Is Preschool Necessary Before Kindergarten?

Given what you are saying about his behavior, I think that preschool would be very good to help prepare him for kindergarten. Question to think about is if he experiences this next year at kindergarten, will you hold him back?

If he "wins" now, think of how much worse it will be next year after another year of mommy all to himself. This sounds like a little seperation anxiety. Ask him why he doesn't like it, talk to his teacher(s), get to the real reason he is avoiding it and help him get through it.

It's absolutely not necessary. We can't afford preschool! I want to put my kids in something else, like Little Gym or sports, but we haven't found the money for those things, either.

There are other ways to get him ready for kindergarten, so he'll have a good experience. Just play dates and other classes will help him get used to listening to a teacher and making friends with other kids. And as for teaching him at home, I think it's better than preschool! Just don't push him and you'll have fun together. Go to the library a lot and get books to read to him on whatever subject he wants that day. I also recommend Leap Frog movies, like The Letter Factory. They're fun, short, and my kids learned their letters and sounds from it. There are also fun toys that go along with them, like the fridge magnet set, or the Word Whammer (we have had both--the Word Whammer has a spot for three different letters so kids can build words). the videos are cheap, about $8, but the Word Whammer was like $26.

Great idea to follow your child's lead. I am a teacher (early childhood education), and when I was in college, one of the first things we learned was that preschool is for parents. Now the little children who happen to be left there can learn plenty...but they could learn the same things with their own mom or dad. See if your library has "Playful Learning" for some ideas of how to explore readiness skills.

Of course most kids wouldnt need pre school IF getting ready for kindergarten was all about learning letters and numbers and days of the week. It's not. Kindergarten teachers will tell you preschool should prepare kids to LEARN in Kindergarten. They should be able to say goodbye to Mom or Dad, remove and hang up their own coat and backpack, sing in and be ready for the day. They should be able to wait their turn, share materials and attend to the teacher in a large group of kids, even if some kids are doing something distracting. They should be able to play and share and discuss topics with other children, and not be overwhelmed by large groups of kids in the cafeteria and playground. How do you prepare for those experiences at home unless you have a really large family? Many students can count to 300 and read and write many words but are not ready to socially interact, share the teachers attention with other students etc. Those students are not happy in school despite their academic advantages. Maybe if he is shy and immature and not really large for his age, you should consider activities like gymboree this year, preschool next year and let him be one of the oldest more confident kids when he goes to Kindergarten at 6.

I own a preschool and I think I would look for a different school. If you pull him out from school and let him stay home I think you may just be setting yourself for the same thing to happen next year when he has to go to school. I think you should find a smaller program, maybe less children, etc. In my town (not my school) but they have a cooperative program that has mom's helpers which may help him to feel less anxious. School anxiety is not uncommon but needs to be addressed. First, take him with you to visit schools and see if he feels more comfortable in another surrounding. Second, let him only have short visits to adjust. I never just let a child start who has not been in away from mommy. We do a half hour visits at first and then work our way up to the entire morning. I like to have parents pick different parts of the morning (we change activities every 30 minutes) so he can see that school can be fun. Have you spoken to the teacher and see if she is trying to engage him or is he unwilling. A good teacher can get the most out of any child, if she is fun, loving, and gives him a sense of comfort. You may need to find a different program for him, but socially I do not think it is a good idea to give in and keep him home. Good luck, I know how difficult it can be to see your child upset. Stay positive, reassure him that you will always come back for him etc.

Honestly, Preschool is just daycare for the rich. I 100% support your idea of pulling him out and back home with you. He is not ready for preschool. If you are concerned as to how he will adjust to kindergarten, check into your state's laws as to when a child has to start school. In my state, a child doesn't have to start Kindergarten until they are 7 years old. He may be better off starting when he is 6 or so. I would recommend that you help him slowly adjust to more social environments if he doesn't have daily intereactions with sibblings. We had our daughter go to weekly lessons for dance, gymnastics, swimming, and play groups with kids her age from the time she was 3 until she started Kindergarten.
It is not a bad choice in any way to have him home with you! Kids grow up way to fast and the longer you can keep them with you, the better they will do in the long run.

Preschool helps them mature and prepare for time away from Mom, like the big K next year. He will get used to it with time. If you pull him out, I would consider that giving in to him.

Sure, he could learn the same things at home. But, do you want him to be this anxious in Kindergarten? If not, I would keep him in preschool. It may be difficult, but I think the purpose of preschool is to become accustomed to being in school. It may take him all year to become comfortable being in this kind of environment...but at least he will be confident when he walks into Kindergarten. This is MUCH different than sports or Gymboree because he has to do this without a parent around. As an Elementary teacher and mother of 3, I know how hard it can be to leave a child who doesn't want to be there, but we have to let our kids gain independence. Show him that you are confident in him...don't give up on him by giving up on preschool this early!

No. Preschool is not necessary before Kindergarten. My son loved being at home and learning from mom (me). I put him in activities both where I stayed with him and where he had to be without me. It was great for him. It gave us time to adjust and talk about and prepare for the next years.
I could get on my soapbox, but I really think that many children are not quite ready for Kindergarten (especially the all day ones) at age 5. A child's first few years in the education system can set the entire mold for the rest of their school years, so why not make it as positive as possible?
Just my two cents,
R.

I read some answers, not all, so forgive me if I repeat.

But, here are my thoughts...

1. Do you think that pulling him out of preschool sends the right answer? That when we don't like something, we just quit?

2. Do you know WHY it causes anxeity? And is it that he just says he doesn't want to go? Does he have fun while he's there?

3. Do you really think there will be a difference in a year when you send him to Kindergarten? Will it make it worse in a year because you've already pulled him out of school once. Would you pull him out of K? How would you explain that he could quit one but not the other.

4. Could he be picking up on your anxiety? At my son's preschool they really emphasize dropping them off with a "It's going to be so much fun," and a kiss and then leave. They don't have time to be worried.

5. Have you spoken to the teacher to get her opinion of how he's doing?

Good luck with your decision!

The purpose of preschool isn't really to teach letters and colors, in my view. It's to help kids learn to do things like sit in a circle and listen, follow instructions, work with others, and yeah, find some independence from his parents. These are harder to 'teach at home,' than actual curriculum. But he can obviously learn those things in Kindergarten too. It's fine to keep him home.

Yes you can teach him at home and he will probably be fine. You may want to check with your kindergarten to see what they want him to know before starting. Usually if they can write their own name, know the colors, the alphabet and some counting they will do fine.

The bigger concern with pulling him out of preschool is how is he going to react when he has to be in school for several hours everyday in kindergarten. Sports and other activities are great but make sure their isn't an underlying issue or anxiety that he needs to have addressed. You did say he is shy and immature so time may fix the problem.

I agree that you are the only one that knows whether pulling him out is the right thing or not, good luck with your decision. My children all have gone to preschool but I have several friends whose children didn't and they have been fine, but I have noticed those who were not around other children very much did have separation problems in school or just didn't know how to interact socially with their peers.

I hope everything works out for you.

Good Luck

I know you have gotten lots of answers, but I would suggest that you pull him out and either find a better program for his needs or keep him home. There is a great book out now called "The Trouble With Boys," by Peg Tyre that explains why boys are not doing well in school anymore. She includes an entire chapter on how preschools are already setting our boys up for failure in school. By this she means that many preschools and elementary school are much too rigid and not geared for the way boys act and learn. Sounds like your boy is too "immature" right now to handle the way school is structured. That anxiety might be coming from the fact that the teachers are expecting him to act differently and he just can't yet.

This is setting him up to already feel that school is not something he can do properly (sit still, listen, not be loud or rough, etc.), so why should he try?

I recommend you read this book and also observe the classroom if you haven't decided to already pull him. He might just be anxious without you, but this really isn't usually the problem. Most kids are totally fine once you leave, so it is probably something else going on. Don't let it go so far that he starts to internalize these feelings about school. Good luck! Your intuition is often right about these matters.

I had this problem with my first boy and some of it was his personality (he still wants to be home instead of school at 10) and the other part is his "mamma's boy" syndrome (I may have spoiled him a bit much). One thing I did that really worked for us was pay attention to the fact that he was feeling a huge amount of anxiety. I just couldn't figure it out, so I did a couple of random "stop ins" at school to see if he was feeling that way when I was gone. Indeed he would be in the corner and not participating. Pretty much what I expected.

Ultimately, I was not surprised he was reacting this way but I was surprised that the school did not tell me what was going on. A light bulb went off, I felt that this school was not a good match for him. I pulled him that day and found a smaller venue that did not have classes full of daycare kids and teachers that matched a bit more of my style which sadly to say is doting.

The school I found was a small preschool in a church that did not offer daycare. Don't get me wrong, I do not have one single problem with daycare, but there is a difference with kids that have been in daycare and kids that have not. The kids in daycare are very comfortable with being in the environment of lots of kids and no mommy, whereas the home kids do not adjust as easily.

Needless to say my solution worked like a charm. He loved it! He loved his teachers! We were able to do preschool. I am now on baby #4 and feel very strongly that all of my kids need the preschool experience. Sure I could teach them at home but then your problem will arise again when you start kindergarten. At least preschool breaks them in easy with a couple days a week then works up to every day with kindergarten. They also learn a lot of social skills that are needed for the kindergarten days.

My last comment is coming from my oldest child's 2nd grade teacher that has really stuck and worked. He loved preschool but when he started public school he fussed again all the way through 2nd grade. His teacher told me one day that if I focus on how exciting it will be to hear about his day when I pick him up and not even give one bit of attention to the tears about going I would see a difference. She was right. Sometimes as parents we give our children a field to work with. When we have a reaction they work it more.

Good luck to you!

Perhaps find a different preschool for him; social skills are so important for kindergarten.

This is full of differing opinions & the only one that really counts is YOURS.
That said, my opinion is: you can totally teach him at home what he would learn at preschool. His colors, numbers, alphabet etc. Preschool is NOT necessary. The most important thing in these formative years is their connection to their MOM and feeling safe and secure. It's too young for some kids to be in school. This doesn't mean he'll do this in kindergarten. A year makes a big difference. Always trust your mommy instincts.

HI--
It sounds to me like you already know what to do and are just looking for reinforcements to your opinion. You know your son better than anyone. If he is anxious and unhappy and you think pulling him out of pre-school will fix his anxiety, then by all means do it!! He's still little. Enjoy him while you can. Clearly he wants to be with you and there's nothing wrong with that. By answering his needs now you teach him that his world is safe and his needs will always be met. This sets him up to feel more secure as an adult. Forcing him into anything before he is ready does not make him more independent--just more insecure. So follow your gut and it will all work out okay. You're obviously a good Mom--keep up the good work!
J.

I do think that preschool is great and helped my now first grader be confident and ready for K. However, he has a dec birthday, so he was an older one in his group. So he went to K being 5.5. A few of his friends went thru a transitional K program at his preschool (summer bdays or just needing a bit more time to mature), and then started K the next year. This was a great option for those moms. I agree if he is having a hard time this year, just wait another year to send him to K. Pretty common around where we are to send at 6 to K. Just find a great bridge program, and I really think that will help him in K with separation if nothing else. But agreed that as long as you are getting him out and in other social and learning situations... you are good! =)

But if you do stop preschool, make the quit be at a natural transition, a month being over, or a holiday or another program starting. That way he doesn't think that he can manipulate the situation (kids are smart!), and it is more so b/c you are choosing to do something else, not b/c of his tummy aches. My kids are able to change their mind, but they have to finish the month, lesson, or season (sports), etc...

Good luck.. hard decisions.

I thnk you should keep him in there. i know it hurts to see him go through this but he needs to learn how to deal with school. if you pull him out now he will still need to go to kindergaden and he will do the same thing. so let him work his wat through this now and get it over with. best of luck to you and your son!

No, he does not need preschool.

Do not hold him back in kindergarten, however, even if he has the same issue. If, by chance, this is not an issue that will go away if you hold him out of Kindergarten, and he needs some kind of service to help him, you will delay the apprpriate services for a full year by holding him out of K. PreK, nbd. You don't really have to do any thing but enrich his enviornment. Some shorter type classes like sports may give him the reasurance he needs that it is OK to be away from Mom. There is zero wrong with that choice.

M.

Dear Mary,
The time he spends with you will be a gift to both of you! When my oldest wouldn't go (she is now 16), I created our "Family Power Preschool" at home, and I sort of documented what we did in a binder. We read, danced, did art, went on field trips, cooked, sang, and learned together. Our reading and family life more than prepared them for school and set a pattern of reading in our family that has helped every child be a strong reader. Now my youngest child, 5 next week, loves to look at that binder. She asked me, "Can I go to that preschool?"
Happy mothering!
L.

It isn't necessary, but it is a good prep for kindergarten to help children learn how to react in a school setting and to socialize.

Perhaps keep him there, but shorten his time to just a few times a week for a few hours, then gradually build his way up.

Also, check your kindergarten plan. Some are half days, but others go to straight full days which can be very hard for kids who never went to preschool, so that can help you decide what to do.

I think your question is your answer. Preschool is an environment to get ready for Kindergarten.

However, it should not cause him anxiety. This should be a fun place full of age appropriate activities for him to do. It does take the average child six to eight weeks to get use to a new environment. But you should still check out the preschool a little more. Can you watch on the side how the teacher interacts with the children. Are the activities frequently 'play based'.

Check out other preschools in your area. You may cause yourself more hardship next year in K if you pull him out now because he may learn an upset stomach earns him a ticket out of school. At the same time it is important to respond to the situation. Good luck!

These days preschool is really a necessity because more of them is required in kindergarten than their used to be. My SIL's son was shy and clingy too and she was a SAHM who did not get him involved in any outside activities and did not enroll him in preschool. She did not think it was needed because she thought she could teach him letters and numbers and everything else he would need to know. Problem was, she didn't really do any of that, and there's way more they learn in preschool than ABCs and counting. They learn how to get along with their peers in a group. They learn to follow another set of rules and to listen to a teacher. They learn structure and routine. It helps prepare them for kindergarten and like one person said, there is no opting out of kindergarten. When it came time for my nephew to start kindergarten, he was completely unprepared. He clung to mom when she tried to drop him off, crying that he just wanted to stay home with her, and a staff member had to meet her in front every morning to help escort him into the school. This went on for 2 months. Then they decided he was not "on par" (her words) with the other kids and should go for a full day instead of a half day. Then at the end of the school year they told her he was not really ready for 1st grade and it would be best if he repeated kindergarten. Which he did and he did better but to this day (he is now 9) he still hates school (his b-day is Aug and the cut-off date was Sept 1, so he was one of the younger kids in the class, for what it's worth).

Every kid goes through an adjustment period and for some it's tougher than others. I would talk with his teacher and see what he/she has to say. Many kids who are upset beforehand end up being just fine during the class within 5 minutes of you leaving. I am starting 3 year old preschool for my daughter and at the parent orientation, the teacher said in her 20+ years of teaching preschool to 3 and 4 year olds, only twice did she have to recommend pulling a kid out. If you discuss the matter with the teacher, he/she should be able and willing to work with you to make the transition go more smoothly.

Good luck to you...

HI Mary,

You got a lot of responses and I didn't read them all. I just wanted to say for you to trust your instincts.

While I do think that preschool is good preparation for kindergarten, preschool, or at least this one in particular, might just be too much for him. I would get him into some type of other consistent care, even a part-time daycare just to get a little separation. It would be good for him to learn to trust and work with another adult and schedule and to make some friends near his own age, otherwise kindergarten could be a really hard transition.

I don't think the most important aspect of preschool is what he'll need to *know*... I think the more valuable part of it is being in a different environment for several hours a day; Developing flexibility with regard to following instructions from someone other than you, learning to trust someone other than mom and dad, and interacting consistently with same aged peers. I'd really try to expose him to new experiences where he can be successful, so he can gain some confidence and not be so anxious.

Also consider that he may not be ready for kinder when he turns five... there's nothing wrong with waiting if he needs it and could make all the difference for his academic career. I think it's really hard to find the balance between encouraging and pushing with our little introverted ones. Encouragement and a gentle push will help them, forcing will not.

Good luck!

I also wanted to add that when our son was having trouble in preschool because he was very unhappy, we did pull him out. People asked me if I was sending a message to him by "letting" him stop going, and whether I thought we'd have trouble in kinder if he didn't want to go and couldn't stay home. That has not been the case for us. He has done famously in kinder despite his terrible experience in preschool. My only regret is that i didn't pull him sooner.

I would say, from what you wrote, that as much as it is hard for you to watch him be upset, you should keep him in preschool.Imagine it being Kindergarten and having this experience. Preschool isn't necessary, but he may need this social outlet to gain the confidence. Maybe though if you have the time available, you should find a co-op where you can go and be there with him. That is what I do with my daughter and we love it.

The only reason I'm doing preschool for my daughter is for interaction with other kids....other kids that are not her family. She knows numbers, alphabets, has computer skills, bilingual, etc., but, I want her to do things with other kids without family members around. The best place I think for my daughter would be preschool. Luckily, for her and I, is that it's only 2.5 hours and 4 days a week. Last week was tough for her, which was her first week (OK, we both cried, so tough for both of us). She got a cold at the end of the week, then, today, back again, she complained of a tummy ache. I told her to drink water and it will go away. She then cried. We talked and she understood that the crying wasn't going to keep her home, I work anyway.

Today, after she was picked up by my aunt, I spoke with her and she told me she had tons of fun. And, that her friends were excited to see her again after missing school and to meet her little cousin who was there waiting for her. I was about to take her out, but, for my daughter, I think it's good.

You are the only one that knows your son, keeping him from preschool is not bad at all. Good luck!

My six year old did not go to preschool and does wonderful in school socially and educationally. We're not sending our son who is almost 4 but both of my kids are very mature for their age and don't have any issues leaving me for long periods of time. They are also outgoing. I do not think preschool is necessary for all kids.

If he is going every day I would suggest to cut back the number of days he is going. A friend of mine sends her son Tues and Thurs for 2.5 hours. Over time she will increase the amount of time he goes. It sounds like your son does need to go at least for a small amount of time to get used to being away from you.

Regardless of your decision, I think you should still teach him things at home. Many parents rely solely on the school system to teach their kids and there's so much more they could be learning at home. I'm not suggesting that is what you are doing, just speaking in general.

Good luck in your decision!

No. Preschool was originally designed to help children who lived in poverty or who came from broken homes and traumatic backgrounds. It was designed to help these "at risk" children catch up to their peers. These "head start" programs caught on because the general population wanted to feel like their kids were getting a "head start" too. The things they learn in preschool are very basic colors and numbers to recognize a write letters, and their names. A great book I used was "Everything Your Child Should Know in Kindergarten" It gives you an idea of what to teach your kids so they will be ahead when entering school. There is also workbooks available at wal mart and target that yu could get him to work on. My kids also had Tae Kwon Do, gymnastics, and baseball as well as playdates and lot's of trips to the library and park. Both of my older kids entered Kindergarten being able to read some and they felt ready. We waited a year with my son who was a bit immature and shy. There is nothing wron with waiting. My son had just turned 6 and my daughter was 5 1/2 when they went into Kindergarten. My son is now in 2nd grade but reads at a 4th grade level and does math at a 3rd grade level. My daughter just started Kindergarten but is thriving. Pull him out of preschool and enjoy your last bit of time with him being little. The school years fly by there is no reason to start them any sooner. Good Luck!

Mom, if your son is immature and shy I would definitely consider holding him bk from kindergarten until he is ready, maybe consider starting him at age 5 1/2 or 6. I teach young children and many kids are this way when they start preschool because it is the first real separation from Mom. THere is also upset for new preschoolers too because sometimes from being in a more structured environment where they need to listen, follow simple rules, focus, listen and meet others their age can be stressful for the first few wks. Know taking him out will only prolong his upset/anxiety until he enters kindergarten. Have you talked to his teachers and see what they think? A good teacher will help you and your son through this and make some recommendations for him to ease his anxiety. With both of you helping him get through the adjustment period now is much better I feel, than pulling him out of kindergarten if he starts next fall. You didnt mention how many days a wk he is going to preschool? If it is just 2 half days a wk I would keep him in, if going more days or longer days, I would consider reducing it to only 2 half days a wk. THis is all he really needs if preschool is just for socialization and a little learning. Try this until he adjusts then look at how he is doing after a few months, ask him if he wants to add another 1/2 day if this is an option. I think it likely he will adapt to it and begin to like it soon. . Hope this helps, hang in there Mom.

There are many other options available in order to get him used to being away from you. You absolutely do NOT need to send him to pre-school. Get him involved in play dates and other social activites like swim classes at the YMCA. They even offer sports for kids his age, which would go a LONG way towards building his confidence and teaching him how to follow instructions. I've signed my kids (3 & 4) up for both....and no, they're not in pre-school.

Your son is only four years old. He will have the rest of his life to be in school and, eventually, move out and have a family of his own. Cherish this last year you have with him at home. Don't let it be riddled with anxiety and "tough love" as some of these moms are suggesting.

Your son isn't trying to manipulate you and he won't be "winning" if you follow your gut right now and pull him out of something he simply isn't ready for. He's not SUPPOSED to be ready for school at four years old, for crying out loud. And I daresay that forcing him to stick with it anyway will only make it harder to send him to kindergarten next year...not the other way around.

Your motherly instincts are right on. Preschool is not for everyone and certainly not necessary! I taught my son at home his letters and numbers and basic skills. He loved learning with mom. He entered Kindergarten at 5 and adjusted very well academically and socially.
Sounds like your little guy just isn't a good candidate for preschool. That's okay, your job is to meet his needs and you sound like you're doing a great job. Take him out and give him the next year with mom. You can teach him and talk about kindergarten next year.

Nope, that's not bad at all! You know your child and if both of you are comfortable learning at home, then doing activities to be social, that sounds perfect to me! Preschool isn't necessary. :)

Do what is best for your boy. I think if my child had such an apparently adverse reaction to a schooling situation I would pull him out as well.

I for one do not believe preschool is necessary, especially if there are other activities that he'll enjoy.

Go with your gut. I think you are doing the right thing. This way, you can ease him into activities that involve other kids and SLOWLY have him get used to some type of classes without you. There's no big rush, he's only been around for four years, after all! He will have lots of time for school, but he's only this little once. Don't torment yourself and him. There are so many ways to approach all aspects of raising our children. It can make you crazy, trying to do the "right" thing. What is right for one child is wrong for another. Wishing you and your son the very best. Good luck!

I don't think preschool is necessary but you may want to look into a different school. Are there a lot of kids in his class? Is his teacher more abrasive than loving and nurturing? Preschools are so different as some are creative play and others are structured. If he has a structured class with more than 12 kids, maybe he needs more of a laid back program with less kids. I taught in a preschool that was large (18 kids to a teache- then rotated to different teachers) and some kids did NOT do well but when in a smaller group thrived. Follow your childs lead.

Hi Mary,

Have you considered changing preschools? My son just entered kindergarten this year. He went to 2 years of preschool beforehand. In fact, we changed preschools three times in those 2 years. The first preschool that he attended was a co-op preschool where I had to participate in the teaching process. Each mom took turns staying with the teacher and supervising the kids. What a learning experience for the moms and the kids:) There were many children who were exactly like your son who did not adjust well in the beginning, so that child's mother would help ease with the transition. By about late October, each kid loved being in preschool. The second and third preschools were actual district preschools which he loved. It may also help if you have your son in something besides preschool too. My son takes karate and skating lessons. This helps ease the anxiety in social settings and builds up his confidence and independence.

Hope this helps,

M.