Is This Normal? - West Palm Beach,FL

My son is 4.5 and still jumps no matter what we do/say. He is now starting behavior he knows he isn't suppose to do when he thinks I'm not looking or can't see him. He still doesn't get that I can hear it! I'm not saying you allow it, you continue the times out and such. However, at the end of the day, it is impulse and instict and I wouldn't expect you to find a magic answer to end it! Eyes and ears have to be constant! My son is totally shocked when I correct him for doing things he doesn't think I know he is doing. Kinda funny!

How about providing him with a safe rebounder (trampoline) so he can jump to his heart's content? It is very healthy exercise.

Aaaah, yes. Adventures with toddlers. Even though my son is only 2 now, I've taught many toddlers in my days and have heard worse stories. Know that you are not alone. One suggestion regarding the couch jumping is think of a place where he is allowed to jump.....maybe invest in a little trampouline or dance tape and the moment he starts to do this....take him to his jumping spot. He clearly needs to do this to feel good therefore, don't deprive him but look for a proper outlet. If you do this with other cases it may also help his behavior. Just saying no when a child really wants to do it is almost unfair....especially if certain activities were allowed as a baby. Redirect his attention and offer something else for him to do. Read the book "No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed" and change the word to couch. I reccommend a fantastic book entitled "Secrets of a Baby Whisperer for Toddlers" by Tracy Hogg or "Baby Whisperer Solves all Your Problems" by the same author. I have all her books and they sure do help and explain how to make toddlers emotionally fit and deal with their emotions and ways to be respectful.
Have fun!

Just my opinion, but it sounds like a normal three year old little boy. My son is almost three and we are having similar issues. He sat in his room for two hours this weekend before he would apologize for throwing a toy at my head! All he had to do is say "sorry, mommy" and he absolutely refused. It seems like my good little boy has gone on vacation and an evil twin has replaced him :o) I try to be patient and stand my ground with discipline even though some days it doesn't seem to get through. Just stick to your guns and he'll come around...at least that's what I tell myself :O)

YES - all boys are strong willed!!!! Sorry to admit it, but if a time out or sitting on the floor does not bother him or make him upset, then it isn't going to work as a punishment!!! You litterally have to hurt their feelings to get them to remember not to do something. A good old fashioned spanking never hurt anyone!

Hi D.,

My son Robbie is 3 1/2 and he is the same way. Extremely strong willed and full of energy. My grandma just gave me a book called The Four Year Old Child, and I'm learning that Robbie is just hitting that age a bit early. It is normal.

I ditto, make sure you give him an outlet for jumping (could be pillows from the bed or elsewhere) elsewhere. Do NOT allow him to jump on the furniture or give in.

My only real suggestion is to use this phrase that my son's nursery school teacher uses, "One, two, three, eyes on me. Four, Five, Six, fingers on lips." It works for us at home too and he knows what to do (pay attention and stop talking) when we use it.

Hang in there, the book also says that the 5 year old child is calm, inquisitive and approaching rational! YEAH!

C.

D.,

This is something that I am kicking myself for everyday. I have a 7 year old and a 4 year old that think its okay to jump on the furniture no matter how many times we tell them not too or punish them. Mind you I am learning this all the hard way, first off you need to get down on their level and with a stern voice and no noisy distractions anywhere in the room speak clearly and firmly and tell them not to do it. If they do it again, no warning, straight to time out. As they are going in time out tell them why and remember, 1 min per year of their age. Don't talk about to them while they are in time out. As they come out of time out ask them if they are sorry and tell them they need to apologize. Leave it at that, until you see them do it again. Be consistent on the time out spot also, that is a big one. If it is a different place everytime it will get confusing.

I have 3 boys and I have been there and I am going through it too, but this seems to work with them.

Good luck.

S.
36 y/o SAHM of 3 boys
14, 7 and 4

yes yes yes this is normal! I have a almost 3 year old little boy who I believe could be a professional jumper lol. He also is incredibly stubborn and seems to think that he knows what is best. All I can say is keep doing what you are doing.Continue the time outs and don't ever give in because all it takes is one time to make him think it is okay. With my son when he does something he shouldn't I put him in timeout.(1 minute for each year he is old so for your son 3.5-4 minutes is appropriate).When his time is up I tell him to come to me(firmly but not too mean)and first I give him a hug and then I tell him to look at me.(most of the time he will but as long as I can tell he is listening then I don't force eye contact) I then tell him what he did wrong and why he can't do it. Then I tell him to apologize. I have been using this method for well over a year and it seems to do the trick.BUT like you said yourself,boys are stubborn and strong willed and he will have his days where time outs don't phase him. This is where it is very important that you stay consistent and don't give up! one of these days he will listen!

Hi, D.. Well, it may have been a quick question, but there aren't any quick answers or quick solutions.

First of all, it's got to be confusing to the boy because jumping on the couch was OK when he was a baby, but then you suddenly changed the rules. You changed the rules 2 years ago, but he's probably trying to figure out why. The more confused a child is, the more he will act out in order to try to figure out why something is the way it is. They keep causing the situation to see how it turns out. Is the rule being enforced consistently? Every single time? or is there someone who lets him jump on the couch sometimes? If that's true, then your son has no way of knowing when it's OK and when it's not.

#2 -- jumping on the couch is fun!! He seems to like it a whole lot. Did he have a bounce chair when he was a baby? Maybe he likes the feeling and wants to feel it again. Remember, a 4-year-old has a very short attention span and very little impulse control. If you want to re-train him not to jump on the couch, it's going to take time and patience to get him motivated to control that very fun impulse.

Now, is the problem that when he's on the couch, he uses it for a trampoline? Maybe you can give him an alternative to that. Most kids love to be bounced in the air or thrown up and caught. He's probably too heavy for this now, but maybe you can get one of those mini exercise trampolines and help him bounce on it, you know, catching him and making sure he doesn't break anything. That leads to #3 --

#3 -- kids will substitute negative attention for positive attention if they feel they aren't getting enough. Make sure he's not feeling ignored.

#4 -- make a game out of sitting on the couch properly. Show him how you want him to get onto the couch (just sit down, not a running leap or a vault), and time him to see howw long he can sit there without bouncing or trampoline-ing. And don't necessarily expect him to sit still for a very long time. If everyone is sitting on the couch watching TV, have everyone get up during the commercials, stretch, bounce around, etc. Remember, he doesn't have the attention span you have, and he probably doesn't have your fatigue at the end of the day, either.

Make sure he's got enough physical activities during the day to satisfy his need for moment and to expend energy. Kids who don't get enough exercise get antsy and will sort of explode at odd times. Also remember that he may be more active than other children you have known, and so his needs may be different from theirs and from your needs and behaviors when you were a child.

He sounds like a delightful, bouncy, energetic little boy. I hope you can find a way for everyone to be happy on and around the couch.

Peace,
Syl

As a teacher, I can tell you that having a child look at you does not mean you have their full attention. Some kids can focus much better at what you are saying if they do not look directly at you. That being said, I know with older children it seems like a sign of disrespect if they don't look at you. I have an 11 year old and I usually try to get him to look at me when I'm saying something important, then realize his mind may be wandering so I don't force the issue-- but I do still try and explain to him that it's important to look at the adult when HE has something to say to make sure he has THEIR attention!

As for the jumping on the couch, I don;t have any specific guidance to give you beyond what you are already doing other than to make sure you are being consistant-- meaning he is NEVER allowed to jump on the couch ever (if you EVER allow it, it's too confusing to sometimes tell him NO) and to always have the same consequence. I would stay persistant with it, though, because that is a safety issue. I never let my kids jump on the couch, but I remember a friend of mine actually allowed her kids to take the coushions off and jump (crazy! Great way to break the furniture!) so my son went home and jumped on our couch after seeing that, and jumped off on to the carpet-- he ended up with a hairline fracture in his foot and at the age of 3.5 had to wear a cast on his leg for 6 weeks! I hope some day down the road that injury doesn't come back to haunt him! Don't wait until your son learns the hard way! Stay persistant!

I'm sorry I have no advice for you here, just sympathy and to let you know you're not alone AND to let you know that 3 year old girls are just as stubborn and strong-willed! I have 2 girls - almost-3 and 4 1/2. I have always said that my oldest is the most stubbord person I have ever met! Good luck - I hope someone here has the answer...

Not just 3 yr old boys do this...my 3 yr old girl does it too! Yes, this is normal. If my daughter doesn't stop jumping on the couch, I lift her off and put her on her bed, no toys, no books, etc. She cannot come off until she can explain to me in a calm, non-tearful manner why she was put in time out. If she gets off the bed before this, she is picked up and plopped right back on with no conversation at all. You will probably have to do this several times at the beginning until he gets the idea that he cannot leave his bed until he calms down and explains why he is in trouble. We have used this for a while now, so most of the time I just have to say, "Stop jumping (or whatever the issue is) by the count of three or you are on your bed!" But sometimes her stubborness gets the best of her and off she goes to her bed. She HATES being isolated from whatever is going on, so this works for her. I do not raise my voice, and when she yells and screams from her bed, I ignore her until she calms down. She knows I will not come rescue her, nor will her father. She now says, "Okay, Mommy. I'm calmed down now." and if she truly is, I will go in and we will have our conversation about whatever she did. I ALWAYS make her repeat the rule ("No jumping on the couch") and if she has done something that hurt someone (hit her sister or something like that), she MUST apologize to the person.

It doesn't stop the behavior forever, but it helps to nip it in the bud when the behavior starts up again.

Hope this helps...

Hi, My son (now 5) was exaxtly the same. It turned out he had some sensory issues and the occupational therapist said he did all this jumping because he was looking for sensory stimulation into the joints!We bought a small trampoline for about 30 dollars at toys-R-us and let him jump away. Sometimes I held his hands and we counted and sometimes he jumped by himself. We also held his hands while he jumped on a large excercise ball that I held stationary against the wall with my foot. By 2 or 2and a half he jumped by himself and sang songs or we put on music. It definitely solved the problem and we didn't have to punish him anymore. (which didn't work anyway!!! Good luck.

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Your son is giving his brain and central nervous system what it is craving....Movement. Get hima trampoline or get him to the park daily for jumping, climbing, swinging, sliding, pushing, pulling, crawling, rocking, running. He NEEDS it for normal brain development.

I don't want to put any fright in you along with your stress you may have with this but if you have to hold your son's face still to have him look at you it may be something to "look into" .. Well Autism has many aspects to it and a child does not have to meet all of them all the time...but the sooner something is ruled out the better tryin to find the solution is...Sometimes children are just tryin you out...to see how far they can go and sometimes it is more than that...I know my Tommy didn't have all the "NORMAL" signs of Autism coz he did have eye contact and he is affectionate and loves hugs and kisses but indeed Tommy is AUTISTIC and it is too frightning a thing to let time pass before you rule it out...I hope your son is fine in that regard but in any case you want to check it off the list and then just find a better individual way to get your son to understand...learning in children is not text book anymore and sometimes they just disregard out of testing their limits...I hope this helps...Good Luck and keep us posted...

Yes, very very normal!!! I would avoid the constant battles by giving him a safe alternative that you are comfortable with ie a cushion on the floor, a small indoor toddler trampoline, etc. It sounds like he needs some physical stimulation and a place to burn dome excess energy. It is probably just as frustrating to him as this is to you because to a 3 yr old boy with energy that hasn't been burned, the couch is the ideal outlet! I would say that he needs more running, playing, climbing.... Boys need a lot! If that's not possible, go with an indoor trampoline.

As for him not looking at you when being scolded.... This is human nature. In fact all animals do it! It's natural to look away so as to try to calm down the person that is upset, angry, yelling, etc. He's really not old enough to comprehend that people think it's disrespectful. Sure you can keep asking him to look at you and as he develops and matures he will, but I wouldn't get so worked up and enraged that you have to grab his face. This just tells jim that when you are angry or frustrated that it's ok to put hands on others to resolve the issue.... Try to stay calm and in perspective... He's only 3 and in the big picture, there could be far worse things in life than a toddler jumping on the couch or not giving eye contact when requested.... Hang in there, this too shall pass. Don't sweat the small stuff!

This is so normal. I contend that there is no such thing as the terrible twos - its the terrible 3 and a half to fours...
Our son did the same thing with the couch and his bed. We finally got a small exercise trampoline for him and told him if he wanted to jump that was the only place - and only when a grown up was there to supervise. It did help, but he was also almost four, so perhaps he was just growing out of that phase.

Give him an alternative that he can jump on (mini tramp, pile of pillows, etc.). Then tell him "couches are for sitting not for jumping, but you can jump on the so and so". If he continues to jump on the couch, redirect him to the appropriate place to jump. Physically take him there if he does not go on his own. If he still does not stop jumping on the couch tell him he is not allowed on it unless he sits.

I have 1 girl and 3 boys and my boys all seem to have a lack of self control when it comes to playing or getting wild. They will go and go until someone gets hurt or gets in trouble. But when it comes to other things, they will wait and ask for permission before doing it or eating something. It's just play for them that they can't seem to control themselves. Every so often we just have to stop and take a rest so everyone can get calmed back down again.
I don't know if all boys are like that or just some. I try to not group everyone under the same description. They get better and more in control with age though. Almost 4 year olds have tons of energy to get out. If what he's doing is not allowed, find him some other way to get it out. :o)

Yep, it's normal. Just keep setting the boundries, continue with the time outs and dicipline, it will get better. Everyone talks about the terrible twos, but fail to mention the troublesome threes LOL. As long as the rules stay pretty much the same and you stay consistent you will start noticing a bigger change in the coming months, I promise.