Is This Really Neglect?

I dont know about the neglect thing. Doesnt sound like it from what you are saying. It would irritate me if someone acused me of neglect.
HAve you tried aveeno products for bathing. I use aveeno wash it has oatmeaal and is specialy for ezema. Its really thick more like lotion than soap and it really helps with my babies ezema. I also slather him in aveeno ezema lotion after every bath. If i dont he breaks out bad. I give him a bath every other day.

It's not neglect! I could change my grandkids clothes, sit them down on a clean couch and within 10 minutes, some piece of something has "jumped" onto their shirt. LOL! Well, it seems that way!

Some people are so judgmental!

Good grief....kids get dirty every 5 seconds lol

I will get my kids up, feed them breakfast THEN dress them. By lunch the both usually need a clean shirt or complete outfit. And I can bath them every day, and w/ in less then 12 hrs they both look like slobs.

I would just be cautious that this woman not turn you in because she has unrealistic views of what parenting is. Doesnt sound like neglect to me. Sounds like you have a CHILD

G., this is just like people who don't have special needs kids judging those who do. They don't understand and think they know everything. Just write an explanation, like you have here. Take your time, edit it well, keep it as short and succinct as you can without leaving out the details, and give it to the director with an explanation of why you are giving it to her. If she was the one who said it, make the letter out to her flat out.

Don't be snippy, don't apologize. Stand strong in your letter. Tell her that your son's issues, especially with his skin, are not your fault and if she actually researched ezema, she would understand the difficulties involved.

Then ignore her. You keep doing what you are doing and if she doesn't like it, too bad. You can use a bib for his clothes and if that still doesn't work, no matter - if he has a few spots on his clothes, you shouldn't worry about it.

Do you know where he caught salmonella? Did the health department investigate? How do you know your child didn't get it at daycare? Salmonella poisoning is awful. I don't want to upset you here, but truthfully, you may be dealing with the aftermath of this for up to 6 months (maybe more.) Make sure he gets plenty of fluids because it protects his kidneys. Belly aches, sleeping too much, feeling awful - it can happen. The bug can take a long time to finally leave the system.

Good luck - I hope they stop treating you like this - really and truly, bugs like strep are passed around at daycare an awful lot, and she is being rude by making it sound like you are at fault here.

Dawn

Know the feeling.

I was accused of something similar in court recently. :P At least your person had good motives. Mine is my ex trying to dick out of domestic violence charges by painting me as a lunatic.

Same as you, it's the red flags that are the problem, and the solution is a simple recounting of the reasons.

My son isn't in school... We homeschool
My son is up all night (12-6am).... He is on life saving medication that gives him insomnia.
At 9 he still sleeps with me... When he has nightmares
Etc.

ANY action of a caring parent can be painted badly. And once special needs are involved, the actions can be painted VERY badly until explained.

From your post, it doesnt sound like your son is neglected. I can certainly understand the eczema issue because I have two kids that have it.
As far as dirty coat, I wash my kids coats every couple months maybe? Im sure they arent the cleanest things around. Thats a big deal?

I am sure you pay a small fortune for child care and I wouldnt expect disrespect like that.

I could understand if your son came in starving, reeking of stink and had bruises all over him, yeah red flag. But it doesnt sound like the case.

The decision would be hard for me, but I would have to take my sons well being into consideration before my ego. Your son may be adjusted well there and it might be hard for him to switch.

Tough call. I say do whats best for your little boy and I would keep a close eye on these folks.

You may have to ask her directly what does she think is neglectful, specifically? What does she mean by "dirty clothes"? Is there something your son is saying or someone else is saying about your son? I'm wondering if he said something about not having the right coat or getting something on his shirt, or if she's just throwing around a word when she means something else.

G.,
Neglect is a strong word and I think it should be use with caution. If you didn't take care of your son, if he was not well fed, with bruises all over, if you leave him home alone without adult supervision, and he showed some attitude problems (like some children who are being neglected do) then I would say to you to examine yourself and your parenting skills. But in this case, just because his clothes are dirty (according to her) it's not a reason to make such statement.
Please don't take this wrong, but if you were not the cleanest person in the world, and I am not saying you are; it is still no reason to say you are neglecting your child. Now, does she know about his eczema? Does she know if you have some financial problems (again I'm not saying you have this) that you don't have enough money to wash your clothes? If she made the statement because your son was sick! that's even worse!!!
She doesn't really know you, so maybe it would be to your advantage to speak with the supervisor and explain how she made you feel and how you don't appreciate it. If she is the supervisor, then let her know anyways.
Stay cool and collected but make sure you let them know how unprofessional and unnecessary her comments were.
I hope your son is feeling better too.
Blessings

I have worked with children for years. Day care, day camps and I taught middle school. All the incidents you have described sound reasonable to me. Kids get dirty, plenty of kids with eczema don't bathe daily, your child got sick. But to an outsider, I can see where they would get the red flags.

Missing a great deal of school can sometimes be an indication that there is an issue at home. Bruises to hide, stories to forget, etc. Maybe financial issues which cause problems with transportation, etc. Your child has missed alot. I imagine if push came to shove, you could document everything with doctor notes.

Switching schools and daycares frequently can also indicate that a person is hiding something and leaves a facility before the truth can be discovered. It can also simply mean you were looking for a good match in child care.

Dirty coat and clothes...it happens. But to someone who is already concerned, it can be an indication of bigger issues. If it's a constant problem of breakfast spilling onto clothes, keep the shirts off until right before you walk out the door.

The bathing issue makes sense to me. Our neighbors have three kids with bad eczema. They don't bathe daily and they don't use perfumed soaps. So again, to an outsider, kids who don't bathe regularly indicate problems at home. Either financial...no water, which can lead to neglect. Or just flat out not bathing the child, because the parent doesn't care. I am NOT accusing you of this, just giving you perspective.

So for someone who cares for children, she is seeing what she is interpreting as red flags. While I commend her for letting you know she was concerned for your child, I am appalled that she would just flat out accuse you of neglect. That is a huge word with lots of implications.

As far as whether you should stay or go...Are you happy with the care your child is receiving? Can you keep returning to a classroom where the teacher is suspicious and will watch every move you make? Will your son adjust ok to a new center? If she reports you to CPS, will that change your mind about staying at that cente?. These are all things to consider while you decide. If it were me and I chose to stay, I think I'd have a meeting with the daycare provider and director and talk about the incident and your expectations.

no that is not neglect...

everything you described is called life!

my kids coats get dirty and I only wash them on weekend when they are bad. Yes that will mean if they get it dirty on Monday they will go to school all week in a dirty coat.

My son has eczema also and he gets a bath and his hair washed 2x a week and once on the weekend. Your right they cant have a bath every night and he doesn't smell "fresh" from the perfumes in the soap. But he is clean! My daughter has a bath the same days and she doesn't have any skin conditions... they just bathe together and I'm not going to battle the why is she and can't I because he loves taking baths!

No you are not neglecting your son based on those... I think someone needs to lighten up some or possibly dig deeper to find is she thinks there is something else making her think this.

I think I would keep him there until school gets out then find a responsible high school-er looking to babysit for a summer job.

She sounds like she needs a reality check.

My middle kid is five.

He also has a full head of Dreadlocks.

Over Christmas I spent a good time in a stank mood because Christmas Eve my Aunt informed me that his hair makes him look like he is being neglected. Which makes me look like a horrible mom.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. We are sitting at my youngest OT center.

Mom in the waiting room is talking to me about how cute my sons curly hair is. when I correct her and explain that the curls on the end are misleading he actually has dreadlocks...She looked again at him and was like why make the kid look homeless.

My point is there are going to be those people who think like that. Regardless of what you know is happening.

Either say something about it or develop a very thick skin. And learn to move on through what they say to you.

I'm not sure why your daycare provider made that comment. It sounds like you are taking care of your child just fine.

Keep some wipes in the car and do a quick spot check before you head into the daycare. Other than that, keep doing what you are doing - make sure his clothes are clean when you put them on him and that you bath him often enough that he does not smell bad. Ask your doctor to recommend a bath wash and lotion/cream that will work with his ezema.

Don't switch day cares - let him have some consistency until preschool starts.

I think my feelings would be hurt if someone said I was neglecting my child and my first response would be to be angry at them. However, try to appreciate that the daycare provider was coming from a caring place in bringing it up to you. She cares about your child and was willing to say something that could make you mad in order to help him out. She may have been right or she may have been wrong, but she was coming from a place of concern for your child.

Don't feel bad. Its hard to keep a toddler clean!

I am curious as to why this is his 3rd daycare in 2 years?

She cares enough about your boy to say something that was probably pretty difficult for her. She did it out of concern. I certainly wouldn't take him out of her care just because she voiced valid concerns. She voiced them, you addressed them. You reassured her there was no need for concern. If you get defensive with her or pull him out she will KNOW there IS reason for concern and you could get turned in to CPS

Take a step back. Try not to get defensive.
Ask yourself in your heart of hearts if there is a kernal of truth to it and if there is, address it.
For instance...
The thing that tells someone when a child hasnt been bathed is body odor, dirty hair, seeing the same smudges and pen marks on a kid several days in a row and showing up in the same underpants. Even though you can't constantly dunk him in soapy water, you can maybe have him wash his hair in the sink every day, wipe him down with a warm washcloth every night before bed. Do an inspection to see if you need to do a "spot" wash on him on those days he doesn't bathe.

You've already agreed feeding him after he gets dressed isn't working out, so wait until you are on your way out the door to dress him. If his clothes are stained you can go to the childrens resale and get some great deals on new clothes.

Just address her concerns and thank her for caring so much. Paste a fake smile on your face and know in your heart that you are doing the very best you can.

I guess I neglect my kids too. I refuse to wash their coats every week because they both play outside and get so dirty or brush up against the cars. Kid play and get dirty. My son is a messy eater and I've sent him to school a little dirty, which I usually don't notice until the car ride and then I think "Oh well, if you're embarrassed then don't be so messy"

I agree with Dawn. Write an explanation like you have on here. No need to apologize. Sounds like you're a very caring and loving mother.

Sounds to me like your current daycare provider is trying to come up with enough reasons why she can kick your son out. If he's harder to work with than other kids, she may be thinking that she could swap him out for someone else who's easier and pays the same money.

Sorry to hear that she thought you were being neglectful. I'm with everyone else - take extra care with his clothes and cleanliness in the next couple of weeks so she doesn't escalate this to CPS or wherever.

Oh - and yeah, it doesn't sound like neglect to me. My kids frequently go to school with dirty coats. They play in the sand and dirt every day and I can't wash them every night. And sometimes I forget to wipe their faces after breakfast. And they get baths two or three times a week, and I only wash hair once a week so it doesn't dry out.

I would say you need to get a docs letter stating he is not to be bathed very often. I would also get a docs note for any of the other stuff they are complaining about. They see so much and if they felt they needed to talk to you about it then they are worried he is not getting the care he needs.

They care, you get that right? They cared enough about him to talk to you first. Not call child welfare. I would simply explain that his good coat was in the other car and that this one is an old one. Then the docs notes about the other health issues should calm any concerns they have.

I had a child who was going to start coming to my child care center and the mom brought in a note from the doc when she came in to tour. She showed me the letter stating the child had Mongolian Spots. It is dark spots that are typically found on darker skinned children like Native American little ones. They can look like the child got a horrid beating or they can be faint. It is the skin just doing it's thing. I was so glad she brought that in so I could know beforehand he was going to have bruise looking spots on his body. It made it much easier to understand and research.

He often looked so bad but never acted like they were sore or paid them any attention.

I think it is good they care about your son. Just make an effort to always tell the teacher if he has food on his clothes from breakfast. He needs to be rinsed off with water if he smells like urine or pooh though. They won't allow him to smell dirty like that. You may want to provide them with the proper soaps so when they wash his hands and wipe his face they will not be using the wrong stuff.

G.,
No one on a message board can tell you if you are neglecting your child. Perhaps the day care is pointing something out that you may need to think about in a new light and consider if it is possible that from the outside things may look different than they do to you. Perhaps they have no idea what they are talking about too - I certainly have experienced that myself. What I wanted to address is the eczema thing. I do not know everything there is to know about ezcema, but my 3 year old has it, and our Stanford MD sent me to this website, and I found it IMMEMSELY helpful: http://www.nationaleczema.org/
For example, less bathing is WORSE for the skin than MORE. You may want to look at the part called "living with Eczema" and it says that at least one bath a day, but two is great. But you have to moisturize within 3 minutes, and if they need more moisture we have had very good success with wet wraps. Baths cannot be too hot... but they should be frequent for at least 10 minutes, and you can try bathing with bleach a couple of times a week too. I know ti seems counter-intuitive, but there is a theory there that there is some bacteria in the skin that is helping to foster the eczema. Since I have been following these guidelines to the letter, our eczema is completely controlled. No itching, no breakouts. I encourage you to read the site thoroughly. Ask a doctor about their recommendations too.

I understand you are working hard and doing the best you can, but it seems odd to me that a day care place would bring to your attention "neglect" which to me is a very strong word - if they didn't feel they saw ongoing and repeated problems. But they also may be mis-interpreting things. Maybe you can ask the teacher to sit down with you and talk a little bit more in-depth now that you are not taken by surprise about it off the cuff. Maybe she will understand what is happening if you spend some time talking to her and showing how much you care.
Good luck. Sorry for the eczema, it's been painful and a long road in our house I know that!