Just Another Sleep Issue

We just got a bigger bed when that issue arrived. It worked fine and eventually my son went to his own bed.

Hi K.- this won't address any current tantruming issues per se, but I can promise you, as the mother of two sons (now fourteen and twenty-one respectively), both of whom had full at-will access to the "family bed" during their childhood, that for many years now they have had no occasion to continue the habit! On the other hand, both are very much at ease drifting in and out of our bedroom and other family spaces at home, and this has made for many a pleasant or informative heart-to-heart; personally I feel that a general environment of openness and welcome has trumped bedtime inconvenience.
Congratulations on your upcoming family addition- Ruth

i had that problem with my son and the way i broke it was when he would come in to my room i would not let him on my bed i just told him if he wanted he could sleep on the floor by my door after a few days he just stayed in his room because he said the floor was to cold and hard lol.

Hi - Who knows if this wil work - but you may want to give it a try.

Sit down and talk about how he is a big boy and gets to sleep in his own bed. And get him a special new blanket or stuffed animal. Make it a BIG deal, like if he likes Power Rangers get him somethign cozy about this. Make it be a celebration.

Step 2 - put him to bed in his bed, maybe read him a book in his bed and then say goodngiht and leave. If he comes out just take him back in and dont say anythgin but "time for bed, good night" and do it over and over until he stays. Same goes for the midle of the night, just keep takgin him back over and over, and dont talk too much, and make sure to follow through night after night. Keep it up until the baby comes.

Hope this helps, it worked with my daughter who we moved to her big girl bed when she was 20 months. It took 3 nights and then she stopped comgin in.

Good Luck!

S.

Here's the thing, you have to start tonight to have a chance of peace before the baby comes. It usually takes a few weeks. Start by replacing the night time ritual with a new one. You pick what you want to do, bathtime?, jammie time, teeth, read a book, prayer, special kiss goodnight he designs was the best for us. You need to have a short (very short) grown up talk with him about the new plan. You know he can understand you, so make it sound special. Whatever you do, it has to be done the same every night with someone encouraging him. Can change off between family members or not. If he gets up to "bang", don't pacify just bring him back to bed, over and over without pacifying and he'll stop. good luck.

You must be persistant and send him back to his room. If he starts banging on the door and screaming simply direct him back to him room. I know it must be tough. Do you think there is another reason why he may want his daddy to sleep or stay with him in his room? Afraid of the dark? Sequrity issues with the baby coming? Have you tried asking him what he is feeling? I hope this is a little helpful.
M.

We had a similar issue with my oldest who is now 7 and in the 1st grade. I had a small skinny eggcrate mattress that was under my bed. When she would come into our room during the night she could lay by our bed, bring her pillow, blanket... she would fall asleep there (sometimes holding one of our hands) and sleep the rest of the night. Eventually it lost it's appeal because she was not able to get into the bed and snuggle. Being a first time mom I was worried that she was scared in her room by herself. So this aleviated my fear and helped her transition back into her bed. I can't remember how long it took.... you know how we forget those things:)

K., (not sure this went through the first time)

Ah, the never-ending sleep issues...aren't they fun?!

As a life strategy specialist and coach for moms, what I first suggest to parents when it comes to sleep (or any parenting issue for the matter) is to come up with a plan. If you and your husband are good at communicating and working together, you could spend 30 minutes or so this weekend brainstorming the various ways you can go about helping your son.

First-and-foremost, you have to keep in mind your overall Sleep Vision for you and your family. That will keep you on track when you want to deviate from the plan. For most, the bigger vision is happy and healthy kids (and parents). Figure out a plan that you believe will best lead you to that vision and then share it with you son. Find creative ways to include him in the plan, such as making a poster together that goes next to his bed with the "Bedtime Routine & Rules" or create a red light/green light sign that you can hang on his door to indicate when it's okay to be in or out of his room (we did this with my 3 year old).

Just as important as the vision is consistency. All of this will be wasted if you and your husband are not consistent. Kids can smell the smallest wiggle-room and they will push it if they think they can. My daughter asked me one night recently if I would hold her for a little bit before she went to sleep. I said yes because I figured how much longer am I going to be able to do this (much-less her WANT me to). Needless to say, she asked again the next night. And then the next. By the third night I realized that if I didn't put a stop to it, that this was going to become an issue. It's not that I will never do it again, but now when she asks I tell her that I’ll look forward to holding and hugging her when she wakes up in the morning, but that now it’s time for you to follow the rules (stay in bed and be quiet). We know we can’t make her sleep, but we can enforce the rules. When she follows them, she gets a sticker to put on her poster by her bed. When she gets five stickers, she can get an ice cream cone. We used this reward system when she first transitioned to a big bed and kept getting out of bed over and over. We stopped once she figured things out and followed the rules without the reward. However, we’ve started it up again as she’s begun pushing back a bit about going to bed. It is a never-ending process of creating a plan, sticking to the plan, altering the plan when necessary, etc. It can feel like a lot of work. However, the results make it all worth-while!

With all that said, the fact that you have a new baby does come into play. How can you help your son make this transition in a way that instills pride before the baby comes? If you have enough time before the baby comes, you could talk with him about his role as a big brother and why it's important for him to get good sleep. Also, can you find other times and ways to give him extra focus and love? Perhaps some of this is his way of saying he knows change is coming.

Good luck. For help creating parenting strategies for success, feel free to contact me at ____@____.com.

K.,

It is the age and he will grow out of it. Our 5 year old did this for 2 years and he grew out of it unless he is upset about something or not feeling well. My husband and I wanted him to not come in our room night after night, so we stayed in his room with him for 9 short songs (very short) and then leave. It was every night and it was exhausting, especially when he awoke in the middle of the night and wanted to get in our bed. We would walk him back to his room and sit with hima bit longer. Sometimes my husband would lay down with him and then he would fall asleep in too, so I discouraged that, but we did sit with him almost every night for 2 years and any time in the middle of the night. If we didn't he too would scream and bang on the door and wake our younger child up, so that was not worth it. We tried the whole let him scream it out, but no one would get sleep. We do not believe in the co-sleeping method, so night after night we would take him back to his room and sit with him. Everntually it got to be a shorter and shorter time and now, at 5, he only asks every once in a while and about 1 week a month he gets out of bed in the middle of the night and wants one of us to sit with him.

Sorry this is so long, my suggestion to you is to continue to lay with him and then slowly change it to sitting with him. Do not talk with him during this time and if he talks or tries to play leave the room until he knows that you are only sitting with him to help him fall asleep. That worked for us, and yes it is hard because he won't want you not to talk with him, but it will work and this will end. Our's did. Good luck to you and your family with this issue and your new baby.

This is a tough one. What worked for me was to sit on the floor and rub their back and if not asleep after awhile, say goodnight and leave. When he comes in your room, tell him it's time for bed and walk him back. repeat. over and over. good luck.

I would give him a few more months of bedtime snuggling him to sleep, so that losing that ritual doesn't happen at the same time the new baby arrives. Maybe he has a little unexpressed anxiety about the new baby coming. Perhaps for a couple of months when your newborn is here, she can sleep with you and your husband can sleep with the 2 1/2 y.o. Then when he is a little older (and more cognitively sophisticated) and he's more comfortable with the change in his family (new baby), you can talk about it with him and make it a positive thing....that now he's a big boy and when he is age 3 or whatever you choose, he can go to sleep all by himself. I know it is hard to put multiple kids to bed--I have three kids myself. But I think you will all get more sleep in the next few months doing that rather than ending up with musical beds and a newborn! With my first two kids they co-slept with us for 1 1/2 -2 years. For each, from ages 2-4 we snuggled with them until they were asleep in their own bed and I set the goal that by age 4 they would fall asleep on their own in their own bed. We talked about each transition/goal with them and it worked fine. They are great sleepers to this day! (BTW, my third child sleeps in a crib and goes to sleep on her own, usually happily, at age 2, but we worked on this from age 6 months--she was a terrible co-sleeper! And mama needed sleep!) Good luck!

We had the same problem with my oldest son and this really helped. He was also 2.5 years old and I had a newborn. So we bought him a flashlight that "erased" monsters that he thought were in his room. So all he had to do was go over the spot that he was afraid of and the monster was erased!
Also, I bought him a cool lava lamp night light...he couldn't wait to turn it on and wait for the bubbles to start floating up!
Maybe you can let him choose his own nightlight?
We also let him cuddle with us in bed for a few minutes before he's sent to bed. And no crying...or no cuddling tomorrow...just straight to bed. You should maybe try marking a calender for everyday that he doesn't cry with a happy face...and give him a prize in the morning!

Good Luck and i hope this helps!

Hi K.! We went through this when my son was this age too (he's 4 1/2 now). We went on a beach vacation and he was in a strange bed, so we got in the habit of laying with him to go to sleep. When we got home, the habit continued. What we did was the "Supernanny" approach. While, I don't necessarily love everything she does, this worked for us. What you do is gradually move out of the room. The first night say, Mom or Dad is going to sit here on the edge of your bed for x minutes, then the next night on the floor by the bed(my son has a little stool), then by the door, then outside the door. At the end of the process, I would say "Mom will be right outside the door if you need me". It might take more than one night to move on to the next spot, depending on your son. But eventually move out the door. Also, if he tries to talk to you, say the same thing every time "time for night-night" or "goodnight" - something like that. Funny as this sounds, it worked for us! Good Luck, sleep issues are hard - we have had our share! : ) Congrats on your baby girl!

Hi K.,
You know, your little one probably wants to be close because he knows the baby is coming soon. He loves you and wants to be sure there is enough love to pass around to all the children.

I recall when my daughter was about to be born (my son was 2 1/4) he did the same thing. A friend told me to talk with him about how as mommy's tummy grew, I was growing new love for the new baby, and that mommy and daddy have tons of love to share with all the children in the family. It became a really giggly conversation over the last weeks of my pregnancy! It was so fun!

I think it is terrific your son is seeking comfort in such a sweet way. Just let him let you know what his needs are. He wants to be close!

Hugs to you and yours,
D.