My good friends are throwing a suprise shower for another friend of ours this saturday. The mom to be and her hubby have literally NOTHING for thier baby(due in 5 weeks). They all know our financial situation is extremely tight right now and that we can't afford a gift til at least next week but they still ask that we come(I guess I'm good company? lol). My hubby and I are planning on giving the parents to be our crib and some bedding since we are getting all new stuff but I still feel akward showing up with no gift. I wouldn't care if people showed up to a shower of mine without one but I am not sure of the ettiquete on this one. What do you ladies think?
I am making desserts for this btw.
************We are getting new stuff because in March my husband gets a bonus that is equal to 25% of his yearly salary plus an additional 5k in stocks that gets sold....so if he makes 65k/year you can do the math. Some people assume way too much. I said we can't afford a gift "right now". Thanks ladies-I am best friends with the hostess and she said there will be 22 other ladies there and no one will notice my gift isn't there. Plus my inlaws have already purchased a new crib-we just don't have it because we are moving this month!
I just found all the diapers hubs and purchased while ttc!!!!! It's 6 boxes from Costco. I can give those to her!!! We arwe moving so our house is topsy turvy and I just plain forgot about them! She'll have like 1000:). I feel so much better now! I am trying to refinish the crib but it's been slow since we are moving. Now should I wrap up ALL the diapers Make a diaper tree? They are sizes 1-4 and 1 small package of newborns(my babies are big so we never use newborns). Maybe stuff them in the crib and take a pic?
Personally I would feel extremely uncomfortable at the shower - I just couldn't show up without a gift.
Just bring a card. Who cares what other guests think--the mother knows that you are already giving her a great gift.
I would say no, not ok. However, you are giving them a great gift in the crib and bedding. That's not the kind of thing you can show up at a shower with. Don't give them a card, because the assumption is there will be cashe in it! Give the card when you give the crib.
If you show up empty handed, no one will notice. If you feel akward, bring food. A dip or dessert or something.
Sorry, I agree with Nikki, if you are in such a tight spot right now, why are you getting all new stuff? Why dont you use the stuff you have?
I think its a little weird that you are giving her hand me downs, buying new stuff for yourself and showing up to the shower empty handed.
Not trying to be rude at all, but you asked. :)
You can afford to buy ALL NEW STUFF for yourself, but you can't spring for a pack of diapers for her? I'm not following... if you can't spring for a small gift, don't go.
Wait, you are giving them your old crib and bedding because you are buying "ALL NEW STUFF", to me it sounds tacky that you can't take a little something whether homemade or store bought. Go with your gut about "feeling awkward".
Bring a card :) And write something about crib to be delivered soon!
Take the crib over the day before, tie a big bow on it and use it to hold the "other" gifts at the shower.
On the other hand, while you seem to be crying poor right now, and then go on to brag about your future wealth, and what "good company" you are, is sort of off putting. I'd suggest you dial it back a knotch or two, especially at the shower.
If you can't bring the crib because you are still using it, bring a card that says "crib to be delivered on .........", and your nice desserts, help the hostess and be humble.
Blessings.....
I would bring a card and let them know that you will be giving them your crib and bedding.
Typically, though - I would not show up with out anything. Even a card with a gift card. If I had talent like my mom - I would make them a quilt or something. do you have a talent like that? crocheting, knitting?
Can you wrap some of the bedding and give it now? I'm not sure what you mean by you're getting all new stuff. You're having another baby and getting all new stuff yet can't afford a small gift? Not sure I follow that but I'd either wrap some of the bedding now or if you can't, give a card with a "gift card" in it that notes the crib and bedding are coming. And then I'd try to give some thing new later too. It's great you're giving them your old stuff but it might seem cheap if you just give your old stuff bc you're getting all brand new.
Even if your husband gets a nice bonus, the fact that you are so cash strapped before the bonus makes me wonder how well you are managing your finances. I can see getting new bedding for a new baby but why a whole new crib?? Even if you didn't buy it, why not take that money and buy something more useful or but it into savings for the baby. Why not put some of that money aside so you don't have to be in this position a year from now. Are you honestly saying you don't have 10 dollars to spend on some baby outfits? Also, hand-me-downs can not subsitute for a present. If you give them, you are still supposed to give something new. It can be a small gift. Don't you have a credit card?
i think you can find, borrow anything 20 dollars and get a baby outfit for the newborn even if you are giving an old crib. you should still get a new thing for the baby. i wouldn't show up anywhere without a gift.
Take a photo of the crib and include it in a nice card saying it is "on the way soon" or something to that effect.
No worries! Enjoy the shower!
ETA: After your "found the diapers"... I would say "no." Don't make them all into a diaper tree. I was just talking with a new mom friend of mine today... she opened up too many of one size and now can't exchange them for other sizes. Also, the discussion came up how diapers fit babies differently. (With my first, it was Huggies all the way---but they didn't work at ALL for our 2nd... only Pampers fit her). You don't know what will work for your friend, yet. If you leave them in the packages, she can return/exchange them as needed for a different brand or size. Most stores don't require a receipt for a diaper exchange like that, I don't think.
YAy! on finding the diapers though. One less pile of stuff to pack. Wahoo!
I would not go to a shower with no gift. However, I would not think ill of you if you did.
:)
Bring a pretty card that says their new crib and bedding will be arriving on Saturday. Have it wrapped around the pillow or something, so they can at least see part of the tangible item. It's all about the cute factor, really.
if you bring an empty card, you'll call attention to yourself and then when the person thats taking down notes for what people gave for the thank you cards will be asking what was included, she'll have to either be clever or say nothing. I'd opt for no card if it's going to be empty. Also you can get 2 baby outfits for under 10 bucks and give them, or agree to pay back someone else and have them write your name on the card too. My mom and I have done that. One of us will get a gift if the other is short and put both names on the card, and then we'll pay eachother back the next week
Every baby shower I've been to, they open the gifts and take a picture with the person who gave the gift so in my case, had I not brought a gift, everyone would have known. And I would feel awkward not showing up with anything. How about making something if you can't buy anything? Or if you can spare even $10-15, you could get one of those cute journals for the parents to fill out when their baby arrives.
Sounds like you are giving them a gift, you can do a card to just have something. I never paid attention at a baby shower who got what for the mom. Its just fun to celebrate a new baby!
Not meaning to sidestep your question, but is there a Goodwill nearby you? Sometimes people donate brand new stuff, still with the tags, to Goodwill. You could possibly find an affordable gift, regardless of whether you buy it today or next week.
Dawn
I would go. If they know you are not bringing anything anyway. And if you have already told them you are giving them your stuff they may not even expect you to give them anything else. Showers are to get together and celeberate the baby and the momma not just about the gifts!
Of course it is OK to go without a gift. Bring your desserts and a big smile, make yourself useful with helping clean up afterwards. If you don't have the money right now, you just don't have it, but don't pass up the opportunity to celebrate with the new mom to be.
I do wonder why you included comments about buying all new baby stuff for yourself or responded about how much money you will have next month.
What about a package of diapers? Or -you can get a pack of bibs, a rattle and a cute card for several $ -and write in the card when you'll be bringing the crib and bedding by.
Just saw your update...I don't think you need to give her 1000 diapers! One large box is great. And I agree...don't unwrap them. Difficult to store. And, if you're giving her some other things, do the little photo book with the diapers (someone else's suggestion.). Have fun!
You should at least get a card with a $5 gift card. Or go to thrift shops of second hand kids stores to look for a cheap (but very gently used) outfit. Otherwise I say no.
I honestly would not show up at a shower without a gift. That's me. I'd get a gift even if it was a $7 walmart baby outfit or receiving blanket or the smallest pack of diapers.
Bring a shower card for the parents to be. Rest it in the card pile. Some people give only monetary gifts in cards, so if it's appearances that are worrying you then people seeing you put the card in the card pile/stork box will just assume it's a money gift. I'm guessing that the parents to be are already aware that you're giving them some special items already, so there's no need to write it in the card unless you want to.
If you really don't want to arrive empty-handed you could always come with a special homemade treat to add to the desserts. Make a cheesecake with pastel colored M&M's on top or something.
Well, since its a surprise, you can't give them a heads up about showing up with no gift. So maybe if it were me, I would let the hostess know that you are attending but money is tight right now so you won't have a gift in time for the shower but you will be getting her something as soon as money allows. Then as soon after the shower as possible, I would let the mom-to-be know the same thing so she didn't think you purposely went and either didn't get her something, or thinks you did but you somehow missed it. Lots of people are in this situation. I think you should still go and be supportive but just give them a heads up. Good luck!
Not sure what the rules are, but I usually show up with no gift, unless I already know what I'd like to give. I rarely give the typical diapers or onesies, unless that is specifically requested. I prefer to wait until all the confetti settles to give something that is really needed but nobody else thought of or something that I think would be sooo appreciated.
I think it would be fine for you to go no matter what.
Do you have anything around the house to make something for the baby? I don't know if you are crafty or not, maybe paint a picture for the baby's room. My sister threw my baby shower and had everyone bring a book. My family wrote messages in them for my daughter. I still have them (the baby books are in her keep sake box) so she will always be able to read them.
Show up with a beautifully wrapped, homemade booklet, with pictures of what they will be receiving from you. And a love letter to the baby about how excited her parents are to have her coming, about how wonderful it will be to meet her, about how you know her mum and dad. Something personal that will last, long after she has out grown all the onesies and the crib.
I have been strapped for cash for weddings and baby showers, but always managed to bring something. Can your parents or siblings lend you $30 to get a small gift and card? Or can you put it on a credit card and pay it off when the bonus comes in? Can you go-in on a bigger gift with a friend and give her the $ next week? Lots of options to not show up empty handed :).
What you do with your money is certainly your business, and it's not up to you to provide for the child. So don't feel guilty for getting new things for you if that's what you want to do with your money. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for it.
Could you afford to purchase a card & a pack of diapers?
If not, then you should still go. They know you can't afford a gift and have asked for you to come anyway so I think you should go.
How about something small like a book? I doubt anyone would notice if you showed up without a gift, though.
It's no one's business but your own and the pregnant lady's! Give a card - no one can tell if there is money or anything inside.... And really, anyone keeping "track" at a baby shower is just plain tacky. (But a diaper cake IS really cute - or if you crochet/knit, bust out a small crib blanket from leftover yarn.)
I will add my 2 cents...how about adding a bag of DADs cookies to the gift...dads always get forgotten!
B.
Family Success Coach
if you have some rubber bands, a used paper towel roll and a few Christmas or birthday gift ribbons, you could make a diaper cake! (you could make it with the already opes diapers you have and then just wrap the boxed ones)
if you have a small stuffed animal you kids dont use or want- wash it for a cut cake topper!
-M.
instructables.com/id/How-To-Make-A-Boutique-Style-Diaper-Cake/
I would get a cute card and make some coupons for free babysitting, that is something every new mom needs, or make some of the coupons for some free housework. Make some that say you will come over and care for the baby while she takes a nap. Get as creative as you want.
Oh my goodness ......You ask one question and people go into how you manage your money and why you are getting new stuff. .......crazy
