My now 3 year old still uses a pacifier to fall asleep. She rarely takes a nap so it's usually at night and again, once she falls asleep, it falls out of her mouth and I put it away. I believe a child should be able to "pacify" themselves whether it be the passy, blanket, etc. whatever makes them feel safe in this altogether sometimes hard to understand world of ours. I don't however agree they should be able to if it is harmful. Dr. Spock I know believes the blanket, teddy bear, etc. a child is attached to should be allowed to do so and depending on such vices is harmless as we oursleves as adults have our own ways to deal with stress and to passify ourselves. i.e. excercising, nail biting, glass of wine, warm baths, writing/blogging, etc. I don't know however if Dr. Spock included the pacifier and really have not heard recently if there was documented proof that the pacifier used 5-30 minutes a day really is harmful. I am talking about recent documentation now the old supposedly found research. I just think we are too quick to label things as harmful especially when it comes to our kids. I grew up without germ killing handwash, purified water, walking barefoot outside, etc. and I know it's a different world that has "poisoned" our own world with all of the poisons/dangers i.e. hormones, pesticides, dyes, artificial everything, etc. and therfore I DO buy/eat organic, germ killing products, push purified water and lots of it, but I also believe we look far too hard to find what's harmful and to not leave well enough alone. Probably far too much info, but I want others to know and consider where I'm coming from and not just rattle off what "they heard" or ancient findings. I really wish to know (and see the proof) of the harm a passy used so little causes, especially when the comfort it provides is so great to a little one in an altogether far too complicated world. Thanks for any info shared....a fellow loving Mom
Can't thank all those that responded. Apparently, there is no harm and most agreed with letting the child do as they are comfortable with doing. They will wean themselves. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I always thought the only "harm" was that it would push the teeth out of line. My son (who is 3) still uses his binkie and his teeth look fine. I was a thunb sucker when I was little. I sucked my thumb till I was 5. I never had to have braces and I have beautiful teeth.
I think if the child is content then leave them be. ;-)
My 2 yr old still gets his paci at naptime and bedtime. It relaxes him and if his "baby" teeth are going to fall out anyway, I honestly don't see the harm. Better the paci than a thumb!! ;)
Hi M.,
What a thoughtful and caring parent and grandma you are! It's good to think through both sides of an issue. Your intuition will lead you to the right decision for your family.
I faced this issue with my daughter. I believe based on experience and research that extended use of a pacifier CAN cause dental issues in SOME children, but very often DOES NOT. The trouble might be in identifying which type of child you have. For example, children on my side of the family suck pacifiers up to age 3 and 4 with absolutely NO dental damage. My husband's family, different story. I believe there is a genetic component, as well as other behaviors which influence dental problems, such as tongue thrusting.
Personally, I am a fan of attachment parenting, based on my personal experience that this type of parenting style simply felt right, not based on what the "books" say, because you can find a book (or pediatrician for that matter) out there to voice just about any opinion imaginable. The conflicting advice is mind boggling and positively exasperating at time.
I personally agree with your opinion that children should be permitted to self soothe. Attachment parenting says that a need that is met, eventually goes away. A need that is unmet shows up later on in a different form. Translation - the parents who summarily snatch the pacifiers away without emphathizing with the child and exploring what that silly need is all about may simply drive the need underground temporarily, only to re-emerge as something else - thumbsucking, nailbiting, hair twirling, sugar, overeating, smoking, drugs, etc. The addictions get more problematic as they get older. Parents may feel victorious in "conquering" the problem by force, but does this actually help the child to grow and learn? Did they REALLY truly "conquer" the problem like they think they did? How can we teach our kids to put down their own addictions??
My daughter had her pacifier until age 4 1/2. I always limited it to naptime and nighttime. She was VERY attached to it. Although this became VERY annoying to us, we believed in allowing her to work out her emotional issues. In her case, it DID begin to affect her teeth. She developed an openbite (teeth don't close in front). She also has a tongue thrust habit, which exacerbates the problem. At age 4, when the orthodontist told me to take the pacifier away that night and sign her up for surgery (ugh!) we decided to try to encourage her to put it down on her own, and take a more conservative route. We spoke to her about her cousins who put it down on their own. We spoke about growing up, and what that meant - doing more fun "big girl" things, and also letting go of some baby habits. We didn't force, just mentioned it now and then in appropriate contexts. She began to mention it more herself, saying maybe I'll stop using my pacifier soon. Then I told her we would have a party to celebrate when she put it down. She was at first NOT intrigued by the party. I let it go, and brought it up a few months later. She began to think about how fun that party might be. Finally, after only a few months following the orthodontists admonitions, SHE decided to put it down. I was inspired to throw her a "Butterfly" theme party, since she was like a butterfly transformed. I told her there was NO GOING BACK! Once she had a party, she couldn't ever have the pacifier again. She threw one away in the garbage, but that night she panicked and cried for her pacifier "one last time". We gave her another that was in the house. She decided the next day she was finished. She put that one in the garbage herself. I think she did this one more time, then she was done. We held the party, with a few friends to celebrate. She was positively elated. She wanted so much to be a big girl and move on. She emphasized to everyone that SHE decided, and nobody decided for her. I didn't realize just how important this was to her until I heard her tell people about it. Everyone congratulated her, she was proud, empowered, and still remembers and speaks of this coming of age transition with fondness. The success of this approach exceeded MY expectations!!!!!!!!!
Then the parents came out of the woodwork, admitting their child still used one at age 4, or they yanked it at age 2 1/2 or 4 and they wonder now if that was the right decision. If SOOO many kids have this habit, maybe it should be viewed with more understanding????????????
It's been about 6 months and her teeth are significantly improved already. She just lost her first tooth, and I plan to take her to a dentist that specializes in tongue thrust issues (since we still have to address that) and help monitor her situation. The dentist I plan to try is www.21stCenturydental.com. I'm hoping her teeth will be fine. My husband's returned to normal after he stopped sucking his thumb at age 5. I believe if you take the pacifier away you may STILL have messed up teeth if you do not address tongue thrust issues. The dentist can help evaluate if your child has a tongue thrust issue.
So there you have our personal account of "gentle" parenting on this issue. A few times after the party, my daughter stated she missed her pacifier. I verbally empathized with her and said I understood those feelings. They were natural feelings. I didn't try to "fix" those feelings or save her from them. She has a right to those feelings of loss. She also continues to relish in all of her "big girl" accomplishments, which include learning to swallow a capsule whole! And she still wants to play "baby", which I do with her whenever she wants. She has not started any other annoying oral fixation habits that I can tell, and seems to be comfortable with the decision SHE made.
Hope this helps! I know you will make the right decision! Good luck!
I just have to say that in my oppinion Dr. spock was a quack. It has now been proven that many of his methods did not work any way...
Aside from that. a pacifier is fine but I reccommend using an orthodontic one because my son was addicted to the green soothie and his teeth are all messed up and he has an open bite where his front teeth wont close over his bottom front teeth but they rest on top of the bottom front teeth and it has affected his speech.
with my other boys we used an orthodontic pacifier. but I do think its best to start out useing the pacifier at bedtime only because it is a hard habbit to break kind of like wuitting smoking or eating sweets...
Good luck,
A.
My son is 3 years old and just gave up the pacifier
I was worried because his teeth started taking on the shape of the pacifier. Our family Dr said it could affect his speech and such. Well he has been off of it only two months and his teeth have straightened out and his speech is fine. The only thing I would caution you on is brushing his teeth real well before taking it because my son does have two cavities and I believe it is from the pacifier.
I would say do what makes your lives easier and better. I think sometimes we get too caught up in what the books say or what others say. Take the queues from your child.
Many of my friends have had children sucking pacifiers until they were 4.
Hi M.,
I only have a 4 month old (who uses a pacifier to fall asleep). But, my sister-in-law has a 2 1/2 year old. He too was still using his pacifier to fall asleep (1 nap a day and at night). She recently took him to the dentist who told her to stop using it immediately. He said a child shouldn't use it past the age of one. He told her that it causes the developing jaw to narrow and then showed her xrays of a normal 2 year old jaw and her sons. He said that her son will probably need expanders when he gets older and the longer he uses the pacifier, the worse it will be. She went home that day and cut the tips off of all the pacifiers. After one day though, he had given them up completely (he also has a bear that he uses as a soothie, so maybe that helped). I know it's just one dentists opinion, but I thought I would pass it along. Good luck!!
Hi M.,
I just wanted to let you know that I think you pose an excellent question and state it well, I can see that you have your little ones best interest in mind and think that you should do what you think is right for her. If giving her that small amount of comfort each time she falls asleep is a good thing for you and her, then so be it. I can't really imagine any adverse effects a passy could have on a small child such as she. When she gets older it might be embarrassing for her when other children notice and start to tease, but she might give it up on her own accord before then. I sucked my thumb 'till I was 10, I gave it up because I didn't want my friends to find out during sleep overs etc... Only my family knew about it and my Mom supported it. I didn't have crooked teeth because of it or need any special dental care, like my Dad and brothers would say to me, actually I've always had excellent dental check ups (no braces)...So I can't really see any harm being done and even less so with a passy, I think it's more of a social issue and whether or not your willing to support it. Hope I helped some...God bless you both!
give your child a cup of water at bedtime. i did that for my then 3 year old and this helped him fall asleep. he had that and his brown stuffed doggie. he still has to have his doggie but he gave up the cup about a year ago and he is now 5. this doggie has been washed, has had about 4 surgeries and has been restuffed; however once again the stuffing magically disappeared. A little about me i'm a proud but exhausted momm of a 10 year old and a five year old boys. i've been married for 17 years. i enjoy staying at home but my extremely hyper children and my husband have caused me to loose my sanity (lol) W.
It drove me crazy when other moms would tell me to take that "thing" out of my sons mouth when he wasn't even a year old. He kept his passy (or "baby", as he called it) till he was almost 5. I was not proud, but he eventually gave it up, out of embarassment. He also took the bottle for a long time. I don't understand how human children stay with their parents the longest and we demand them to grow up so fast! A gorilla baby breast feeds until it is almost 5 years old! Why do we demand that our children stop everything that makes them feel soothed and happy at 1 year of age? I never understood this. By the way my son's mouth is perfectly fine, no problems at all with his teeth or his jaw. He is 8 years old, an all A honor student, in G.T., plays the guitar, and is a purple belt in karate. I don't think it affected him to much, so do whatever makes your precious girl happy!! And remember....Momma and Grandma's know best!
Yes. My son was only using his at naptime during the day, & his ped dentist said it was already starting to buck his teeth out. Yes, sometimes damage to the baby teeth can harm the "adult" teeth. Ask your dentist.
They also need to learn to self-soothe instead of depending on an object.
I have family who are orthodontist and they insisted my children take a pacifier. It develops some muscle and helps with their teeth alignment. You might check with your dentist and doctor and see what they say.
My daughter who is nearly 3 now was addicted to her paci! We went in to her 2 year check up, and her pedi told us that she had to stop using it immediately. He said that what happens around that age is that their palates begin to be misshapen and it can make their teeth stick out and they can have other problems, too.
In response to your other problem, about how to get her to give up the paci, what i did was just tell my daughter that I was throwing them away. She was really upset for a day, then all better. I have also seen on Super Nanny that she had the child find all the pacis in the house and put them in a container and throw the pacis away themself. Some of my other friends have just cut the tip of the paci so it doesn't give that satisfaction.
Hope this helps!
this came directly off my dentists website
"Are thumb sucking and pacifier habits harmful to my child’s teeth?
Thumb sucking and pacifier habits are not harmful if they are discontinued before the permanent teeth erupt. The reason for this is growth. A lot of the damage that occurs will self correct during growth. However, if the habit continues after the eruption of permanent teeth, there may be skeletal discrepancies (open bite, cross bite)."
My daughter used her pacifier at bedtime will into age three. She is now 12 and no harm was caused from it. Similar story to your - threw it away when she turned two, but then that night we got it back out. She began going to the dentist when she was two, he even said the comfort it gives far outweighs any harm. Her teeth are fine, no braces, no overbite, all is good. I say let the child keep her passy.
Hi M.,
I have to say I completely agree with you!
It does NOT harm them in any way and you said it exactly, we as adults find our own "comfort" methods so why can't a child.
I grew up with a family full of siblings that used pacis up until the age they were ready to get rid of them....usually around 4 or 5, the age that it actually can embarass them to have one so it's easier to get rid of it.
Yes we are in a very complicated world and my 2 yr old son still uses his paci for night and naptime and ocassionally through the day if he needs it.
I plan on letting him wean himself and keeping for naptimes and nightime as long as he needs it.
Take Care!
I see NO harm in sucking a pacifier to fall asleep, don't know why some people get so hung up on things. If this is all it takes to make them feel secure and comfy to fall asleep , whats the harm?
