Is It Appropriate.... - Gilbert,AZ

J., I wouldn't do it. I would instead wait a month, and call them to let them know. Start the conversation out with "how are you doing" and let her talk. Then just say that everyone is getting along now okay and schedules are getting straight now that the new baby has come. That way you aren't really announcing it, per say, and she can ask questions if she wants to.

Hope this helps,
Dawn

Don't send it. You are not close. Plus, it would be a stab in her heart, though you wouldn't mean it to be,

I wouldn't send it, as I wouldn't want to receive one if I were in that situation.

I personally would decline to send it. I would feel horrible. Spare them, send them a heart felt note and tell them they are in your thoughts and prayers and that you are there if they need anything.

Call your friend.

Talk to them and let them know that you want to share the news, but you are definitely sympathetic to their pain and don't want to rub it in. I think that a personal call would be appreciated.

No. I would not think it was appropriate. It's great that you you are sensitive to this. When it comes down to it, just handle it the way you would like it handled.

NO. Why make them feel worse and be reminded of their loss.

It's not like you are best friends. If something is said at a later date as to why they did not hear, just say you were trying to be respectful of their feelings due to their recent loss.

ETA: I am also one that did not send announcements. When I get announcements, graduation notices, etc, it just rings $$$ Invoice -- time to pay up.

i don't send baby announcements...to me the people who i want to know, i call or tell them when i see them (or use facebook :)) beyond that i don't know...for ME personally i would feel like sending them in general, means "ok send me a gift now". i know that's not YOUR intention, but that's me. i would feel wierd. no one i know sends announcements. at least, i've never gotten one lol.

and honestly, YES it would be very painful for them to receive it. what would be your intention for doing so? i can't think of a good reason to. so no, i wouldn't. that's just me...

I have lost a newborn son unexpectedly. Everyone grieves differently. I would want to know about my friend's new baby and the announcement would not be offensive. A phone call might be even better though. You can ask how she is doing, and let her know you are thinking of her. Work your baby news into the conversation. I had a friend who had children close to my older son's age, and then had another baby shortly after I had mine. She sent flowers, but never contacted me otherwise. That still saddens me. Yes, her child reminds me that I should have one here with me that is the same age. But I would love the chance to share my love with her and her child.

It's going to hurt her....but less so if you tell her your news voice-to-voice...not with a mailed announcement.

Skip it. Why? Because I didn't send ANYONE baby announcements! She won't know other people got them (unless it's a shower invitation? What is a baby announcement, you're having a baby or you had one?). It's sort of a formality anyway, not worth the risk of sending something painful. Call her as a friend to talk with her, and mention it whenever it seems like the right time.
Congrats btw!

Congratulations on your new arrival!!!

I personally wouldn't want it. I lost Alexis at 22 weeks. There was no way a mere 8 weeks after I lost her did I want to be reminded of that loss...it is something you NEVER get over.

Since you are friends, she knows you are/were pregnant - you can call her and let her know. But an announcement? No. It's not that it is rude, I don't think it is...it's just a VERY painful subject!

no skip it. if they ask J. say you didn't want to rub it in their face. Next tiem you ttalk I'd mention it though

Do you know her well enough to have an understanding of how she would take it? If not, I would not send it. It takes time to grieve, and 2 months after, the pain is still fresh. Give it a little more time, then call her and talk to her. After you gauge how she's doing, then you can let her know.

Nah. I'd skip it. It's only been two months.

I think grieving is different for everyone, so this is a tough call. I lost my son at 35 weeks, but I would be upset if someone had left me out of a celebration because of it.

Someone mentioned skipping the announcement and just giving her a call. I like this idea. You can tell her your happy news and at the same time let her know you're thinking of her.

HTH, and congratulations!

My cousin wanted a baby really bad and I got pregnant, then she got pregnant, then she lost her baby, and I gave birth to mine. She was very upset.

It is just part of life we have to go through. She may get upset, but I think she would be more upset to learn 2 years down the road that you have a baby running around that you never told her about.

Call her and tell her.

Congrats! It is great you are being thoughtful about this. I would call her, not to announce the baby, but to find out how she is doing. This is a huge loss that many women go through alone. I would be there for her first, and then eventually call and let her know about your good news.

Talk to her and see where she is. Maybe she can't bear to hear of someone else's good baby fortune; maybe she is eager to move on and not be treated with kid gloves. You don't know. I would hate to find out that everyone got the announcement but me. I would be offended if people just left me out of the celebration because they thought that I wouldn't want to join in. I would prefer that they ask me and let me tell them how to treat me.

I personally would call her and tell her that you are thinking of her and check in with her. If she asks, which she probably will--you can tell her your happy news. It all depends on the kind of relationship you have with her. I wouldn't send it in the mail though--- GL

M

I vote no, unless you include a very personal note acknowledging her loss, grief and pain; but I would still say call her instead or do nothing. Since she knows you were pregnant, she probably knows you had the baby, or are close to it, and doesn't need the reminder, especially not in a cold, impersonal baby announcement. I've not been in the situation either, but have known many women who have experienced baby loss (whether infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death), and they almost uniformly say that it is difficult for them to deal with the repeated reminders that not only did their baby die (or they can't have one to start with), but that other women are experiencing the joy they fully expected themselves to have. It doesn't mean they wish the same sadness on others, but just that it's a knife to their heart, every announcement.

I would say no. As someone who lost 3 babies in one year, I personally avoided even close friends who had been pregnant at the same time I was. I couldn't handle baby showers, 1st birthdays etc. for a very long time. Well beyond 2 months. As others said, everyone grieves differently and I would pick up the phone to see how she is doing first and then make a decision about sending an announcement. Then, assuming she knew you were pregnant, she may ask you on the phone how your little one is doing etc. and if not it may just naturally work itself into the conversation. Let her give you the hints as to where she's at and what she can handle.

I think most people would be more upset if you did not. I would also put on the envelope "open when you are ready" so she has an idea of what is inside and if she is not ready she can wait a while to open it. Is it going to upset her - probably - is it going to upset her if you do not send her one - probably.