Is It Wrong That My Best Friend Has Never Bought Anything for My 10 Month Old?

Hi J., I think gifts have to come from the heart but also people need someone to model after, Maybe Uncle Pauly does not realize how you feel. In 2 months when your daughter has her birthday he may get her a gift. Sadly, I think a $60 gift for someone he does not know has a motive behind it. Just my opinion. Sounds like it is not the money just that he does not know. Is he her Godfather? I think I'm rambling but many thoughts come to mind. I would not say anything, just wait. Grandma Mary

Hi J.,
I agree with most everyone that said he probably hasn't thought about it. I had my first son 5 months ago and my husband's cousin(28 yr old, single man) literally stopped coming over. We used to have him over for dinner every Sunday, but when our son came, he stopped calling. I took it personally and was really upset with him until his mom shared with me that he was really uncomfortable with babies and didn't know how to react to us having one. I'm not saying your friend is uncomfortable around your daughter, but maybe just doesn't know much about babies and if he's not a parent doesn't understand how you feel about the situation. Try not to hold it against him. Hopefully he spends time with your daughter and that is so much more precious than toys that will be forgotten in 5 minutes.

Uncle Pauly does not have a steady significant other so he is not even thinking about buying a gift. Remember we are the ones that buy the gift for our friends and family not the man, is that right no...but that is how it is. 1st birthday is the one where he should have something for your daughter. Don't let it bother you now wait.

Just my opinion...if he's single and doesn't have any kids, he probably just honestly hasn't thought about buying anything for her.

When he went on a date, he probably felt the need to impress this person he was with. Wait for her 1st birthday and see what happens. If he still doesn't get her anything, I would Poke fun at him...in a loving way...Like pretending the baby is saying "uncle Pauly don't love me, he don't buy me nothing for my birthday." I know some of my kids "uncles" haven't bought them a thing but they love them to death. LOL...sometimes its ignorance and immaturity. I wouldn't take it to the heart.

Well, is he used to being around children? I find that men are very different and don't know some of the unwritten rules about children, especially if does not have any himself. It just might be an oversight. I think that the best thing to do is to talk to him about your feelings. I had the same problem with my son's godfather who is my husband's best friend. How could he be the Godfather when he hasn't made an effort to come and see our child? (A year later) When we finally talked about it he admitted that he did not know who it interact with babies and he did not realize we felt the way that we did. So just talk to him you might be surprised by his answer.

I would really love to hear the responses you get for this. My son has blood relatives that didn't get him a newborn gift, last year's birthday gift. WTF?

You are absolutely right that this person should have probably gotten your daughter a gift. Damned if I know how or if you should approach it. Is this the first baby in his life? Does he just not know? Does he spend a lot of time with your daughter? Perhaps that is the gift itself. The family members I mentioned never see my son and some of them live only 25 miles away.

Good luck and keep me posted. I really want to know how this all turns out.

Thanks
M.
ShantiBabyYoga.com

It sounds like "Uncle Pauly" is very young. He probably doesn't know anyone else of his age who even has a child. He's also probably never even thought about buying gifts for babies ever in his life. It's not selfish, it's just something that never crosses his mind at all. More than likely, he's never been in a baby store, a baby girl's clothing department, or any place having to do with gifts for babies and seriously has no clue about what you do when your friends have babies. Buying gifts for women he dates or for a girlfriend is completely in a different category, and it's unfair to equate the two.

Hopefully he will come up with a nice gift of some kind when she turns one. But even if he doesn't, it sounds more to me like this is someone who has no idea about the etiquette of baby gifts than someone who is "selfish."

I don't think it is intentional. If he is unmarried or unattached it probably has not crossed his mind. Most men just do not think that way. Unless it is a party or some event he may not even realize this is the protocol for when children are born. I would not take offense to it at all. If you have a big celebration for the babies first birthday I am sure he will come through with something special for your baby. Do not let it ruin your friendship if he is showing your child she is special and loves her you can't really put a price tag on that. People give in different ways and I am sure he is doing his best be an important part of your daughters life.