I starting teaching at my church a couple days a week and when I work my daughter goes into a class with kids her age. This is the first time she's gone to a "class" and I figured it would be tough because it's new to her and she doesn't know the teacher. She cries when I drop her off but the teachers say she does ok after a while. But when I pick her up she is MAD at me! As soon as she sees me she drops to the floor and kicks at me. Today she told me to leave and I had to take her out of there kicking and screaming!!! She was mad for about 30 minutes after I picked her up. Is this just going to take time for her? Has anyone else had this problem? How long before she gets used to the routine?
Thank you all for your responses! Today went a little bit better. I guess it will just take time. I appreciate all your advice and encouragement!!!
Good advice from Amy - don't let your child control you with the fits(or any negative behavior). But let her control her consequences with her choices and actions.
Where might her anger and fear be coming from? Is there a need for more security or affection or positive attention in any way?
My son is in his 3rd week of daycare/school. He's 2 also.... he has the most pitiful fit when I leave him, crying "mommy!" and screaming. By the time I get to the car and drive past the playground he's playing just fine! Or I've left him in the classroom, gone up front to get the lunch menu, and peeked back in, and he's playing with the other kids.
He has started being afraid that we'll leave him though, this past weekend he spent the night with my mother in law on Friday night. For the first time ever, not only did he not run to her, but he didn't want me to put him down. He cried when I left him there!!! She said he eventually got distracted with something outside but the whole time didn't want her out of his sight or he would get upset.
I think this is just an age where they are smart enough to realize that you're not there, but don't quite yet have the smarts to know that you'll eventually be back. I read in my recent Parents magazine that it can take up to a month or so for them to get the hang of it.
Good luck!
~ t
I am all into Amy that was wonderful advise direct couldnt have said it better.Sounds like she has experienced this herself.Mom stay in control.But with lots of love.
I second the advise from Amy : ) Good luck!
Don't let the fit last for 30 minutes again. That's way too long. Stop it immediately or else you're setting the stage that it's ok to throw 30-minute fits.
Do whatever your method is as soon as you see the fit coming on....whether it's time-out, naughty spot/chair, spanking. Be consistent with that method. if time out or naughty spot...one minute per year old is what's recommended by child behavior specialists.
Tell her immediately when she talks back and kicks, "That's not a nice thing to say. You don't talk that way to Mommy and you don't kick Mommy. Those were bad choices. time out..." or whatever you use. She needs to know that bad choices lead to immediate consequence.
When the timeout is over, ask her if she knows why she was put in timeout...tell her to repeat it to you. And if she does that action again, that bad choice, she'll get another time out. Ask her what a "good choice" would be.
Kids like to feel like they have some control over the issue. Showing them that there are choices in life displays that they are in control of their consequences.
Perhaps, when driving to church ...prepare her for what's coming. In a cheerful voice, ask her if she's excited about playing with her new friends today and Ms. ____ (her teacher's name). Ask her what her favorite part is about school. Just to get her excited about the day. And when the crying happens, just ask her directly "why are you crying?" and reassure her that "mommy always comes back to get you, right? I'll be back before you know it. You're going to have so much fun with your friends, playing dolls and dressup." And try to re-direct her attention to the toys in the room or what her friends are already playing with...this helps if there are already kids there, so try to not be the FIRST arriver.
Has she been in kids' Sunday school before - where you have to leave her in the nursery during church services?
My son's been doing this since he was months old and he's been through phases of being clingly, but nothing this harsh. The re-direction and seeing other kids playing always made him immediately forget about mom.
Good luck!! she'll get beyond this really soon, I predict. She just needs to see that this is a regular thing.
Every kid is different, but she'll eventually get over it. One piece of advice, if she throws that fit and wants you to leave or something like that, then say, "Okay, I'll leave" and just leave the classroom. Tell her if she's not sweet to you, you'll just come back later. I'm sure the workers will be wanting to leave and all, but after you turn around the corner and she can't see you anymore, she'll be crying for you. Maybe you did that, but, if not, it's worth a try.
my 2.5 year old on just started his 3rd week of preschool after being in in home day care for the first 2.5 years. He's still doing some whining at drop off and cries when other parents start to come pick up their kiddos. I was thinking it would take about 2-3 weeks for the transition to take place.
might be longer for you if she's never been in this situation before...
