crib 5 months ago). Honey, I think we are all pooped. And it isn't just moms who need 8 - 9 hours of sleep a night, everyone does. But, you may want to check in with you doctor to be sure you're not anemic or if you need a B-12 shot. Try to avoid using caffeine (says the coffee addict) as you'll crash later. If your husband is giving you a hard time, let him do all the getting up for a week and you sleep your little heart out. Then see how he feels. :-)

just a quick question... sounds like you are totally covered up..

just what does daddy do to help?

I can always recommend vitamins, but you are probably already doing them. Ask your doc (ugh).. you may need iron, you may be chemically depressed, you MAY just have too much on your plate.

Have your thyroid checked.

And perhaps Dad could help a little?

K.

Exhaustion I'd say is normal and both my husband and I feel it. Let's just say we are older than you and have twin girls that are almost 14 mo. My husband is VERY involved, thank God and let's me put in my earplugs at night and cover my head in a sea of pillows. He gets up at 5a.m. and off to work by 6 and I'm on at 7 a.m w/their feedings. I don't sleep during the day, but find if I can relax reading my paper or breeze thru magazines, or do emails than I feel I've had a great day. I push myself to get them out to stroy/music time twice a week or one if lucky. By the time my hubby comes home 6ish than I just want to collapse. I hang in there strong til after their bedtime 7:30ish and he'll change them, dress them and put them down. He then gets his time to do emails, we might watch a movie to feel like we still have some normalcy to life, but both want to hit the hay me by 9ish and him by 10. With him being involved and helping it give me the strength to keep plugging along thru the day knowing help is on the way. Too, at night I get that mental break. BOY, it helped me tons to know I wasn't on call 24hrs a day. I've had many jobs, but this by far has been my hardest, most challenging and most tiring. I have high expectations of myself as a mother, so I'm constantly pushing myself to find that energy :-) Hang in there and see if you and you hubby can brain storm to help you be the Mom you want to be and see where he is willing to help. I get a break also on weekends. My husband gets up for the feedings and I run around on Sat. to do MY things for me or for the family and Sun. he still gets up, but we hang as a family. For you your life or at least mine is 100% different. The days of yesterday are long gone and I'm enjoying the challenge to paint my days of today to be that loving Mom I longed to be and my babies are happy and that makes me happy.

I think it is perfectly normal. I am a new mom again at 37 and can say for certain that I do not have the energy I had when I had my first baby in my 20's. Being a Mom is a nonstop job. You are needed all day long without a break and it is normal to be exhausted at the end of the day. If I don't get eight hours, I don't feel rested in the morning and find that my patience runs thin during the day. Just listen to your body and sleep when you need to. You'll be a better Mom for getting good rest and taking care of yourself.

It is normal for a new mom to need 8-9 hours of sleep. and maybe an occasional nap. However, what you are describing sounds more like fatigue that might need medical attention. I'm speaking from experience. I suggest you go to your doctor and describe your symptoms very clearly - keep a diary of your sleep and how you feel during the day. It could be something as simple as low hemaglobin - low iron in your blood which could be fixed with iron pills. Or since 1 in 10 women have thyroid issues it could be your thyroid. and even though the test come back 'normal' your thyroid could still be the cause (both were the cause of my fatigue). And a doctor here in Atlanta recommended that I take Juice Plus and after having such great results I became a distributor. check out my website www.janetleejuiceplus.com

First of all go to your Doctor for a complete check up. Have your husband take turns getting up with the baby. Also, ask that he do more of the chores around the house and errands that have to be run for the family. I know when I am feeling overwhelmed with all that has to be done it saps my energy and I end up not doing anything but wantting to just sleep. I know you will never have the time for hobbies again as you did before the baby was born but you should have some time for yourself. If hubby can stay up until 11 or 12 pm maybe he can catch up the laundry and have it folded during this time. V.

First of all .... being a new Mom CAN be the cause of your fatigue! It's a big responsibility!!
Along with every else's suggestions (which are great places to start) ... you might want to visit a sleep clinic if nothing else seems to work. I had horrible fatigue for years (before I had kids) and was tested for everything under the sun. Nothing showed up on the tests though .. so my Doctor's figured that I must be depressed or that all of my fatigue was just in my head. I finally had someone introduce me to the Emory Sleep Center and after staying overnight there it turned out that I have a sleep disorder. There is medication for what I have and it has helped me immensely! I'm back to feeling like myself after years! I have two year old twins, so that's a HUGE feat! :)
Just keep it in mind if nothing seems to be found through blood tests and you continue to feel so fatigued all the time.

Hi Alexandra, New mom here at the age of 41 with a 13 month old. You are normal!! I still take naps EVERY DAY when my son does and my husband puts Mac to sleep and gives him breakfast. Although I did have my thyroid checked because of the fatigue and it was low they think because of pregnancy. Feeling good now though, especially after the naps. Don't worry, just enjoy your sleep!!

It may be just normal new mom stuff plus that you're not a 21 year old new mom but you may want to check in with you doctor for some blood work. You may be low on, say, iron -- that would make you feel fatigued. Are you taking multi-vitamin? Staying hydrated?

Whatever response you get - I would love for you to let me in on also - I am 34 Yrs old, have 2 kids girl 7 and boy 4, have a full time job, and I am also always tired and my hubby thinks I have issues also. When I ask the grandmothers - they both say that he just doesn't understand how tough it really is to be a FULL TIME mom, wife, and employee - all the guys have to do is work and come home and be part-time dads - that is not to say that my hubby doesn't help - b/c he does and is wonderful - but the majority of the housework and child rearing falls on the mom. I personally think that we somewhere in the middle - there is probably some underlying issues we both need to deal with - but I also think that we are simply exhausted from our responsibilities and need a break. Good luck to you and don't let it get you down!
J.

Are you kidding?!? 8-9 hours is what I needed *before* I had kids! I never could understand how some people seem to sleep just 5-6 hours a night, EVERY night. And I *certainly* don't know how you're getting up voluntarily at 5AM! I don't do 5am unless I hear the tornado sirens - or maybe a death in the family.

Someone also mentioned having your thyroid levels checked. That's definitely worth looking into, especially if something just doesn't feel right to you.

Kids take a lot of energy. So does the payroll job and all the work at home. (Ditch some of the housework!)
It doesn't sound to me like there's anything wrong with your health. (And if there is, I've got it a lot worse than you do.)

You are certainly not alone in your quest for sleep! I needed 8 hour before I had children, and now I am really tired! Many husbands just don't get it. Mine doesn't! Take care of yourself so you won't be grumpy. It is good that you doing something for yourself, or you would feel depressed. I love my husband and sons and wouldn't trade them for anything, but I sure would love some extra sleep... :)

Well, it's possible you are anemic (I would have my hemoglobin checked at the dr) -that would be one "fix-it" answer, but quite honestly it's probably that you're 41 with a 16 month old. I'm 38 with a 2 year old and pregnant with my 2nd, and I've never felt fatigue like this. Even before I got pregnant again, by the end of the day I was SPENT! Toddlers are so full of energy and we spend so much time chasing them -that it doesn't matter if you go to work or you stay at home -you're tired from your day-to-day chores and then, instead of coming in, having a glass of wine and relaxing -you are running around with the little one -feeding, bathing, all of the stuff! It sounds like perhaps your husband needs to pitch in a bit more. You mention working full time -in that case, if you're both working full time, then he needs to split the housework and childcare with you right down the middle. Take turns getting up with your child -you one day, him the next. I think for your age (and I'm not saying that in a bad way -I'm only a few years younger and most of my friends are around our ages up to 44 with toddlers and we're all exhausted), and all that you do, you're rightfully tired. Get hubby to pick up some slack!

I had the same problem and I am younger than you!!! I was always tired and anytime I had a chance to fall into bed I WOULD! I had my thyroid checked and it was fine. I was taking vitamins but I got to talking to a friend of mine and she told me that she was the same after her kids but she switched her vitamins to Geritol. I did the same thing and I felt better than ever! I did feel a little weird about taking it b/c it is for older people but it worked! Hope this helps!

Hi Alexandra: Your not by yourself. I have the exact same issue. Right now my son is 2yrs old, sleeps through the night since 4 wks, and i still take naps when he naps on the weekend. I'm in bed no later than 9:30 and i too have to get up at 5 am a couple times a week. I am a 30 yr old single parent and work 10hrs a day currently for the military. But days that i work only 8 hrs my sleep schedule does not change. I was seen by a provider and he told me that I was depressed, but this is far from the truth. I am a very active, happy, stress free other than work, person. The thing is, when my family comes down to help me for a couple days i catch up on my rest and i feel much better. I have come to the conclusion I am not depressed but rather overwhelmed with tasks of everday living. So I ask for help and accept help when given. I have also started eating better and this has helped as well. I don't mean to be rude but maybe your husband could help you out with small things and explain to him why. I hope this helps. R.

I dont really have any advice that hasnt already been said. I just wanted to let you know, I am 27 and also tired. I feel your pain. Im always running around trying to get something done. I am a single mother, working full time currently. I am worried about school starting next month. I went to bed at 11 pm last night and I thought that was early!!! I usually get about 5-6 hours a night. I miss when she would go to bed at 8:30pm and I could do homework, but now that she is in the toddler bed, getting up, refusing sleep, tantrums, and the added bedtime stories to the whole routine, she goes down later. I'm pretty much exhausted. Hang in there. Soon they will be teenagers and sleep all day and we can catch up...I hope!

It definitely sounds like hubby needs to be pitching in more. In fact, if you both work full-time, it's unbelieveably selfish of him to NOT be doing at least half the household and childcare chores. I agree with the person who suggested he do the laundry if he's staying up so late. Also, taking turns getting up with the little one seems more than fair to me. I think you need to show some of these responses to him so he doesn't think you're being unreasonable.

That being said, you probably should get your iron and thyroid checked just to make sure nothing else is going on (after kicking hubby in the butt for not helping out more). One thing that might help is taking a B-complex vitamin (like Stresstabs) in the middle of the day. B-complex will give you a bit of energy when you need it most. It also may enhance mood.

Regarding naps in the afternoon: Did you take them before baby came along? I did and still do with my 21-month-old. Some people need to rest in the afternoon and some don't. Don't feel guilty about it.

Good luck. Sounds like there are a lot of mommies out there who can empathize with you.

oh my goodness, i am sleeping that same exact amount and my daughter is 16 months! i go to bed somewhere around 930 or 10 and sleep until 7. i also work full time. sleep is a wonderful thing, and it makes you feel good. i too dream of sleeping in on the weekends, my husband will do "daddy daycare" on saturdays and sundays, he gets up with our little one and lets me sleep until a whopping 830 (which these days feels like sleeping in). why don't you have him get up with the baby on the weekends so you can have the chance to sleep in. also, i would have thyroid and iron checked just to be sure, but i think you are just tired from working so hard. it is also taxing on your brain to have so many things to think about as well.
hope this helps, and believe me, we need our sleep!!
S. m

You know, everybody's body is different! There is nothing abnormal about what you are going through. I'll be 40 this year and am currently pregnant with my 5th. I too am tired and yes I do think age has something to do with it as well as having kids at this time in our lives. I'm also a light sleeper, so I'm usually always aware of things around me even at night. Welcome to the club! :0)

I am only 27 my 4 month old sleeps thru the night and so does my 3 yr old. I find myself crawling into bed for a nap almost every afternoon when my kids sleep sometimes for 2 hours but usually a cat nap maybe 30 min). I don't go to bed as early as you but I still get around 8 hours of sleep maybe 7 sometimes. Being a mom is tiring your mind is always at work you are never realy off duty your mind is prepared to hear you child in the middle of the night and that won't change as they get older your body is always on alert, so I don't think that you are seeking an unreasonable amount of sleep, I always thought 8 hours was normal, sure some adults need less and people w/ out kids just don't understand they can sleep in on weekends or take a day off we can not. About the hobbies, welcome to being a mom I love scrap booking and writing but usually just don't get around to it just doesn't happen as a mom you are always putting others needs and wants ahead of you own. try to pick a certain time or day when you can get away from your baby and focus on a craft that will help feel passion in life again for the things you love to do. if after getting good sleep you still feel bad I would talk to your doctor but seek excercise and healthy food b4 some medecine they would want to throw you on. Good luck and happy napping!

Hi Alexandra,

Thanks for sending your request. I feel "normal" now. I was really judging myself today for needing so much sleep. After reading all of the responses, it sounds like it's pretty normal. My son is 9 months old and I work partime in addition to all the house stuff that we do. One thing I have learned to do is let some of the housework and less important things go. I don't have any new advice for you however, I hope you feel better and know that you are among a great group of moms.

Take care and be gentle with yourself. I'm going to incorporate more of that.

Mom's Rule!

Oh, yes welcome to "Club Fatigue" mothers all that I know carry the most responsibility in the household compared to the men i n the house. I'm not going to say age plays a part in it but I too am a mother over 40ish (44) and I really think if i had my children in say my 20's or at 30 I would not be as tired. It is like working two full time jobs one at home and one out of the home. I have to say my youngest is now 4 soon to turn 5 and since he's able to do more for himself I am not as tired as I had been when he was like 16 mos old. All I can really say is get your rest and eat well this will pass,it sounds like you are doing the best you can and you don't sound any different then other moms with with young toddlers. I am now able to get 8/9 hours of sleep and I want my rest plan and simple if you didn't need it your body wouldn't require it. I'd be open and honest with hubby you need rest , you need it. I was with my husband and he's understands after I wrote done all that I do and I'm not being unreasonable in my request for him to do a few (in his world) extra things. Keep up the good work mom and remember to try to get some time for yourself not taking care of others....

I am 34 and my daughter is 2 1/2 and I feel that way everyday! I would suggest that you have both your thyroid and iron checked just to be safe. Unfortunately, I think the world is just moving at a faster pace than it did years ago. After I get off work and start dinner, laundry, bath, etc., I feel like I am just about to drop. I have a difficult time getting my mind to stop long enough so that I can relax enough to fall asleep, though. I do have a weight problem and I know that exercise would help all around, but I am too tired a lot of the time to even attempt it. If you find a miracle cure, let me know! Good luck.

Wow, I feel so much better. My husband thinks I have chronic fatigue syndrome and I know I don't. But it does get better since my little one turned 2 in December and it has been better each day. Now at 2.5 he does more for himself and I am less exhausted and seem to get more quality sleep. It really does take 2 years for the body to heal after child birth and at 39 years It just took all of that time plus some.

Hang in there, you got some great advice. I know that when I started eating better and started a program called Isagenix (full of B complex vitamins) my energy and calm came back. I am able to run and exercise more with out feeling like I just ran a marathon.

My husband too, is only as much help as he feels like, so I had to make him aware of what I needed. It's hard to leave the two of them in bed while I am rushing off to work, (he drops DS off later in the morning and works later, I pick up early) but I leave notes of what he needs to do, and they get done. We also take turns gettting up on weekday mornings. But since my little one sleeps until 8 am it's so much better.

Good luck and you are not alone!!

Have you had your thyroid checked? I am an older mom and I take thyroid medication after mine was checked. Good luck to you!

I understand where you are coming from. I had my second son 8 weeks ago, and am finally getting about 6-7 hours a night. You could have an iron deficiency, I have started taking iron pills because my level was a 9.4 and it should be between 16-20 something. I am noticing I have been a little less tired. It was just a thought, and if you can get a little more exercise it will help, it doesn't seem like it is working at first but give it a chance. Good Luck!!!

Hello Alexandra,
Have you had your thyroid checked lately? The symptoms you mentioned seem to be linked to hypothyroidism which can be corrected by taking medication like Synthroid to balance your thyroid. That condition is quite common in women postpartum.
It's just a simple blood test. Check with your physician.
L. Freeman, M.A, M.Ed.

Eight to nine hours of sleep per night sounds quite reasonable for any adult, not just for a very busy mom. I think 7-9 hours is actually the recommended amount. You may want to look it up. As long as you are eating well and exercising and not depressed, your body should be giving you good cues about how much sleep you need. It did sound from the beginning of your description like you are getting more than the 8-9 hours you said at the end. You may want to keep a record and find out how much you are really getting. You may also want to consider having a sleep test to see if you are getting the right kind of sleep. If you have sleep apnea or something like that, no amount of sleep is going to help you feel well rested.

The fatigue you are feeling is quite normal...I was 38 when I had my daughter and I breast fed her the first 3 months until I went back to work ; full time 12 hr shifts as a nurse...Your husband will never really understand the dynamics of sleepless nights you went thru during your pregnancy and the first year of your baby's life. They just don't get it...mines did not either. What he should do it help out with the eary morning getting up with the baby since both of you work full time. Suggest it to him for he probably won't suggest it on his own... Excercising is the best way to boost your energy. You might also want to take B12 supplements it you are into herbal remedies. Hope this helps. Have fun with your most precious commodity. God Bless you and yours.

I feel your pain. My son is five and a half months and I am always tired. I guess it just comes with the territory and they require so much of your time. It is so worth it! You are on the right track with letting things go and focussing on your rest. I've had to learn that myself and that I just simply can't to everything and still be able to function.

hi,
i feel your pain! i also am 41, have three children, and miss my sleep dearly! first of all, have you had your thyroid checked? lots of times that is the culprit, and even if you hadn't had a problem before, after a pregnancy, you may have it now. remember that being a mom is all consuming, and emotionally draining...all day and all night. we do need lots of sleep if we are to keep up with it all. and, some people need more sleep than others. i know that when my husband takes the kids for breakfast on saturday mornings, as i am torn because i don't want to miss out on a family outing, i often stay home and sleep without interruption, (except for the dogs), and i could sleep all day if allowed. i guess what i'm trying to say is, you are rightfully tired, and should get any rest you can when you can, but try not to let it take away from all of your alone time, because you will start to feel like you are never off duty except when you're alseep, and you still need some time off to do for yourself. seems impossible, i know...but if you carve out a little time when you can get out for a couple of hours alone it will help you from getting overwhelmed. it took me a long time to realize that...and we are still trying to make sense of the "whose turn it is" issues...good luck!

Hi Alexandra! You absolutely should be getting as much sleep as YOU feel you need! My little girl is almost 9 months old and I sleep whenever she does, she takes two 2 hour naps a day and sleeps from 8pm to 5:30am every night. I go to bed no later than 10:00, and usually turn in much earlier!! I really don't know if your age has an impact, I'm 26 and feel just as tired as you do! Try to explain to your husband that "newish" moms need as much sleep as possible... Especially one that sounds so very busy with her baby and all the other things you have going on. Do not feel guilty about taking naps and going to bed early - if your body is telling you you need to do it then listen, your body knows best!!

Alexandra,

I am sorry to say that I don't have any specific advice for you on this but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and I don't think it is your age!:) I feel the exact same way and need just as much sleep as you are discussing and I am 25 with a 10month old. Just like you said, the only thing that seems to ease the fatigue is exercising several days a week but even then the relief is minimal. Stay with it and know that mommies all over the world are with you!!

Is your husband helping you as much as he could? You mention that you dream of sleeping in. So why doesn't he take a weekend morning so you can do that? Plus, he needs to spend some nights getting up with the baby. What about housework--are you doing it all by yourself? Working full time plus your other duties does take it out of you. Needing 8-9 hours of sleep is fairly normal, in my opinion.