My son is very spirited and quite sweet most of the time; he's willful as most of them are at this age but not overly aggressive. The school keeps giving me notes that he's biting and has asked me to talk with him about it. So, I talked with him, reminding him that teeth are for chewing and mouths are for kissing, drinking and eating and that biting is not okay etc...
My talk seems to have made things worse! His teacher just doesn't seem very confident in her skills, she's young she has one assistant and a LOT of 2 y/o boys (3 or so of whom are like mine, spirited.)
Any thoughts?
Thank you all... Many of you have pointed out the emotion/expression factor as possibly being large part of this; the more I think about it, the more I have to agree. He is fantastic at recognizing words in the world, out of a book or naming objects but he isn't yet expressing feeling words at all. I'm going to talk with his teachers today after work and see if we can come up with a better plan. I'll keep you all posted thank you for all the great thoughts and suggestions!
I totally agree with Linda that you should immediately remove him from the situation in which he bites and tell him why you are leaving. Also reading "Teeth Are Not For Biting" might help to reinforce the message. Good luck to you and don't give up!
Hi A.,
I really understand what a concern this must be for you. It's hard enough when we have a challenge with our own child, let alone when it involves someone else's child. I really feel for you.
I used to be a preschool teacher, primarily with 2 year olds. I'll share two main points about the biting situations that I experienced:
1. Often times there was some frustrating situation going on for the child in their life. We used to talk to the parents about that and see about finding ways to help the child with dealing with that situation.
2. The other thing we tried to do was to make sure that we helped the child have the appropriate words for dealing with different situations: "I need space" "I'm still using that" "It's not okay to hurt my body". I'm talking about situation involving other kids during which they would bite. Also, one child with whom it was a big problem also did not have a lot of words. Working with him on communication did help.
I don't know the situation with your son, nor do I claim to know everything there is to know about this topic. I'm just sharing some of my experience with it.
All the best to you!
M.
I have heard about this in the past, and as crazy as it sounds, it was related to a mineral deficiency. just like some kids in school that eat CHALK. Just a thought. Ask your Doctor, or google it. If it is, the easiest and quikest way to deliver the required minerals, would be to start on the X20 IMMEDIATLY.. www.xooma.ca
Im very curious to hear what others are thinking?
My son (who is now 4 1/2) was a biter, and I worried all the time he would get kicked out of daycare or that it would never stop. He would bite at school sometimes, but not every day, and he would also bite us and his twin sister which was making me crazy. He also got bitten himself at school by other kids, so it's totally normal, but it's hard when you are told about it and you feel bad for the other kid and their parents.
We told him all the time "no biting", and the daycare teachers were good about that too. We (and the teachers) tried to give him things to bite on if he had the urge to do so. We would tell him to bite "this" not people. It seemed like it would never end, and then it was only happening once in a while, but it finally ended. I think he was around 3 1/2.
I think he was biting out of frustration at not being able to express his feelings about something or get the words out that he wanted to say. He would also do it if he wanted something that another child had or if another child got in the way of what he was doing.
It's hard for kids your son's age to be around other kids and share toys, etc. The key is that the teacher needs to be on top of it. Maybe you can have a talk with her about your concerns. I wish you lots of luck. I know how frustrating it is.
I am a working single mother of a very intelligent yet willful and stubborn girl; she has tested me at every possible chance. I believe that is one way they learn boundaries.
As a single mother I tried to get out of the habit of overcompensating, and lean on the firm side. My daughter once pulled my hair and giggled as she knew that was not ok... I gave a gentle tug on one of her golden locks and stated that as it didn’t feel nice she shouldn’t do it to anyone else, lest someone do it back to her because it just wasn’t nice.
Biting is a serious concern. I would NEVER recommend anyone bite a child, ever! But, I feel that you need to be firm in explanation and then consequence for such an action. Maybe keep him from school (daycare w/e) for a few days with the explanation that big boys use their words and don’t bite and that he can go back only when he can use his words to convey what he is feeling. Also explain to him that some child may just bite him back, hard!
It is a really tough thing being firm (especially as a single mom, believe me I understand!), but if you balance it with love and lots of explanation I feel you end up with a respectful child with a sense of moral boundaries.
Good luck!
In addition to the good advice others have sent, I want to offer another thought that helped my family when our daughter was going through a biting stage. We read an article that linked biting to a need for oral satisfaction; the article recommended ensuring that your child has different textures of food to chew on every day. I think making sure that she had chewy foods as well as smooth foods as well as crunchy foods helped her to have a non-people outlet for her oral testing. And it definitely helped to teach her skills for handling her emotions that did not involved her mouth.
My niece was also a biter. She is now a happy, thriving, brilliant 17-year-old... But she bit long past the time when it could be considered somewhat age appropriate. She bit when she was in kindergarten, 1st grade, 2nd grade, we made it almost all the way to the end of the year in the 3rd grade -- but then she bit two children in the final month... Then in the 4th grade, she hit a child. I was so relieved that she had hit instead of bitten someone... FINALLY, in the 5th grade she learned to control her rage. She is such a gentle person now... we both look back on those days with wonder. She had rage control problems when she was small and she had trouble expressing herself verbally, which I believe contributed greatly to the problem. She had therapy all through elementary school & still sees the same therapist today... which helped her develop an emotional language. She is such a wonderful, compassionate, gentle, emotive person today. It may take you a while to get the biting under control... but do not despair... keep working with your son to make sure that his emotional self and his language skills are strong. Good luck!
Dear A.,
I have 3 children ages 3, 5 and 7. The older two are boys (first one also easy as can be and the second a delightful handful). The second (Max) was a serious biter from about ages 2-3 ... and an occasional biter until about 4. It was tough. In hindsight I think I could have stopped it faster if I had handled it differently. I took the gentle approach for too long ...I constantly explained to him that biting was not OK, I gave him soft toys to bite if he felt he needed to bite, we read him the "no biting" book at bedtime, etc. We felt that he would grow out of it. Finally my pediatrician told me we needed to get tougher. The second he bit we would take him away from wherever we were. For example if we had just arrived at a fun party and he bit someone we would leave immediately. if he just got a new toy we would take it away. We would leave a restaurant immediately, etc. Once he bit a child in a jumpy (bounce house) at a halloween carnival we keft immediately and for the next month every time we went to a party and there was a jumpy we did not allow him in it. It made him very upset but we saw a change quickly in his biting habit. I think we started getting tough at about 2.5 and he was done by 3 for the most part. I feel for you because it was hard. We had to shadow him at playdates and anytime we were with other kids. i found he did it most when he was over stimulated and when there were a lot kids around.
Good Luck,
L.
