Is It the Thought That Counts?

I'm with you. His attitude about everything would have completely ruined my "day of freedom" and the day in general. A "day of freedom" can most certainly be a lovely gift, but not the way he gave it. And the yelling thing, that would have put me over the edge. I would not only be ticked, but it would have been pretty hard for me at that point to hold back tears. I really don't respond well to being yelled at, because I don't yell at people. (Ok, my son would probably correct me there, but kids are a different story. Ok, no they're not, and I need to not yell at him either, but I digress on that one for now. This is about husbands. :)

I know that being ticked doesn't solve anything, but I'm just being honest. I'd be ticked.

Too funny. You probably wont get "that gift" next year, haha.
Don't be mad. All he proved is that you are an awesome mom and he cant do what you do without having an anxiety attack.

Yes, thoughtfulness matters...but not at the expense of the receiver.

Next time suggest his thoughtfulness be spent on a babysitter.

(:

Sounds like he needs Prozac. Really, 3 hours taking care of your kid is going to throw you over the edge? He needs more practice. Do it again. :)

I see by a previous post you wrote that you work too.

And even if you didn't.....

What this post says to me is, your husband needs to spend WAAAY more time with HIS CHILD without Mom around, and not as a GIFT to you.

When it's HIS child, it's not 'watching or babysitting' it's child rearing.

Just sayin.

:)

How about making this about his clear issues with minding his own son, rather than about mother's day?

Dad obviously is stressed by just three hours with his toddler. Three hours. What's he going to do when he is in charge for the whole day without you there?

Time for you to start leaving Dad with your child more often, for an hour at first, then increasing amounts of time. And find out: What's the source of this stress? You and he need to talk this out and you need to observe him. Is he a dad who doesn't really play with his child, who finds child games boring, and sort of lets your son do his own thing with dad nearby? Does your husband find changing diapers gross? (Some husbands flat out refuse to do it.) Does he worry that somehow he will do something wrong with or to your son, maybe that your son might get hurt on his watch? (That would indicate he's not yet comfortable and secure with your young son and needs experience and advice.).

Find out why he can't handle just three hours being in charge without you there. Clearly he did fine, no one was hurt or traumatized, but the resulting stress seems extreme.

Be sure you're not always the one in charge when you're both around -- have him take the lead as the caregiver even when you're there with them both. Be sure you don't tell him too much "No, this is how to do it" when he's doing something with your son.

More troubling than his bruising your mother's day is his apparent insecurity around your son. He could be thrilled to be dad-in-charge and eager for the fun of special time with his kid, but it sounds more like maybe he just sees it all as "babysitting" and is stressed by it. If that turns out to be the case, he must get past that or you will never get more than a couple of hours away, and HE will never get to fully appreciate and enjoy his son's toddler years.

For some dads, child care is a learning experience. The more kids I had, the better I got at it. I came from a family of 2 kids. My wife was from a family of 7 kids, plus she has a strong maternal instinct. I had to learn. Sometimes I learned the hard way.

That being said, tell your husband he gets entirely too uptight when he watches your children. Ask him what makes him mad or frustrated when he watches the kids and what he does about it. Teach him how to deal with it. He may expect your toddler to act more mature than he is capable of. When you find the problem or source of the frustration then you can teach him or educate him and solve the problem.

As far as you Mother's Day out . . . after you talk to him, tell him you want to watch him take care of your toddler all by himself as if you weren't there. Then let him learn how to be a father, but more importantly, how to become a dad. After he learns, then tell him he needs to give you another day off for mother's day. Tell him to pick a week end day and then you go and enjoy. Before you go he should have had a couple of days of experience. Be sure he can reach you by cel phone and tell him to calll you of he has any problems.

Good luck to you and yours.

LOL I only started to read some of your responses and had to laugh.
I too had a sh*tty mother's day, and posted a question about it. What I find HIALRIOUS is the women who defend our men's infantile, inconsiderate, and selfish behavior by saying "Men are wired differently" "Were you clear about your expectations?"

So let me get this striaght.....
Its not common sense that as a mom and primary caregiver, we like to have a break from the children? To be w/ our frineds, or shop, or just be alone?

That coming home after you've watched YOUR children, and your P*SSY, that we feel like you've been BURDENED by your own kids, and that makes us angry!? Like you're put out by being a PARENT.

That on mothers day, or any day for that matter that we'd have to ASK you to chip and help with YOUR kids, or help around YOUR house because we are not maids.....That HELL YES we'd like to sleep in sometimes, or have a meal made for us without asking. Do they have to ask everyday?

Oh my, I could go on and on......But bottom line, I feel like men are "wired" differently because they witness it being TOLERATED all their lives by their own mothers! It's a B.S. cop-out!

I'd be ticked off for getting yelled at on any day, and because he had a "bad" day because he had to man up and watch his own child? Oh, the horror.....
Welcome to the day in the life of mothers. If only we could get away with their behaviors because we are women......
There's my rant for the day :) Be sure to return the favor on fathers day. I am :)

I think you are taking it wrong ... his frustration shows just HOW MUCH he NEEDS you ... sure in the moment it sucks but I think you should look at it differently. My fav gift is the time off, and I KNOW that when I get back it will be a bit crazy but I immediately send him off for a nap when I get back so I can have some special time with my boy.

It's the thought that counts? Sorry, but it sounds like all his thoughts were for himself and his comfort. He needs to get a grip about "watching" his son. HELLO, it's called parenting! He's no babysitter and if 3 hours alone with your son devastates his day he should have been kissing your feet for how well you parent instead of being pissy.

I would have been mad too! Sounds like you need to have hubby parent more often while you go out and do something fun.
It's nice that he DID say sorry for yelling at you, but now he needs to take control of his actions and words and stop taking his crummy attitudes out on you and your child.

No-not when the price is that high. You paid dearly for your three hours of "freedom".

LOL... not laughing at your situation, but how similar this is to my life ;)

My fiance PUSHED me to go to his guy friends wifes baby shower... which was on HIS BIRTHDAY. Then he whined for a freaking week that his birthday sucked because I wasn't there.

(Hello, you MADE me go!!)

I'd brush it off. You won't remember this 10 years from now ;)

Ummm.. I think he's overreacting!! To get that wound up after three hours is a problem. Especially with one child...?????! You need to go out more often and he needs to get used to be a parent.

.

Its a male spiecies and that being said I think he deserves a little credit for trying. He meant well. He sounds like he doesnt do well under pressure either. Mine is the same way. He can ruin the day with his tantroms. Just relax when he,s not home. That is Mothers day to me! Things seem to run smoother when the Big Kid is gone!

Well, it seems I am the minority in this one. I would say yes its the thought that counts. It sounds like he doesn't assume the care responsibility of your child often so I am sure it was overwhelming to him. but in his defense I see what he did as a great gesture....even knowing he may frustrate himself he wanted to be sure you had some alone time, meaning he knows you deserve a break and some YOU time. That I think is sweet in it's own. he obviously struggled with taking care of everything and was frustrated and snapped. I know I have been there plenty of times! Kuddos to him though for realizing what was happening, admitting and accepting it and apologizing to you. Not many men would be able to do that! Look at your day like this...you got 3 hours of alone time to enjoy by yourself, your child and hubby got some daddy time in and your hubby had a bit of an epiphany and realized he was not giving you the treatment you deserved ...sounds like an overall good day to me :) Don't dwell in the time of the day you were upset but remember the parts you enjoyed

I do think it was a nice thought, but he should have bit his tongue. I mean really, how many times do you bite your tongue in the middle of the night with a crying baby, but don't want to wake up hubby? I definitely think he was being a little selfish. The though was definitely nice, but without a thoughtful execution it can't go very far.

Yes, it's the thought that counts, but if the "thoughts" are pissy, then it doesn't count!

In this case, he was probably a little mad at you b/c you left him for three hours when you know he can handle one. He didn't want to say it, but he was angry that you left him for three hours.

Next time he offers (if he does), ask him directly how long you have to yourself. If he says "as long as you like", then go for it! If he says "an hour or so"- go get a mani and enjoy the hour of quiet!

I'm sorry your Mother's Day wasn't the greastest.

I am glad that your husband said that he was sorry about yelling at you.

Try to remember that it is not easy for fathers to handle little ones. They are not us. = )

Forgive him for being human and messing up.

We all make mistakes in life.

Just think that next year will be better.

God bless.

You should feel extremely appreciated! now more than ever. He couldn't take 3 hours of what you can easily do all day. I bet he really appreciates the heck ot of you! He was just to irritable to express that. I think it's kinda funny when dads can't hack it.

Here's what you do. You let him know that it hurt you to feel that he couldn't handle being alone with his child for 3 hours which by the way was his gift to you. Not only that but let him know that you are alone with your child for a lot longer and take care of the:cooking, cleaning, bills, laundry, playtime, naps and anything else that may happen. Maybe he will appreciate all that you do much more and realize that it's not as easy as you make it look. Tell him for every holiday you want to do the same thing. He can also help pitch in a lot more around the house to make things easier on you. He walked a mile in your shoes and coudn't handle it, maybe that frustrated him even more than you will ever know.

I really don't get this widespread problem of grown men, who helped create the child(ren), but don't want to spend any time alone with them, or if they do, they complain about it or look at it as a chore or something stressful. It's your kid, why the heck would you be upset about an opportunity for some daddy/kid alone time?! Maybe I'm in the minority - I can pretty much take time for "me", whenever I want, with DH's blessing, and he doesn't act like a jerk when I get home or make me feel guilty for taking some time for myself.

At least your husband didn't get frustrated with the house, you and the kids and decide to go to work to get paperwork done... happy mothers day...

My husband was that way with our first! Now after a few years and a second child, he is so much better. I try to prepare as much as I can for him if I'm going to be gone. I lay out the boys' clothes, I fill sippys and put them in the fridge, I make sure there are easy snacks for him to give the kids, ect... Then, when you get home you give him some free time!

You got a lot of great answers. I like Grandma T's and Molly's - they are nice and short and to the point - and are perfect to show your hubby, lol!