Is It Reasonable for a Two Year Old to Actually Listen????

Adults.... don't even listen right off the bat or comply or obey.
Even if they have many more years... of development than a 2 year old.

Yes, he can listen and do it and if you say it 3, 4, etc. times you are training him to wait that many times to obey you. He should learn to come when asked. But he will have to learn that and you will have to teach him that. Most 2 year olds don't want to go to bed, brush teeth, etc. and some like it less than others. Maybe say 'it's almost time to brush your teeth' to prepare him and then 'come with me to brush your teeth'. Don't ask if he's ready or if he wants to brush his teeth, etc. At that age I think it's best not to ask but to tell them what happens and when.

Yes, it IS possible for a 2yr old to listen, but you have to be creative and consistent. Do not talk out into the open and expect your words to fall on his ears...he is too busy trying to gain his independence and focus on his tiny world. Get down to his level, call his name, look into his eyes, get his attention and tell him in short words, let's brush your teeth.

I really don't think time outs is effective for a 2yr old. That they don't understand and means nothing to them more than another activity to throw a tantrum about

I don't look at it as an 'I'm in charge' relationship. I look at it as - I have the special job of raising another human being - one whom I hope will become a thinking, questioning, reasoning, loving and empathetic adult. Not on my list is 'obedient'.

That said, it is way easier to be on the same team and try for a cooperative two year old. To achieve that end (not always easy or possible) we raced to the bathroom, attempted to catch those nasty tooth eating bacteria with the toothbrush and made a game of anything possible. We also put the toys away and did many things together. It is realistic to give a warning and then expect to brush teeth together. I do not think it is realistic to announce 'it's time to brush teeth' and then expect a happy response when your son is busy doing something else (whether or not something else looks important to us, it is to him).

We have never done time outs or consequences. I did give time warnings (it will be bedtime in 2 minutes, makes a HUGE difference) and then give two choices - 'it's time to get in pajamas, do you want the red ones or the blue ones?' (no pajamas is not a choice).

My son (almost 6) has almost always gone calmly to bed at bedtime. We have a routine, he gets a warning when it is 5 minutes before pajama time. He can get in his pajamas himself or have help doing it. He gets to pick 3 books for us to read.

I raised a couple of kids and did daycare for many other kids.
I think the thing is to just be very matter of fact about things.
Now...any kid worth their salt will try to get out of something they don't want to do. That part is normal.
How long it gets dragged out is up to the parent.
As a mom...I wasn't a dragger outer.
Another thing that helped both of my children when they went through the "I don't want to brush my teeth" thing was that they got to brush my teeth and I brushed theirs. At the same time. It took their minds off of what I was doing.
I would say, "Did you get my really far back tooth? Are you sure it's clean and no cavity bugs left? Let me check that tooth for you too........"
It wasn't really a game, but they were preoccupied with my teeth and my facial expressions to show my teeth and they copied it....

It's worth a try.
Your son will be three soon.
When it's time to get jammies on and brush teeth before bed, it's time.
I always told my kids they didn't have to like it. They didn't have to WANT to do it...but they were going to do it anyway. No time for messing around.
You can't exactly always reason with a two year old so there is no point.
"I know you don't want to do it, but we're going to do it. I don't love washing dishes, but I do it. You don't love brushing your teeth, but you're going to do it. The sooner we do it, the sooner it's done."

There's no asking 4 times, there's no chasing involved.
Like I said, if you have to get creative and let him brush your teeth while you brush his and you both spit and rinse together...Job done and accomplished.

In my opinion, time outs aren't effective for kids who are trying to get out of doing something they don't want to do. All it is is giving them time to delay what should be inevitable the first time you mention it as a matter of course and routine.
Especially with a child this age, in MY opinion, no time out for not wanting to brush.
Brush and INSTEAD of a time out, you get 10 more minutes of story time.
I was never one for bribing, but for some kids, extra cuddle or story time was worth just going with the flow.

This goes for teeth brushing and setting bed time.
The PARENT decides when and what is what.
NOT the child.

I'm not saying this directed at you, but I have really seen a switch in kids behaviors when parents leave it up to a child to know what's best for them or allow them to do things "when they're ready".
Kids will fight brushing their teeth or going to bed. They don't have any way of knowing anything other than what they want and what they want isn't always good for them.
I'm guessing that's why they have parents because ultimately we are the ones who are supposed to know what's best for them whether they like it or not.
Taking a bath, brushing teeth, going to bed at a given time...kids should not be deciding that.

Again, just my opinion.

Victoria B. is right on. You don't repeat. You go and get him. I want to add that you don't chase him either. You stand in one spot with a serious expression on your face. When you chase him, it does become a game.

I wouldn't call for him to come brush his teeth. Toddlers and children listen best when you're looking them straight in the eye while squatting down on their level. I'd start out by getting him. With you holding his hand he can't run away. If he won't go with you, you stand there, holding his hand, without saying anything after the first, come with me, until he does.

It may take several minutes for him to comply but he will eventually get the message and comply if you're consistent. This is the way that you show him that you're in charge.

He's in charge when he runs and you run after him. He's in charge when you ask numerous times. The person in charge doesn't ask. They demand. "Come here, now!" When you repeat it as a request you're giving him the choice of coming or not.

I suggest you read 1-2-3 Magic. It has really good ideas about how to get your child to do as you ask.

Reasonable to expect him to actually listen? Or reasonable for you to try and teach him (with appropriate consequences) to listen?

Of course he's not usually going to listen. Just expect that and don't get upset about it. But OTOH there are consequences for not listening. I tend to give a brief warning. "In 5 minutes we're going to____" and then tell him "It's time to _____" with one reminder "I said it's time to_____" and then I pick him up and take him to do what ever. For this kind of not listening just being physically moved from what he was doing to what I want/need him to do is consequence enough.

Two year-olds HEAR. They UNDERSTAND. But it is like they are programmed to rebel, say no, and try to make their own will be manifested - hence the "terrible twos." But this is just a wonderful life stage of the child blossoming and coming into their own..... and it is also CRITICAL that the parent calmly but firmly show the real way of the world. Their innate narcissim must be tempered by the reality of our social structure and civilization. This is when they also start learning the world is not all about them.

Never repeat until "he listens". SHOW him what your expectations are. ALWAYS. Say it once, then lead him to what you want, pick him up... whatever... but don't give an inch.... always with great love, gentleness and firmness, or else why would he ever learn to respect you? State your expectations clearly, and EXPECT it. Period. It takes a while for them to learn, but it is what we all must learn. You did. I did. My husband did.

As for do any of us have a two year old who calmly comes and does what we ask? A lot depends on their innate personality. My younger one was a "rule follower" and usually readily complied. Yes, she "listened." Usually. BUT even she, at two, went through the normal stage of at least sometimes doing the "NO NO NO" stuff!

My 2 yr old listens about 70% of the time. I guess I'm lucky in that she only "fights" getting ready for bed about once a week...and usually when she's really tired. On a "good" day, she tells me she wants her bath and is ready for bed. On a bad day, I plunk her in the bathtub while she's screaming that she wants to continue XYZ activity.

I agree with not asking more than once (or twice - sometimes i have to check to see if she's paying attention since she gets pretty engrossed in her activities). Something that helped with us early on was having a sort of countdown ("after this is done, you need to take your bath" - "ok, you have 10 minutes before bathtime), and of course, sticking with a routine.

He does need to understand that you're the one that makes the rules, but, yeah, he is only 2..he 's going to have his "toddler moments." I know sometimes its hard to remember since they learn so much and grow up so quickly!

Yes they can listen, but don't expect it to be consistent at this age. Being too tired, too hungry, or just plain grumpy will change things dramatically. I thought I was a great parent until my third child was about 18 months old, lol. Then I realized I was just lucky to have had 2 good kids in a row. He has tested my patience and parenting skills to say the least. You don't say a lot about how the night played out, and it is hard to cover all scenarios but here is what I would try. Let him know when he has X min left to play and then we are going to go to the bathroom and brush our teeth. When time is up tell him to go to the bathroom. If he does not, tell him again and physically escort him in. If he throws a fit I would take him to his "quiet place" for a time out, and let him know that when the time out is over he will need to go and brush his teeth. (This is one place where I know I have been lucky with him, he actually stays put, always has, I don't know why but he does). My son, now 4.5 yo, is actually to the point that when he is getting upset he lets me know he needs some "alone time". He stays there until he calms down, completely on his own, I guess that is the pay off of being consistent with him for 3 years now.
Obviously try to stay ahead of triggers, like being over tired at bedtime. Be clear about your expectations and be consistent, but always keep in mind that he is 2, be reasonable with those expectations. And not all 2 year olds are equally mature, so don't compare his behavior to others.
My son also responds pretty well to counting to 3. There is a book called 1-2-3 Magic that spells out the best way to use the counting method. I have not read it but many people say it is good. I am not sure what the author says is a reasonable/good age to start using it, but I am pretty sure your son is old enough for it. I bet your library has it. Best of luck to you.

I think it is also important to keep your commands short and only give one command at a time. For example "Sit down please" instead of "It's not nice to stand on the couch - lets sit down now like a good boy."

I've never heard about any toddlers who happily brush teeth or go to bed, unless they have something to look forward to that's as appealing as what they must stop doing. The most successful strategies I've used or heard about turn tooth-brushing into something fun, like a wild-animal hunt, and make bed a time of snuggling, story time, and bonding.

It's reasonable for a 2yo to listen, when it meets his needs. At that age, your needs and his will not mesh very often. His experience is a strong and legitimate need to play, explore, be active with his body, and, just as importantly, to build his own sense of independence and power. Especially at the end of a day when a child is tired, he may not experience "tiredness" so much as feeling wired and wild. When I'm feeling wired, I must force myself to go to bed at a reasonable time, and I'm a grown-up.

I have found, with my own daughter and much more recently with my grandson, that it helps immensely to try to understand the world from the child's point of view. For me, that's pretty mind-blowing, and fun. These are whole people, with all the same emotions and needs as adults, but far less power, self-control, or self-understanding.

When my grandson was 2.5, I read a most wonderful little book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. Surprising as it was at his age, I found the techniques taught for connecting emotionally, and helping the child learn to solve his own problems, had some real, practical applications. I've been using those principals ever since, and we have the most wonderful time when I spend a day every week with him.

But I must pay attention to his needs as well as my own in order to have a low-friction experience. I have only a few times in his 6 years had the need to put him in a time-out or threaten a consequence. Other than a natural consequence, like picking him up and taking him to his bed when he was little.

I hope you'll be able to find an approach that leaves you feeling less annoyed and impatient.

Kids are not automatons. They will not blindly obey everytime you say something. Sometimes they are tired, or busy playing with something, or they just don't feel like doing what you want. Instead of punishment or just repeating yourself give him a 5 minute warning. Then a 1 minute warning. Then tell him it's time to brush teeth. He may say no. Then you say, "let's go brush teeth together" and you take him gently and lead him to the bathroom. He may say no or yell. Then you have to use the style that works for you. Sometimes I bring down the toothbrush and brush right in the living room. Othertimes you can give a choice and stick to it. You can say, "you can go potty or brush your teeth" and stay firm. If that doesn't work, you can say, "You can brush your teeth or sit in the naughty chair". Then put him on the chair if he wont decide. You gotta use a lot of tricks in your hat. I personally think "time out" is a waste of time.

Not to sound crass, but I think it is like training your dog. No, it isn't unreasonable to expect him to "listen". But expecting him to "act" is another thing altogether.

I read in a dog training manual, when teaching the command to "come", that you never repeat it. You say it once, then if the dog doesn't respond by coming immediately, YOU GO GET the dog.

It is the same with your son. He obviously has figured out that if he just ignores your constant "come do this" statements that he gets to continue with whatever it is that he is already doing for quite some time. I mean, if you are getting into the 5, 10 times range....
Tell him. "Billy, come here. We are going to brush your teeth." When he doesn't come right then, YOU get up and go take him by the arm and walk him to the sink. Then it's done. You can't allow him the "choice" to comply or not. He MUST comply. If he does not, then YOU do the action that makes him comply. (I don't mean yelling, screaming, threatening or whatever else.. I mean YOU GO GET HIM).
After some time of you following through in this way, he will begin to respond after the first time you say "come here".
He is 2 1/2!
Now, in response to the question about does anyone have 2 yr olds that walk into bed calmly when a parent says it's time to go to bed........ Welll.... I don't really remember telling my 2 yr old "it's time to go to bed". I said "It's time to brush your teeth and have a story." or "Time to say prayers." Or "Give hugs and kisses so we can read your bedtime story" or "It's bedtime, so go pick a story." There is a routine to it that they learn. And we ALWAYS had a story and prayers as part of bedtime. They LOVED those parts and at 2 yrs old, didn't fuss about it. They never threw a tantrum about bedtime. Ever. Even now, at 10 and 13, they don't fuss... they might ask for another 15 minutes for this or that, but they don't get upset or refuse or whatever. They never have.

My son is 2 1/2. I've learned that I can only ask once. He gets really good t not doing what I want, when I ask several times. Like Suzanna said, they know they have time to not obey you.

When I want my son to do something I ask once. If he doesn't I just guide him to where I am and show him what I want. My son loves brushing his teeth, but I can tell you how I would do it. I would prepare by telling him it's almost time to brush teeth. Then, I would say say something like "OK, let's brush our teeth now." If he ran away, I would take him by the hand into the bathroom and start brushing his teeth. My son isn't really a fighter, so he doesn't give me any grief for guiding him by the hand. If you have a more spirited child, he many fight you on that for a while. I think it's a totally normal part of the process.

Oh, and a lesson I've learned...never chase around the house. They love that, it's a game. (Speaking from experience here!) I make taking him to wherever I want him to be a calm, nonevent.

I know it is frustrating.

I used to try.. "Suzie, listen to my words."

Or "I need to see your eyes.". and then give the instruction.

Or "tell me what I just said."

She got in the habit of following these directions eventually.

When we spend so much time with them, giving them constant instructions, telling them what to do, they tune us out like the adults on the Charlie Brown cartoons.. Or like our husbands.. Hee, hee..

You need to break up your requests so it stands out.
Just takes a while to figure out what works best for your child.

My 22 month old locked me out of the house the other day. I was able to talk him through popping the baby gate, getting my purse off the counter, getting my keys out of my purse, and placing them in the fishing net I had dangling through a broken window so I could unlock the door and get back in.

My point is, YES, 2 YEAR OLD'S *CAN* LISTEN.

My son doesn't speak yet (he has a severe speech delay), but he's CRAZY smart. I taught all 3 of my kids early: you listen the first time something is asked of you. If not, there will be punishments, no questions asked, no second chances. Yeah, it's strict, but once they get it, they're good!

Wouldn't you rather be a little hard on your son for 1 year than struggle like this for the rest of your life with him? He's testing his boundaries and learning that you don't REALLY mean what you say, and that the worst that will happen if he doesn't listen is you'll ask again.

Kids can listen, but they have to learn. Teaching them is your job :)

I strongly urge you to consider the parenting approach called Love and Logic. They have a website. Invest in their CDs and listen to them. They get to the heart of your question and deal with it quite a bit in their CDs. In short, the answer is yes, it is reasonable to expect him to be cooperative but you are going about it the wrong way and you need to get a handle on things now because it will only get worse and be harder to course correct as he gets older. I know because I've been there. Take the time and invest in yourself to be a skilled parent. Try Love and Logic and/or take a parenting course through Glendale Community College. There are other parenting courses out there too. You'll be so glad you did.

2 year olds can understand directions usually, but it is 50/50 if they will actually follow them. Both my kids at 2 played the make mommy chase me game when I called them or tried to get them dressed (I wasn't always patient either). My son did this for a long time and still at 5 will fight getting ready (washed, bathroom, tooth brushing) sometimes. My daughter is turning 3 next month and just recently started the running away when I call her games. She is usually more cooperative and is usually happy to brush teeth if I sing while brushing her teeth. She likes Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. Another friend sings the alphabet song with her daughter. If he is just giving you a hard time about tooth brushing you might want to see if he has molars coming in or some other sore spot in his mouth.

2 year olds do not listen.. however.. you can change the things you do to help teach him to listen.. go get him. make it a game.. tickle.. sing songs..

day cares sing..."clean up clean up everybody clean up".. and the kids clean up.. amazing..

I definitely think that I am the exception, but my daughter, at 2 1/2, goes to bed with no fuss 99% of the time, and will brush her teeth about 75% of the time with no fuss. I can get her in the bathtub with no fuss about 90% of the time too. I ask once, threaten punishment the second time, and punish the third time. There is no asking more than 3 times in our house. I get down on her level and talk to her face to face. The punishment that does work for her is timeout and/or taking her favorite toys away. The taking of the toys away is a big deal, it's only happened a few times, she usually straightens up when I just threaten it. I don't make any threats I don't deliver on. We still have our battle of wills everyday. She is going through the whining about everything, which drives me crazy. With the exception of bedtime, naptime, meal time, and bath time, I usually have to ask her twice before she will do something. When it comes to bedtime, we found it easier to get her to go to bed calmly by extending her bedtime by 1/2 hour.

Hi M.,
I found out about a program called Grooming the Next Generation when I had a friend, who had three children all under 5 years old all well-behaved! It’s a program taught by Dani Johnson, who was recently on Oprah and ABC’s Secret Millionnaire. You will learn what you need to do to discipline your child with love and more importantly, groom your child to succeed in life by teaching them basic skills they need.
You can read more about the program at:
http://www.danijohnson.com/go/75940468p63

I haven't read the other replies, but I think two-year-olds go calmly to bed ONLY in books - or when they're already asleep before their heads hit the pillows. Well, other times it *might* happen but you can't guarantee it.

Is the chasing him around the house before he brushes his teeth part of a game he's playing with you? You don't have to play it. Can you invent a game more interesting than his?

"Sorry, Billy, I'm not chasing you around tonight. I'm going to sit down" (says mama, opening up a magazine and putting it up before her face) "and I'm going to put your toothbrush right here next to me. I hope you'll brush your teeth before we run out of time for a story, because bedtime will happen when it always happens." Something like that. When Billy doesn't have somebody to chase him, the game he's been playing may not be as interesting.

I'm afraid you're going to have to be very patient during this time. Remember that this testing of the limits is something a child just has to do. Work on getting him to pay attention to you - that is, to look at you - when you speak to him. If he'll do this, you'll know that HE knows you're in charge!

When he grows past this stage, you're going to wonder where the new kid came from, he'll be so different.

Yes, your expectations are unrealistic. Instead of telling him to brush his teeth or whatever it may be -- do it with him. Have a little song and or little nursery rhyme for each task, either something you make up or look up and memorize. Stick to it, this will make a big difference. You want him to enjoy mommy and going to bed and brushing teeth and all. Have a night time routine of starting with your little song for brushing and then off to bed for cuddles and story and prayer and goodnight. Have you thought of a goodnight song? My kids still remember the song I use to sing to them when the lights were out and they were going to sleep. All of this may seem like a lot to do, but in long run it's less to do, less time, less stress and happy child, happy momma. Now this doesn't mean that things will always be perfect, but once this is established makes a world of difference. Design a sweet and simple plan. You will be teaching more this way then the cut and dry, dull, do as I say method, which in the long run causes more hurt feelings and battles than anything else. Remember you're building a relationship with him, a loving relationship. And remember he's still a baby. I assume this is your first, and it always seems with our first, we expect so much more than we know we're doing. By the time the second or third or fourth comes, we can hardly believe we expected the things out of a two or three year old that we did. (I don't what it is with that first one, but I've yet to see it otherwise) Happy Mommy, Happy Baby/Toddler -- the best to you both

My 3 year old son goes to bed really well. It's getting him out the door in the morning that is such a hideous, hideous nightmare. Maybe it's because the nighttime ritual is mostly about fun stuff? Instead of a bath at night, he showers with his dad in the morning. So night is just: Dad reads him one book on the couch, brushes his teeth, no pajamas (he just pulls off his pants and wears his T shirt), and reads him one book in bed. Then mom takes over for short prayers, a massage, and a cuddle. I think he's cool with doing it because, honestly, it's all pretty fun. I wish someone gave ME a massage every night!

I so feel ur pain. My love of my life ( my 3yr old boy)
Is non stop. It has taken him forever to slow down and listen to what I'm actually saying. He thinks he is missing something if he doesn't run all day and night. Bedtime is still a battle but much better. I bring him up and tell him it's bed time. Try to read a book but he's not calm enough yet. I used to keep the tv on but that makes it worse. So no lights just a bag of soft letters and a night light. He tosses and turns forever but finally falls asleep. Do keep doing what ur doing. Boys are just this way is what I keep hearing. It has gotten better. Hopefully they will be amazing young adults since they are little looney tunes right now. I bought a Thomas the train spin tooth brush and that is really helping. He actually let's me brush longer than a min. Good luck.

Yes, it's reasonable. They understand and are capable of following directions. Consistency with calmness (LOL!) is the key. Of course, I'm having my own troubles with my toddler so I feel a little silly answering this when I should be asking this myself. But since he's my 5th, I can safely say that it IS possible! Keep it up. Good luck!!