Is There a Nice Way of Saying Anything?

Yeah but I'm offended that you disagree that I'm offended that you're offended about my disagreement. Or something like that.

Isn't this an opinion site?

bwahahaha!

I recently started working at an office where all of us are all over the political spectrum, and none of us care. We give each other a hard time, but we also agree to disagree! It's so refreshing, I giggle sometimes from the sheer awesomeness of it!

I don't know, but I'm offended!!

;)

Nice? I appreciate authenticity over niceties. But don't mistake me, effective and respectful communication really DOES it for me ;-) I see little point in being disrespectful or cruel.

One does not need to be mean, to be real.

There are lots of different models of communication. My favorite, is the assertive model, which describes:

assertive
aggressive
passive-aggressive
and passive

forms of communication.

Using assertive communication, one can respectfully and firmly convey his or her own point. Standing up for ones point of view, does not necessitate aggression. Disagreements do not have to be disrespectful, demeaning, or inflammatory.

Honestly? I see many comments (here and in real life) where people justify their aggressive communication skills as them being "blunt" or being opinionated. I can understand why people are offended by such communication, as aggressiveness is offensive (among other things!)

On the other hand, it's standard for people with abusive thinking/behavior to play the victim when called out. I see this often when people are reminded that they are acting homophobic/racist/xenophobic etc. "YOU'RE attacking ME for having opinions!! You're saying I'm bigoted!! How OFFENSIVE!!" *Sigh*.

And then, of course, we don't really love having our ideas threatened. Our world view is important to us...our identities are usually all wrapped up in it. So, if someone says something contrary to our world view, rather than look inside and say, "could this be true", it's easier to spit their ideas away calling them X, Y, Z.

Growing up, my family debated *everything*. I'm not easily ruffled by debate, and I find a good debate tantalizing. I think epiphanies are born from disagreement. However, I'd rather drink a lukewarm cup of decaf coffee (blech!) than engage in a circular reasoning, name calling, shut down of an argument. Hate that stuff.

Maybe I'm missing the question?

It is kind of nutty but I agree~ People are way to sensitive these days. If someone doesn't agree with me, I don't take offense to it. I just look at it as they don't agree--so what! I just remind them that its ok to not agree all the time. I allow my kids to have different opinions and to not agree with me. It is something that in our world is lacking---people have the follow the leader mentality because they don't want to offend or ruffle feathers. I am all about being who you want to be and not agreeing with someone because its not right for you is ok.

I just say things as nicely as I can but you can't please everyone. There is always someone who will take offense at how you word it or what you didn't say or do. I say what I need to and then I let it go.

This is a great question, J.! I couldn't agree more on your observation; I see it all the time.

I know I'm not offended when I disagree with someone, but I do get offended when someone is very rude to me or others who disagree with them.

All too often, people forget their manners in a disagreement and become offensive in an attempt to make their case. Having a contrary opinion is not a personal attack, nor is it cause to make one.

Great question!

THANK YOU, J.!!! I soooo agree with you!

Good grief, it's gotten so bad lately. I find myself thinking so many times "get over yourself already" when I read some of these posts and I really hesistate to answer some of them because, heaven forbid, I may "offend" them.

Cannot wait to see how many people are offended by your post. :)

Your SWH is funny!!

Okay, I'll bite. I automatically thought about your question "Is there a nice way of saying anything?" in the vein of changing the word "anything" to the word "everything". And then the answer would be "no". We can't say everything nice. However, we can try not to say anything "mean".

I think it's how we disagree about things that counts.

Calling people ignorant point blank to their face isn't necessary. Telling them what they say sounds stupid could be softened to tell them that it sounds silly. I think that is actually appropriate, but some would disagree. (Those who want to use the word stupid on one side, and those on the other side who are offended by the word silly.)

There's a whole spectrum and everyone falls somewhere on that spectrum. And sometimes it just has to do with the subject at hand.

I've read two posts on the same thread that basically say the same thing, and one is harsh and one is appropriate (in my mind) and the one that is harsh gets 20 flowers and the one that is appropriate (again in my mind) gets 2 flowers. And then the harsh one gets pulled.

What that tells me is that people will sometimes give flowers for yelling at a poster even though they won't say such a thing themselves. And that poster gets all the attention while no one pays attention to the less harsh one. I actually disagree with that.

What else is going on can be hormones or the full moon. And then there's the Bermuda Triangle of politics. Go figure!!

Dawn

Hey J.,

Just my two cents, but some people are DYING to be offended. Not to disagree, but to be offended. (I am personally in the disagreement faction, unless someone does say something bigoted or hateful, then I do fall into the offended category.)

Being offended almost implies a victim mentality, IMO. "What you said was so disgusting, I can't even begin to come up with an argument to it." For me to consider something 'offensive', it usually has to be a statement which is personally directed/meant directly toward an individual or a group of people. One poster recently derided women who serve in the armed forces, suggesting that they couldn't be good moms and soldiers at the same time. While I disagree with that statement, since the poster was directing it at the OP who was serving our country, I found the statement offensive. However, had that person's statement been differently stated, it likely would have fallen into the 'disagree' category.

I think there are some of us who assume that lively discourse is just part of civilization and those who feel that their own beliefs and feelings should be reflected back to them. I think this website is constant proof of that divide.

And this question did not offend me in the least.

I see your point!

I do think that it is possible to disagree with someone respectfully. However, we have a tendency of getting nasty and "offensive" with each other during diagreements.

I think the recent Presidential election is a prime example of this. I'd like to think that if someone didn't vote the same way that I did that they just didn't have the same beliefs that I do. Maybe their priorities are a bit different. However, I saw a lot of name calling with people saying those that voted for the other candidate must be stupid and ignorant....if they actually understood anything, then clearly they would not have voted as they did.

Hi, I'm new here, but I just thought I'd throw in my 2 cents. I'm an opinionated person, but that doesn't give me the right to say whatever I feel like w/o considering the feelings of my listener or in this case, my reader. I'm also an attorney, so I enjoy a lively debate, but I don't enjoy immature insults. There's a saying that goes something like..."if you don't really have a leg to stand on, call someone names."

J., to directly answer your question, I think there are people who will be offended by just about ANYTHING, and there's not a thing you can do about it. There are people who are just waiting to pounce on the littlest thing somebody says. The only thing you can do is not respond as immaturely as those people and just move on. Some people, and I'm sure someone will be offended by my saying this, especially some women just love the drama. They like to stir the pot.

Thank you for bringing up this point. Believe me, there are times when I read responses that are absolutely ridiculous, and I wish I could reach through my screen and slap someone, but I just leave it alone and ignore it as it's just not worth it. It's a bit more difficult for me in person sometimes, but on here...I can walk away, or in this case leave my computer.

I say we all should do our best to be considerate of the feelings of others and not be intentionally insulting, which does not mean you can't say what you wanna say for fear of offending someone. It means don't be rude and immature. There's a big difference.

Hey J. this was my motto last week.

I have reached the age from where my brain went from "You probably should'nt say that" .....to...."What the hell, let's see what happens"

But in a nice way of course.

I think Hazel said it best. Some people are looking to be offended... You dont agree with me?? You must hate me. You're sooo mean. You said my idea was not a good idea? I'm hurt, I didnt Ask your opinion so you could give me Your opinion!
Often the same people are extremely judgmental, holier than thou. They don't understand disagreeing because they are always right, so if you disagree with someone who is always right, you are just being mean, not offering an opposing view point.
Still many of us just listen to other views and understand we don't all think alike.

J. W. this is a trick question, right?

Lol!
Is there a nice way of putting every thought?
Is there a nice way to tell someone their breath is asphyxiating you?
"Want some gum?"
"No thanks."
"Really? Have a piece!"
"Um, nah."
"Seriously, you NEED some!"

Too many people people mistake being disagreed with for being offended. Oh, I don't like what you're saying therefore I'm offended. You disagree with me? You must dislike me and that offends me. Wait a sec... you're publicly disproving me? That's offensive. Oh my gosh, you're actually suggesting I might be wrong and you're right? Offensive. You're not sugarcoating things and agreeing agreeing agreeing and bending over backwards to make sure my feelings aren't hurt by not agreeing? OFFENSIVE!

Off with your head!

Its why I'm not on here much anymore.

only if you are saying it while eating a tomato and green pepper sandwich.

Grrrr! I'm offended that you even asked this!!! I'm also offended that Bug said it first!!!
:)
p.s. i hope you are not offended that i typed a smiley face to show that i'm not really offended by your post on offensiveness, nor that Bug typed what i was thinking first.

Im fine agreeing to disagree.

I am horribly offended that people don't seem to know the difference between 'offended' and 'disagree'!
Well, no, not really.
I guess there are similarities.
Offensive has 'disagreeable' in it's synonym list.
Overuse of a term tends to wear it out.
The more I see it, the less seriously I take it.

offensive
adjective
1.
causing resentful displeasure; highly irritating, angering, or annoying: offensive television commercials.
2.
unpleasant or disagreeable to the sense: an offensive odor.
3.
repugnant to the moral sense, good taste, or the like; insulting: an offensive remark; an offensive joke.
4.
pertaining to offense or attack: the offensive movements of their troops.
5.
characterized by attack; aggressive: offensive warfare.

disagree
verb (used without object), dis·a·greed, dis·a·gree·ing.
1.
to fail to agree; differ: The conclusions disagree with the facts. The theories disagree in their basic premises.
2.
to differ in opinion; dissent: Three of the judges disagreed with the verdict.
3.
to quarrel: They disagreed violently and parted company.
4.
to cause physical discomfort or ill effect (usually followed by with ): The oysters disagreed with her. Cold weather disagrees with me.

I wish I knew a nice way to say "yes, its possible"...