Is It a Calming Thing or a Habit? Bad Habit?

Anything that's done from a young age like that is done for comfort, but that doesn't mean it's not a habit that can't be broken. I sucked my thumb until I was seven and I was the only one in my family who didn't need braces. My sister in law was 13 when she stopped and she didn't need braces either. And now my daughter stopped at 9 and her teeth are very straight. She and I were both very aware of the social stigma of thumb sucking and would never dare do it in a way where we'd be seen. I quit because I wanted to. She quit because I forced her to. But habits, no matter the start, are habits and can be broken.

You can bring it up at any age, but until you figure out what's underneath the action, all bets are off.

I say this as a 43 year old nail-biter. Sometimes, it's just a habit and pretty unconscious (although I must say, I *won't* do it if I'm out and about and will refrain from it until I wash my hands..am highly aware of when I shouldn't do it), and sometimes it's a stress/nervous response, but still pretty unaware.

I keep my nails very, very short. Nail polish has no allure (I'm just not into having to maintain it plus I do a lot of dishes and gardening). I would love to find something-- a new habit-- but don't really like gum (tried using it as a substitute) and not sure I believe in hypnosis, so unless I paint my fingers with the disgusting tasting stuff-- and I don't hate myself that much, I just try to be as aware of it as I can. But the endless admonishments from my parents-- as a kid, all it did was make me wait until they weren't around and then I chewed my nails. Now, as an adult, I try very hard to be good to my hands, but sometimes, old habits die hard. I figure, as bad habits go, this isn't the worst...

Hi L., I think there are other reasons kids develop habits, or crutches, "isms", besides just comforting, or nervous habits.

So the question of whether or not a parent should take steps to stop it depends on how socially unacceptable the habit is, you know?

Here's an example:

When my daughter was about 3 months old, while nursing, she would reach up and rub my eyebrows, she was OBSESSED with my eyebrows, which sounds sweet but got a little annoying. So I would take her had off my eyebrow and put it on HER eyebrow. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have done so, since she soon became content with rubbing her own eyebrows every nursing session.

I don't believe she did it to sooth, as the nursing itself was soothing, I believe she did it to FOCUS on the task at hand. Which to begin with was eating.

Her right hand steals up to rub that eyebrow ever since while reading, eating doing homework, using her phone, watching a movie, these are not times she needs comfort, but times she needs to focus.

I have pointed it out to her through various points in her life, but it's not gross like sucking your finger or biting your nails, and it's not a constant thing either. At almost 17, she only does it now while alone, or at home with family members.

I'm not sure what I'd have done if I'd had a thumb sucker or a nail biter. So it's easy for me to say well you gotta get rid of that now, or aaaw just let them be.

My boys were both shirt chewers in k through about 2nd grade. And that WAS gross, plus too much to keep replacing shirts. I suppose I shamed them about it. Or maybe a kid in school teased them about it, at any rate they both stopped in 2nd grade and didn't replace the habit with anything else.

I think every child is different, and each may or may not need one of these "isms" for comfort or focusing or whatever, so it's impossible for there to be only one rule deciding what to do about it. Also, with some kids, bringing it to their attention actually makes the urge to do it worse. Or if they stop, they pick up some even worse habit.

But yeah, seeing an 8 yo with his thumb in his mouth at the grocery store with his mom makes us cringe, and judge too. When we don't really know the whole story either.

I have three kids. They all have different coping mechanisms. They've all been making their way successfully. Most people do, regardless of their childhood crutches.

Great question!

:)

We are creatures of habit and routine, and those routines are all built on how we learn to self soothe. Babies often continue with thumbsucking, nailbiting, etc., because they become a part of their routine to self-soothe, and a parent does not teach them another way early enough to break them out of that routine.

Breaking destructive or annoying habits has to start as soon as they are observed, not after they are well established. Like training a puppy, if you don't want them to do something when they're an adult dog, you don't allow it while they're in the formative years. You redirect to a healthy outlet instead.

Somethings are comfort things, some things are just lazy habits. Not to diminish thumb sucking's soothing properties but it hits a point where you aren't doing it because it relaxes you, you are doing it because it is the process of falling asleep.

I feel like this is a distinction because if you are truly comforted by thumb sucking it is pretty cruel to cut it off. If it is just part of your routine it is just a matter of forming a new routine.

I will use my beer drinking as an example. You would think someone who has a beer after work, every day, is obviously an alcoholic. Nope, last year I was on a major antibiotic so I couldn't drink for two weeks. I still haven't gone back to a beer every day after work because I have a different routine. There was no comfort or need, it was just what I did. I stopped doing it, nothing has changed, no new stress, no new anything, just a different routine.

Of course it kind of begs the question how much of our actions are routine.

Now if I am doing calculations in my head I must either twist my hair around my first finger or rub my thumb along my finger tips. If I tried to not do this I actually couldn't do the calculations without paper. Not sure what that falls under.

Oh yeah, my kids, I let them be unless it is something that could get them picked on. So far nothing they do seems very harmful in the long run

Our son finally gave up sucking his thumb at around 7 yrs old.
Once he was in pre-school they began allowing it only at nap time (after hands were washed) and that carried over to home - thumb sucking was only for nap or bedtime.
Eventually it just went away on it's own.
He's 15 now and never has his hands in his mouth since.
I use to chew my pencils (put the eraser end of it in my mouth) - that stopped sometime in high school.
I suppose, where appropriate, people could try chewing gum.
It sure beats taking up smoking (or chewing tobacco).
For the most part people are creatures of habit.

I think parents need to intervene when the habit is causing damage to the child. If the child is damaging his teeth, fingernails, or damaging themselves socially it is the parents job to intervene, do what it takes to stop the bad habit and replace it with a comfort/calming habit that does not cause physical or social damage. Most of the habits you mentioned will cause either physical or social damage from a very young age. If the habit isn't causing any sort of harm to the child I suppose parents can just leave it be and hope for the child to grow out of it. A habit only take three weeks to form and three weeks to break.

OMG I wish I had nipped the finger sucking in my oldest. I let her do it thru infancy and toddlerhood figuring she'd outgrow it. The older she got the more ingrained it got and I had to ask her CONSTANTLY to stop, which only lasted a minute until she was doing it again. She didn't stop until she was at least 6 years old.

I have a large extended family who always swats fingers and thumbs away in babies/toddlers (they all have like 10 kids each and come from families as large) and the common belief is, "If you let them get in the habit, it's much harder to nip" SO TRUE. It seemed crazy to me then to discourage toddlers from doing it, but I would have done that if I had known how many years she would suck her fingers...

The sooner you intervene the better if you're going to.

As early as possible. The longer a habit goes on,the harder it is to break. I speak from experience. It's not harmful to bring it up, and try to help/bribe them out of it.

My second grader puts her hands in her mouth, sometimes the sleeves. My 4 year old is starting too. I hate it, will be watching for advice!!!