Is One of My Twins a Perfectionist? or Am I Crazy???

What you are describing to me is typical behavior and I think it is just a phase- well, if handled properly. My boys are 3 years apart and they always want what each other has/picks. That is normal. However, you should not always let her have her way to avoid tantrums. Her twin will become resentful eventually, plus that is not how he should be treated. Secondly, your daughter will learn that if she throws a tantrum (yelling, screaming, refusing to eat, refusing what you want her to do, etc) she will get her way. You need to nip this in the bud right away or you will have a huge issue on your hands in the months to come. She needs to learn that she cannot always have what she wants, and she needs to share. So, I would suggest that you stand firm and be consistent. If she won't eat without her twin's fork, then she won't eat at that meal. Keep offering the meal if she is hungry, but if she doesn't eat it she won't starve herself. If she is hungry, she will eat with whatever fork you give her. She needs to learn that you are in control, and to share. She's not a perfectionist from what you are describing here, she's just a typical 2 year old.

My boys are 19 months and 2 1/2. They want EVERYTHING each other has. When my son first turned 2 he went through a cleaning stage. He wanted to clean everything. Also when we went to the stores he would make sure everything was pulled to the front of the shelves so there were no gaps and it "looked better" he would say. 10 months later....he's over that. I think it is just a phase!

This could just be a phase...or you could be fostering and enabling behavior that might by frustrating now and completely unbearable in the future.

I think it is great that you are giving your children choices, however be sure to limit the number of choices you give to your child to two. Such as "I have a red plate and a blue plate. Which one would you like to use today?" Otherwise, the process of deciding between multiple items could be completely overwhelming.

Also, I recently read in a parenting magazine about how to deal with pickiness, whining, and accepting what one gets. One mother successfully used the mantra "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit" with her children and it worked. Because guess what, one day your child will go to school and either not get her way or will covet what another child has and not be able to have it. She needs to learn that there are sometimes in life when "she gets what she gets and she doesn't throw a fit".

If she refuses to eat, let her have her little protest and tantrum. Carrying on eating and having fun with the rest of the family, paying little attention to the drama she's creating. If she's truly hungry, she'll get with the program and eat. It might be funny and cute now, but how much longer do you want to put up with this? I'm sure it will get old and turn meals into a stressfest. Personally, I don't think that the whole family should bow down to her whims just so she'll eat and/or comply.

Good luck to you!

Ok i have a set of twins that is a boy/girl set also. My girl does not like her brothers hair cut or anything changing with him. He is ok with her how ever she is, but there was one day that we had to put her in daycare and could not take him and all day he would suck his thumb b/c she does it. I think what is going on is a twin thing. If anything get with a twins group and ask twin parents that know what we go through with our twins b/c having twins is not like have them a year apart or anything like that. i know this b/c i have 5 kids under the age 6 and the twins stay together and they have a life of there own.