J. Had Surgery Bf Going Out to Bar-irish Meetingd

It sounds like you're both at fault. He's insensitive and seemingly pretty selfish.

But I also wouldn't want to be in his shoes. If you can't communicate what you want - then you're making a choice NOT to tell him.

Everyone's entitled to be whiny in a relationship - once in awhile. Cash it in, or let it go. Those are the only two healthy choices I see.

Or you could feel bad about it the rest of the night. That's ok with M. too.

You actually shouldn't be home alone, in my opinion. I will tell you point blank that I wouldn't have to ask my spouse to stay home with M. - he would. But you should be telling him that it isn't fair of him to leave you right now and that you don't appreciate it.

I think I'd write something scathing on his FB if I were you.

Dawn

If the meeting is close, he will have his phone on him and you are overall in good health with a keep sane "kit" while he is out I do not see too much of an issue with it. My questionis why did you not discuss arrangements in regards to his meeting and having someone home with you beforehand. It is a little late to complain IMO.

Wow...passive aggressive much? "even if i asked and he stayed it would bug M. that he wanted to go"?
This guy can't win.
You don't have a child to care for.
Prop up your leg and watch a movie....or two.
Have him fix you a snack to keep handy when he leaves.

ETA: Actually, J. M, I think we all learn eventually to express what we need from a mate. I J. speak honestly. What my husband does after that is his decision and we deal.

J. M:

i'm sorry you had surgery. I'm sorry it hurts. You should have stated your expectations PRIOR to the surgery and him making plans.

I personally after knee surgery - want to be left alone - so fix M. a few snacks and put it close to M. that allows M. to NOT move to get it? YEAH. Now leave M. alone.

You do NOT have a child to take care of - so that's one thing down.

Is he insensitive? Probably. However, he deserves his time. Did he select a bad time to do it? yes.

Next time - tell him what you expect. Tell him BEFORE the surgery so he doesn't make plans and hurt your feelings. If you don't state your expectations or opinions, he doesn't KNOW!! He cannot read your mind.

He should go. Before he goes...have him make something for you...then J. BE - take some pain meds and chill....okay?

I guess I'm very different from the rest, because when I'm in pain and don't feel well, I J. want to be left alone.

To M., as long as he made sure you had everything you might need close by and he was only gone for 2 hours tops, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

M, you're killin' M.. He needs to stay home with you. You need help. It's unfortunate that his meeting is today, but there it is.

Babe, I know you have a meeting, but can you stay home J. this once and help, not sure I can get around myself, supposed to be COMPLETELY off my feet tonight. I'm so sorry, I hate to ask, can you please?

Please take care of yourself, M.

:)

Since you haven't told him what you want or need then you're not only being immature, you're being unreasonable. He has no reason to think that it wouldn't be fine for him to go anywhere and there's nothing wrong with him WANTING to go or making the plans to go. He is, after all, only a boyfriend and not a spouse. He's not responsible for you. You are. It was up to you to make sure you have someone with you in case you have problems tonight.

And honestly, I don't see that he has to be the one to stay with you. If you had talked about this sooner and he told you he wanted to do this (go out to his Irish club thing) you could have made plans with another friend or a family member to stay with you today/tonight. It wasn't up to him. It was up to you. Including confirming plans with him.

Let him go.

EDIT: I apologize if that sounds bluntly harsh. I was pressed for time when I posted and dealing with a frustrating issue.

Well, my husband wouldnt get away with that.

If Momma is not happy, no one is happy. :)

J. make sure you didn't have a nerve block! I insisted Troy go to work the next day and at lunch I realized I cannot carry a plate and manipulate my crutches and of course with a nerve block could not stand without the crutches!

I look back and laugh but I was calling everyone but Troy begging for food. I refused to call him because I knew he would come home and save M. and I felt stupid and felt I should suffer.

What I would do, if you even listen to M. after that story, is let him go but ask that if you need him he will come home. That is fair I think.

That way you can be a big girl but if you need help he is there, it is a win win!

He's going for a few hours...you will likely be sleeping.

From now on express your needs prior...men don't know what we want unless we tell them exactly what that is. Generally, they have no clue we are even bothered.

Usually, even with out-patient procedures, it is recommended that you have someone with you for the first 24 hours.

Have you asked him to stay home with you? You shouldn't even have to ask in a situation like this, but.......

There's really nothing he can do for your pain except sit around and it's very hard for guys to feel helpless. He is looking forward to an evening out. You didn't let him know that you wanted or expected him to be at home. He'll be out a few hours. You say that you don't need help. If you really want company, find a girlfriend to come over.

Yah! My mom had that or something similar done on her leg and I stayed with her at her house the entire day after picking her up, then my sister came after M.. I would be mad at your BF's insensitivity aswell.

It doesn't matter what kind of surgery you had, someone should be with you J. in case something happens. He really should stay with you or have someone come over.

It's the big difference between men and women isn't it? I would never dream of going going anywhere if my husband had a procedure done. I had a thyroid biopsy and my husband took off as well. Granted, yours is a lot worse than mine was, but still.

Women J. automatically want to be there to nurture and care for, and men J. think, ahhh it's over and she's home so she's fine. :)

Sounds like it's time to find a new boyfriend. If he's this insensitive now and doesn't even acknowlege you J. got out of surgery, imagine if you got married. I don't think you are being a baby, it's common courtesy to stick around and help someone who was J. released from the hospital. I could understand if he had a meeting at work that would only take him away for an hour but for SEVERAL?? Come on, find a better man that actually cares about you. GL tonight, I'd keep a phone near J. in case you have to call someone for help.

my opinion is a little different from the rest, but I wouldnt mind, its not like hes going to be gone all night, you will probably be alseep any way with the pain meds, and you dont have your kid tonight. I wouldnt mind my hubby leaving. but my hubby hardly ever goes out, so its not like a, you see them every weekend type thing either, he goes out maybe once every 3 months.. if that. so if yours is always going out, then yea, but if this is smoethign that has been planned, and its not a constant thing, then no

Sounds like you are lucky he drove you home. Doesn't sound like a winner so count your blessings that you aren't married to this one...dodged a bullet in my opinion.

Of course it would be nice if your bf could stay home with you. Have you asked him? If you asked him to stay saying you're not sure if you will need him or not and would feel better if he was close by and he J. said F you, I'm going, well, that is another issue in itself. But if you didn't say anything and he isn't offering, then SAY SOMETHING. In my opinion, after any kind of surgery, the smart thing would be to have someone close by, J. to make sure nothing happens. Good luck.

I would expect a significant other to stay home with M. after having a procedure like that. I wouldn't even be happy if he had to go back to work, but certainly not for a social event.

Well I'm sorry you are feeling bad and hope you feel better soon!
But...
he's a boyfriend, not a husband, and you don't talk about his/your plans you J. READ ABOUT THEM ON FACEBOOK?!
I'm not saying this couldn't happen to M. but I would certainly let my significant other know if I needed him to stay with M. or not. I have said it time and time again, men are NOT women and they are NOT mind readers, you have to tell them what you need. Otherwise they assume all is good and they can J. go do whatever they want.
I'm sorry, but either you talk to this guy and see where he stands going forward, or next time, get a reliable GIRL friend to take care of you (they are much more reliable anyway!)

Im surprised at how many people told you are selfish.You J. had SURGERY! And not a simple one!! You cannot walk or get anything for yourself. What if you need to go to the bathroom?? Who will help you?

You shouldn't even NEED to ask him to stay home. If you ask M. HE'S the selfish one. He can sacrifice missing one meeting for his love. Shouldn't even be a question.

Give this girl a break people! She had an extremely painful surgery, she's entitled to her feelings however you all may take them.

For your sake honey I hope he stayed home! Hugs to you and I hope you have a fast recovery and are at least comfortable right now. Hang in there!

I would think he would have talked to you about leaving first to see how you felt and if you would be ok to be left alone for a few hours. Do you need help to the restroom, and getting something to eat and so on? I don't think you're being a baby at all. It's only proper not to assume to leave and to first discuss it with you, even if he assumes you'd be fine. It's J. the courtesy of asking first and seeing what your needs are first.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

Often, even with outpatient procedures, the discharge nurse will make the accompanying individual sign a piece of paper stating that they will not leave the patient alone for the nest 24 hours or so. What does your discharge paperwork say? Do you have pain meds? What are their possible side effects? Sorry, but I really need more information to determine if you are being a real "baby" or he's J. being selfish. Either way, it is insensitive of him, but since he's your boyfriend and you live together, you'd be better able to tell if that is a character trait of his or you're picking issues out of the thin air?

I would want someone with M. after that. maybe a friend or family member is available. I think the first night is always good to have support. I hope you heal quickly.

I can't believe your significant other would have to be "asked" to stay with you after surgery. Even minor day surgery, you cannot drive yourself home and generally the discharge papers state that for 24 hours you should be watched in case of complications.
My husband and I both have had minor procedures and the "sick" one stays in bed with the tv clicker and phone and incase of tonsils a metal pan lid and spoon to bang it nearby, while the healthy one is downstairs doing whatever, but is nearby in case of need, and checks occasionally J. for comfort.
But I also agree with Dad On Purpose - you are both at fault for not communicating. Learn from this and figure out how to speak up for what you want. It is much more straight forward to speak up and perhaps still disagree about a particular issue but know you both are honest, instead of hiding from each other and imagining what the other feels or has for reasons and probably being way off.
I hope you feel better soon.

J. have him set you up with all your proppings and liquids and snacks, and tell him you'll call when you need to go pee.