Jealous Dad

Hi B.,

I laughed a little at the title...boy do I know that one! When my first son was that little, he hardly wanted any thing to do with Daddy. When he hit about 6-8 months, he started interacting more. By age 18 months he was totally Daddy's boy...to the point where I even got jealous! (he still is, at age 4).

My second son, now aged 16 months, is just as much a mommy's boy, as when he was an infant. He doesn't get as much indiv. time with Daddy, because he spends a lot of time with 1st one.

These days, my hubby gets the most jealous and frusterated at me because I have to give my attention to the little guys first, even when hubby is talking to me. He doesn't understand that the child will not wait patiently while he finishes telling me the latest Scooter part he just bought. Oh well.

All the best!

I had the same problem with my husband for a while. He and I took some time, sat down and talked about why I am so important to the baby. You say you have an attatched parenting style, as do I, and I would just remind your husband that this is a short season in your lifes and you are doing what you are doing because it is what's best for your son. There will be a day sometime very soon, as you know, where daddy will become the super hero. Untill then, remind your husband of this constantly and make him feel like the super hero now when he comes home. I've always made it a point to announce when daddy is home very loudly and excitedly and my almost 3 year old son has long kept with tradition. :) Also, stick to breast feeding. It helps so much in the long run!

This is all so normal I think just about every family goes through it I too raised my older children by myself so when my last child came along I was new to having to share.
My husband felt like the baby did not love him or like he was not going to be able to bond with her.
He was working during the day so he missed out on all that went on around the house during the day.
My husband took the baby as soon as he got up in the morning and and he changed her and rocked her and sang her little songs and snuggled her as much as he could before work.
He some times came home at lunch when he could and in the evening he took over every thing that she needed except feedings she was just never a bottle baby and we even tried pumping but she did not want that bottle.
We really have the traditional family situation too I stay home and take care of everyones needs and hubby works and is the one who inforces the rules.
He still feels like the baby loves me more she is almost 3 now and I can see that her Daddy is the apple of her eye.
She tends to run to me when she is hurt,sad or doesnt feel good or is just plain old tired.
I think its all very normal she also some times now that she is getting older wants her Daddy for more stuff like when she wakes up that is her time with Dad and always looks for him before me.
I guess what I am saying is Dads form there own special bond with there children and it wont ever be exactly like the one they form with us but it will be special none the less.
My oldest son didnt bond with his Dad until I had to leave him alone with him for 12 hours and by the time I got back he felt different about his son than he did in the first 5 months.
Good luck to you and hang in there your little guy is still so young and you are all still trying to adjust to each other.
It will get better.
T.

B.. It's totally normal for a 2 month old to be attached to mommy. If you start pumping there's a high likely hood that your baby won't nurse as well and then want to switch to the bottle (it's much easier to drink out of a bottle than to nurse). Just stick with the breast feeding and in a couple of months your son will want to be with daddy too. :) Keep up the good work. :)

My first child, David, is now 1 year old. He was breastfed until almost 10 months. He is definitely more attached to me and always looks to me for comfort. Sometimes it bothers my husband - and me because I'd like a break, but it's just natural considering how close he is to you when breastfeeding plus you're with him all day. Your husband just needs to understand this and realize it's not personal. Your baby will become more interested in Daddy the older he gets - mine has! Loves to play with Daddy. In the meantime, definitely think of more ways to get Daddy involved - pumping some reserve bottles is a great way for Daddy to feed baby and give you a break sometimes. Also, does Daddy ever put baby down for naps or bedtime? You might try that too because I always did naps and bedtime and now I'm the only one who can (besides Grammy). A lesson learned for the next baby that I will have Daddy more involved in sleep times. Good Luck!
D.

B.,

Just tell him to be patient, it will all work itself out. It is normal, natural and instinctive for a baby to be attached to his primary caregiver and breastfeeding does reinforce that bond. You can try pumping and letting your SO feed a bottle here and there but in my experience, that really doesn't do much (I work full time so both of my boys have gotten plenty of bottles) and the babe will still prefer you. But, that said, there is lots more to baby bonding than feeding. Taking over bath time and some diapers is a good start but the more time Jason spends with Samuel, the stronger their bond will be. Maybe he can take over some of the comforting and soothing routines too. Do tell him that when his son turns about 3, he will most likely become a huge daddy's boy. Something about that age makes little boys suddenly take a huge interest in dad. The relationship between a dad and a baby is obviously different than between a mom and a baby but it is every bit as important. But the relationship is what you make of it. If your SO tunes out and doesn't spend time with his son, then that's what it will be.

:-)T.

check out this article entitled "what about dad??

http://www.wiessinger.baka.com/bfing/others/dad.html

When my husband and I had our first son a good friend told me that her favorite part of raising children was the first 6 months and her husbands favorite part was everything after the first 6 months. That has been so true with my family! My husband was aware of how important it is to breastfeed but at the same time felt that he was being left out sometimes. Now that our son is is 1 1/2 he still calls out for his mommy a lot but it's usually to ask me where daddy is! It takes time but continue to reasure your sig other that his time will come and that your child will love you both endlessly.

Hi B.,

As you asked for advice on how to curb the jealousy, I might suggest having Dad get baby up when she awakens, change her diaper, swaddle her and hand you a nice clean dry baby who is ready to nurse. She will then come to accept that she will be clean and dry when she is with him. You might also onsider handing her off after he comes home from work and has 20 minutes or so to unwind. This will give the two of them one on one time before she is ready for her next feeding. I would encourage you to continue breastfeeding and not confuse her with bottles for his benefit. Maybe he could also be the primary bather.

Good luck!

I wouldn't worry so much about your husband being dealous because once you stop breatfeeding your son he's going to be come a daddies boy, Just me it happened to me.

In another month or so he'll be all about daddy cause daddy will make him laugh. Baby's love silly. No need to pump or give bottles, he'll love daddy best for a few months then mom then dad and back and forth, it's normal. Just the fact that he WANTS to be involved with an infant is awsome. Just keep doing what you guys are already doing, he'll respond to dad. Takes time but they will be great buddies. Dad is his best buddy and your his comforter. I think that is just howit works with sons. Dad is fun mom is safe.

It is natural and normal for young children to prefer mom over Dad. It is just a fact of life. You can pump and try to have him feed the baby if you want, neither of my breastfed kids would have anything to do with a bottle until they were close to a year (and then we did mostly sippy cups). Just talk to your husband. Reassure him that the baby does love him, but since you are there all the time he is going to 'prefer' you to him for a while.

I see from your "a little about me" section that your husband plays the role of the disciplinarian. Your baby is only a few months old, so I don't see that coming into play much yet, but it can in the future. Even with traditional roles, you still need to be the disciplinarian as well. Nuturing and discipline aren't mutually exclusive. SInce you are home with the kids the most, naturally you'll be doing the majority of the child care. If your SO is the ONLY disciplinarian, that can definitely effect his relationship with the kids.